In the land of Equestria, night had fallen over Canterlot when Princess Luna raised the moon. However, unlike most nights Princess Celestia had not retired for the evening. Instead she was wide awake in her study, pouring over the news of the day while casting glances at a map of the world.
So absorbed in her work that she didn't even notice when the door to the study opened and Luna walked in right up until the dark colored Alicorn was right beside her.
"Bit for your thoughts, sister?" Luna asked while looking at what her elder sister had been going over for the last three hours.
"Ah…I've found myself a bit behind in the news as of late and I wish to catch up," Celestia explained.
Luna merely quirked a brow at this answer and said in a skeptical tone, "You've been at this same activity for several days straight. I doubt you are that far behind in the news around Equestria. Now tell me, what ails thyself sister?"
Celestia sighed as she knew that trying to hide anything from Luna was pointless. They could never really hide anything from each other, even as fillies, and the two rulers learned that it was better to just be straight forward with each other. So, somewhat reluctantly, the Alicorn of the Sun sighed one word, "Discord."
Luna's other brow came up to join the first as she asked, "What about him? He's been defeated by the bearers of the Elements of Harmony, was he not?"
"That's the thing though," Celestia said with a frown, "I'm not so sure he was defeated, at least not in the way we were expecting. When you and I used the Elements against Discord, he turned to stone. Now though, he vanished without a trace."
Luna hummed thoughtfully. "Perhaps he was finally vanquished once and for all," she supplied.
Celestia shook her head at that. "No, while the Elements can defeat enemies of Harmony they never bring lasting harm to anypony. I've also gone over the area where Discord was last scene with every spell I know, and I've been able to pick up traces of what almost feels like Teleportation Magic."
At this, the Moon Princess looked alarmed, "But transported where?"
"That's what I've been trying to figure out," Celestia explained while gesturing to the papers and map. "I've been looking at news all across Equestria, trying to find any patterns that seem like Discord's usual work. However, nothing has shown up and I don't want to alarm everypony by telling them all Discord is missing."
Luna pondered this for a minute before giving her thoughts on the matter. "Perhaps…he was transported away from Equestria all together?"
Celestia turned to the map with a frown. "That's what I'm worried about. Because, without the Elements of Harmony to reign him in, who knows what disaster Discord will bring to wherever he wound up?"
Elemental Nations, Konoha…
Naruto was having one of his better dreams, one where he had just been pronounced Hokage and had declared the day become National Ramen Day. However, just as he was about to give Sakura a kiss on the cheek after she had proclaimed her undying love for him and saying that Sasuke was a loser, the band began to play a little too loudly. In fact, they were playing so loudly the entire village was shaking, and no matter how much Naruto ordered them to stop they just kept playing louder and louder until finally –
"AUGH!" Naruto yelped as a particularly loud trumpet blast sounded off right by his ear, waking him up and sending him flying. Clinging to the ceiling with chakra from where he leapt up from, Naruto could only glare at the source of his rude awakening. Discord stood in the middle of his bedroom, an assortment of instruments strapped to his body and playing full blast, some even without the Draconequus touching them.
"Discord," he growled, "I thought you said you were going to cut back on the chaos?!"
Discord spat out the harmonica in his mouth and gave the irate blonde a cheeky grin. "Well, since you told your Hokage yesterday," at this Discord's head turned into a replica of Naruto's and even matched his voice, "'I wanna get back to training Gramps so I'll be ready for the finals next month,'" at this he turned his head back to normal, "I figured you'd thank me for making sure you got up on time!"
Naruto looked at him flatly and said, "And the reason you couldn't wake me up normally is because…?"
Discord teleported beside the blonde and gave his whiskered cheek a pinch while saying cheerfully, "What better way is there to start the day than with a little music, Fishcake?"
The Chaos Lord then turned away and headed to the door. "Now, be a good little ninja in training and get ready while I go make breakfast."
