A few days had passed since the Hokage's funeral, and slowly but surely the Hidden Leaf was rebuilding itself. Naruto and his teammates had largely been helping with the construction from the property damaged caused by the invasion, with Discord adding his own artistic 'flare' to the work. Thankfully, the chaos was kept to a relatively tame level because as the Draconequus had stated, 'Even I know when there is a time and place for chaos.' And while merchants who found their shops suddenly flipped upside down, changing colors on the hour, or floating above the ground were annoyed at first, they quickly shrugged it off seeing it as a chance to increase profits using the novelty of it all. Naruto himself was doing better, as somehow most of the villagers had learned of his part during the invasion and were now treating him much more respectfully then they ever had in the past. Little did the blond know that the day after the invasion, video recordings of his fight against Gaara had been somehow sent to every home in Konoha and played on every glass surface for 24 hours.
Naruto had had one other objective during this time in finding the Pervy Sage to have a look at Gaara's seal, spending all his free time looking for the man. However, he wasn't near any of the local hot springs whenever he looked and Discord even helped by poofing up a 'Perv-dar', which was a form of radar designed to detect perverts. This soon backfired as there were so many perverted hot blooded males in the Leaf Village that the device overloaded (a certain masked sensei along with a sunglasses wearing special Jonin happened to be passing by at the time), leaving Naruto to do things the old fashioned way. At the moment, Naruto was taking a break at his favorite ramen stand while Discord was lounging overhead on one of his signature cotton candy clouds.
Suddenly, a familiar head of white hair poked its way into the stand as Jiraiya greeted the pair with a casual wave and said, "Yo!"
"Hey, it's the Pervy Sage!" Naruto exclaimed through a mouthful of noodles.
"To what do we owe the pleasure, Mr. Pervert?" Discord asked as the cloud beneath him floated off into the street, causing some of the local kids to follow it in the hopes of getting some free chocolate milk.
After ordering a bowl for himself, Jiraiya sat beside Naruto and began to speak, "I'm going to be going on a mission soon outside the village and I've requested for you to join me."
"Huh? Why me? And what's the mission?" Naruto asked in confusion.
"It's no ordinary trip," Jiraiya began with a smirk, "I want to interview a woman and we're going to look for her."
"Pass," Naruto stated flatly. "I need to train, and I want Kakashi sensei to teach me some Jutsu!"
"Well, I wouldn't mind going on a trip with you!" Discord declared as he dressed himself in some of the tackiest, most stereotypical tourist attire you've ever seen, complete with a flowery Hawaiian shirt, large sunglasses, a straw hat, and even sandals on his mismatched feet. He even had a strip of sunscreen on his muzzle and an old fashioned Polaroid camera strung around his neck. "While it's been fun staying in this village, I want to see more of this new world I'm in! Besides, it sounds like a vacation and you know what they say, 'All work and no play makes Discord go crazy,' and you wouldn't like me when I'm crazy!"
"You mean you aren't already?" Naruto snarked.
Jiraiya chuckled at the pair's banter before gaining a calculating smirk and leaning down to whisper in his ear, "I'll tell you...this girl is very pretty! Don't you want to meet her?"
Naruto's look was as flat as paper as he bit out, "I'm not stupid enough to go with you for a reason like that, you stupid pervert! I won't go!"
Instead of looking bothered by the blond's refusal, Jiraiya's smirk doubled before he put on a mask of indifference and shrugged saying, "Really? Well that's too bad, I know a Jutsu stronger than Sasuke's Chidori too...Oh well, looks like I'll have to take Sasuke with me."
Naruto's attitude pulled a 180 as he shouted eagerly, "Then I will go with you!" he then tore off down the streets with speeds that'd impress Rainbow Dash as he called out, "I'll go pack my things now, you just wait for me here Pervy Sage!"
"Heh, what a cute brat," Jiraiya chuckled as he scratched his head.
"Yes he is, isn't he?" Discord chuckled as well as he propped his one elbow on Jiraiya's shoulder before giving the man what may have been a look of respect in his mismatched eyes. "Also, kudos for you on playing the Fishcake better than a one-man-band. As a fellow artist on baiting people to do what they want, I must say your method is quite refined without the use of magic or Jutsu to boot! On an unrelated note, Fishcake and I have been looking for you to ask you something that I think he may have forgotten about in all this excitement."
