Discord looked around before declaring, "…It's bigger on the inside!"
"So, you're the one who's been giving the brat so much trouble…"a deep voice sounded from behind Discord. "Not that I didn't find it entertaining, but…" the Fox's voice adopted a deep growl. "What are you doing here, Chaos Spirit?"
Discord slowly turned around to meet the speaker, and he openly balked at the sight of a HUGE Fox locked behind thick bars. The Fox easily rivaled that Gamabunta fellow in terms of size; but probably had a good two or three sizes bigger than the Toad. Fierce red eyes glared and rows of sharp teeth grinned as the Fox eyed the Chaos Spirit.
Discord, after getting over his initial shock, bowed dramatically. "Greetings, good Fox. As I'm sure you know, I'm Discord, Chaos Spirit extraordinaire. I just wanted to meet the one who helped me out of a rather tight pickle, yesterday."
"Heh…" the Fox scoffed, "Trust me, Draconequus, any aid I offered was unintentional. As you can see," he gestured to the sewer like landscape and at the bars on his cage, "I'm hardly in a position to help myself, let alone a being I have never even heard of before."
"Regardless, it was through your – chakra, was it? – That I was able to come to this place. And I must say, I am enjoying myself quite a bit! The chaos on this world is simply breathtaking!"
"Hmph, you should be thanking the brat then for messing up so royally while trying to perform something as simple as a Summoning. I personally couldn't care less what happened to you. Now, if you kindly don't mind, I was about to enjoy my nap before you arrived. It is one of the few joys I can experience in this accursed seal, and I don't wish to be bothered. Leave." He ordered.
"Oh don't be such a killjoy!" Discord said coyly, "As a formerly sealed individual myself, I know how boring it can be spending days on end not being able to do what you want. Why, we can be SCBFFs!"
"…What?" Kyuubi couldn't help but ask about the absurd acronym.
"Sealed Creatures Best Friends Forever!" Discord exclaimed happily as he was now sporting a t-shirt with said phrase on it and a chibi version of the Draconequus and Bijuu smiling on the front. The Fox quickly realized that he regretted asking.
To the Kyuubi's horror, he looked down to see he himself was now wearing one of the gaudy shirts supersized to fit his frame. With a roar, he began tearing at it with his claws and teeth but the material was sturdier than it looked as it refused to even tear or come off. After several minutes of this, which upon Discord was laughing hysterically, the Fox eventually gave up his attempt and gave the Chaos Lord a look that'd melt the North Pole.
"If you do not cease your foolishness little creature, I will personally make you suffer for the rest of eternity the second I get out of this accursed seal," he growled while baring his fangs.
Discord scoffed, "Big talk from an even bigger jailbird."
The t-shirt on the Tailed Beast shifted and changed color, becoming a large black and white striped prison jumper, complete with a large weight chained to his front right leg. The Fox roared and smashed his head against the bars of his cage in frustration, giving Discord the evil eye.
Seemingly not bothered in the slightest, Discord gave a snap of his lion's paw. There was a bright flash of light and when it cleared, the chakra being noticed he was no longer in his cage but what looked to be a living room of a quaint little cabin, complete with lacy pillowed furniture and portraits mainly displaying cats. Turning around, he noticed there was a small table with a tea tray sitting on it with a pot of tea and small sandwiches covering it. And, sitting across from the Fox was none other than Discord, calmly seated in a plush chair much like the one he just found himself in sipping a cup of tea.
"Feeling better?" Discord asked as he put down his teacup and stared at the Kyuubi with his mismatched eyes.
"What did you do? Where are we? And did you shrink me or did you grow yourself?" the Fox asked sharply, now slightly more weary of the hodgepodge creature's powers.
"Well, I noticed you were getting a bit tense, so I thought a change in scenery might be in order," Discord replied happily. "Of course, I couldn't take you out of the seal itself, not without possibly killing Fishcake, but I was able to change the inside of the seal itself for a while. I chose a nice relaxing setting where we can have a somewhat civilized conversation. Is that agreeable for you, your foxiness? Oh, and do try some of the cucumber sandwiches, I made them myself!"
~0~
Shikamaru currently sat beside Naruto's bedside playing Shogi against himself. Since he had already visited with Choji, the Nara figured he might as well visit Naruto since he was already here. No need to make any more trips than what was necessary. For once, the loudmouthed blond was quiet, which was a rarity. But the quiet didn't last for long.
