The next morning, the students had returned, waiting in front of the classroom door. Among them, Gallus looked over to his old friend, Sandbar. “So, are you two still going steady?”
Sandbar nodded, “Yeah. Ever since we graduated and got a job at Rarity’s Boutique, we have more time to date more often.”
“How long has that been going on?”
“Oh… a couple of years. Three or four, I think.”
Gallus nodded and glanced over at Yona who was talking to Silverstream about something. “Does she make you happy?”
This gave Sandbar pause. “Yes. And no, I didn’t forget about what you said at the dance.”
He waved a claw. “That’s history. Truthfully I’m glad Discord intervened before it got ugly.”
“Still…” Sandbar rubbed the back of his head. “I still remember how you said that you were jealous of us. We still feel bad that neither of us noticed we uh… broke your heart.”
“Dude, stop. You don’t have to feel guilty for something you didn’t mean to. I’ve been trying to move on, you know.”
“Have you…?”
“What?”
“Have you found someone else, if it’s okay for me asking.”
Gallus folded his arms and shook his head. “It’s not that I didn’t try. But it’s like no matter where I go or what I do, I keep finding dates that are either too good for me or not enough.”
“That’s because you have high standards.”
“Considering my past track-record before and during my time here at the school, somehow I highly doubt it.” He frowned, “Still, I do wonder how come it’s taking me so long to find someone. It’s not that I’m not unknown or that I live in the middle of nowhere, so you’d think I might be dating like the rest of you guys by now.”
“Not everyone is.”
“Really?” Gallus raised an eyebrow, “Who?”
“Silverstream isn’t seeing anyone. I’m not sure that the reason is, but I’m sure she’s not dating anyone. I guess, if I didn’t know any better, I would suggest you ask her out but…”
“Yeah…” Gallus nodded.
“Quick question,” both Sandbar and Gallus jumped when suddenly, out of nowhere and without warning, Discord was next to them with a clipboard. “if you all can gather around, I want to ask, what’s the relationship status with everyone here?”
Starlight stepped up: “Discord, as a teacher, you’re not supposed to ask those sorts of questions to your students.”
“Well it’s a good thing that all of them aren’t official students of the school, adults, and taking a summer class – in other words, I’m the star of this fanfic, your argument is invalid.”
“I thought you’re supposed to be consistent.”
“I’m a being made out of pure chaos, are you really that shocked that I’m not?”
“…. Point taken.”
“Hang on,” Filthy Rich raised a hoof, “Why do you want to know? I mean what are you going to use it for?”
“To bake a pazooki with it – no, for info. But trust me, I need it for today’s lesson… as well as the rest.”
One by one, Discord made tally marks of how many of them were currently single, dating, married, or divorced. Eight of them declared themselves single. Eight were dating. Fourteen were married. And among them, two of them were considering divorce.
“Good. And since everyone is here and not late.” He smirked, eyeing Trixie, “Glad someone learned their lesson.” Turning to the classroom door. “Now come along! Let’s start with the Single folks.” Turning the knob, he gestured over to the students: “Singles first.”
“Why do I have a bad feeling about this?” Gallus questioned.
“Because it’s too ominous,” Twilight answered, agreeing with what he meant.
Gallus, Silverstream, Ms. Harshwhinny, Soarin, Miss. Cheerliee, Rarity, Fluttershy, and Twilight entered into a dark but huge room. The further they walked on into the blacken abyss, the less they were able to see any sort of light from behind them. Soon the other students seemed to follow behind them, but being so dark, it was hard to tell where exactly they were.
“So is there a reason why everything is dark?” Sweetie Drops inquired.
“None of you are walking into a trap if that’s what you’re asking.” Discord replied as he closed the door behind them, sending the entire class into complete darkness. “I think all of you can stop and take a seat.”
“What seat?” Trixie questioned.
“Can someone get the lights?” Sandbar asked.
As if an answer from the universe, stage lights lit up all around them. They blinked a few times as there was an applause from direction. When they could see, they were looked about and found they were inside a sound stage, complete with an audience of Discords with them at the front row. They saw a crew of Discord’s duplicates holding up cameras, microphones that were hanging off of fishing polls, and a makeup artist on standby.
Before them was a stage where the eight other students stood. Each of them was near a podium with their names on it. The students quickly realized that they were on some sort of game show, complete with loud, bright-neon colors of yellow and blue with red cardboard hearts on the walls. It was complete with a green and pink poke-a-dot floor, bright lightbulbs that stuck out from the stage and podiums, and even a large, tacky gold curtains on each side of the stage.