"Oh? And what's that?" Jiraiya asked with a raised eyebrow.
"Weeell, you remember ol' Raccoon Eyes from that invasion a few days ago, right?" Discord asked while quickly changing his face to that of Gaara's in case Jiraiya didn't know who he was talking about.
The Sanin gained a more serious expression as he asked, "What about him?"
"You see, he and Fishcake have come to form something of a 'friendship', despite the two trying to kill each other not too long ago. After beating him, Fishcake realized their similar circumstances and offered to help him in any way he could. One of the first things was getting the seal holding Mr. Homicidal Raccoon at bay checked, and Fishcake remembered that you were good at seals. I'd do it myself, but my magic is more for breaking things then fixing them. So, would you be willing to take a look at it before Fishcake finishes packing? I can have you there and back in two shakes of a pony's tail."
Jiraiya scratched his chin before giving a sigh, "Well, while I'm technically not supposed to go near the Sand brats while they're still in Leaf custody, it would go a long way to help repair our villages' relationship if I helped out with their Jinchuuriki problem."
"I'm not hearing a no, so here we go~!" Discord chuckled before the two disappeared in a puff of smoke.
Later on…
"Oh hay, I can't believe I forgot to ask Pervy Sage about Gaara!" Naruto groaned both from his forgetfulness and from the almost literal ton of supplies shoved into his backpack.
"No need to worry Fishcake, your buddy Discord already took care of that little issue," a familiar voice said from behind them. Turning around, Naruto saw the Draconequus leisurely lying on top of his bulging backpack like he was a feather. The Chaos Spirit then smirked and said, "Also, I caught how you remembered the swearing filter I put up. Good for you!"
"Yeah, well, I'm still…" he struggled to find the non-curse related word for a moment before continuing, "peeved about it but...Wait, what do you mean by you took care of the issue?" he finished questioningly.
"What he means," Jiraiya's voice called out from the roof of the building he was idly perched on, "is that he already told me about the whole promise you made to the Sand brat. And quite honestly, it was a good thing you did." His face wrinkled in disgust as he continued, "I might respect Elder Chiyo as one of the Sand's most capable seal masters, but her seals were made more for puppets then for people. Especially delicate seals needed to hold back a Tailed Beast!"
He shook his head at remembering the shoddy craftsmanship he saw on Gaara. While it did the major job of keeping the One-Tail sealed in him, it was like trying to use chewing gum to stop a leak. You'd get the job done, but the results would be a temporary fix at best before the buildup caused it to all come bursting loose. The fact that the boy was as stable as he was now was a miracle in and of itself, and calling him stable before would have been the loosest sense of the word imaginable!
"Anyway," Jiraiya said, "he's all fixed up now and he wishes you luck on your mission when I told him you'd be coming with me. He also gave me this message: If you are able to return before we're released, I hope to see you again to properly give my thanks."
Naruto gained a sheepish smile at that before turning to his first summon and saying, "Discord...thanks."
"No problem Fishcake! Now, how's about I help you out with this heavy backpack, hm?" the Disharmonious One finished with a look that spelled nothing but trouble.
"Uh, I-I think I'm good, thanks," Naruto stuttered, unnerved by the leering look Discord gave him.
"Oh it's no problem Fishcake! I'd be happy to give you a...lift." he chuckled as he tapped the overstuffed backpack with an eagle's claw. All of a sudden, the bag started to lift up into the air like a balloon, taking a suddenly flailing Naruto along for the ride!
"DISCORD YOU ********! PUT ME DOWN RIGHT THE **** NOW OR SO HELP ME I'LL-!" And with that, a laughing Jiraiya went through the village gate with an equally laughing Discord and a still floating and censored cursing Naruto in tow.
Later Still…
"Stupid Pervy Sage. Leaving me in this hotel room while he goes chasing after a girl way out of his league!" Naruto muttered darkly as he sat in a meditative pose on the hotel bed he and Jiraiya would be staying at for the night. Having arrived at a town a short distance away from the village, the pair had stopped for the night but as they were checking into the hotel room, Jiraiya had seen a pretty woman flash a flirtatious look his way and, being the super pervert that he was, decided to go after her while giving Naruto the room key and telling him to practice his chakra control. Discord, meanwhile, had disappeared soon after they had come into town. Jiraiya hadn't seemed too worried, but Naruto just knew the Draconequus was out there causing trouble.
