//------------------------------// // Twilight Loses It // Story: TD Punches Everything // by BronyWriter //------------------------------// The sun was shining, the air was perfect, and for once in a long time, I didn't have any responsibilities. The library was clean and the books had been reshelved, all of my projects were either done or in progress in a way that didn't require my immediate attention. I was walking through the park with a saddlebag holding my lunch and a new book that I was in the middle of. I waved to the various ponies that I came across as I made my way to my favorite reading tree. As I walked, I noticed TD and his family playing Frisbee with each other. TD noticed me and smiled. "Hey, Twi. Busy day?" I shook my head. "Oh no. The opposite, actually. I'm gonna have some reading time underneath the tree there and eat my lunch. It's too nice of a day to just sit around cooped up in the library, you know?" "Definitely," TD said, flipping the Frisbee up where Oswald attempted to catch it, but being Oswald, he missed completely. "The fam and I are gonna hit Sugarcube Corner after this." "Sounds like a good ti--" My eyes widened and my pupils dilated to pinpricks as I saw what Oswald had picked up instead of the Frisbee. I'd seen them enough to know what this was. Somehow, some way, Oswald had one of the Man Comics that keep popping up around Ponyville. TD frowned and tilted his head. "You okay, Twilight?" he asked. "You look like you've seen a ghost." "Uh..." I gulped, then chuckled uneasily at him. "Oh, just a... random shoot of pain. Nothing too bad. You know how sometimes you get random pain?" TD and Cheerilee gave me a flat look while Comet scoffed and rolled her eyes. "Twilight, I've been a parent long enough to spot a bad lie," Cheerilee said. "What's really going on?" "Whaddya got there, Oswald?" Comet said. No. No, no, no, I wasn't letting this happen. TD turned around and raised his eyebrow when he saw the Man Comic. He reached his hand out for Oswald to give it to him while a gigantic grin crossed Cheerilee's face. "Interesting," TD said. "Very interesting." "Oh no you don't!" I roared. With a burst of magic I tore the comic out of his claws and backed away a few hooves. "You're not reading this! I'm tired of all of the punching!" "Oh come on, Twilight! There's more to it than the punching!" Cheerilee insisted. "Yeah, yeah, whatever," I growled. "I'm not dealing with any Punchmasters or anything like that today!" "Or bat ponies who don't give a fuck?" Comet chimed in. My eyes narrowed. "Especially bat ponies who don't give a fuck. I've had enough of this nonsense to last a lifetime." "Probably for the best. You wouldn't want to blast anypony with the Elements of Harmony, would you?" Comet growled. "It was... I mean... you were..." I let out a frustrated groan. "It doesn't matter!" I ran to my favorite reading tree and scrambled up the branches just out of reach of the four of them. I mean, I guess not Comet or Oswald because they could fly, but the point stands! "In fact, let's see how you like it! Let's see how you feel when somepony else runs around punching things!" TD uneasily rubbed the back of his neck. "Uh, Twilight? I don't know if that's a good idea." "Au contraire! I think it's a wonderful idea!" I adjusted the Man Comic so that it was right side up and began reading. "I mean (snerk) you've read several of them and you just punch! Now it's my (ha ha) turn! I get to (hee hee, that's hysterical) punch!" My eye twitched. "In fact, I can feel it working! I want to punch things!" With that, I hopped out of the tree, grabbed the Frisbee and punched it. "Punchmaster!" All of us watched as it flew straight in the direction of Canterlot. * * * * I walked down the hallway of my palace, my ever-faithful aide Raven Inkwell following beside me, a clipboard in her magic. "So you have a few hours of free time between now and when you need to meet the Zebrican ambassador for the state dinner." "Well, I think that sounds lovely," I replied with a happy little smile. "The two of us have alwa--" I was cut off when I felt something hit my horn. It circled around for a few moments before coming to a rest. I glanced up to see, of all things, a Frisbee hanging off of my horn. Hm. It's been a few years since that's happened. "You have a Frisbee on your horn," Raven said. "As observant as ever," I replied, taking the horn in my magic. "Perhaps it was thrown by some foal just coming in to her magic, and she lost control. Maybe it has a name on it so I can--" Oh for goodness sakes. I quietly sighed and facehooved. "Powell. It says Powell." "Should I try to schedule some free time tomorrow, Highness?" "If you can." * * * * "Punchmaster!" Power coursed through me as I punched things. Trees! Park benches! Flowers! Grass! Nothing escaped my awesome-tastic punching powers! Everypony was looking at me like I was a madmare, but that hardly mattered. I'm certain that they looked at TD the same way when he was under the effects of a Man Comic. I'd drawn a crowd, no doubt due to my awesomeness. If this was how he felt while under its influence, no wonder he kept reading them whenever he found one. I hadn't felt this supercharged since the sonic rainboom caused that surge that got me into Celestia's school! "Twilight, if you stop punching we can deal with this," TD foolishly said. "Never! I am the Punchmaster!" I roared as I punched a light pole, causing it to shake a little bit. "No, you're not," Cheerilee said. "Don't talk her out of this, Mom," Comet said with a huge grin. "This is great blackmail material!" I rushed toward Comet, swinging at the camera she had in her hooves. I may be ultra-powerful right now, but I wasn't going to just let her take pictures of me like that. Naturally she flew out of my reach, but I'd get her eventually! Or