"You're not my mother," Naruto grumbled under his breath as his door closed. Giving a sigh, Naruto turned to his closet to pull out a clean change of clothes. However, instead of seeing his usual outfits hanging in his closet, the minute Naruto opened the door he was greeted with the sight of what appeared to be an endless void of shifting colors, floating islands, and…what looked like a herd of flying pigs? Slamming the door closed with a bewildered look, Naruto turned and shouted, "DISCORD!"
Appearing in a flash of light, the Spirit of Disharmony now had on a frilly maid's dress and was holding a breakfast tray that had eggs and bacon in the shape of a smiley face on it. "You shouted?" he asked sweetly.
Naruto's eyebrow twitched and said in a strained voice, "What did you do to my closet?"
Discord quirked a brow before opening the door a crack to sneak a peek. He then closed it and asked, "Oh, was there something different about it?"
Eyebrow twitching so fast you could almost dance to it, Naruto seethed, "I don't know, do closets normally have what look like the gateway to h*** in them?" he paused, thinking something was off before focusing at the matter at hand.
He then flung open the closet door and braced himself using chakra on the floor as he gestured to the chaotic void his closet had become. The action caused an almost vacuum like effect as several objects in his room got caught up in the resulting winds. Naruto shouted over the noise, "DOES THIS LOOK NATURAL TO YOU?!"
Discord closed the door with his tail as he tapped his bearded chin with a talon. A lightbulb then went off over his head, literally, as he explained, "Oh, you mean Chaosville?"
"'Chaosville?'" Naruto echoed, ignoring the lederhosen that had somehow attached themselves to his bottom.
"Yes, my hometown. I do hope you don't mind, but since I promised that I'd cut back on the chaos around here a bit I figured that I'd bring my home (in its own personal pocket dimension, mind you) so I have a place to unwind," he explained as his body literally unwound before a pair of knitting needles zoomed in and stitched him back together.
"I hope this won't be a problem." He finished sweetly.
Naruto slapped a hand over his face before dragging it off before giving the Disharmonious One an exasperated look. "I guess I can understand that…but why did it have to be IN MY CLOSET?!" he finished with a scream.
Discord pulled out a checklist and said, "Well, I at first went over a couple different options. I wanted it close by since you're supposed to be my 'Summoner' or whatever, so somewhere in your apartment would be ideal. My first thought was bathroom but…well, I think we can all agree that there'd be several reasons that would be a bad idea. I then thought under the bed but," at this he coughed up an enormous hairball, much to the ninja's disgust. The hairball suddenly grew spindly insect legs (ew, why?) and squeaked as it crawled away to disappear from sight.
"When was the last time you cleaned under there? Finally, I found a great deal on closet space."
"And where did my clothes go?" Naruto demanded as he crossed his arms. His wardrobe (or lack thereof) was his biggest concern right now.
"Never fear! Discord is here!" the Draconequus exclaimed dramatically before snapping his fingers, causing him to be in standard tailor attire while the area surrounding Naruto became like a fashion studio.
"Now let's see here…" Discord murmured while circling the blonde like a shark. He then held up both the blonde's arms while pulling out a measuring tape. Taking the human boy's measurements while simultaneously writing down something on a notepad with his tail, the Chaos Lord made noises like "Mm-hmm" and "Oh I see!" This continued for a moment before he cried out, "Eureka! I think I have it!"
With that, he wrapped the measuring tape around Naruto's waist before pulling it, causing Naruto to go spinning like a top. When he came to a stop (and the room stopped spinning in his eyes), Naruto looked down and noticed that he was in his usual outfit, not a thread out of place. In fact, it looked kind of new, or at least cleaner than he usually kept it.
"…Thanks," Naruto said, feeling the whole process was more than a little excessive but just grateful that he was finally changed.
"Now then," Discord began as he was now in a stereotypical 1950's mother outfit, complete with polka dotted dress and beehive-styled hair. "Here's your lunch and an apple for the road. Now have a great day snookum!" he said while handing the blond a brown lunch bag with a pink heart on it in one hand while giving him a Red Delicious in the other before shooing him out the door.
