//------------------------------//
// Chapter Thirteen: Closure? 
// Story: Over There 
// by Boltstrike58 
//------------------------------//

One would think that, with a life like hers, Princess Twilight Sparkle would have very few moments of sadness. For the most part, this assumption was correct. Twilight considered herself a very blessed pony, having many friends, and a generally good life. Her days were usually very happy.

Today was not one of those days.

Twilight sat somberly on her throne, front hooves sitting on the inactive Cutie Map, idly rubbing the blank crystal surface. She'd been like this for the majority of the day. Oh sure, there was the occasional princess business to attend to, and she had a lunch date with Rarity scheduled for later that afternoon, but beyond that, Twilight was basically out of the world.  

A week had passed since Mark-or Swift Wing, she guessed he had the right to be called what he wanted-had left, and Twilight was thinking about him again. Not that she'd wanted to do so, it'd just sort of crept up on her. The thoughts whirling around her head made it impossible to focus. She'd tried to drown them out with a good book, which usually worked, but she'd just kept rereading the same sentence over and over again.

A knock at the door drew her attention, and Twilight looked up. She ignited her horn, magically grabbing the door handle and pulling it open. Spike stood there, alongside Starlight, and the other five Element Bearers. They all had downcast expressions on their faces, even Pinkie Pie. Twilight smiled a little at their presence, but her heart wasn't really in it.

"Hey, girls. Hey, Spike," she mumbled. "What brings you all here?"

"Well, we didn't actually come as a group, sugar cube," Applejack replied. "We all just had the same idea, and sorta showed up around the same time."

"Starlight and I have been standing behind this door for the past half hour," Spike admitted. "We didn't really want to bother you, but then the others showed up, and...you know."

Twilight sighed. "I know." She got to her hooves, trotting around the Cutie Map to stand beside the others. "I'm guessing we're all thinking of the same thing."

"Swift," the others replied in unison.

Twilight beckoned with one leg, and the others took their places at their own thrones. Starlight sat on the side of Twilight's not occupied by Spike's throne.  

"So..." Twilight started, "none of us were really happy with how that little affair ended, were we?" A small chorus of agreements came from around the table. "Neither was I. I freely admit that."

"It just sucks!" Rainbow complained, thumping her hoof against the Cutie Map. "I mean, sure, maybe we pushed too hard trying to make him rethink his decision, but come on! He made a life changing decision when he clearly wasn't in a stable place mentally. What were we supposed to do?"

"We could've been more sensitive, at least," Fluttershy offered. "Even with his description, we don't truly know what his life was like. Maybe it was terrible enough that going to another world was completely warranted."

"But why didn't he let us apologize?" Pinkie wondered aloud, her shoulders slumped and her ears folded sadly backwards. "He wouldn't even come to the party I threw to try and cheer him up. It's like he didn't want to be our friend."

Rarity shook her head. "From what Twilight's told us, that wasn't the case at all. It was more that he felt unworthy of our friendship. As though, because we knew his past, he'd never truly be accepted by us."

"That wasn't the case at all!" Spike angrily declared, clenching both claws. "We would've done everything we could to make him feel welcome! Heck, we probably would've forgotten he was a human at all after a few weeks!"

"It doesn't matter if he didn't believe in that," said Starlight, sadly. Seven pairs of eyes focused on her, so she went on. "When I first became Twilight's student, I was terrified of reuniting with Sunburst for reasons that are too numerous to list, but they include me failing to even try to contact him after all those years, plus shame over all my actions since then. If you want me to be completely honest, the biggest reason I finally pushed myself to see him again was because the Crystal Empire was in danger. But even then, I didn't believe we'd be close like we used to be because of what I'd become. I thought we'd get through the crisis and forget each other again. Mark didn't believe in himself, either, and with his serious lack of self-esteem, I feel like he would've unintentionally sabotaged his own attempts to be friends with us. It's a painful feedback loop ponies who are depressed get into. They believe they're unworthy of being loved, so they drive everyone around them away, and use that as proof they're unlovable."

"But he bonded with us just fine before we figured out what he was!" Applejack protested.

"Because, at that point, he'd completely given up his identity," Twilight added. "He clearly didn't want to be Mark anymore, because he was so convinced that Mark was worthless, he had to create Swift Wing to be accepted. As long as he could be Swift Wing, nopony would reject him."

Everyone looked rather downcast at Twilight's words. This was like no friendship problem they'd ever encountered before. Someone so lost, so worn down, they saw no value in their own life. What was worse, he seemed like he didn't want them to help him. It frustrated them, seeing someone who they felt they could make a difference for, but who wouldn't take that helping hoof.