Realizing what Discord was talking about, the students took their seats as the lights dimmed and a spotlight came on from one end of the stage.
“Live from Ponyville!” Discord’s voice boomed, “It’s everyone’s favorite game show that no one wants to play, it’s…”
“WHY AM I SINGLE!” The other Discords cheered and applauded as a sign descended on the stage with the same name in a crazy font.
“And here he is, ready to dismantle all conventions and explode conversations – here he is – the one and only handsome Draconequus, Discord!”
What came on stage was Discord in an outfit that nearly made Rarity lose her breakfast at the sight of it. He walked on stage in a suit that made it look like he grabbed a box and spray painted it with golden sparkles on it. From the pointy shoulder pads to the striped blood red and baby puke green pants; even the abstract art tie made everything Discord was wearing look like a dated eyesore. He walked out with a grin, waving with a free claw and a microphone in his paw.
“Hello, folks! It’s time to play: Why Am I Single! The game where the most die-hard Romantics want to avoid at all costs. Speaking of which, here to be taught a lesson on why being single isn’t as bad as he thinks, here as a guest host is Discord the Romantic!”
The reaction from the clone audience was what one could best describe as icy, a bitter silence except for one of the clones clapping while the Romantic Discord walked on stage. This of course didn’t go unnoticed as the better-dressed Discord folded his arms. “Why do I get the impression I’m not exactly welcomed here?”
“You’ll get used to it. Now!” Discord suddenly turned to the students on stage. “The game is simple. All any of you have to do is answer one question about yourselves honestly. Which means giving a straight, to the point answer and no distracting ones that avoid the truth. If you do, you’ll go to the next round and earn a prize. If not, then you’ll get a pie in the face.”
Twilight blinked. “That’s it?”
“That’s it.”
She looked around at the other “contestants,” her suspicions weren’t satisfied. “What’s the catch?”
“Nothing further than to be educational and prove a point. So, since you first spoke up, Princess Twilight Sparkle, it’s time for you to ask yourself…”
“WHY AM I SINGLE!?” The multiple Discords cheered.
“Huh,” Twilight smirked, “Well this will be easy. Because as a Princess, I have a lot of stuff to do.”
A loud, annoying buzzing sound was heard, and a red light shines down on the Princess.
“Wrong answer!” Discord bellowed as he quickly went to one side of the stage and pulled a lever. Twilight suddenly was ejected out from a spring-loaded trap door upward, out from the stage, through the ceiling and just as she did, a TV screen came down with a black-and-white image of a huge cream pie in which Twilight landed in face-first.
This managed to entertain both Discords and students alike, especially when Twilight spat out the white fluff. “Discord you animal! This is shaving cream!”
Ms. Harshwhinny squinted, “Amateurish, but effective.”
“Your turn!” Discord said, “Just remember, give a straight to the point answer. So, can you answer…”
“WHY AM I SINGLE!?” The Discorded audience demanded.
“Well…” She hesitated; her mind went blank at the question she was now facing. Ms. Harhwhinny maybe a professional when it came to organizing events with a critical eye, even commanding an army of ponies to get the Equestrian Games running like a well-designed machine – but it was another when the eyes of so many were prying her for personal questions. “I’ve assumed that I might be getting… old?”
“Nope!” Another screaming buzz, Discord flung the lever and Ms. Harshwhinny was thrown out and into the pie on screen. “I can’t tell you how satisfying that is. Now, who wants to go next?”
“What’s the point of this game?” Romantic Discord questioned. “Unless you want to waste my time, I prefer to write emo poetry and contemplate drinking a bottle of poison because the love of my life hasn’t looked at me again.”
“Firstly, dark. And second, yes, I do have a point with this game.”
“Really? You could have fooled me. What is it?”
A lightbulb lit up over Discord’s head. “Since you seem so well versed with the whole Romantic point of view, do you honestly think that somewhere, out there, there’s a mate for all of these contestants?”
“Well, of course. Everyone has a soul mate.”
“So why haven’t they found theirs yet?”
The Romantic Discord blinked. “Pardon?”
“If there is the perfect soulmate for all of them somewhere out there, why haven’t they found the right one by now?”
“Well…” Discord the Romantic paused, putting a talon underneath his chin to think for a moment. “It may be possible that for some, they might have moved somewhere and haven’t gone to enough social gatherings. Or maybe they may live in an isolated village on top of mountains where there’s an inconsistent bus service that only arrives once every few thousand years.”
