"I'm sorry, but if you can't be reasonable about this, then I'm going to have to make an executive decision here."
"You don't have the authority to do that, Twilight!"
"I'm the wedding planner. Rarity and Princess Celestia gave me the authority I need to overrule you."
"And I'm the Princess of Love. Weddings are a core aspect of my domain, and I'm not going to let the Princess of Friendship ruin their special day just because she thinks she knows better than the pony who's actually qualified!"
"Excuse me? Which one of us ascended by finishing Star Swirl's last spell?"
"I hardly think that counts as a proper qualification..."
Applejack and Rainbow Dash watched from across the table as the two princesses continued to bicker. The four of them had repurposed the War Room for their wedding planning discussion, with the expectation that battle plans would eventually have to be drawn to deal with whatever showed up to the wedding. It seemed, however, that the battle between titans was happening a little ahead of schedule.
"Do you think we ought to say something?" Applejack whispered to Rainbow, her body stiff as a board as she tried not to make any movements that would attract their attention.
"And miss out on a fight between Twilight and Princess Lovey-Dovey? No way!"
"Rainbow Dash!"
"What? You can't tell me it wouldn't be totally awesome to see a flying laser fight in here. I already missed out on the Nightmare Moon one when Twi took that weird flashback potion."
"I can't believe you, sometimes. We gotta do something!"
"Yeah, good luck with that. I'm not stupid enough to jump into a wedding fight between those two. Now, quiet down so I can hear them better."
Applejack grumbled but did as Dash demanded, focusing her attention on the pair of alicorns and seeing if things would actually go pear-shaped like Dash was saying.
"...and you have no jurisdiction here in Canterlot!"
"Neither do you, Princess of the Crystal Empire. This is a direct violation of the sovereignty of our nation!"
"The Power of Love transcends geopolitical boundaries. You should know that better than anypony, given the scope of your Friendship Missions."
"Except that there's already an expert on wedding planning here who doesn't appreciate external interference."
"Are you really going to turn this into a matter of international politics, Twilight?"
"I don't want to, but if you force the issue..."
Applejack nudged Rainbow. "Now do you think we oughta get the rest of the girls in here to settle them down?"
Rainbow shrugged. "Sure. Oh, and if you see Pinkie, tell her to grab some popcorn."
"Unbelievable," Applejack muttered. She made sure not to make a sound as she slid out of her chair and crept over towards the exit, though at this point she was pretty sure they'd been forgotten by the two princesses.
She never made it out, though, as the one stallion who might've had any hope of preventing another war between Equestria and the Empire walked into the room with a sheepish smile on his face.
"Sorry I'm late," Shining Armor said. "I got held up by security..." He paused as his eyes settled on the sight of his wife and sister locked in a battle of wills.
"Thank Celestia you're here." Applejack's relief was palpable as she grabbed Shining Armor and dragged him over to where Rainbow Dash was sitting. "They've been going at it like hammer and tongs for half an hour. You gotta do something!"
Shining's eyes widened. "What are they arguing about?"
"Something about the flower arrangements." Dash rolled her eyes as she spoke. "I thought it was a pretty dumb thing to fight over, but then they started talking about magic and now they're fighting over politics or something."
"Oh dear." Shining shot another glance over at the bickering alicorns.
"...This is their special day, and I'm not going to let you ruin it with your outdated notions about love, you shut-in bookworm!"
"And I'm not going to let you risk the most important wedding in history on a wild hunch, you deranged madmare!"
"It's not a hunch, it's a calculated risk!"
"In that case, you need to retake introductory thaumogeometry, because your calculations must be over an order of magnitude off if you think this is even a remotely good idea."
"Don't you dare question my math. I've had just as much of an education as you have, and I managed to get a coltfriend at the same time."
"Well obviously, you should have spent less effort seducing my brother and more effort learning about platonic configurations."
Shining grabbed Applejack and Rainbow Dash. "We need to get out now," he hissed, dragging them over towards the exit.
"Hey, what gives!" Dash glared at Shining as he closed the door before their disappearance was noted. "Things were just about to get good! I wanted to see an alicorn fight!"
Shining shook his head. "Believe me, that wasn't going to happen — Twilight and Cadance aren't the type to get physical during an argument. I'm more worried about what happens after they make up."
"Why, what're they gonna do?" The haunted look in Shining's eyes was enough to give Dash pause.
"There's a reason Cadance and Twilight got along so well when she was foalsitting her," Shining whispered. "They're both scientists, and you really don't want to be around when they realize they should solve their differences with experimental trials."
A shiver ran through Shining's coat, and Rainbow felt an echoing chill in kind. Shooting a glance at Applejack, she saw the country mare similarly affected. "Maybe we should find somewhere else to be."