maybe I shouldn't. She was just a filly, after all. A filly who had beaten me and my friends! Besides, I got in that fight with Cheerilee's class. When I'm in "the zone" I have no trouble fighting children. I just had to catch her first. "Oswald! Get that camera from Comet!" Oswald, who was perched on the aforementioned light pole, tilted his head and looked at me, then Comet, then back to me before shaking his head. Oh dear. This might be getting a little out of control. I needed to get back to normal as soon as possible! If my observations were correct, then the only way an adult pony could be free of the Man Comic's influence was... Crap. I punched the light pole again in frustration, shaking it enough that it dislodged Oswald. "I... I can't stop punching!" I cried, taking a few swings at TD. "I think there's only one cure!" TD's eyes widened. "Oh no, I don't think that's a good idea. Cheerilee and I are married, so it--" "I don't know how else to stop it!" I moaned, punching my saddlebag across the park. My eyes met Rainbow Dash, who was staring at me like I was a madpony. She'd do. I ran up to her and tackled her. "Rainbow! I need you to help me cure myself!" I punched the ground around her. "Uh... I dunno if..." "You have to! I could punch forever!" "Can somepony get a bucket of water, or something?" Roseluck asked. "Maybe just a box," Lyra said. "A box and some rocks." "Does anypony have a really rare book?" Bon Bon asked. My ears perked at the sound of that, but no, it wouldn't work. I grabbed Rainbow's head and pulled her face-to-face. "You gotta help me!" "Come on, Twi, I don't even swing tha--" "As a friend you must!" I shot up and punched a tree with enough force that it cracked a little bit. "I can't stop myself!" Rainbow uneasily rubbed the back of her neck. "I mean... shouldn't you at least take me out to dinner first, or something?" * * * * "How's your pasta?" "It's fine." "Alfredo, right?" "Yep. Your salad tasting alright?" "I think so, yes." Rainbow Dash sighed and facehooved. "This is the last time I make a joke like that." "Well, it should be helpful," I pointed out as I lightly punched the salt shaker off of the table for what had to have been the hundredth time. Rainbow caught it and placed it back on the table as usual. "I'm definitely never reading a Man Comic ever again." "Please don't," Rainbow groaned. "It's not funny or kickass when you do it." I glared at Rainbow and punched the salt shaker off again. "Well excuse me for not being used to its powers!" "Comet kicked ass with it," Rainbow pointed out. I rolled my eyes. "Yeah, yeah, I know. I just--" I cried out in shock when I felt somepony touch me on the shoulder. I spun around with my hoof extended and felt it connect with somepony's face. "I'm so sorry!" I wailed. "I can't control it right now a--" My eyes widened to their full extent, and my pupils dilated to pinpricks. Behind me stood Princess Celestia herself. I had just punched Princess Celestia in the face! A slight frown creased her face, and she tilted her head ever so slightly. "Are you okay, Twilight?" "Meep." "Spike sent me a letter, and I was hit by the Frisbee. Care to explain?" "Meep." "TD said you read a Man Comic. I know how it affected him and Comet, so I'm concerned about you." "Meep." Behind me I heard Rainbow Dash chuckle. "Now this is getting good." * * * * "So yeah, that's why I can never go back," I said glumly, poking at my root beer float with my straw. "Are you sure?" Sunset asked. "It sounds to me like Princess Celestia didn't seem particularly angry with you." "I think she was just in shock that I had done that." I muttered. "Maybe she was so mad she couldn't react." "I highly doubt that, darling," Rarity said. "If what you said is true, you were under the influence of some powerful magic." "I should have been stronger," I moaned, thunking my head on the table. "I shouldn't have read it. I should have just burned it, or something like that." "How do ya know that would have worked?" Applejack pointed out. The other Twilight perked up. "Yeah! Maybe the only way to get rid of one of these Man Comics is to actually read one. I mean, nobody finds the one that's just been read, right?" "Maybe." I sighed and pushed my float aside. "And the worst part is that I don't even have an ID here, so I can't even have alcohol." "Maybe that's a good thing, Twilight," Pinkie said as she finished her Piña Colada. "You probably shouldn't be drinking right now." "Not like you could keep up anyway," Rainbow said with a grin before drinking a third shot of tequila. "I'm having water, if that helps you, Twilight," Fluttershy chimed in. Sunset gave her a flat look. "After your mini Long Island Iced Tea, yes." "Thanks for your support, girls, but I'm finished. Kaput. The other girls will write in the book if they need me to use my Element." I took a deep breath and sat up. "So which one of your houses can I stay at?" "Probably best you stay at your own place," a familiar voice behind me said. I turned around and groaned when I saw TD, Cheerilee, Comet and Princess Celestia. Whelp. I had a good run. "I'm not mad at you, Twilight," Celestia insisted. "I know what happens when a Man Comic appears." "Called it," Sunset muttered beside me. Celestia gave Sunset a happy smile before turning back to me. "In the future, give any Man Comics you find to me so I can safely dispose of them." "Aw," Cheerilee groaned. "I guess that's a good idea," I said. I sighed and slowly stood up. "Well, it's been fun, but I guess I'd better go back to Equestria now." "Well now hold on," TD said. "We're in a human world. I haven't seen other humans in fifteen years!" "Yeah, good point!" Comet replied. "We should have some fun if we're here." She walked up to the bar and sat down. "One shot of your finest vodka, please!" She did not get vodka.