//------------------------------// // Chapter 166 - Secrets // Story: Dadonequus Discord (Book 2) // by CrazedLaughter //------------------------------// You began to march up to the castle in the dead of night, heading towards the doors where two guards stood... Well, guarding it. One mare, one stallion. Fuck this, fuck Celestia, you’re going through. “Yo, hey, I’m going in. I got to talk to Princess Celestia… Er, please? It’s urgent hero colt business.” Ok, probably best not to make it look like you’re pissed sooooo… The stallion guard looked at you with a hard stare, serious in his tone. “Princess Celestia? Oh, you are Anon, aren’t you? I can’t let you pass. The princess has taken to her sleep and is not to be disturbed.” “Like, sorry little guy.” Said the mare guard, with her valley girl accent. She was pretty cute actually, a soft shade of white with glittering blue eyes , a golden tail and mane. “You’re going to have to wait til she’s wide awake and stuff, try back tomorrow morning.” Shit… WAIT! “Did I say Princess Celestia though? Erm, I meant Princess Luna. I have business with her is what I meant.” She had to be awake. And if waking up Celestia was going to be a problem, then you’d get what you needed to know from her sister. “You did?” The stallion looked at you with inquisitive eyes. “The princesses are quite literally as different as night and day. Are you sure you have important business here, Anon? We can’t just let you in at this time of night unless it’s urgent.” You gulp as you think of something. You were a colt, right? Nehehe, then act like one. “Yeah but… Sorry.” You said with a fake yawn as you stretched out adorably “I’m just weally tired. I can’t think straight. I’d be in bed if this wasn’t so important.” “Awww…” The mare couldn’t help herself, she walked up towards you and gently pat you between your ears. You went soft right there, such an adorable armored cutie showing such affection. You couldn’t help but look at her with a gentle smile. She turned to her partner and said. “Like, Whetstone, let’s just let him pass. Like, if his business is important and stuff, then wouldn’t it be bad if we didn’t let him in? Look at him, he just wants to get it over with and dream of, like, totally sweet things.” Whetstone just stared at you for a moment. Given your now softened look, which he mistook as tiredness rather than your depravity, he began to give it some thought before stepping aside. “I suppose it makes sense that he has business with Princess Luna. She doesn’t normally step out to order a meal, so it must be for Anon. Alright then, Anon, you can find her in the dining room. I hope whatever it is, it isn’t a threat to Equestria.” “Oh no no, it’s just some news about strategies and… stuff.” You say as you feel the mare’s hoof gently scratch behind the ear. Ooh baby, that’s the stuff. “Erm, what’s your name, miss?” “Oh, uh, it’s like, Spearhead. My dad named me that because, like, he knew I’d be smart and stuff.” She says as seems to ponder on it as if she was trying to remember if that was why. “Well, miss Spearhead. You’re the nicest guardmare I have ever met. You have a safe night, oks?” You say, saying it as adorably as possible. “Awww, you too little guy. Gosh, you’re so adorable, I could use you as a plush and stuff.” Spearhead said as she gave you a gentle cuddly hug. “Ahrm, we are supposed to be guarding the doors, Spearhead. Anon has business to attend to, let’s not keep him.” Whetstone reminded her, finding the situation a little awkward, as it almost seemed to him like you were now being cutesy wutesy on purpose. “Ok,ok, I getcha. Alright, Anon, you go on through, ok?” Spearhead says to you as she takes back her original position.  “I will, thank you!” You tell her as you wave goodbye and enter the castle. “... It’s hard to believe that’s the hero colt. He doesn’t seem chaotic at all.” Whetstone said to Spearhead. “Like, he has to be. I bet if, like, we weren’t on peace time, he’d be all super quick and stuff. He did beat the Storm King, like, really bad.” Spearhead replied. “I guess that makes sense. Still, strange he’d mistake the princesses for one another like that. Hmmm…” Whetstone said as he pondered. Yes! You were in. Celestia was lucky, she gets to avoid your righteous fury for the night. But Luna? Hoo boy, she better be ready. You still couldn’t believe how sound ‘Jimmy’s’ theory was. Sure, it was all theory way back when, but living past season five and seeing everything you’ve seen so far? It suddenly made so much sense. Hell, Twilight has a school, just like Celestia! The next logical step is being princess of Equestria. And to use you and Chrysalis as a test for Twilight? Oh no, fuck that, that ain’t happening. As you venture through the castle, towards the dining hall, your mind fills with the moments before you entered the portal door beforehand. Jimmy, which was a name you don’t think you could get used to considering it’s the fucking X-captain, told you "Not to screw things up, ‘Henry’”. Ugh, he was really going to go with that whole thing, wasn’t he? And you thought Chrysalis was influenced, that guy is actually becoming a character now. As you near the dining hall, you could hear the chortle of Princess Luna coming from the other side of the huge double doors. You slowly open them, and peer inside to see her sitting alone, excited as she opened a large paper bag to reveal… “Yes, finally! It is mine! Everypony thinks we are only to enjoy fine dining. But this! Yes, this! This ‘Super Omega Hayburger Royal Supreme’ will be purely delicious, I just know it! They deem this a commoner’s food, and yet with the headline ‘So amazing, even Princess Celestia cannot handle it!’, how could I not purchase one? Amazing that I was not even mentioned in such advertising, but after tonight, the advertisement will fully come true as my sister may not be able to handle this, but I  can!” Luna cackled as she began to unwrap the burger from its paper wrappings. Is… Is she talking to herself? About a fucking burger? Holy shit, and you thought you had issues. Had she never had a burger before? Christ, she was just tearing the paper with her magic like it was a present. “And now, reveal yourself!” Luna tears the last of the wrapping to reveal a huge and thick hayburger, dripping in oils and condiments, stuffed with so much hay and tomatoes and cheese and god knows what else. “Scrumptious! Simply divine! Although, I should actually taste it before making such remarks.” Luna said to herself as she lowly snickered “It is time to dine and show my superiority. Yes, you may think you know best. But you aren’t right all the time, and this shall prove it!!”  The fuck was she even talking about? Christ, did you break her mind with the whole sex stuff from way back? Or has Celestia been pissing her off? Well, if she has, then getting information from Luna should be all the easier. Luna opened her mouth wide to bite down on the burger, but upon bringing it close, she has it dab all over her muzzle and nose, causing her to push it forward as she sneezes and coughs. “W-what?! What is this?!” She wipes her nose, and then tries to bite upon it again, but she gets the same results. Even turning it left and right, she couldn’t get it to fit inside her mouth. “What foolery is this?!” She inspects the burger closer, and realizes, in fact, that it is explicitly large. “How?! Why?! What is this?! Why in the wide world of Equestria would anypony make a hayburger so large?! It doesn’t fit! I cannot bite down upon it no matter how I turn it! This is absurd! Everypony eats hayburgers in this position, buns on top and bottom, and yet it is simply too massive to bite upon!” She then growled towards the burger as she made a proclamation. “I will not be bested by simple food! If you will not fit as you are, then prepare for a powerful spatial compression spell! I will not be bested by the likes of you!” Luna points to the burger as her horn glows bright, covering the burger in a dark blue and starry aura as it begins to compress and flatten while shaking heavily from the tension. “ Yes, that should do. Now then…” My god, was this Luna’s greatest opponent? A hayburger? Did she sneak a burger into the castle so she wouldn’t be judged about eating basic food, and is now being defeated by it? You almost felt bad for her. Even after all this time, she just didn’t seem to understand how the modern world worked. And as the burger neared her muzzle again, the absolute pressure of her spell caused everything from within the hayburger to splurt and fly out, splashing her face in condiments as everything fell to the floor. Luna finally had it, her fury mounting as she wiped her face, her eyes beginning to glow as she started to yell in the royal canterlot voice “YOU DARE ATTACK ME? PRINCESS LUNA OF EQUESTRIA? FOOLISH FOOD, TONIGHT WILL BE YOUR DOOM!” She bellows out as she blasts the burger to dust.  