A Human, a Pony Princess, and a Mistake

by The Dimension Traveler

Family Issues

It was approaching noon and Tom and Twilight were alone in the library. Spike was with Rarity collecting gems again and Moon Dancer had elected to go to her first appointment with her psychiatrist with Fluttershy by her side. Tom knew Twilight was a little put out by that decision, but she knew this was hard enough for Moon Dancer as it was. If she felt she needed Fluttershy’s Kindness then that was all there was to it. Tom had also reminded Twilight that Moon Dancer would be perfectly able to discuss the appointment after she came back, which soothed her somewhat.

They were reading, as was the norm, when there came a knock at the door.

“Seriously, this place is a public library, why is everyone knocking on the door?” Tom complained mildly. He got up and opened the door to find Lyra and Bon Bon standing there.

“Tom, Twilight, you gotta help us!” Lyra begged. Tom froze like a deer in the headlights.

“Tom is a rock. Why are you asking a rock for help?” He tried to play it off. It didn’t work. Must’ve rolled a critical failure on his charisma check or something.

“Drop the act, Tommy boy, we’ve known about you for quite a while,” Bon Bon told him.

“Wait, if Lyra knew there was a human within walking distance, how come she hasn’t been breaking down our door?” Twilight asked.

“Hey, I have some self-control! And Bonnie made me…but mostly self-control!” Lyra protested.

“Alright, come in. What do you two need help with, exactly?” Tom asked warily.

“My parents are making me come home for a day and they want Bonnie to come too,” Lyra explained.

“I don’t hear a problem in that, unless you don’t want them meeting the girlfriend. Scared your dad is gonna scare her off?” Tom teased.

“I’m afraid he’ll do a whole lot worse than that,” Lyra muttered.

“Lyra’s parents aren’t exactly the most…open minded of ponies,” Bon Bon revealed.

“I thought you ponies didn’t do homophobia?” Tom asked.

“It’s rare, but it does still exist, unfortunately,” Twilight sighed.

“That’s not the part I’m really worried about. My parents are aware that I’m gay. They aren’t thrilled about it, but they haven’t kicked me out of the family yet. If they learn that me and Bonnie are actually dating, that’ll probably change in a hurry,” Lyra worried.

“So your parents are afflicted by not one, but two of the dumbest prejudices to ever blight a mortal mind?” Tom asked for clarity.

“I’ve never heard homophobia and tribalism referred to like that before. Now I wish I had heard it sooner,” Lyra snickered.

“‘Two of the dumbest prejudices to ever blight a mortal mind’?” Twilight asked, clearly also amused.

“Racism, uh, tribalism in this case, is dumb because no one can help the way they were born. Depending on your school of thought, the same applies to being gay,” Tom groaned.

“Humans are so worried about people being gay that there are schools of thought about it?” Lyra asked.

“Yes. I’ve never claimed that Humanity is the brightest bunch. So, there is two- excuse me, three main schools of thought. First being that people are just born gay. Second is that being gay is a choice. Third is that it’s just a mental disorder,”

“A MENTAL DISORDER?!” Bon Bon was outraged.

“Don’t shoot the messenger! I’m not the idiot who thinks that! I personally don’t care if it’s choice or something you’re born with. Just let people love how they wanna love. It’s not like the world is gonna burn to the ground just because one girl wants to make out with another girl or two dudes wanna sword play. I’ve already devoted enough brain cells to the stupidity that is homophobia. So, how exactly are me and Twilight gonna help? We can’t arrest people for being idiots unless it evolves into a hate crime,” Tom said wearily.

“Well, I think they might be on to me and Bonnie, which is why I want you two to come with us to visit my parents,” Lyra began explaining.

“If you want me to pretend to be your girlfriend, the answer is no. That plan never ends well for anyone involved,” Tom said flatly.

“No! Nothing like that…I’m just hoping that me bringing an Alicorn Princess home will distract my folks,” Lyra laid out her plan. In Tom’s opinion it wasn’t a good plan.

“I really should just tell you that Twilight and I have things that we need to do over the next few days and shouldn’t be upending them for some harebrained scheme. It’s true too...yet at the same time I feel a strange desire to hoodwink a pair of idiots. You do realize that your parents will find out you and Bonnie are shacking up sooner or later, yes? I hope you aren’t planning to get married, because that’s a surefire way of them finding out,” Both mares flinched.