Naruto slowly opened his eyes, seeing Shikamaru slowly come into focus.
"Shikamaru…?" Naruto questioned. "Where am I?"
"Hey…In the-" before Shikamaru could finish, a figure rose out from under Naruto's bedsheets, effectively terrifying them both.
Discord sung out in the tune of 'Good Morning Baltimore', "Good Morning Konoha!"
"AUUGGGHH!" Naruto nearly tumbled out of the bed as Discord emerged from his stomach/seal.
Shikamaru had fallen backwards and was staring at the sight before him. He had seen quite a few strange things throughout his twelve years of life, but this really took the cake. Then, he recognized the creature.
"YOU! You were the one who did all that weird stuff to the clouds and the plants at the Yamanaka's shop!"
"Yes, 'twas I who created the chaos!" Discord said proudly, striking a pose. Discord had to grin. "That little chubby friend of yours didn't seem to mind."
"WHAT THE H*LL, DISCORD?!" Naruto was clutching his stomach. "THAT WAS FREAKY!"
"Oh, do calm down, Fishcake," Shikamaru cocked an eyebrow at the nickname, "I was having a lovely chat with our…mutual friend."
"What?" Naruto paused in his annoyance. "You talked to him?"
"Why, yes." Discord giggled. "He has so many interesting stories!"
"What? Really? What did he say? How long were you two talking?"
"Again, yes – we chatted. He had quite a few things to say about you and the Fourth Hokage, not all of it friendly…and…" Discord paused. "How long have you been asleep?"
"Uhh…" Naruto and Discord turned to Shikamaru.
"Three days and three nights…according to the staff." Shikamaru answered, who by this time had picked himself up and dusted himself off.
"THREE DAYS?!" Both Naruto and Discord shouted at the same time.
"Do you realize this means?!" Naruto was shouting, very nearly pulling his hair out.
"I haven't caused any chaos for three whole days!" Discord had pulled out a calendar from somewhere, marking of the days of the week with red 'X's. "I'm behind schedule! Quick! I need 500 gallons of rubber cement, five dozen eggs, a yard of string and a cardboard box!" he yelled frantically while pulling out a checklist with the random supplies.
"The final part of the exam!" Naruto was yelling as he stood up on his bed. "I have to train! This is bad! This is very, very bad!"
"What a drag…" Shikamaru sighed as he observed the hodgepodge creature and Naruto.
"Shikamaru!"
"W-what?" Shikamaru sweat-dropped.
"When does the final exam start?!"
"T-tomorrow…" Shikamaru glanced between Naruto and Discord, who was muttering to himself as he sorted through trunks that suddenly appeared from nowhere.
"WHAT!" Naruto was freaking out even more. He grabbed the front of Shikamaru's shirt. "Why didn't you wake me up earlier?!" Naruto then pointed an accusing finger at Discord. "YOU! Why were you chatting with that stupid Fox when you could've woken me up?!"
"Hey, I'm just as disappointed as you are, Fishcake!" Discord defended. "I have so much chaos to do, and very little time to do it!" Discord pointed to his eagle's claw which suddenly bore eight different kinds of watches displaying a variety of times that honestly made no sense.
"Is that one actually a cuckoo-clock?" Shikamaru pointed to one of the watches, perplexed. What on earth was this creature? Was he Summons, or something? Whatever, he was clearly as troublesome as Naruto, possibly even more so.
Shikamaru's question went unanswered as Naruto continued yelling about how he couldn't be sleeping, his need to train, and even about where the Pervy Sage was. Naruto kept sending accusing glares at Discord, as if he were somehow responsible for his sleeping for so long.
"What are you talking about all of a sudden?" Shikamaru asked. "I don't know what you're talking about…"
"My clothes!" Naruto finally released Shikamaru. "Discord! My clothes! What happened to my clothes?"
"How am I supposed to know?" Discord huffed.
"DO SOMETHING!" Naruto was yelling again. "MAKE THEM APPEAR! SNAP YOUR PAW OR YOUR TALON OR WHATEVER I NEED THEM!"
"And what's the magic word?" Discord asked with a sly smirk on his face.
"Really?! You're really doing this now?!" Naruto growled before giving a frustrated sigh and saying in a biting tone, "Fine, please can I have my clothes?"
"Very well," Discord said as he turned to a group of twenty-six woman who randomly appeared, each holding a numbered suitcase. "I have hidden them in one of these briefcases. You have a minute on the clock to select your outfit for the day," he finished while holding a microphone to the confused Naruto's face.