Silverstream raised her claw. “I don’t think that’s the reason. I mean I’m not completely isolated, and I meet new creatures all the time. Even went to my fair share of parties and I still haven’t found anyone yet.”
“I agree.” Fluttershy nodded. “It’s not that we’re not unknown to so many either. A few of us are famous.”
“Not to mention that a few of us have, ya know, jobs.” Gallus pointed out. “Some of us can’t afford to go out on blind dates with complete strangers who we just said hello to.”
“As well as not easy to find,” Soarin added. “My old Capitan, Spitfire, it took her years, decades or so to finally find someone to settle down with.”
“Now these are some very good points,” Discord nodded. “Although, it’s not the only reason – especially if it’s long term. But before I go any further, Romantic me, would you give us your view on Single folks?”
Handing the microphone over, the Romantic Discord took hold of it. “Well… What’s there to say? Singlehood is a lonely town to reside in, and to be there for a very long time… well, no one will see them as normal. You can’t expect to be normal and alone, that’s just common sense. Everyone assumes that no respectable being could be isolated unless they recently moved into a new country or became a black widow. Otherwise, you might be accused of being ‘anti-social.’ If they haven’t found their soul mate yet, then perhaps it might be due to bad luck or their current circumstances.”
“Well, you’ve hammered the viewpoint of a good chunk of the world down.” Discord commented, using a detached goatee as a microphone. “So, according to you, how would they know they find someone who’s right for them?”
“Hmm, big question isn’t it? Truthfully, it could happen at any time. Maybe it would come when at work, going for a fly, at a ball, on a mission to assassinate a princess; but it will come out seemingly from nowhere when you’ll spot the love of your life. You may not even know much about them at all – but I suppose that is for the best because the less you know about them, the more in love you’ll be. For all you might have known about them would be from the sound of their voices, how their manes are parted, a delicate hoof, a warm smile, or a twinkle from their eye. Just by looking at them, you will just know that’s your soulmate.”
“So… from a crush that’s love at first sight then?”
“Yes, pretty much.”
“If that’s true, how come they haven’t managed to find their soulmate in years?”
“Well… uh…” the Romantic Discord tugged at his collar. “Maybe they uh…”
“Yeah,” Soarin spoke up. “How come I’m single? Really, I don’t get it at all. I’m good looking, got famous from the Wonderbolts, have fans, went to… certain bars. Even had a share of one-night stands. So how come I still haven’t found any love yet? I don’t know about the rest of you, but it’s not like I wasn’t trying.”
“Tell me about it.” Rarity rolled her eyes, “I can write a series of novels alone with my pursuit of true love based on what your uh… Romantic self said. And Blueblood alone…” She gagged.
“Which brings over to you!” Discord suddenly turned to her. “It’s time for you to answer the question…”
“WHY AM I SINGLE!?” The other Discords questioned aloud in a chorus.
Rarity pondered this for a moment and considering what she had heard, perhaps the best way to come out of this without splashing face-first into shaving cream was to tell the truth. “I suppose… it’s because, despite all the dates, the reason I haven’t found the right one is that maybe there’s something about me that I may have… overlooked?”
A cheery ding-ding was heard. “Congrats!” Discord declared with a smile, “For that, you get to stick around for the next round.”
“Wait, overlooked?” the Romantic Discord asked, completely confused, “What is she talking about?”
“Think about it, despite having different backgrounds, what do each of these singles have in common?”
After thinking for a moment, Silverstream raised her claw. “Oh! Oh! Pick me! Pick me!”
“And with that,” Discord turned to the giddy Hippogriff, “Silverstream, it’s time to answer…”
“WHY AM I SINGLE!?” The Discord audience called out with the enthusiasm of a favorite sports team about to win.
“It’s taken me a while,” she answered, “but I think I figured out your big riddle. All of us are different, but if I’m hearing this right, the real reason why we’re all still single has nothing to do with sociability, it has something to do with us.”
“In particular…?” Discord leaned over, waving his lion paw to finish her train of thought.
“Does it have something to do with our past?”
A long series of cheerful dings were heard as confetti fell from the ceiling. “Yes! You got it! That was the crowning answer all along!”
Just as Discord was congratulating her by shaking her talons, a cream-covered Twilight and Ms. Harshwhinny entered back on stage. Both of the mares were still busy trying to brush the shaving cream off of their coats and manes. Twilight cleared her throat, thus forcing all the Discords to look at her.