"How is he gonna make friends wherever he ended up?" asked Spike. "If he had that problem with us, it's not gonna just go away because he's somewhere different."

"This is horrible!" Rainbow complained. "It just doesn't make any sense! Can't we make him—"

"Rainbow, darling, we cannot force him to do anything," Rarity cut her off. "Or, at least, we can't force him and expect him to get the benefits. If he only got assistance because we made him, he'd never put his whole effort into it."

"She's right," said Fluttershy. "He needs to want to help himself."

Rainbow gritted her teeth, but made no further objections. The assembled friends all started climbing out of their chairs, when another knock on the door distracted them. Twilight ignited her horn again, opening the door to find a familiar, wall-eyed, grey pegasus standing there.

"Mail for Princess Twilight!" she announced, flying into the room. She reached into her saddlebags, pulling out a single letter, and passing it to Twilight. The lavender alicorn took the envelope, and the pegasus departed without another word.

"Huh," said Twilight, "I wasn't expecting any more mail today." Then her eyes widened as she looked at the return address.

"Who's it from?" asked Applejack.

"Him."

That one word was Twilight's only reply, but it was more than enough. Spike and the others mares gathered around Twilight as she magically tore open the envelope, levitating the plain sheet of paper up to her face. Taking a breath, she began to read out loud.

Dear Twilight Sparkle,

	I hope this letter finds you in good health, and I hope you're not too torn up over what happened to me. You looked pretty depressed over it back when I left. Please understand, it really wasn't your fault, it had nothing to do with you. It's just a problem that I'm trying to deal with. Maybe I haven't done the best job, but I'm working on it.

	I'm doing fairly okay, now. I've made it to Cloudsdale, as you saw from the return address, and I managed to get a job at the weather factory. The ponies here seem alright, though I'm not found of those idiots who coined the name 'Rainbow Crash' (alternate universe cartoon knowledge again, sorry). I'm looking into finding some kind of therapy service, though it's going to be tough without letting on that I'm actually a human. By the way, I'd really appreciate it if you could keep that under your hat.

	First, I want to apologize for all the anger I directed towards you. When you see Celestia and Luna, please extend my regrets to them as well. While I still maintain that I made the right decision to leave my home universe, and I disagree with your claims that maybe I was being too hasty, reacting by lashing out did no good to anypony. I hope you can forgive me.

	Second, if I'm being completely honest, it's probably for the best that I got away from Ponyville (please don't take that the wrong way). Besides you girls knowing the truth about me, I think my extensive knowledge of you would've made it hard for us to be real friends. I've seen so much of your lives, it's almost like I've been spying on you. Really, the idea of having a friend who starts out knowing a lot of your intimate secrets kind of scares me. It's better that I stay away from you, at least for a while.

	Finally, I have something I need to confess. The cartoon of your lives was kind of outside of my demographic, but I watched it anyway because it brought so much joy to me. When I was in my lowest place, I always had you girls to rely on, because I knew you'd always be there for me. And it wasn't just me. There are tons of people all over my world who are struggling, but our view of your world made us so happy, and gave us a reason to get out of bed in the morning. I know you technically had nothing to do with that, but I thank you anyway.

	I guess that's the reason I was so quick to jump on the chance to live in your world for real. Because it was a wonderful place I could always go to escape the pain of my own life. When that man came to me, I thought I must've been dreaming. Maybe it didn't work out quite the way I originally pictured, but I'd probably do the exact same thing if given the chance again.

	I have no doubt you'll share this with the other girls and Spike. Don't misunderstand me, I'm not telling you not to. In fact, I encourage it. I saw all of you as good acquaintances, and I hope this letter will give you at least a little bit of closure on me.

	Maybe someday, when you've lived more of your lives that I haven't spied on, and I'm feeling a little better, I'll see you again. Maybe then we can be real friends. But for now, I'm going to try and get something to appear on my flank, and see where that journey takes me. I wish you luck, and I thank you for the compassion you showed me.

	Yours,

Swift Wing

	P.S. If you see Sunset Shimmer, give her my regards.

Twilight set the letter down on the table. No one said anything for the next few minutes, merely taking in exactly what they'd just heard.

"Well..." Pinkie finally broke the silence, "at least he's doing okay."

"Yeah," said Rainbow. "Could be worse."

Twilight sighed with resignation again. "I hope you find what you're looking for, Swift," she said to herself. "I'm sorry we couldn't help you more."