Naruto stood there for a solid minute before asking aloud, "What the heck just happened?"
Figuring it'd be less of a headache if he just rolled with it, Naruto made his way down the street towards the training field he was supposed to be meeting the Pervy Sage at soon. When he reached the field, Naruto's stomach gave a rumble since he had missed breakfast and decided to eat the apple Discord had given him (despite having mixed feelings on accepting anything the hodgepodge creature gave him). He was just about to take a bite when a large worm poked out of the apple, causing Naruto to drop it in disgust. However, it turned out that the 'worm' was actually a miniaturized Discord who quickly shot up to his normal size, that same infuriating smirk on his face.
"Didn't you stay back at the apartment?" Naruto said in a puzzled tone.
Discord popped the apple into his mouth before belching out everything save for the core in a neat little circle. Turning to Naruto he stated, "Now where would the fun in that be, Fishcake? We do have a deal, after all, and part of that deal is for me to see how strong your resolve is. I can't very well do that if I'm sitting in an apartment all day, now can I? Besides, I'm interested in what 'training' you'll have lined up, Daniel-San." Discord finished in a Mr. Miyagi outfit, complete with flowered headband.
Wondering what in the world Discord meant by that last line, Naruto groaned as his stomach made its presence known with a large rumble. "Oh my, that was impressive. And as much as I'd love to see if your gut can do acapella, I think you'll find the meal I packed you to your satisfaction." Discord hummed thoughtfully.
Hesitantly opening the paper bag in case it was booby-trapped, Naruto was surprised to find a perfectly heated bowel of ramen inside. Eagerly sitting down, Naruto dug into the noodle dish with a pair of chopsticks located inside the bag. Looking up in gratitude, Naruto said after swallowing, "It tastes great! Thanks Discord."
Giving a proud smile, Discord said, "Why thank you, Fishcake! I made it with love…and magic. Mostly magic."
A few minutes after Naruto finished his improvised breakfast, which left Naruto feeling extremely satisfied and fully rejuvenated, Jiraiya appeared in the training field in a flurry of leaves. Seeing the two in a better state than they were yesterday (in other words Discord wasn't driving the blonde insane and in turn Naruto wasn't looking like he was about to start tearing his hair out), Jiraiya gave a brief smile before turning to his student.
"Are you ready to begin training today, brat?"
Naruto nodded enthusiastically. "You bet, Pervy Sage! So what are you going to teach me next? Some super cool jutsu that'll blow Neji away? A fighting style that could defeat Bushy Brow's without breaking a sweat? What is it?"
Jiraiya chuckled before holding out a hand to stop Naruto from hurting himself trying to figure out his training regime. "Not so fast, Fishcake. You've yet to master the art of summoning, so we're going to work on that today."
Naruto seemed to visibly deflate. "Ugh…but why?! I already summoned him! Isn't he enough to prove that I can summon?" Naruto cried while pointing at Discord who was lounging on a cotton candy cloud like it was a hammock.
Jiraiya shook his head. "Sorry brat, but you were supposed to summon a Toad yesterday not…a Draconequus. So today we're going to see if you can actually summon one today without sucking like you did earlier."
Naruto sighed before he shuddered. Looking to Jiraiya with a pale face he asked, "But, what if I summon another one of…of…HIM?!"
Before Jiraiya could respond, Discord floated over to the two with a bemused look on his horse shaped face. "Oh come now, Fishcake! I thought we were supposed to bury the hatchet and become bosom buddies now. No need for the hurtful comments. Besides," at this he pulled out a full length mirror and posed in front of it, "There is no one like me, but me! After all, I'm the ever impressive, the long contained, the often imitated, but never... duplicated... duplicated... duplicated... duplicated," he said while duplicating himself before a large neon sign flared to life behind him, "Lord of Chaos, Discord!" and at this his duplicates began applauding and whistling like a studio audience (a few party poppers went off) before vanishing into clouds of smoke.