“Excuse me, Discord,” she inquired, “I have a question: What does our past have anything to do with our love lives (or lack thereof) in the present?”
“A perfect segue into the second reason why relationships go wrong.” As Discord says this, the lights on the stage dim except for the spotlight on him. “Apart from Romanticism, there’s one thing that has secretly been the cause of countless divorces, affairs, unsatisfied marriages, sour relationships, and even to an extent of why one is single for life. And that’s…”
He waved a paw upward and suddenly a sign, written in lightbulbs lit up; and the Discord copies cheered out that single word:
“Childhood!” The audience applauded.
“Hang on!” Trixie, after listening to all of this, finally stood up. “So what you’re telling us that everything that has gone wrong could be traced back in foalhood? This sounds like a bunch of psychobabble.”
“Meaning that they don’t know what they’re talking about.” Discord pointed out. “But the truth is that you don’t have to be a headshrinker to take on board a key idea. What these Single folks (and all of you for that matter) are looking for isn’t someone good for you. If anything, none of you are really looking for actual love per-say. Oh no. What you are searching for, is someone who feels vaguely familiar.”
“Now what are you talking about?” The Romantic Discord objected, stepping into the spotlight. “This is love we’re talking about here. What everyone wants is an angel that will make one feel less lonely.”
“Wrong again my duplicate.” Discord said as the lights on stage came back up. This time the stage had expanded to where behind the contestants, there was a purple space with blue arrows and hot pink blobs. There were also two large screens with plungers hooked up by wires. “The truth is, the way we learn about what love is like tend to come from our families. Parents, siblings, caretakers, and the like. And I’m not talking about the kind of love where it was all sweet, kind, and charitable. Because on some level, even when they didn’t intend it, these families have damaged every one of us in some way. Perhaps daddy was distant, or mommy was angry, or your siblings belittled and bullied you. Whatever they did, they scarred you for life. So, by the time we grow up, we want someone that resembles our family – both the good sides and the bad – all rolled up in one person. We’re not on a quest to find kindness, but to be tortured the same way we were used to.”
“That’s very interesting,” the Romantic Discord rolled his eyes. “On what basis do you have to back this up?”
He grinned. “Can I get a volunteer from the contestants?”
There was hesitation among them. They looked at one another, uncertain what Discord was planning to do.
Gallus stepped forward. “Okay, let’s get this over with.”
“Splendid! Step right up to the Memory Reader 2000!” Approaching Discord, he waved over to a raised platform where Discord took one of the plungers and stuck it to his head. On the screen behind him, there was static that crackled. “Now, correct me if I’m wrong,” Discord said, pacing in front of him, “has there ever been a time where your friends had set you up for a date.”
“Well…” Gallus began but hesitated, however, behind him the screen became clear as it was showing Sandbar and Yona from his point of view.
“Do I have to go?” A young Gallus was heard, making the present one suddenly turns around in shock.
“Just trust us,” Yona told him on screen. “Gallus will like café. And Gallus will like pony.”
“He’s a friend of mine.” Sandbar said. “You guys have so much in common that I think things will click between ya.”
“So… you guys didn’t tell anyone else that… y-you know.” Gallus asked nervously.
“Your secret is safe with us, man.” Sandbar looked at him in the eye, putting a hoof on his shoulder. “I’ve explained you’re not ready to come out yet and he understands.”
Yona nodded, “Yona interrogated pony. Very nice and noble. Pony will be good for Gallus.”
The present Gallus suddenly turned around where he caught Silverstream and Twilight’s reaction – their jaw dropped in surprise. He grabbed Discord’s collar. “You may be one of my favorite teachers – but you outing me like this isn’t cool!”
“Calm down, there’s a point to be made here.” Discord used his talons to sever his tie like scissors. Then taking out a pocket watch, he opened it and looked at whatever was glowing inside, he smiled. “Besides, you’ll thank me for this.”
“What point?” Gallus demanded.
“Think back to when those two asked you how the date went the next day.”
The screen changed to what looked like the next morning while the three of them ate breakfast. “So,” Sandbar inquired. “How did it go?”
“Everyone,” Discord called out, “listen carefully.”
“I uh…” the past Gallus began, seeming to think over what to say. “I guess it was… okay?”
Yona blinked. “Okay?”