"Um, uh, number nine?" Naruto stuttered out, his shocked confusion momentarily holding back the anger and panic.
The woman holding case number nine opened the suitcase to reveal…a fox shaped toddler's onesie. A sad trombone noise played out of nowhere and in a flash of light, the women were gone and the room was back to how it was…except now Naruto was wearing the fox onesie, his eye twitching as a vein throbbed on his forehead.
"D'awww! You look so precious!" Discord cooed as he pinched Naruto's whiskered cheek before snapping a quick photo of the mortified blonde.
"WILL YOU CUT IT OUT!?" Naruto hollered, having enough of the Chaos Spirit's antics.
"Sheesh, sleeping like you're in a coma and then running around…" Shikamaru muttered. He glanced at Discord. "And you're certainly not helping, you freaky goat…"
Sighing deeply, as this was far too much energy for this time of day, Shikamaru shouted, "Calm down, both of you!"
"Huh?" Naruto paused in his attempt to throttle Discord, said Draconequus seemed unbothered by the hands clamped firmly around his throat.
"What is it, Pineapple-head?" Discord asked as he slipped out of the blonde's grasp like he was wet soap.
"Pineapple—" Shikamaru ignored Discord's new name for him and continued with his point. "It doesn't matter if you rush around beforehand. Resting is training too, you know…" then, turning to Discord, he said, "If you wanna cause chaos so badly or whatever, you'll have plenty of time to catch up with Naruto's fight…a Summons or a pet or whatever is permissible according to the rules…"
"OH, JOY!" Discord pulled Shikamaru into a hug. "You are a genius, my fine, Pineapple-headed friend."
Shikamaru sighed. How troublesome.
Naruto suddenly plopped down on his bed.
"Oi, Naruto…you alright?" Shikamaru asked.
"So hungry…" Naruto moaned as his stomach growled.
"Here, I brought this," Shikamaru smirked as he presented the fruit basket he had initially brought with him. Being clung to many times before by the likes of Ino, Shikamaru didn't have much trouble moving.
"It was such a drag, but I brought this as a get-well present for Choji," the Nara shrugged, "But the Doctor said he couldn't have it…something about him having to stick to a particular diet while he's recovering. Let's eat it together."
"Choji? He's really that sick?" Naruto asked as he settled onto the bed into a more comfortable position.
"Nah, he got sick from eating too much BBQ."
"Hm, is Choji that chubby friend of yours who enjoyed my chocolate rain?" Discord asked, finally releasing the Nara and choosing to float above the two boys.
"Yeah," Shikamaru nodded. "He's been wondering who was responsible and when they're going to do it again. He's been very troublesome about it, too…"
Naruto let out a laugh, "That's just like him!"
"Yeah, well neither of you are the type to have female visitors, so here," Shikamaru tossed Naruto an apple. "Eat up."
"Thanks!" Naruto caught the apple. "It looks good!"
Naruto was about to take a bite when he suddenly froze.
"Naruto?"
"Fishcake?"
A devious grin crossed Naruto's features and he snickered. "Hey, since Choji can't have any…let's eat in front of him!" Naruto then glanced at Discord. "Discord here could probably create an amazing and delicious feast! Let's go chow down!"
"Was that a compliment I heard?" Discord asked playfully, a hearing trumpet in his ear.
"Well, it's true, isn't it?" Naruto sprung out of bed. "C'mon, Shikamaru!"
"What a drag," Shikamaru said with a sigh, although there was a hint of a smile on his face.
Before they left, there was one more comment from the jinchuriki, "And Discord…would you please GIVE ME BACK MY CLOTHES?!"
~0~
As they walked towards Choji's room, Shikamaru and Discord were formally introduced.
"Yeah, you really aren't at the top of Ino's favorite things list," Shikamaru was saying to Discord. "She complained about you for nearly three hours straight, it was so troublesome," Shikamaru smirked. "Next time you should do something to make her less loud, like make her lose her voice…or maybe drop her off on an island somewhere. Either way, I win."
They were nearly to Choji's room, when Shikamaru and Naruto both froze, and slowly turned towards one of the rooms where the door was slightly ajar.
"Wha-" Discord started to ask, but he was shushed by Shikamaru.
The Chaos Spirit would have been annoyed, but he caught how serious Shikamaru and even the Fishcake were being.