"That would probably be a good idea." As they walked away from the muffled sounds of what was apparently not going to be the start of the next Great War, Shining's expression lightened up. "You know, I don't get to spend much time with Twily's friends. How about we grab a drink somewhere? My sister told me that you two have good taste in booze."
"Sure." An evil grin graced Dash's muzzle, matching the thoughts brewing in her head. "How about we head over to the Iron Trough?"
Shining's eyes widened. "How'd you even know—?"
"I'm a Bolt, remember?" Dash puffed up with pride. "Can't be a Bolt without having a drink there."
"Fair enough." The prince's eyes cut over towards Applejack. "You sure it's safe for her?"
"Safe?" Applejack raised an eyebrow as she shot both of them a suspicious glare. "Just what kinda place are we wetting our muzzles at?"
"It'll be fine." Dash waved off their concern with a hoof. "AJ knows how to handle herself in a fight."
"I'm still not sure if it's a good idea. Twily won't like it if you get hurt."
"Sounds like somepony's chicken." Dash walked away, preparing to go in for the kill. "Not really surprising, coming from a Guard."
"What did you say?" There we go. Now Shining was mad.
"You heard me. AJ and I are gonna grab a drink at the Trough. Lemme know if you find a pair and wanna come with. I figure the Armory's gotta have at least one somewhere that you guys pass around."
"Are you sure this is a good idea?" Applejack asked as she followed behind Dash. "If this place is enough to give the old Captain of the Guard the creeps, I dunno if we should be going there."
"Applejack, we've spent the past three days listening to Twilight and Princess Cadance talk about flowers, streamers, and seating arrangements. Tell me you don't want to buck someone through a wall right now."
There was a good ten seconds of silence as Applejack thought about the question before a look of grim determination settled on her face. "If this goes pear-shaped I'm throwing you at whatever tries to kill us and running."
"Great. Let's go."
"Wait!" The pair stopped as Shining Armor caught up to them. "I'll never hear the end of it if you two get into trouble."
Dash snorted. "Whatever makes you feel better about yourself. Let's go before they make up and want us back in to talk about whether roses or tulips are better for the bouquet."
"This sucks," Rainbow grumbled as she sipped at whatever sour mush they called cider here.
On her left, Shining radiated smugness he brought his own mug of ale to his lips. "Next time, maybe you'll want to pick somewhere with better drinks."
"Shut it." Rainbow pointed an accusing hoof at him. "This is all your fault."
"I take it this usually doesn't happen?" On her other side, Applejack was nursing her own drink and glancing around at the hardened guests all giving them a wide berth, mares and stallions who looked like they'd been in more fights than showers their whole lives not even daring to look their way.
"Nope." Rainbow slammed her mug down on the stained and cracked table, uncaring as to whether she'd be the straw that finally broke it. "Normally we'd have somepony slamming a chair into somepony else for spilling their drink by now, but I guess everypony's too scared to do anything around Prince Shining Armor."
The prince in question raised up his hooves defensively. "Hey, I'm just as surprised as you. Last time I was here I was just a lieutenant, and we managed to put that dent in the wall over there." He nodded towards a very pony-shaped recession in the wood behind the counter.
"And you haven't been back since then?" Dash smirked. "What, you got scared or something?"
"Nah, after that I started dating Cadance. Couldn't afford to get arrested for bar fighting and cause a scandal, you know."
"But that's okay now?" Applejack asked, leaning into their conversation. "Even though you're a prince and all?"
Shining smiled. "That's one of the things your friend Rarity is going to have to learn about being royalty. When and where you can cut loose a little without having to worry about the scandal. Everypony's eyes are glued so hard to this wedding that I could probably punch Blueblood in the muzzle during court and it'd barely make the second page of the Canterlot Gazette."
"Pfft." The cider burned as it went down the wrong hole, but Dash kept up her smile. "So what do you plan to do while you're here in Canterlot with the reporters all chasing after your wife instead of you?"
A shrug as Shining continued to scan the room for possible threats. "Nothing exciting, if I can help it. I just wanna spend some quality time with Flurry and see if Spike's up for some Ogres-and-Oubliettes."
"You play OnO?" Of all the things she'd expected Shining Armor to say, this was definitely at the bottom of the list.
"Yeah, I was the one who introduced it to Spike. You've watched him play?"
"Watched him? I'm rocking a level eight rogue in his campaign right now!"
"Woah." The awe on Shining's expression perfectly matched Dash's current feelings. "What build are you using? I'm playing around with an earth pony dual short sword build right now, with Alert because we're running a module with tons of ambushes and the inititative bonus is good for proccing Sneak Attack. Might be dipping into warblade for Iron Heart Surge, too, depending on what kinda status effects we run into." With each sentence, he leaned forward towards Dash, his eyes lighting up in the darkness of the bar.