Christ, the blast was intense enough to startle you, causing you to fall forward through the door as Luna ends her attack, she herself suddenly getting startled as she hears the noise of someone falling. “Who is there?! I thought I sent you all away from the dining hall. If you saw what you think you saw, I shall deny it, deny all of it and…” As Luna hovers up towards the door to see who was eavesdropping on her, you quickly try to stand and make a bolt for cover. She was fucking crazy! You were sure now that you yourself spotting her being beat by a burger would send her in a rage. And yet, she only looked at you curiously as she nabs you with her magic and brings you in front of her. “Anon? What are you doing here? Are you aware of the time? And…” Luna suddenly narrowed an eye towards you as she looked at you inquisitively “What did you see? I hope it isn’t what I think you saw.” Fucking christ, you’d be a fucking idiot to admit the truth to her now. The way she zapped that burger, the way she was looking at you. Sure, you knew she wouldn’t kill you, but you’ve seen Luna angry before. The very last time you sent her in a fury, she was sniping you in a dream, Metal Gear style. Sure it was a dream, but you swear you could still feel that bullet sometimes. “Er, I just walked in. Uh, er, did you… Er, eat a burger or something? I smell a burger.” Luna went silent for a moment, chuckled nervously, and gently put you down as she walked back to the dining table, subtly using her magic to make the dust of the burger slide near and then inside a potted plant. “Er, yes! I-in fact, it was the fabled ‘Super Omega Hayburger Royal Supreme’. I’m sure you have heard of its slogan.” “Er, yeah. Something about your sister not being able to eat it, right?” You say with a fake wide grin. “E-exactly, which is sad to say for her, I was able to eat it without an issue.” Luna smiles back at you with the same kind of fake grin before quickly changing the subject. “B-but I am not one to gloat. Ahrm, Anon, what do you here this night? Is it important? Ah, perhaps news of Chrysalis?” Don’t puss out, Anon. What can Luna really do to you? You had her and Celestia dead to rights now. She can’t be mad at you, she can’t get angry. What they were doing was wrong, and you would make them realize that. Luna, she can’t justify this, you know she can’t. You take a deep breath, and calmly begin to explain yourself. “Actually, this is about her rather than news about her. Luna, look, I came tonight because I was thinking about this whole thing. And something clicked in my mind, something that originally didn’t make sense.” “Doesn’t make sense? Considering how insane this whole thing is, I too find many things that don’t make sense. So for you to find something nonsensical about it is most intriguing, please explain.” Luna said, surprised and curious about your thoughts. But the way she said that, did that mean?... “It doesn’t make sense to you? Wait, I thought you and your sister were both ok with this whole thing. Are you saying you’re not?” “Of course I’m not! Queen Chrysalis, out and about and willing to destroy Princess Twilight at a moment’s notice? And yet, we’re supposed to make Twilight available to said destruction? Due to some curse? I have talked to Prince Shining Armor many a time on the subject, and we both do not agree with it. And yet Twilight, Cadance, and my own sister wish to proceed with such madness. I am only going along with this simply because Twilight herself seems alright with this, that the possibility of her redemption is possible. Tell me, Anon, is that possible? Or is this simply more shenanigans?” Luna asked, her stare becoming more serious as the topic becomes more heated. “Luna, I’m telling you she’s made progress. Somepony told you right? About Twilight and Chrysalis watching a movie together? The fact that went almost completely well must mean something, right?”  