"So there's really no chance of you summoning a Draconequus again Fishcake. The fact that you were able to do it once was more blind luck than anything else."
Jiraiya cleared his throat and said, "While not as…colorful…as he put it, Discord is correct, brat. His appearance was a one in a million shot so you should be able to summon Toads like you should have now."
"In other words," Discord began before turning into a slot machine that spun until it landed on a picture of his face three times and lit up as his actual body slid out of the slot instead of coins. "You hit the Jackpot, Fishcake!" he grinned cheekily.
Deciding to ignore the Chaos Spirit's antics for now, Naruto took a deep breath as he started going through the necessary hand-seals. "Okay…here I go!" he cried before slamming his hand on the ground with a cry of "Summoning Jutsu!"
There was a large plume of smoke that quickly faded to reveal…a tadpole wriggling on the ground. The words 'EPIC FAIL' flashed above Naruto as he slumped over in despair. "Why didn't it work this time?" he asked gloomily.
Jiraiya sighed, "You need to think back to the feeling you had back in the ravine, Naruto. I could feel it before you summoned Discord, you had the necessary chakra; it was just circumstances that stopped you from summoning one of the Toads."
Naruto thought about that for a moment before nodding. "Right." And then he mentally called out, 'Hey Fox! Rent's due!'
Naruto heard a dark chuckle in the back of his mind before feeling a similar sensation to before he summoned Discord. Said Draconequus narrowed his mismatched eyes a bit as he felt a familiar energy coming from the whiskered boy. 'So that's what it was. Interesting,' he thought.
Naruto performed the hand-signs again, and this time a much larger plume of smoke covered the area. When it cleared, Naruto looked around in confusion as he didn't see anything this time as well as the fact the ground had become a reddish brown and bumpy texture. Before he could question his temporary sensei about it, the ground suddenly rumbled, causing him to fall on his behind.
"JIRAIYA! WHY DID YOU SUMMON ME THIS TIME, YOU LITTLE BRAT!?" a loud voice boomed from nowhere. It was at this point Naruto noticed something important: he didn't just summon a Toad, he was on top of a Toad! Looking down, Naruto saw the Toad he summoned could have easily matched the Kyuubi in size and he wore a blue kimono with a large tanto sheathed at his side. A pipe the size of his apartment was clenched in the Toad's mouth and a long jagged scar ran down its one eye. In total, the Toad looked like a Yakuza boss that you should NOT mess with.
Discord stared up at the Toad, eyes wide and ears drooped in disbelief. Sure, he had seen some pretty large creatures in his 1000+ years lifetime, but this Toad guy was absolutely huge! Like, size of a mountain huge! The Fishcake was but a mere speck of a thing atop the giant Toad, who was at that moment redirecting his fury at being summoned from Jiraiya to Naruto. Oh, dear…that didn't look good at all…
"Well, it's starting." Jiraiya said with a knowing sigh. He settled down on the ground, closing his eyes and crossing his arms. "I suppose we'll just have to wait here until it's over."
"What's starting?" Discord asked.
Jiraiya looked up at the Draconequus with one eye. "Basically, Gamabunta's trial to test the worth of his Summoner."
"How he going to do—" Discord was cut off when Gamabunta suddenly shot straight up into the air, shaking and cracking the ground with the force of his jump and stirring up large dust clouds.
Discord could hear the Fishcake's screams fade as the Toad attempted to shake the hapless boy off.
"Well, I guess I'm going to follow them." Discord grinned. "This is quite interesting!"
Snapping his eagle's talon, Discord disappeared with a *POOF!*
He reappeared next to a 'manly' screaming Naruto, who was using his chakra to hold on for dear life as Gamabunta jumped with the force of a jumbo jet. Naruto, who was too busy trying to hold on and not wet himself, didn't even notice the Draconequus for a solid five minutes until he found the Chaos Bringer wrapping his eagle claw around his shoulder while his lion paw was in a 'thumbs up' position. Meanwhile, his tail was stretched out and was…taking photos with a camera?!