"Um..." Rainbow had forgotten that Twilight's brother was a massive egghead. She wracked her brain to see what she could dig up from her character sheet. "I'm playing a pegasus with that feat that makes you move faster and the one that lets you dodge stuff."
There was a light chuckle from Shining as he pulled himself back. "I guess you're more into the roleplaying side, huh?"
"Yeah." Dash gave him a sheepish smile. "I usually just let Spike do the character sheet stuff for me. All those numbers and tables aren't really my style — I like punching evil wizards and rescuing ponies from certain doom."
"To each their own, I guess." A conspiratorial wink from Shining. "If you want to really push your character to the limit, go ask Twilight to design a character for you."
"Oh man." That idea hadn't occurred to her before, but now that Shining had mentioned it, Dash could imagine what leaving the bookish princess with a pile of OnO books could accomplish. "I'd be, like, flying across Equestria in less than a minute."
"Pretty much. Twily was always more into the character creation than actually playing the game, but I managed to wreck some campaigns with her designs and tactical planning."
"Hah!" Maybe it was the alcohol, but Dash found the idea of Shining getting combat advice from Twilight absolutely hilarious, and she simply allowed herself to laugh from the heart for a few moments. "Maybe I'll hit her up next time. You should join us too if you're ever in town — you haven't lived until you've played a session with Discord."
"Discord, the Lord of Chaos?" It was hard to fault Shining for his disbelief, and Dash smiled in anticipation of blowing his mind.
"Yeah, he and Applejack's brother are in our campaign." She leaned in closer to make sure she had Shining's attention. "And Discord can actually bring the game to life. Like, you can actually be your character and fight the bad guys in some kind of pocket dimension."
"Woah." He paused. "I guess that's more Live-Action Role Play than Tabletop Gaming, but, woah. I'll definitely make sure to let Spike know next time I'm in Ponyville. Wouldn't want to miss that."
"I'll show you around town." Again, it might've been the terrible cider talking, but Shining seemed cool, and having a former Captain of the Guard as a hangout buddy seemed pretty swell.
"Thanks." Shining glanced around the room, where the normally rough-and-tumble patrons were still on their best behaviour. "Looks like you're not gonna get any excitement here. How about I show you two around town? We've still got a few hours before it's safe to go back to the Castle."
"No offense, but I've already seen this city plenty of times," Applejack said. "It's a bit too frou-frou for my tastes."
"Nah, I don't mean Upper Canterlot. I figured you might want to check up the Lower Districts." Shining shrugged. "It's not as fancy as the area around the Castle, but it's the machinery that makes the politics possible. After all, you still need ponies to build those fancy houses and handle distributing the food shipments and a million other things that make the city work."
A fond look crossed his face as he stared at the ceiling. "It was something they drilled into us during training. Upper Canterlot might have all the High Value Assets, but if you really wanted to strike at the heart of the city and cripple it, you'd go for Lower Canterlot. I got to do a lot of patrols in both places, and let me tell you, the ponies down there are a lot nicer than the ones at the top."
Applejack let out a soft whistle. "Well, that sure does sound more like my wheelhouse."
Shining Armor stood up. "If we hurry, I can take you to Sweet Tooth's dessert shop. He makes the best blueberry pies."
"Now you're talking. Lead the way, sugarcube." The two mares stood up and followed Shining out the bar, parting the crowd like a hot knife through butter.
"Let me tell you, you haven't lived until you've had one of Sweet Tooth's—" Shining never got to finish his sentence, as the ground suddenly shook in sync with screams of terror coming from outside.
There was no need for words — Shining, Rainbow, and Applejack all rushed out with sober determination. By the time they reached the streets, ponies were already running en-masse away from the city's center.
"What's going on here?" Applejack asked as they glanced around for the source of the panic.
"There's a giant flower monster attacking the city!" A mare helpfully screamed as she ran past them.
The trio shared a knowing glance right before a deafening roar signalled the arrival of a monstrous mass of leaves and petals in the distance, a dozen pony-sized flowers snapping at the air like a pack of rabid dogs.
A moment later, a pair of familiar alicorns flew onto the scene, shouting at each other even as they peppered the plant with magical blasts.
"So an inverted pentagram doesn't have enough negative feedback to prevent an Amalgamation from happening! This is a good data point!"
"Can we maybe get rid of this monster first before doing a post-mortem, Twilight?"
"Oh, right! We need to lead it over towards the mountainside to minimize the damage it can do!"
"Well, we've certainly got its attention — woah!"
"Cadance!"
"I'm fine! Just a close call. Alright, let's lure it towards the North District!"
Shining turned to face Rainbow. "You wanted a fight, right? Well, I think you're about to get your wish."
"Enough yapping." Rainbow had already taken to the air, her wings beating powerfully against the wind. "Let's kick some plant butt!" And so, three friends set off to face off against the latest wedding-related threat against the city, basking in the change of pace that this historic event had graced them with.