Suddenly, a knock on the door roused him from his inner musings and, thinking it was Jiraiya since Discord didn't knock...ever, the blonde opened the door. What greeted him, however, wasn't a rejected Pervy Sage or even a makeshift Summon. Instead, two men garbed in black cloaks with red clouds on them stood right outside the door. The taller of the two looked more shark than human, with bluish colored skin and hair, beady eyes, and pointy shark teeth bared in a bloodthirsty smile. The smaller of the two was the one who gained Naruto's attention, however, as the man looked a lot like an older Sasuke with impassive Sharingan eyes staring right into his soul.
"Heh, hard to believe this brat holds the Nine-Tails," the shark like man leered as he stepped into the doorway, preventing the young ninja from potentially closing the door on them.
Surprised at the mention of the Nine-Tails, along with the two men's dangerous vibes, Naruto was instantly on guard. The first man spoke in a quiet yet commanding tone, "Naruto-kun, we would like you to come with us."
All of Naruto's danger senses were flaring, telling him that while he should run, he wouldn't be able to escape. Hesitantly, the ninja in training stepped into the hallway. The taller man then stepped forward, grasping what looked like a hilt sticking out of the wrapped item, which Naruto numbly thought must be a sword of some kind, and said through a bloodthirsty grin, "Hey Itachi, it'd be problematic if he'd try to run. What say I cut off a leg, eh?"
As Naruto tried to speak, the other man, Itachi, stayed silent which the tall swordsman seemed to take as consent. Before he could carry out his threat, however, Itachi suddenly spoke, "It has been awhile, Sasuke."
Turning around, the blonde was surprised to see his rival/friend/teammate standing in the hallway, glaring bloody murder at Itachi. "Itachi Uchiha…" he growled and Naruto had honestly never heard so much venom in a person's voice before.
The tall man chuckled, "Well, well, isn't this a surprise? And here I thought you had the only pair of Sharingan eyes, Itachi."
Indeed, Sasuke's Sharingan was fully activated and it only enhanced the death glare he was giving Itachi. "I will...KILL YOU!" he started quietly but quickly became a roar.
The swordsman seemed unconcerned by the killing intent directed at his partner as he asked casually, "So I take it you know each other?"
Itachi just closed his eyes calmly and stated, "He's my younger brother."
Naruto nearly blanched at that as he remembered a certain comment his teammate had made to him back in Wave oh so long ago. About how it was his life goal to find and kill his elder brother. Naruto hadn't had much time to think about it then due to all the events happening at the time, but now that the two brothers were in the same area the blond came to realize how those words weren't said in delirium from Sasuke's injuries. What the tall man said next made Sasuke's murderous hatred all the more understandable: Itachi was the one who had wiped out all of their clan, including their family!
As the lightning of the Chidori burst to life in his rival's hand with enough power to burn said limb, the entire situation became very, very real to the blonde. The light flickered ominously off Sasuke's face as he hissed out through his teeth, "Ever since that day...I've lived hating you! I've lived only to kill you! I HAVE LIVED FOR THIS MOMENT!"
Thrusting his hand into the wall and cutting a large trench in it with his Jutsu as he ran, Sasuke charged his elder brother. So blinded by his rage that he didn't even see that Itachi and his partner didn't look worried in the slightest. It was for good reason too, as with a move almost too fast to follow, Itachi's hand shot up and redirected the Chidori encased hand with the ease of swatting a fly. The resulting Jutsu blew a hole twice the size of a man in the hotel's wall, exposing the outside. Itachi, his Sharingan eyes looking almost bored at his younger sibling, didn't even look like he was straining.
Realizing that the situation had gone from pear to watermelon shaped, Naruto began channeling his chakra, unknowingly tapping into the Nine-Tails' power as well. This brought the attention of both cloaked men and, unknown to the room's occupants, the attention of a third party as well. Sasuke, not taking well to being ignored, began struggling in his brother's grasp. With the flick of his hand, Itachi snapped Sasuke's wrist like chopsticks! The younger Uchiha gave a howl of pain at this and Naruto, wanting to come to the aid of his friend, began preparing a Jutsu. Before he even got through half of his hand seals, however, Itachi's partner moved with a speed that didn't seem possible, swinging his wrapped sword down at the demon container.