“Yeah. Don’t get me wrong, we had the same interests, he’s told me he was getting into the Supercolt comics, he is nice but… I don’t know… we just didn’t click. I can’t figure out what it was. Perhaps it was the lack of chemistry, maybe he wasn’t that interesting. Still, something was missing from the guy, I found him boring, to be honest.”
Discord pulled out a remote control to put the screen on pause. “Interesting choice of words there, Gallus.”
“Well, I meant what I said.”
“But what exactly were you trying to say?” He pressed a button in which it reversed the moment back a few seconds before pausing it. “Because here’s what’s really going on. On most dates, they tend to fail because both parties involved are looking for what’s vaguely familiar. So, when they encounter someone that is nice and kind, they tend to feel that they were… off. That there was something eerie and creepy about them; despite how genuine their kindness was. Any Psychoanalysis would tell you that when someone say that they found that person boring, what they actually mean is…” he pressed a few buttons where the bottom of the screen read “Emotional Translation.”
He pressed play, but despite the moment being the same, Gallus’s reply was completely different.
“Yeah. Don’t get me wrong, we had the same interests, he’s told me he was getting into the Supercolt comics, he is nice but… the thing is…it’s not going to work. Because I can sense right away that he’s not going to make me suffer the way I’m used to suffering to make me think that love is real. I just knew he’s not going to make me unhappy in the way I’ve learned that love should make me unhappy.”
“Wait a minute!” Gallus objected, “I never said that! You all saw!”
“Touched a sensitive nerve, didn’t we?” Discord smirked. “That translation, by-the-way, is saying what your subconscious wanted to say but couldn’t get it out. However, even with the basics of psychology laid out, I still haven’t answered why you lot are single. So, for that… Silverstream, would you come here?”
Silverstream came up to them, and Discord directed her to the other platform where he stuck a plunger on her head. The screen behind her lit up with static.
“The funny thing is,” Discord continued, “despite all of us being damaged psychologically, not all scars are created equal. Depending on what your past was like, you may fall somewhere on the spectrum between two extremes of thought that is trapping you into being single. On the one end, you have too much self-hatred.” He waved over to Gallus, “and on the other, having too much self-love.” He waved over to Silverstream.
“I’ll start off with Gallus. With him, due to growing up in an environment that sees himself as a burden, where mercy has to be earned, where the love that was so craved was deprived…” He glanced up, and on the screen behind Gallus were memories of his childhood – of burying his parents; going to door to door to beg for food before said doors were being slammed in his face; of the cold, distant glare of Grandpa Gruff.
“Gee, thanks,” Gallus said coldly with harsh sarcasm, “I feel so much better.”
“I’m not finished,” Discord said before turning to the rest of his students. “Because the self-hated are so used to this sort of treatment, that when they grow up and try to find love – they find it extremely difficult to do so. When they encounter someone, regardless of how attractive, competent, and kind they seem – they begin to wonder why in all the world would they want to be near?” Another glance at the screen to see a montage of past dates that never went anywhere. A series of stallions morphed from one to another, yet on each of their faces a look of dissatisfaction. “After all, they’ll wonder, are they that stupid? That naïve? This desperate or weak to want to come near us? When one has been told that they have been worthless all their lives, only now to have someone say that we are… it feels odd. Because someone like Gallus is so convinced of his unlikability as a lover, any attention from anyone else seems fake at worst or proves that they have a terrible judgement of character at best. In other words, receiving love feels like a gift that it didn’t felt earned. Because the self-hated are so convinced that their dates must be blinded to their faults, they see it wise to pack up and get the Tartarus out of Dodge before their potential partner could do it for them.”
Gallus didn’t say anything as he sat there, his face angry yet hurt at this blunt statement Discord was making. And although he never said anything, the screen, however, picked up on his thoughts when Discord concluded. “Goddesses! I hate it when he’s right!”
“But, on the other end,” Discord turned his attention to Silverstream. “You also have those like the self-lovers. In plain Equestrian, that means someone who hesitates around fully coming to terms of what a challenge one is – yet, understandably feels that others should be grateful when someone, anyone really, looks their way.”
Silverstream raised an eyebrow. “Are you calling me selfish?”