Sure, Chrysalis was enjoying Twilight’s reactions, but she also seemed to be having fun comparing thoughts with Twilight, even if it still also angered her whenever Twilight got all ‘friendshipy’. “I was told. And yet here we are, Chrysalis trying to destroy her regardless. But…” Luna sighs as she suddenly goes quiet for a moment, closing her eyes. “But?” You ask, curious as to why she went silent. “But, I remember not being too keen on my sister releasing Discord either. And, despite his initial betrayal, I can say he is a spirit worthy of friendship… Mostly.” Luna sighs as she gives it a little more thought. “So, I suppose if this absurdity plays out as it should, then Chrysalis too will be worthy.” Well then, that explains why, despite not agreeing with it, she is still letting it happen. Although, that is kind of fucked up Celestia would just go on with the whole thing with or possibly even without Luna. But then, why did it not sound like they were testing Twilight? Hrn, actually, given Luna’s thoughts on the matter, she most likely would be truthful if you ask her about that. “Well, I for one, know it is going to. Which kinda brings me to why I’m here. Princess Luna, I need you to be honest with me, I need you to tell me if Celestia is using this as a way to test Twilight.” And just in case she isn’t truthful, then you’ll just add in Jimmy’s accusation. “As in, to test her to see if she is ready to rule Equestria in your’s and Celestia’s sted.” “WHAT?!” Luna nearly fell back in her chair in surprise. “Who told you that?! How did you know my sister and I were going to make Twilight princess of all Equestria?! D-did my sister tell you, despite it being a secret?!”  DAMMIT! YOU KNEW IT! Well, Jimmy knew it… FUCK, NEVER MIND, YOU WERE DAMNED ANGRY NOW! “I knew it!” You shout as you point to Luna in sudden yet justified rage. A rage that just hit you like a fucking truck. “Dammit! I knew it! How could you do it, Luna?! Is everyone’s lives a fucking game to you both?! Using my strife, my friend, my plan, to test Twilight? So, what? Were you going to cut me out of this altogether and manipulate things for Twilight to face off against her? Huh? Answer me!” “SILENCE!” Luna’s eyes suddenly glowed, her yell being somehow powerful enough to suddenly send you back. Before you can even get up from the floor, Luna suddenly stood over you, looking down at you in a rage of her own. “I know not of what you speak of! But Twilight’s further ascension is a secret that, currently, is only between my sister and I! You will tell me who told you of this, immediately!” At first, you were startled. But no, fuck this! You were not going down like this! You were not going to be a fucking pussy now! You slap on your horn, your eyes glowing with utter darkness, and use as much telekinetic force as you can to force Luna back. Or you try to, anyway, she doesn’t even flinch. “What are you doing?” Luna suddenly became confused as she watched you uselessly flail your hooves in an attempt to somehow strengthen your push. “I’m trying to force you back! I’m trying to fight you! You know what you did! How can you be mad at me when you and Celestia are the ones using Chrysalis and me to test Twilight! You two have gone too far this time, and I’m not going to sit down and take it!” You growled. “What? That… What? Why would we do that? Are you insane? Why would we do such a thing?!” Luna was heavily surprised. So surprised that she started to realize that somehow, through that way of thinking, you figured out what they planned to do with Twilight. “Did… Did you come to realize my sister and I’s plan through a baseless assumption? Oh no…” Luna stepped back when she came to a sudden realization. “A plan I confirmed through assumptions of my own. How could I? Anon!” Luna suddenly became frantic as she looked at you with shaking eyes. “Whatever you are thinking that led to such an assumption, it is wrong, I assure you. But this information itself, it must not leave this room. Do you understand?” Wut?! “Wait! WAIT! Are you telling me that the ‘Twilight, princess of Equestria’ thing is actually a thing? But using Chrysalis as a test isn’t?!” D-did you just lose the bet anyway?! On a half wrong assumption?! How was it even half wrong?! “Luna, how?! What?! How are you going to make Twilight a princess through a test, and this not be the test?!” “Anon, I have no idea what you even speak of when it comes to tests. Twilight is already proving herself further and further