While he wasn't harmed physically, Naruto immediately noticed something was wrong: he couldn't feel his chakra!
"Heh," the blue skinned man chuckled seeing the Genin struggle to form a Jutsu, "Too bad for you brat, my Samehada takes chakra...and devours it!" he gestured to his still wrapped blade, which seemed to be moving in a way that suggested chewing, much to the blonde's horror.
The man smirked menacingly and continued, "Now that you can't form any more Jutsu, you shouldn't be any more trouble." His smirk seemed to grow, showing each of his shark-like teeth as he swung back his sword and said, "Though just in case...Maybe I should cut off a limb or two!"
His blade swung down, cut deep into the blond's body...and candy spilled out onto the ground?!
The swordsman blinked stupidly at that before noticing that it wasn't the actual Jinchuuriki he'd cut but a life sized and realistic looking piñata of the blonde. And really, there was only one thing the man could say to that, "Huh…"
The real Naruto, meanwhile, realized that he was no longer inside the building. Instead, he was floating outside the hole Sasuke had created on a familiar pink and sugary sweet cloud. Blinking, the Leaf ninja looked around until he found a familiar figure lazily hovering above him. "Discord!" he cried out in both relief and surprise.
"You were expecting prince charming?" the Draconequus asked coyly. He then floated to eye level with the blonde and said, "Boy Fishcake, I can't take my eyes off you for a moment, can I? Here I was, minding my own business…" ('Bull****,' Naruto thought), "when all of a sudden I hear explosions and feel your foxy roommate's energy leaking out! Seriously, maybe I should just stick to you like glue from now on since it seems like that's where the party always is!"
Naruto was had a rebuttal for that, but it died in his throat when he saw Discord had literally attached their arms together with a glue like substance. Deciding to nip this gag in the bud, Naruto shot the Chaos Spirit a desperate look and said, "Discord listen, a couple guys showed up and they're seriously bad news! One of them's Sasuke's brother and he beat him like it was nothing! The other guy has this freaky sword that eats chakra or something and I can't make any Jutsu or anything! Worse, both these guys are after me! Help!"
Discord listened to the blond's rushed explanation with vague interest, but when the boy spoke that final word, his disinterest quickly became a cocky smirk and, with a snap of his claws, was dressed in a Superman costume with the 'S' replaced with 'D'.
"Never fear, Discord is here!" he cackled before flying back into the building. Naruto, meanwhile was floated down to the street on the cotton candy cloud at the feet of a familiar looking individual.
Back up with Discord, he arrived in the room with his usual fanfare: a burst of smoke and confetti accompanied by a blast of brass instruments. "Heeeere's Discord!" the Lord of Chaos exclaimed with a flourish.
Kisame just cocked an eyebrow at the display before asking, "So, what are you? Some kind of snake summon or something? Because if you are, that creepy **** Orochimaru must be losing his touch." He then blinked as he realized what he said. "What the - ? ****? ****! ****?!"
The native of Equestria, while internally cackling away at the swordsman's confusion with the language filter, smirked coyly, "Oh I assure you, Sharkface, I am no mere snake. Though you are correct in that I was summoned to this world. In fact, you may be familiar with my summoner! About yea big, blond hair, whiskers? Sounds like an angry chipmunk?" ("**** YOU!" came an angry bellow from out the window.) The Draconequus then squeaked his knuckles and said, "Seeing as you fine gentlemen seem so interested in him, I feel I must protest to any potential kidnappings. That, along with the crimes against fashion, mean that I can't allow you to carry on," Discord continued as his head took on Rarity's appearance and voice when mentioning the Akatsuki member's fashion choice.
Kisame tsked as he said, "Yeah, like a walking joke like you has a prayer against us." With that he swung his large covered blade around to strike the annoying Summon. To his surprise, instead of the bloody ribbons he was expecting, Discord shredded like paper or like -
"Hey look! I'm cheese!" Discord's shreds spoke up in a terrible Italian accent before they went back to normal with a poof. Discord gave the shark-like ninja a menacing smirk and said, "That's strike one, and unfortunately for you, I don't have the patience for two and three, especially with how long it took this chapter to be written!"