“Not in the way you think. Because unlike Gallus, you come from the opposite end. A life where those who took care of you were adoring – if forgivably biased – family that has gifted you with the sense of how extremely lucky someone would be if someone worthy enough would be in your arms.” As he talked, he caught glimpses of Silverstream’s memories. Of her parents and her little brother under the sea. Happy and comforting memories of warmth and care. “Of course, the upside to this is out of this, those who find self-love have higher self-esteem and they feel they have a legitimate right to exist. However, despite the good intentions of the family, it did bring some downsides. When they grow up and live on their own for a while, they tend to develop a lot of back up problems that go unchecked. With no one around to hold up a mirror to us, we overlook how demanding, peculiar, and compulsive we are – not to mention we forget to consider the rage, anxiety, and moments of cruelty inside.”
“But I’m not bad,” Silverstream said stepping back. But meanwhile, on screen, her memories flashed to moments of stress when assisting her Queen Aunt with welcoming Equestrian dignitaries. Of her frustration when she struggled to master a tricky part of a painting that got blurry with every brushstroke. And a muddled argument with her brother.
“I didn’t say you were. It’s just that with no one trustworthy to reflect these things back to you, they tend to go unnoticed. Which leads to the next point: what both of you have in common.” Discord than drifted over to the other contestants. “This might sound harsh, but the following is to a degree true. Regardless of where on the spectrum you are between hating or loving yourself, we go throughout this world with our imaginations switched off. A word which here means, ‘Having the ability to look with the energy, compassion, and curiosity into the face and character of another being to search out what might be desirable and good in them.’ Without using this ability, our view of who could be dating gets very narrow, very quickly.”
He glided over to Rarity, “So let’s see… this character is nice but their nose is almost too… plastic surgery. So… no.”
“Hey!” Rarity objected but Discord moved before she could do anything.
“This mare is a teacher,” he waved over to Ms. Cheerliee, “but teachers are stuffy and boring. No.” Then to Soarin, “He used to be in the Wonderbolts… Eh, Wonderbolts in recent years has proved to be fickle and disloyal. No.” Then over to Ms. Harshwhinny, “She knows how to be well organized, but too old… Ew, no.” Next to Twilight, “Well this one is a genuine princess… But she’ll outlive you, so no.” Then to Fluttershy, “Well this one is promising, she’s super nice, takes care of animals, and had the reputation of being the Element of Kindness… But animals stink, so… no.”
Returning to Gallus and Silverstream, he said, “Having to use your imagination means being sensitive to the less than obvious things about someone. Anyone else would simply scan over the surface, and wonders about what could be worthy inside these characters that would be so easy to criticize. Yet, in truth, do so is too common and unrewarding.
“But what would happen though, if we do look at these same characters with imagination turned on? When you look at any of them, what could there be worth noticing about? Take Rarity,” he waved over. “Sure, her nose has been touched by surgery, but look at those sparkly sapphire eyes. Not to mention a body that would make any shallow mare easily jealous. Ms. Cheerliee might be a teacher is arguably unimpressive, but her interests are both wide and challenging. Soarin might have been a Wonderbolt but he may have a heart of gold. Ms. Harshwhinny may seem terrifying, but maybe underneath she is witty to those who know her well. Twilight is a Princess, but once you get to know her you might find she loves cuddling after a long day. And even Fluttershy, though she helps stinky animals also has a strong passion that is worth admiring.”
Discord the Romantic coughed to get his attention. “So what? Are you saying that we should… compromise by settling with anyone we just meet?”
“No. I’m not saying you should lower your standards but expand your imagination. It is the key to love. However, this goes both ways, mind you. Because at the end of the day, it’s important to have this skill so we could be tolerated and forgiven over in the long term by anyone. Doing so could change lives entirely. After all,” Every copy of Discord turned to look at Fluttershy. “I should know. Now that we got all that out of the way, it’s time to end our-”
“Wait a minute!” the Romantic Discord objected, “Aren’t you forgetting something important?”
Discord scratched his head. “What do you mean? I think I’ve covered all the basics.”
“Not all of them.” Discord the Romantic pointed out, “You are overlooking a big fear among your contestants.”
“The show’s cancelation and being replaced by a dumbed-down, cutesy cartoon?”
“No! What if they don’t find love at all? Have you or your highfalutin' analysis ever think of that?”
“Ooh,” Discord folded his arms. “That’s right, I nearly forgot. Well since you brought it up; here’s another truth that they tend to overlook, even in basic sex-ed classes.”
“Yeah? And what’s that?”
“When it comes to being single, it’s not about being single itself that causes misery, but our judgment about it. Setting the chances that you might find someone much later in life aside; if any of you do end up all alone, never married, and never found the love of your life – sorry to shatter your fears, but even then, it’s not the end of the world.”
