Dear Starlight,
Well something quite interesting happened here recently. You know that map thing that called you, your sister and your friends on map missions? Well it called Sugar Belle and I on a mission out to that town you used to run. Now yeah, we wound up having to put Iron Will in charge of the school while we were gone but hey, he did a good job and has learned that his job here is vastly different than his self-help lessons.
Anyway, after visiting with Sugar Belle's friends for a bit, we went out to find our problem. Ok, there was this pretty boy named Feather Bangs who was constantly hitting on these three mares that seemed kind of ditzy. Now he has apparently got over his shyness that I heard he once had because he was talking with them but there was one thing, those mares wanted to see how athletic he was. He was feeling pretty confident as he had been winning races across town to win their adoration.
Apparently this map wasn't to fix a friendship problem though because when those three saw me, they said that I should race Feather Bangs! They said that if I won, all three of them would leave town and come home with me. If Feather Bangs won, they'd continue to expect him to win races before they fought each other over which one should approach him and ask him to be their coltfriend.
Well I raced him and I left him in the dust! I finished the race before he even got half way across town. Well considering I won the Running of the Leaves and set a new record, it was no surprise so they wound up coming home with me and now I have FIVE little hotties here in Ponyville. Those three live with me in the mansion and of course the Spa Twins live in the spa but I'm sure if I wow them enough, they'll move in with me.
Yeah Shadow wasn't exactly thrilled over this at first but since my new hotties are nice to him and have their own bedrooms, he has taken a liking to them. The funnest thing though, Luster saw me leading them towards my mansion and called me a lesbo ho, claiming that I was building up a harem and claimed it was illegal. Hey, it's only illegal if I were to marry all of them at once, right?
Having a Harem,
Bright Beam
Dear Bright Beam,
I am going to admit, I am a bit disappointed it didn't call me out there too because I was really hoping to just hang out with my friends out there but hey, Twilight and I can go on a vacation out there any time we want so I shouldn't be too upset. Anyway, that is good that the map called you and Sugar Belle and good that Iron Will isn't causing those students to become arrogant.
Now when it comes to this Feather Bangs pony and the three mares you are talking about, they must be new because they don't sound familiar. Now I do find it hilarious that you wound up wooing them with your speed and damn, my protege is building herself a harem! Those three hotties and the spa twins give you five now! I am pretty sure that you are likely setting a record because I don't think my incredibly sexy sister had a harem this quickly! Now be sure and be good to them, continue to wow them in any way you can and I'm certain the six ways you'll have with those spa twins will be spectacular.
Anyway, congrats on a successful map mission and getting yourself three hotties. Hell Twilight and I will come down on Saturday and treat all six of you to lunch and maybe if I can butter her up, all eight of us could have some fun in the steam room!
See You Saturday,
Starlight
Dear Twibitch,
You know what, I am very pissed. That damn map wound up sending Bright Bitch and Sugar Belle off on a map mission to Starlight's old town. Now that didn't bother me so much but I was excluded from an episode, AGAIN! Could you please tell the big brass to include me in every episode and make me the star? I know that is what the old big brass wanted for the future and the new big brass should respect that!
Now what is really pissing me off, after she got back from her trip, Bright Beam had three incredibly hot mares with her and she led them to her mansion. First off she got the spa twins and now she adds three more to her collection. What the fuck is she doing, building a harem and working her way towards being the Princess of Harems or what? How is it that she can wow mares with absolutely no problem when I, who is much hotter, can't even keep Diamond Tiara with a seduction spell? All I have in my life is a scheming step-daughter, a dragon who constantly mocks me and a mentor who does nothing but shit on me. Whatever, Cozy and Spike are wanting me to take them out to dinner with the small monthly stipend you give me.
Taking Cozy and Spike Out,
Luster Dawn
Dear Luster,
Wait a minute, Bright Beam is building a harem? Damn, I always knew she was hot and had the assets to wow mares but damn, she gets three on one map mission? Perhaps that was what the mission was for. It was likely just for Sugar Belle to get some time to let her mane down and see her friends while it was calling Bright Beam to save three mares from falling into a hetero trap, ugh....disgusting. Now Luster, you know if you would try being nice to ponies maybe, just maybe, you could get a mare to like you without having to use a temporary seduction spell. Now I would give you the assignment to get yourself a marefriend or build up a harem but I'm not going to. I'm not going to because I know you'd fail miserably just like you have everything else in your miserable, pathetic life.
Now I am shocked that you are actually going to take Spike and Cozy out to supper. This is a totally new side of you that I didn't know existed and I have come up with an idea. If it will make them happy and keep you in a better mood, I will send you a pre-paid debit card that can only be used at certain places, such as the cafe and Sugarcube Corner. It will have a 1,000 bit balance that will reload every two weeks so that if you want, you can take them out for every single meal. After all, Spike shouldn't have to do so many dishes nor does he need to cook for you all the time. Besides, it might take Cozy's mind off of trying to find Grogar's bell and get her to stop beating up other foals for their lunch money. I doubt that will stop but it is worth a shot, right?
Now about you complaining about being excluded. Guess what, I don't care and I know for damn sure that the big brass doesn't care. I know the big brass fairly well and he actually delights in your misery and absolutely loves seeing you always being second best compared to Bright Beam. Just be happy I'm going to make sure you can always have meals and not have to do dishes, ok?
Being Nice,
Goddess-Queen Twilight Sparkle
Three Days Later
Dear Twilight,
Well I got the card in the mail and I was shocked when it actually worked! I don't know what the hell is going on with you with you suddenly deciding to care about me and make sure I can eat. The clerk at the restaurant at first thought it was fake and she yelled at me until it was approved. I will tell you this, Spike and Cozy are thrilled now. Spike is thrilled because he no longer has to cook for me or do dishes and Cozy is happy that now she can have a great breakfast along with a great supper. She does however still beat other foals up for their lunch money since she still eats it there and she probably has about 80 necklaces and twenty watches in a basket in her room.
I do feel somewhat content but I'm still pissed that Bright Beam still has it better than me. Yeah I have this debit card for food but still, Bright Beam is getting paid big bucks, all of it tax exempt and I know for a fact that my parents will wind up being her ATM on a regular basis before too long and I am not one bit happy about it. Well I suppose I should be happy with what you're giving me but I'm still pissed you incestuous bitches have basically given Bright Beam everything but the crown jewels.
Still Upset,
Luster Dawn
Dear Luster,
Just be glad I'm giving you what I am, ok? My mother never did that for me. Up until she actually revealed that I was her daughter and Starlight saw to it that I was an equal, I constantly got shit on. Yes I can be a bitch who has never once given you any emotional support or tried to give you confidence but at least I'm making sure that you, Spike and Cozy are being fed, right? I would write more but Starlight is giving me bedroom eyes and if I don't get to bed right away, my oh-so-sexy sister will be the dominant one all night long.
Ready for Fun With My Sister,
Goddess-Queen Twilight Sparkle
P.S. Oh and since I've given you that card, I will be asking you to do more things with those acquaintances of yours. I'm not about to just let you hide out anymore and simply watch and bitch when others get to do things. There is one positive to this though, you'll be in more episodes!