"What-are-you-doing!?" Naruto somehow managed to yell out despite the enormous amounts of air pressure on his face.
Discord turned from his photo session (after getting one more where he gave the blonde literal rabbit ears for a second) and said in a regular tone voice that was somehow heard over the rushing wind, "I thought I'd commemorate this moment seeing how you were able to successfully summon a toad with some selfies, and what a toad it is! He must be from Texas (joke goes out to the co-author)! I mean, when you first said you were trying to summon Toads, I figured you were either joking, crazy, or both since I couldn't see how being able to summon Toads can be useful unless used properly for pulling a joke. You sir, have humbled me," he finished with a mock bow before looking at the still screaming blonde while stroking his goatee. "You know if you keep screaming like that, you're going to wind up swallowing a bug, right?"
Naruto gave Discord an annoyed look before shouting, "I-think-I-have-more-to-worry-about-theGAK!" Naruto was cut off as a horse fly flew into his mouth. "OH JEEZE, I SWALLOWED A BUG! THAT IS SO GROSS! EW, EW, EW!" Naruto gagged as he tried to furiously wipe his tongue off.
"I wouldn't say I told you so, buuuuut," Discord grinned, "I'd be flying!"
Naruto glared both for the lame pun, the fact that he was stuck riding a toad larger than his apartment until the sun set, and that he had now just swallowed a live insect. Naturally, the excitable ninja decided to overreact. "YOU KNOW WHAT?! F*** YOU DISCORD! HERE I AM, RIDING ON THIS F***ING TOAD, HOLDING ON FOR DEAR LIFE JUST SO I CAN BE A SUMMONER, AND THEN YOU COME IN AND START SPOUTING S*** LIKE THAT INSTEAD OF HELPING?! WHAT THE H*** IS WRONG WITH YOU?! AND WHAT THE S*** KEEPS HAPPENING!?" he exploded, finally deciding to figure out a strange problem he'd been having for the last couple days despite the less than ideal position he was in. "WHY THE F*** DOES MY TALKING SOUND SO WEIRD?!"
Discord, who had pulled the ear plugs out of his ears at the end of Naruto's rant, dryly asked, "Are you done?"
Naruto panted for a minute to catch his breath (and immediately regretted it as Gamabunta jumped once more and nearly choked him on the fresh wave of air. He then regained control of himself and nodded, feeling a little rough in the throat due to all the screaming he's been doing.
Discord nodded, "Good. Now, as to why your 'talking' is so weird, that would be because of my 'Profanity Filter 9000' ™" he declared while holding up a small black box. Launching into an explanation, Discord began, "You see, where I come from the ponies and other creatures I talk to use to curse and swear all the time. However, as a gentleDraconequus, I prefer to keep my language clean and child friendly. That's why I made this, a device which filters out any words I may consider a bit too vulgar for my tastes. Eventually, I was able to use it all over Equestria and soon enough all the ponies were talking nice and clean like a freshly washed window. Granted, the ponies found ways around this by using none vile language in place of it like 'hay' and 'horseapples' and the like, but it was way better than before," he then smiled at the blonde as he began to connect the dots as he finished, "And I always make sure to always have one on me at all times, so no cussing from you or anyone else! Isn't it grand?"
Naruto glared and raged, "NO IT ISN'T, YOU SON OF A B****! YOU DON'T MESS WITH PEOPLES' LANGUAGE LIKE THAT, IT'S A COMPLETE VIOLATION OF THEIR FREEDOM OF SPEECH!"
Discord just laughed and said smugly, "Lord of Chaos, hello~! It's sort of my thing. Besides," he quirked an eyebrow. "This story has to keep its 'T' rating, after all."
"What does that even mean?!" Naruto demanded. "You aren't making any sense – even less sense than you usually do!"