“Okay, stop!” the Romantic Discord waved his arms, “Now you’ve gone too far!”
“In what? Telling you a truth you don’t want to hear? Because here’s a thing with what you have done, Mr. Love-is-all-you-need!” He grabbed his copy by the collar of his overcoat. “You Romantics were so focused on finding a partner that would make you happy that you’ve neglected about the Singles. It’s because of you, countless creatures all over the world rather marry the wrong person than being alone! You’ve created a Frankenstallion monster that being single for trillions of years is the worst thing in the world because you said it was! I got news for you buddy, picking just anyone, settling with the wrong one for years, enjoyment being spoiled, being piled with more problems of being a couple than single, being afraid to speak up, and being stuck with that problem of a partner because they can’t see doing anything themselves isn’t anyone’s idea of love!”
“Are you done ranting?” Discord the Romantic asked flatly.
Discord took in a deep breath, and, noticing the reaction of his wide-eyed students that were taken aback from his rant, he set his copy down and straightened out his mane. “The point is,” Discord continued, “the Singles have an advantage over the couples that are often overlooked. That they have more time to develop who they are, what they want, be their own individual. Not only that, but they have the advantage of getting to know more people and learning more about who they are that can only come from being isolated. Heck, they might not be miserable after a while, because they can get used to being Single. The older they get, the more it should show that they don’t have anything wrong with them, they just have all the patients in the world to be with the right one, rather than just settle with anyone.”
“Now that I can agree with.” Ms. Harshwhinny said aloud, nodding.
“If you are lonely,” Discord continued, addressing to everyone on stage. “My advice for all of you is don’t be afraid of it. Yes, if there’s one thing that the Romantics are right about: is that being alone is a tax for having a complex mind. However, it's possible that someone else that will understand you fully. On that bit, they are kinda right. Unfortunately, meeting them in real life is rare as snow in July. Perhaps the one that can understand you fully has passed you by in the street and none of you noticed. Or that they died two weeks ago in Trottingham or wouldn’t be born until several centuries later. In fact, Romantic me, it might surprise you that Goethe, near the end of his life and surrounded by friends have snapped at them, saying bitterly: ‘No one has ever properly understood me, I had never fully understood anyone! No one understands anyone else!’”
“Wait,” Discord the Romantic said in surprise, “Goethe said that?”
Discord nodded. “His outburst was incredibly helpful in the long run. Being alone is never a sign that life has gone wrong, but what everyone should have expected from the beginning. If you embrace being alone, what’s stopping you from being creative with it? Sure, the present wouldn’t get it now, but who’s to say that someone, somewhere down the line of time will?
“Heck, what is the history of art, rather than a record of those who had no one nearby to talk to? There’s a good deal of comfort from just reading the stories, the depressing poetry, the bleak artwork of those who have been alone all their lives. You’d be surprised by the number of geniuses who never found love, and yet, created works so to reach out to the viewer with a reassuring, ‘I know.’ Being alone helps all of them finding true intimacy if such an opportunity comes along. They might be isolated for now, but they have signed up to a club of the genuinely interesting.”
Just then, a planet-sized disco ball dropped from the ceiling and some cheesy music started to play. “Well, folks!” Discord said into the microphone, “That’s all we have for today! Tune in sometime later for another round of-”
“WHY AM I SINGLE!?” The Discord audience cheered and applauded as the original waved at them.
“And… we’re off.” Someone from the camera crew called out as they rushed on stage with a folding chair and a buffet.
“Well, that was fun.” Discord said, ditching the awful suit and exchanging for a tapestry for a napkin to tie around his neck. “Class is dismissed.”
The door to the hallway opened up, and the other students started to head that direction. All except for Fluttershy who Discord waved over as if to invite her to have lunch with him.
After detaching the plungers off their heads, Gallus and Silverstream walked off the stage with the Griffon trying extra hard not to look at anyone in the eye. Silverstream went up to him to try to hug him but he brushed it off before she could do it. However, they both stopped when Twilight walked in front of him.
“Gallus,” Twilight said, thus getting his attention, “a word if you please.”
Both Twilight and Silverstream caught a glint of fear in his eye, but despite the hesitation, he nodded and followed the Princess out in the hallway and into a nearby classroom to where it was only just them.