“Maybe they’ll die in a tragic accident?” Bonnie facehoofed.

“Lyra, love, you just said that in front of a PRINCESS!” Bon Bon growled.

“I didn’t hear a thing,” Tom said innocently.

“Tom!” Twilight rebuked.

“If you want my advice, take them for all they’re worth before you announce any marriage plants. If they want to disown you over someone who a blind man could see is the love of your life, then they deserve it,” Tom said dispassionately. Twilight looked like she wanted to protest, but couldn’t bring herself to. Cadence was her sister-in-law, after all. She had impressed upon Twilight from a young age just how important Love is. If someone was getting in the way of Love for such petty reasons, then she couldn’t bring herself to feel sorry for them if Lyra did as Tom suggested.

“Does that mean you’ll help?” Lyra asked hopefully.

“I am sure I am dooming myself to at least a few days of extreme annoyance, but as I told Trixie, we are tenacious problem solvers. Just give me a couple of hours to get everything in order and we’ll leave at your earliest convenience,” Tom was sure this was going to come back to haunt him somehow.

That was how Tom, Twilight, Lyra, and Bonnie wound up on a train bound for Canterlot. On the way Twilight decided to strike up a private conversation with Tom.

“I would’ve thought you’d have at least a little problem with those who are gay. ‘Be fruitful, and multiply, and replenish the earth’ and all that,” Twilight observed.

“Are you trying to tell me there isn’t a spell that would let Lyra get pregnant with Bon Bon’s child or vice versa?” Tom questioned.

“There is and that’s not what I’m asking. I know Humans didn’t have any such spell and prejudices tend to be hard to shake. So, why?” Twilight asked again. Tom let out a heavy sigh.

“It’s my own personal crisis of faith. Why did God create more than one sex? At the very least, allow easy transition between the two. Maybe have everyone reproduce asexually? Whatever, my point is that the concept of sexes plural has done very little other than cause trouble. My best guess is that it’s some kind of test, but it’s the only trial I have a real issue with. I’m not going to have a problem with anyone over any topic related to sex except for rape, sexism, and sexually abusing children. There are other, pretty specific things that might grind my gears, but those three are a good general catch all. Can we talk about something else? I’ve gone over this particular train of thought more times than I care to remember with my bishop,” Tom requested. Twilight could sense this was really distressing to Tom.

“Of course,” She acquiesced. So the pair talked about nothing of consequence while Lyra and Bonnie got in some last minute snuggling. Seemingly all too soon, the train pulled into the Canterlot station.

“So, has Twilight been to your house, Lyra?” Tom asked as they exited the station.

“Absolutely not, I wanted to keep my friends, thank you very much,” Lyra scowled, “One of the only reasons I was grateful they never showed up to pick me up from school.”

“Wait, the mare who picked you up every day wasn’t your mother?” Twilight asked and Tom repeated. The body double might fly in Ponyville, but it wouldn’t in Canterlot. Lyra sighed.

“You’ll see when we get there,” Lyra grumbled. Soon the group stood before a four story townhouse, “Home sweet home.”

The group walked up to the door and Lyra rang the bell. A moment later, a Pegasus in a maid uniform opened the door. Her coat was pale brown and mane was half forest green and half pink. Her uniform hid her Cutie Mark.

“Welcome back, Miss Lyra,” She greeted with a curtsy, “The master and mistress are waiting to receive you in the drawing room.”

“Thank you, Feather Duster,” Lyra said stiffly before heading further into the house. Bonnie, Tom, and Twilight followed closely behind.

“I guess the mare who picked Lyra up every day was a maid or bodyguard or something…I didn’t know she came from money,” Twilight noted.

“And your family were minor nobles even before you became Celestia’s student, Shining married Cadence, and you ascended,” Tom pointed out in a hushed whisper.

“Fair enough,” Twilight acceded, “I never went to any of those high society things except the Grand Galloping Gala once or twice. I couldn’t tell you who is “important” here in Canterlot.”

Lyra and Bonnie had pulled ahead while Tom was distracted by Twilight. So he heard Lyra’s parents before he entered the drawing room. He chose to hang back a moment and listen.

“Lyra, welcome home,” A cultured female voice greeted.

“Mother, Father,” Lyra greeted tightly. Tom didn’t need to see her to tell she was standing ramrod straight.