everyday, even opening up a school like my sister has. She is showing to be more capable than my sister and I these days. Where Twilight defeats many a foe, protects Equestria, and helps her friends. My sister and I have become less efficient in our duties as time goes by, being more liabilities during major attacks than anything else. It is becoming time that the crown must pass, that is why Twilight is the perfect candidate for princess of Equestria.” Luna explained. You were so damned confused. “And, she doesn’t even know that? Wait, then you guys really aren’t using Chrysalis at all to test her? Why? I thought you both would.” “Because, you already know my opinion, I think it’s madness. And my sister? According to her, the reason she is truly alright with this is due to the progress you have made, that Chrysalis has apparently made. Given her guilt of tricking you before, to reform the changelings, she felt she never gave you the kind of chances she would give others. Given, this is your last chance, it is still a chance, a chance even I somewhat believe you can succeed in. She and I believe in you, Anon, but only to a certain limit. It has nothing to do with our plans for Twilight.” Luna explains. Oh god… Celestia actually does believe in you? Fucking hell. What were you going to tell Jimmy? Technically, he was wrong as to why Twilight was going to be a princess, so that should nullify the bet, right? No, goddammit, you were the one who made a bet on the ‘princess thing’. You could just lie to the fucker, as if he’d ever know. Yeah, fuck it, lie to him. Wait… “Woah, so… What about Twilight then? You don’t think it’s screwed up you’re both planning to drop Equestria right on her lap? She’s gonna go bonkers, you know that, right?” “We believe she will be ready when the time comes. Which is why you must not let this secret leave this room, I need your promise, Anon.” Luna asks you for this, she was serious. “But… Look, you can’t just do that! She’s already a princess, so, who would be the princess of Friendship then? Who would run the school? And there’s like, two of you… Well, I guess Celestia handled Equestria on her own for a millenia, but still. It’s really messed up you’re just… Oh no, am I defending Twilight?” Holy shit, are you defending the book horse?! “Indeed, it is worrying even me, as you are usually at odds with her about something.” Luna said, surprised she was having difficulty getting you to agree to something she thought you’d find hilarious in your own head, as serious as it was to her. “Anon, you must not tell anypony. Especially Twilight. I ask you to keep this secret for me, just as I have been keeping a secret for you.” Wut? “A secret for me? I don’t remember telling you any secrets, so, er, what are you talking about?” “I speak of the changeling and the Storm King. Especially since the Storm King both escaped the realm of chaos, and met his doom.” Luna says. WUT?! WUT?! “Luna! Dammit! D-dammit! Stay out of my head! You can’t just do that to me! That isn't fair! And… Wait…” How long did she know about this? And given who she was, why was she keeping it secret? “You haven’t told anypony? Not even Princess Celestia?” “Not even my sister, Anon. For as long as I’ve known, which has been for quite some time. And no, I didn’t find out through your mind. Rather, I found out through the nightmares of young Diamond Tiara, rescuing her from that very creature. As for finding out about the Storm King’s fate, I sometimes scour daydreams during times of boredom, and a tired mare by the name of Lyra Heartstrings was having a nightmare about your investigation. The Storm King, single armed, was attacking her friend. Upon rescuing her, she, believing me to be a figment of her mind, explained what she was doing. So I believe I am currently up to date as well” Luna explained. Wut?! “But… what? Ok, didn’t know you did daydreams and… Wait, so why aren’t you mad then? If you knew for so long, why haven’t you told Celestia or ripped me apart about it?” Luna became silent, and walked to one of the moonlit windows of the dining room, looking to the moon as she began to speak. “At first, I was angry, Anon. I tried to figure out why you would even allow, or do such a thing. I pondered, and I thought, and I wondered. And as I did so, I began to think back. Think back to the