They carefully and quickly went into the room to find a red-head with a large gourd on his back covering the room's sleeping inhabitant with sand.
Shikamaru quickly activated his Shadow Possession Jutsu and caught Gaara before he could do anything to Lee.
"YOU JERK!" Naruto punched Gaara, and Shikamaru jerked as well with the impact.
"What the h*ll do you think you're doing?!" Naruto demanded of the Sand Ninja.
"Oi, Naruto," Shikamaru wiped a few drops of blood from his lip. "During Shadow Possession Jutsu, it's moving me too, got it?!"
"Sorry, Shikamaru," Naruto quickly apologized.
"His face is cracked!" Discord pointed at Gaara, who observed the two ninja and the hodgepodge creature with all the interest of watching paint dry.
"What the h*ll were you trying to do?" Naruto questioned, slowly backing up to stand by Shikamaru. Gaara didn't answer Naruto right away. He merely stared, as if trying assess them. "What were you trying to do Bushy Brow here?!" Naruto demanded once more.
"I was trying to kill him." Gaara answered with cold simplicity.
Discord shivered, which was a rare thing for him to do. He was scared. This boy…he could feel the killing intent and he could smell the coppery scent of blood. "H-hey now…" Discord said nervously. "You jealous over your own lack of eyebrows?" Discord chuckled. "I mean, you could just draw on your own. Eyebrow pencils are a thing, you know."
The Sand Shinobi gave the Disharmonious One a blank stare for several moments, causing the normally composed Discord to discreetly swallow the lump that had formed in his throat. He then said in a voice so low that only Discord heard it, "Mother, what is that strange creature? Would you want his blood? It is sure to be unique. Yes, I'll make sure to give you every drop."
An almost unseen nervous sweat appeared on Discord's forehead. There was definitely something not right about this kid. Even when going against Celestia and Luna with their Elements of Harmony, was Discord not as scared as he was now.
Shikamaru wondered how the Sand Ninja could be so calm. That fact was truly worrying. Could Gaara really not move or was he just biding his time? 'We have to keep him talking…' Shikamaru thought, 'at least, until we come up with some kind of plan…'
"Why'd you have to do something like that?" Shikamaru asked. "You beat him in the match right? What, you have a personal grudge or something?"
"Nothing like that," Gaara replied in the same, cold monotone voice. "I just wanted to kill him. That's it."
"How can you be so casual about it?" Discord asked. He couldn't understand the boy. Sure, he caused chaos, but this boy…was an entirely different kind of chaos. He didn't like it.
"Because, he is alive and I wish him to die. I have the power and the ability to take his life, so why not carry it out?" Gaara probably would have shrugged if he were capable. "I have killed those who I have disliked in the past, and I intend to continue to do so in the future."
"HOW CAN YOU SAY SOMETHING SO SELFISH?!" Naruto pointed angrily at Gaara.
"You must've had a pretty lousy upbringing to say something like that…" Shikamaru said, ignoring the sweat on his brow. It was a combination of his exerting himself and his own personal fear. His shadow slightly fluctuated. Crap. He had to keep his focus. "All you care about is yourself."
Shikamaru didn't like how the Sand Ninja made him feel. Death was certain if they didn't do something, and he knew that Gaara could easily overpower both him and Naruto…Shikamaru paused in thought. What about Discord? He didn't know all of what the creature was capable of, but maybe…maybe he could get them out of this before things got worse.
"If you get in my way, I'll kill you too." Gaara said.
This was really bad.
"Go ahead if you can!" Naruto challenged, but Shikamaru and even Discord objected.
"Oi, Naruto!" Shikamaru quickly shushed the blond.
"I don't think antagonizing ol' Raccoon-Eyes there is the way to go about doing things, Fishcake."
"Discord…" Shikamaru turned slightly so that he could look at Discord, but still keep an eye on Gaara.
The Chaos Spirit glanced down at the Pineapple-Head and blinked. The boy's face remained neutral, but something in his eyes showed how scared he truly was. The request was silent, yet loud and clear: do something.
Shikamaru didn't know if he had to somehow buy time or distract Gaara. So he began to bluff and hoped Discord understood his silent request. "We didn't show off what we could really do at the preliminaries," Shikamaru said. "You're the one who's at the disadvantage here; it's three against one!"