This led to an argument that lasted for hours, with Naruto trying (and failing) to cuss Discord out while the Draconequus just laughed it off. Finally, as the sun began to set Naruto took notice and broke away his concentration at Discord before refocusing it on Gamabunta. "HA! Looks like I win, Boss Toad! I'm gonna be…you…summoner…" he trailed off as he passed out, slipping from his spot on the large Toad's head. Gamabunta made to grab him with his heavily pierced tongue, but a cloud of cotton candy saved him the trouble.
Gamabunta gave a nod of acknowledgment to the mischievous Draconequus before turning his attention on the out cold Naruto, obviously the having overused his chakra. "Hmph, not bad brat. You might become a summoner worthy of my respect yet, though you still have a long way to go. We'll have to have that drink some time to officiate everything, but I've got my eye on you Naruto Uzumaki." He then turned his attention to Discord, "And don't think I'm not aware of what you were doing, strange one."
"What?" Discord asked while playing innocent, an angle halo forming over his head.
"You were keeping the brat's attention off of the situation he was in, allowing him to avoid losing his concentration and falling out of fear."
Discord humphed and crossed his arms, "I did no such thing! I was just having fun messing with the Fishcake as usual. Who are you, my psychologist?"
Gamabunta laughed deep and low at that. "Whatever you say, boy. I need to be off, will you be able to take him to a hospital? The brat should be fine, but better to play it safe than have him die on us. I get the feeling he'll go far in life." With that, he disappeared in a large plume of smoke like how he had arrived.
"Hmph, no wonder blondie here calls him 'Boss Toad', he's so bossy!" Discord mock whined before disappearing in a flash of light and reappearing in an empty hospital room with the still out cold Naruto in tow.
The Disharmonious One gently lowered him onto the bed before quickly teleporting away to inform Jiraiya and the Hokage that the boy was safe instead of causing a panic (he DID promise he'd cut down on the chaos, after all). He then reappeared in the hospital to make sure the doctors did their work on Naruto. At first Discord thought of simply healing him with his magic, but quickly shot down that idea like Pinkie Pie eats chocolate. For starters, his Chaos Magic wasn't the best at fixing anything not already caused by his magic either directly or indirectly. Secondly, while he was a bit more knowledgeable on the world around him thanks to his 'reading lunch', he wasn't used to the unique biology of these shinobi and didn't want to risk harming the boy further than he was already.
Discord paused this line of thought, wondering why he seemed to care about the young human's safety, but wrote it off as him not wanting to see his new source of entertainment broken just yet. Nodding at the probable solution, Discord returned his focus to the other occupant in the room.
As Naruto lay passed out on his hospital bed, snoring away with a bit of drool hanging from his mouth, Discord eyed the Fishcake curiously. Discord could feel a presence of sorts within Naruto; the one that had called him to this world, and had also been felt when summoning Gamabunta. A nurse came in for a moment to check on the Fishcake, and she eyed Discord with a mix of curiosity and wariness, but overall chose to leave him alone. After she left, Discord stood at the foot of Naruto's bed.
"Well, I suppose it's as good a time as any," the Draconequus muttered to himself.
He focused on the energy (or chakra, as the locals called it) and found the source to be housed in Naruto's stomach. But it was a bit…strange. There was something more to the strange energy than Discord initially thought. It was as if he was outside of a building with no visible entrance.
Discord would have made his own, but there was something like a barrier preventing him from doing so. This was mildly irritating, but one does not learn true patience until they are locked away in a statue for 1000+ years. Ugh…he wasn't about to thank Celestia for teaching him the value of anything. So, instead of trying to force his way in, Discord simply pressed himself up against the barrier, and focused on the energy. He allowed himself to be absorbed by the barrier, and within seconds he found himself in what looked to be the underground tunnels to a sewer system. But, quite thankfully the water was crystal clear and didn't stink.
Discord looked around before declaring, "…It's bigger on the inside!"