He held up his paw and gave a snap, a large sardine can appearing out of nowhere and scooping up Kisame before he could even cry out, the metal top closing swiftly. Discord gave a satisfied nod as the can shook with the pounding of angry fists and muffled, censored swears of the captured ninja before turning to Itachi. "Yeesh, kid I get you probably live a stressful life but you might want to try smiling a bit more. Those wrinkles of yours will make you look 80 before you turn 30! Look at me, I smile all the time and I still look as dashingly handsome as I did over 1,000 years ago!"
Itachi didn't bother to reply as he unceremoniously dropped an unconscious Sasuke on the floor before turning to give the Draconequus his full attention. Mentally, Discord frowned at the state Sasuke was in, noting the snapped wrist and burn marks. To make matters worse, the kid seemed to be having some kind of fit as he fought against whatever he was seeing. Poofing up another cotton candy cloud, Discord gave the elder Uchiha a glare as said cloud picked up Sasuke and gently floated him out of the ruined hallway.
"You know," Discord hummed, "that's the second time in the last few months I've seen a family member nearly kill one of their own. Never had to deal with it in my own world and, quite frankly, I'd rather not have to experience it again. So why don't you surrender and maybe I won't turn you into a gibbering goober?"
The stoic Uchiha didn't reply, instead bursting into a murder of crows that swarmed the Draconequess, much to his surprise. Quickly regaining his cocky composure, Discord smirked and said, "Okay Angry Birds, if that's the way you wanna play…"
Poofing up a slingshot, Discord loaded the weapon with a live pig before stretching it back and shooting it forward with a cry of "Pull!" The pig flew through the air with a squeal and struck several of the cawing birds, but harmlessly passed right through them.
Before he could do anything else, he felt a surprisingly strong hand grip his throat. Looking down, Discord saw Itachi form out of the illusion keeping his impassive stare when his eyes changed. They went from the regular three coma marked form to a more elaborate, star-like shape.
The Lord of Chaos, thinking that whatever the ninja was about to pull would be bad to be caught in, began gathering his magic and said, "Nice pink eye you have there. Want some eye dro-"
"Tsukuyomi"
Discord blinked as he viewed his surroundings. They reminded him of a photo negative where all the colors were shades of either black or red. "Huh. Neat parlor trick Weasel-boy, but I sell tricks not buy them."
With that he snapped his claw lazily, but when he opened his eyes, the landscape was still in their inverse colors. Frowning, the Draconequus looked down at his eagle claws and muttered, "Hm, that's odd. Is it time for a tune-up?" With that he snapped his claws again, yet once more the area remained unchanged. "Now that's both unexpected and annoying."
"It can't be broken," a voice echoed from around him.
Recognizing the voice as that of the elder Uchiha, Discord adorned his trademark smirk as he confidently said aloud, "Well now, there you are! I must applaud you for a creative use of illusions, but I'm afraid you're using it against the wrong Draconequus!"
With that he snapped his claws again, yet again nothing happened. While Discord looked at his mismatched hands in confusion, Itachi stated calmly, "This is the realm of Tsukuyomi...Space...Time...Everything...is under my control. Your powers won't work here, and for the next 72 hours, I will have you visit your worst memories."
Discord looked up and, with a show of bravado said, "Jokes on you, Weasel-boy! I'm the master of chaos, so nothing you dish out is gonna-!"
"Ugh, what is that thing?"
"It's so freaky!"
Discord froze at those words, not wanting to believe what he was hearing. Slowly, he turned around and nearly gasped at the sight. The landscape was still off colored, but it now resembled Equestria. Not the Equestria he'd left, however. No, this Equestria was like the one of a millennia ago. And there, surrounded by a group of different ponies who had near identical looks of unease and distrust, was himself! More specifically, it was him back when he was young, around Fishcake's age in terms of Draconequus years. While most of his features were the same, he lacked his goatee and was much smaller, about the same size as the ponies surrounding him. And his past self's face looked nervous but was trying to smile in what was an attempt to be a friendly manner.