"Yes, quite," Discord agreed. Maybe ol' Raccoon-Eyes was so bland and boring he wouldn't understand what Discord was trying to communicate. "Your feet are in quite the sticky situation; in fact, the room should be spinning." Shikamaru and Naruto quickly sent chakra into their feet, and the room slowly started to shift. "Jumping out the window is your only hope for escape."
Gaara's eyes widened in surprise to see that 'Lee' was speaking, looking at him with strange, mismatched yellow eyes. Shikamaru released Gaara just as the room started spinning, and the two Konoha-nin ran for the open window while Gaara tumbled around the room.
"Where's Lee-oh." Shikamaru started, only to see that a sleeping Lee was passed out on a pink cloud of cotton candy. There were two more cotton candy clouds waiting for him and Naruto, and they leapt onto them. Both Naruto and Shikamaru felt slightly woozy from being in the spinning room, and it was a strange sight to see that the room in the hospital was spinning, but not the hospital itself.
Discord emerged from the window, shouting, "Let's get out of—"
"ENOUGH!" Gaara's voice raged from within the room.
Discord froze upon seeing that he was partially encased in sand.
"Sh*t!" Shikamaru cursed.
"Discord!" Naruto yelled. "You have to get out of that sand no matter what!"
Discord was honestly mildly concerned, because he couldn't do anything to Raccoon-Eyes' sand. That didn't bode well.
"SAND COFFIN!"
"DISCORD!" Naruto's voice did nothing to hide his fear or worry.
The sand crushed Discord's lower half, causing him to blow up and expand like a balloon. The swollen Discord burst into a wave of glitter and confetti. From beneath the boys floating on cotton candy clouds, an irate voice shouted, "You tried to kill me! He actually tried to kill me!"
"Discord…" Naruto sighed in relief.
"This is so…" Gaara pulled himself out from the room, slowly leaning out of the window. Gaara's voice became increasingly distorted as he spoke. His skin was cracked and flaked in places. A manic grin was on his face, his bloodshot eyes watched them like a predator watching its prey. "…FUN. Let's kill them, Mother."
A straightjacket suddenly appeared on Gaara, and Discord slowly flew backwards, taking the three Konoha-nin with him. "Oh-kay, we'll be going now…" Discord had never felt so unnerved before. "Good day, to you, sir!"
"You can't kill me…"
Gaara used his sand to tear the straightjacket to shreds. His eyes focused on Discord. "That beast is nothing compared to me." Gaara's voice was normal for the moment. "I have a true monster inside me!" the manic grin was back, and his sand began forming a large hand to try and grasp them. "You see…I killed the woman who birthed me, my father tried and failed to kill me so many times…I have killed so many-!"
Gaara was cut off when plants from inside the still spinning room suddenly grabbed him and pulled him back in.
"You shouldn't monologue, I know from experience!" Discord called out.
*POP!* Discord snapped his lion's paw, teleporting himself and the three Konoha-nin to the other side of the hospital.
"We should probably call somebody," Discord mused as he floated the ninjas to the ground. He made a hollow in a nearby tree's branches and stuck Lee inside. More branches sprouted from the tree and covered the sleeping ninja, concealing him from sight. While it probably wasn't the most optimal of choices, it would have to do until 'ol Raccoon-Eyes wasn't currently hunting Bushy Brow.
"You think?! And can't you do something about him? You made yourself out to be such a big shot in your stories!" Naruto replied.
"So sorry for not being used to someone trying to kill me!" Discord huffed back, a touch of real concern in his voice. "I've had beings try to fight me, seal me, and even once or twice banish me, but the land I'm from usually has a very strict no killing policy – I'm definitely beginning to see why now, that was scary! If I was anybody else, I would have probably been killed when Sandy the Raccoon back there tried to crush me!"
Naruto made a face as he thought about how close a call Discord had. Then, Naruto thought of something that Gaara had said. "Guys…" Naruto was completely serious. "I think that guy is like…like me."
Discord shivered at the thought. Whatever bijuu was inside of Gaara was one he definitely wasn't planning on meeting anytime soon.
"If so, that means we're going to need to get people of jonin level at least," Shikamaru deduced as he came up with a plan of action.
"If we just run away, Gaara is likely to attack civilians in the state of bloodlust he's in. Naruto, you'll need to make some Shadow Clones to keep him distracted. Discord, you need to use your magic to keep any civilians out of harm's way. I'll go looking for the nearest jonin and come after you as fast as I can. Everyone ready?" Seeing two nods, Shikamaru shouted, "Okay…go!"