“Lyra, there is no need to be so stiff with us. We’re your parents,” A gruff male voice lightly rebuked, “And you must be Bon Bon, the candy maker, yes? I am Tenor Strings and this is my wife, Harp Serenade.”

Tom resisted the urge to growl at the imperious voice Tenor used with Bonnie. Even if Tom and Twilight hadn’t been warned, they still wouldn’t have been thrilled with Tenor’s tone.

“You’re the one who our daughter has been staying with while in Ponyville, yes?” Harp asked.

“Yes ma’am,” Bonnie replied politely. She knew how to bow and scrape with the best of them.

“It is good of…friends…to help each other out,” If Lyra didn’t already think her parents were on to her, she knew now.

“Lyra has been most helpful in watching my shop while I practice my craft,” Trust Bonnie to keep a cool head. Lyra felt a surge of affection for her marefriend, but was careful to let none of it show on her face. Tom chose that moment to step into the drawing room.

“Sorry, I just got distracted by the art in the hallway. Pre-Unicornia work?” Tom asked casually. Tom was grateful for the scholar that shared headspace with him. Twilight made his excuse sound plausible.

“Silly Twilight, always with your heads in the clouds,” Lyra chided, a smile on her face.

“Princess?!” Tenor exclaimed in shock.

“You did say to bring friends, so I brought Twilight too, who’s my friend,” Lyra kept any smugness she was feeling out of her voice. It was good to see her parents off kilter for once.

“Lyra, honey, you never told us you were friends with a princess,” Harp sounded equally as shocked as her husband. Lyra clamped down on the desire to make a sarcastic remark.

“It never came up,” She replied mildly. Tenor shot his daughter a look.

“Princess, we avail our hospitality to you,” Tenor said graciously.

“Thank you, Tenor Strings. I humbly accept,” Tom politely bowed his head.

“Dear, the hour grows late and Dinner is about to be served. Shall we retire to the dining room?” Harp suggested.

“Excellent idea!” With that, Tenor led the group to the dining room. There, Lyra’s parents were not so subtle about sitting Lyra next to Tom and Bonnie on the other side of the table. Tom got a sudden sinking feeling.

“So, how did you meet our daughter, Princess Twilight?” Harp asked once everyone was seated.

“We live together in Ponyville,” Tom instantly regretted his choice of words as soon as they were out of his mouth. Lyra’s parents shared a look, “I first met her at Celestia’s School and we became friends there. We dropped out of contact for a year, but I recently reconnected with her.” Somehow Tom felt like he was digging his grave deeper.

“Yes, Tom, shoot your mouth off a little more. By the end of this they’ll think you’re Lyra’s marefriend regardless of what you said about not wanting to make them think that,” Twilight felt a sadistic glee similar to when she triumphed over Shining in the Sibling Supreme. Was it wrong of her? Maybe. Did that stop her? Not a chance.

“Oh? Tell us more about your time at CSGU. Lyra never told us anything at all,” Harp said and Tom could almost feel Lyra biting on her tongue next to him.

“We were in the same class together, we practiced magic together...”

“She came over to my house a few times for group projects,” Twilight added unhelpfully.

“Oh yes, I seem to recall the help telling us once or twice that Lyra had gone to the Sparkle’s home for schoolwork,” Of all the times for her parents to remember something about her life, it had to be now. Lyra choked back a groan. At least they weren’t asking about Bonnie! Small comfort that it was.

“Would you say you and Lyra are particularly close, Princess?” Tenor asked in what Tom was sure he thought was a subtle manner. Tom knew he had to answer carefully. If they weren’t close, then why was he invited to meet the parents? If they were, then it was fuel to the two Unicorns’s shipping plans.

“Lyra is one of my first friends,” If he were Twilight, then that would be true. Hopefully it was enough of a neutral answer.

“Lyra, dear, why not tell us more?” Harp requested.

“Well, you already know Twilight was Princess Celestia’s personal student when she was younger. She was top of the class, right beside Moon Dancer, and is most of the reason my grades were as good as they were,” Lyra replied blandly.

“So you spent a lot of time studying with the Princess?” Hope prodded.

“I suppose,” Lyra did not like this line of questioning, “She wasn’t a princess back then, obviously.”