"H-hi everypony! M-my name is D-Discord and I'm a D-draconequus. I'm from the Chaos Dimension and I was hoping that, that we could be friends?" he stammered nervously. "I-I even brought my magic for you to enjoy, see?" With a snap of his lion paw, the landscape was shifted into a fun space full of cotton candy clouds, dancing trees, literally babbling brooks, and all manner of fun, if chaotic things.
However, instead of being amazed or entertained, the ponies ran away in fear of the chaos magic, leaving the young Draconequus alone once again. The images shifted, showing more and more failed attempts at friendship, with his child-self getting more depressed and frustrated with each failure.
'I was only trying to make friends,' his younger self's voice echoed around him. 'Why won't anyone like me? It's not my fault I'm a Spirit of Chaos and those ponies are so obsessed with Harmony!' the voice started to grow older and angrier as the young Discord started to age as the years seemed to fly by into decades and then centuries of failed attempts at friendship. 'If they won't like me for who I am then...then...I'll MAKE them like me! If I make the whole world chaotic, then their precious "Harmony" will be the odd pony out! Everypony will have to be my friend then!'
Of course, this plan was soon shot to Tartarus as the ponies didn't like their world being turned upside down. It was only a matter of time before Princesses Celestia and Luna, the rulers of Equestria and day and night respectively, intervened. Using their magic fused by the Elements of Harmony, Discord watched his past self being frozen in stone, where he wouldn't be freed for a thousand years. He was then forced to watch himself from a few months ago being freed, only to lose to the Elements and their new wielders once more! Only this time, the illusion showed him being frozen in stone again instead of being transported to the Elemental Nations. As an extra strike to the heart, he saw the ponies celebrating his defeat and jeering at his frozen form.
'Nopony likes you. You're nothing but a freak! Your chaos isn't welcome here! Why don't you just disappear already!'
These taunts were thrown out by shades of the ponies he'd met in the past, along with the Element bearers and (a dark chill ran its way up his serpentine spine) he saw Fishcake and his friends joining in on the taunting.
"No...No!...NO...NO!...NO!" Discord cried out and he shut his eyes tight and covered his ears, willing this horrid nightmare to end. A big burst of chaos magic formed around him before bursting forth and, to Itachi's surprise, was actually enough to break him out of his illusion. Just like that, the scenery turned black.
…
…
"..cord."
Huh?
".iscord!"
What is that?
"DISCORD! Wake up!"
"GAH!"
The Draconequus snapped up with his heart literally beating out of his chest. Quickly shoving the rouge organ back in place, Discord took in his surroundings. He was back in the hotel, though it looked like it'd gone several rounds with a peeved dragon due to the broken walls and what looked like burn marks in places. Fishcake was kneeling next to him and had a look of concern on his face, while his perverted teacher was looking over Duckbutt, who seemed to still be out cold.
"Ugh, did anypony get the number of that minotaur that hit me?" Discord groaned as he rubbed at his head, going as far as to remove his horns like a hat to better rub his throbbing cranium. He suppressed a shudder going up his long spine as the memories of the rouge Uchiha's assault came back to his thoughts. It had been a long time since somepony had truly ruffled the Chaos master like that, but the young man had done what not even the Princesses of the Sun and Moon had accomplished.
He quickly tried to bury those emotions, both not to show weakness and also to get Fishcake to stop staring at him like that. It felt so weird having someone look at him of all beings in concern! His reputation would be ruined if word of this ever got back to Equestria.
"Are you okay, Discord?" Fishcake asked worriedly. "That guy hit you with the same thing he did to Sasuke, and he's still not waking up."
Discord plastered a fake but hopefully convincing smile on his face as he said, "Why Fishcake, I didn't know you cared! My hero!" With that, Discord was covered in what could only be described as a Disney Princess dress, complete with glass slippers on his mismatched feet.
Naruto's eyebrow twitched at the display before giving a huff and saying, "Whatever, jerk. Let's just get moving 'cause the Pervy Sage wants to get Sasuke back to Konoha before we continue to look for this lady of his."
Discord obliged as he floated after the blond, though a traitorous part of his brain whispered that things would never be the same again. Only time would tell.