time of my own foolishness that caused me to be sealed in the moon, my time as Nightmare Moon, and even when I myself nearly caused the destruction of all due to my own Tantabus. And even before such things, my sister and I had made decisions that many would find perplexing. Even my former teacher, Starswirl, along with the Pillars of Old, had made a grave error, allowing the Pony of Shadows to exist. Tell me, Who was I to tell you you were wrong?” “I mean, you haunted my dreams because you couldn’t accept dirty thoughts. So, y’know, you still got me confused.” You say, like, still confused as fuck. “Well, yes, you’re a degenerate. But, the Storm King, and that changeling, those were beings of evil that you defeated. Just as I and my sister had passed several judgments, just as Twilight and her friends have passed such judgments, judgments that even led to Sombra’s destruction, not allowing him a chance to redeem himself, as doubtful as that could be, I feel the punishment you gave to the Storm King was something you should have been allowed to do. Although, he didn’t stay imprisoned for as long as the usual time, what’s done is done, and all I can tell you now is to not allow it again, and to be more mindful of how you handle your opponents.” Luna sighed, then looked back at you “And besides all that, if I did tell my sister, then she would be the one acting as I once have. Demanding your presence to tell you how wrong you are. I personally feel she shouldn’t dictate everything, I can make decisions as well, and that decision has been made.” Ooooooh, so besides all that, she seemed a little pissed at Celestia, probably because of the whole Chrysalis thing, or other things Celestia has made decisions on without her. Hell, it could even go back as far as when Celestia teased Luna in your dreamscape. Crazy how Luna knows, but is keeping it to herself. Looks like you are just lucky this time, and it’d be good to leave before you fuck things up. “Ok, I get it now. I promise, Princess Luna, I won’t tell anypony.” “Thank you. Still, amazing as to how you came to such a conclusion. How did you manage to figure it out, exactly?” Luna asked, curious. “Oh, you know, all the stories I heard. Celestia pretty much testing Twilight since she was a regular and rather cranky unicorn to what she is now, a princess and headmare. Kinda made sense when you think about it, right?” You say, using Jimmy's explanation as it really did make sense, apparently. “Indeed, it suddenly seems so obvious. Hmmmm…” Luna said as she began to rub her hoof under her muzzle, deep in thought about it. “Clever thinking, Anon, very clever. Perhaps there is more hope than I realized if you are capable of such thought. Surely, perhaps, you have some clairvoyance for Chrysalis’s future. That, or you are much more observant and able to read others more than I thought. Either way, I am impressed.” “Oh, well, y’know. I wouldn’t be the hero colt if I didn’t do… That. Like, y’know, I’m pretty good at redeeming others, y’know? Like, er, Starlight?” Dammit, fuck you Jimmy. “Yes, you did do that, didn’t you? Most impressive indeed. Well then, Anon, it seems our business with each other has concluded, as I have important work to do. But, ah, before I forget. I must remind you, I am a master of eating hayburgers, as not even that deluxe burger was a match for me. You acknowledge this, correct?” Luna asked, staring deep into your soul. “Er, yeah? Yup! No one can eat burgers like you can, Luna.” You say with a fake grin. Dammit, fine, don’t cause a problem, Anon. You made a mistake, you feel bad since Celestia does actually believe in you, and fuck… You even tried to defend Twilight. Nah, whatever, it’s Twilight. A fucking meteor could be hurtling towards the planet and somehow, thanks to her, it’d still workout. So yeah, it’ll be fine. Just go home, and sleep, Anon. “Yes, that is most certainly true, the truest of truths that is not a lie by any means. Now then, I wish you a very good night, Anon. And pleasant dreams.” Luna tells you as she gives you a gentle pat on the head. "And I wish you luck in your endeavors. I truly hope you succeed." “Y-yeah thanks. Erm, Princess Luna. You have a good night dreamwalking and stuff. And thanks again, really, good to know you think so highly of me. Erm, night!” Ugh… Yeah, just go home.