Fortunately, before her parents could continue, the food arrived. The main course was pasta in alfredo sauce. Twilight was grateful she wasn’t in control of her mouth at the moment. She knew she was a messy eater, but unless she devoted way too much focus on the act of eating, she couldn’t seem to help herself.

Dinner passed in blessed silence. Lyra doing an excellent job of avoiding her parent’s eyes and Bonnie practicing her hiding in plain sight skills. Tom took from their cue and just kept his mouth shut. Though the looks Bonnie were receiving made staying quiet most difficult. Once everyone had eaten Tenor stood up.

“Why don’t we retire to the sitting room? I want to hear more of what Lyra and Princess Twilight have been up to,” Tenor announced.

“Actually, Father, it was a long train ride and we’re all exhausted. We should head to bed so we can start fresh in the morning,” Lyra knew it was a gamble, but prayed Tenor would agree. He thought it over for a moment.

“Very well, perhaps you are right. We shall all head off to bed,” Tenor decided.

“We only have one guest bedroom,” Harp pointed out.

“Indeed. Princess, I hate to ask, but would you mind sharing a room with Lyra?” Tenor asked.

“Of course not, Lyra and I are friends, after all,” Tom had a hunch as to what Lyra was scheming. One of the maids was called upon and a bed was quickly made for Tom and Twilight. Once everyone was in their own rooms, Lyra turned to Tom.

“We’re breaking out of here at the break of dawn. First train back to Ponyville,” Lyra let the mask drop. Her eyes were seething with rage, “I don’t care who they are, no one treats my Bonnie like that.”

“Far be it from me to stop you. You gonna tell them about you and Bonnie or are we just gonna vanish like thieves in the night?” Tom asked.

“I’ll write them a letter once we’re back to Ponyville and I empty my savings account. No need to do anything too rash. They can’t disown me if I disown them first,” Tom didn’t feel the need to comment on that particular bit of logic.

“I’ll pass the plan along to Bonnie,” Tom said and teleported into the other mare’s room.

“Gee, can’t you at least knock?” Bon Bon teased, “So, when’s the marriage?”

“I am so sorry Bon Bon. I opened my dumb mouth and Lyra’s parents just ran with it,” Tom felt the need to apologize.

“Forget about it. No sense worrying what people like that think. Besides, I think you’d make a cute couple~”

“Oy vey,” Tom grumbled, “Lyra wants us all to break out of here at dawn and make for the first train to Ponyville. Sound good to you?"

“That suits me just fine. I’m already missing snuggling with Lyra too much,” Tom nodded in understanding before teleporting back to the room he and Twilight shared with Lyra.

“It’s nice Bonnie can joke about it,” Twilight commented.

“Bonnie’s on board with the plan. I’d suggest we all teleport out. Easier to dodge any early risers and staff,” Tom pointed out. Lyra nodded in agreement.

So that’s how it was just as false dawn broke Lyra, Tom, Twilight, and Bonnie were already on the move for the station. They didn’t expect anyone to actually chase them down, but they didn’t feel like taking the risk either. The group boarded the early-early train and soon was safely on their way to Ponyville. Lyra and Bonnie wasted no time in basking in each other’s presence as soon as the train started moving.

Two days had passed since the encounter with Lyra’s parents and Tom had all but put it from his mind. A new day was dawning and Tom opened the door to the library to retrieve the newspapers Twilight was subscribed to. Only to find Rarity on the doorstop trying to steal them away.

“Rarity, what are you doing?” Tom wasn’t nearly awake enough to deal with whatever madness the fashionista was attempting.

“Why, Tom, I have no idea what you’re talking about,” Rarity said with a flutter of her eyelashes.

“I can see the newspapers floating behind your back,” Tom deadpanned.

“Uh, well, I just really wanted today’s coupons!” Rarity giggled nervously.

“It’s Friday. The coupons don’t come out until Sunday and I doubt you’ve shopped with coupons in your entire life,” Tom was willing to play this game.

“I have so used coupons!” Rarity huffed indignantly.

“Rarity, whatever it is that you’re trying to keep me from seeing, I’ll see sooner or later anyway. Let’s just save us all some hassle and give me the papers,” Tom requested. Rarity drooped and gave over the papers. It didn’t take Tom too long to discover what Rarity was trying to hide.

Really, there was only one response to something like this.

“SON OF A B-”