“Before I say anything,” Twilight began after closing the door behind them, “I just want you to know that-”
“Please don’t fire me,” Gallus begged, kowtowing at her hooves. “I’ve been loyal to you all this time and I can’t afford to lose what I’ve gained. I promise I’ll never look at a guy again just-”
“Gallus, slow down.” Twilight took a step back and using her magic set the griffon back upright. “You’re okay. I’m not going to punish you over something like this. Grant it, what Discord did was not appropriate (but not unsurprising), however, I’m more concerned that you inflict yourself with hating yourself to unhealthy levels.”
“Princess, my business is nothing to be concerned over.”
“You’re the captain of my guard, and everyone that works for me and Equestria is my business.” She sat down next to Gallus and put a comforting wing over him. “What I can’t figure out is why you never told anyone that you’re-”
“A pervert?”
Twilight frowned. “I was going to say your attraction. I mean… even when I was Headmare, you do know I allowed a Gay-Straight Alliance club, right? I wouldn’t approve that if I disagreed with it. Gallus, I don’t have anything against who you fall for.”
“Easy for you to say, Your Highness. It’s just…” Gallus hesitated, gathering his thoughts to come up with the right words. “Griffonstone isn’t exactly the most… tolerant place in the world. I… never told anyone except Sandbar and Yona because… I don’t know… It was a defense mechanism, I guess? In Griffonstone, being gay is seen as the worst thing in the world you could be, and if everyone else knew for a fact you were…” He shook his head. “I chose silence out of safety. I had more chance of getting something to eat when everyone thinks I’m normal than… you know. And the weird thing is that even when I moved here, there’s just… something in my head that kept me chained into being quiet. Can you blame me? I’ve seen guys being thrown out into the street, even murdered because they loved the wrong Griffon. I know I should get over this but it’s… it’s not something you could magic away.
“But even in a tolerant country, I still couldn’t figure out why I can’t find anyone that’s… good for me. Until Discord laid it all out for the world to see. And as much as I hate it what he did… he’s right. That being convinced I’m not worth loving…” he shut his eyes tight to stop the tears from falling; as his voice became choked before he could finish his sentence.
The hug from the Princess got tighter. “Gallus, you are worth being loved as much as anyone. I know you may not have a happy beginning, but it shouldn’t put you in a box. Maybe what Discord is doing is to show you what you have so you can know what to do with it. He’s right that while your reason to be deeply suspicious comes from an understandable place, that doesn’t mean that you’re not worth having their kindness.”
“Easy for you to say,” Gallus sniffed. “What am I going to do now? After what Discord did, I doubt anyone is going to come near me with a mile-long pole.” As if a reply from the universe, there was a knock on the classroom door. “Occupied!”
“Are you that griffon guy?” Inquired a male voice.
“Who wants to know?”
“This is Soarin. C’mon, I want to talk to you.”
Blinking, he looked up at Twilight in confusion, who gave an honest shrug. Gallus walked over and opened the door wide enough to stick his head out. He found Soarin, a veteran Wonderbolt standing a few feet in front of him. He took notice of the Pegasus’s posture, a foreleg rubbing the other as well as an expression of worry.
“So…” Gallus began, “What do you want?”
“First off, you okay?”
He blinked, “Uh… yeah? And?”
“Look,” Soarin sighed, “I don’t pretend to know much about you. If anything, I don’t. However, from what I’ve seen of you… I’ve been there before.” Tilting his head, Gallus asked what he meant. “I know what it’s like to keep that part of you a secret and being convinced that nopony – well, nocreature – would be crazy enough to love you back. I’ve been in that lonely place of hating yourself despite what you’ve accomplished and gone at it alone, it’s hard.”
“That’s nice, but why are you telling me this?”
“I just… first to tell you coming from both me and your friends over there,” he pointed down the hallway, “that you’re not alone. And… call it crazy, but I was kinda wondering if you’re doing anything tonight?”
Gallus instantly backed up, blinking, “Wait, why?”
“I just liked to maybe get to know you a little,” Soarin said with a blush on his face.
Before the griffon could make a reply, they were startled when they heard a loud, piercing whistle above their heads. Looking up, Discord, this time in a black-and-white referee uniform, was blowing on a whistle. “Hold up! Hold up! I know where this is going, but please save this for tomorrow.”
“What?” Soarin asked. “Why tomorrow?”
“Because if this dating thing is going to be done, it’s best to wait for it when it counts.” Slithering onto the floor, he added, “Besides, I think for the other students, everyone here will appreciate the Art of Dating.”