Dear Diary,
Do you ever feel like you don’t belong, almost like you’re completely different from what everyone else tells you you are? Well that’s how I feel all the time. I wish I had a different name. I wish I had a different body. I wish I had a different life. I feel like nopony really understands me, even my closest friends who understand me. There are times when I think that Celestia has abandoned me. I really don’t know what to do with myself anymore, but all I know is that if anyone found out the reason, it would be all over for me. Nopony would love me anymore. I just try to ignore it, but it’s not easy when the person who’s causing the most problems sits next to you in class, and talks to you every day after school. I just try to keep my head low and move one day at a time, and I feel like I can’t tell anyone my feelings out loud. So that’s why I got this diary, to say the things I can’t say out loud. -AB.
It was 1:00 am at Sweet Apple Acres, and Apple Bloom was under her covers with a pencil and a flashlight, writing in a little yellow book. She knew she should probably have been asleep hours ago, and she would probably be really tired come morning, but she had found herself tossing and turning ever since turning in.
She put down her pencil and looked at the work she had done, admiring how much her mouthwriting had improved in the last year. It was a rare thing for her to admire something about herself nowadays, but she had to keep pushing forward.
She stared at the writing, repeating certain phrases in her head. She was proud of what she had written, and it felt good to get this off her chest and to put that frustration she was feeling inside herself somewhere. Anywhere.
Finally feeling tired enough, she took the diary and put it underneath her bed with some of her other belongings, making sure to put her old bed sheet above it so that nopony could see it. Next she turned off her flashlight, quietly put it in her side table drawer next to her handy dandy notebook, rolled over, and shut her eyes. She slowly drifted off into a deep sleep.
Apple Bloom opened her eyes and saw that she was in a field full of flowers surrounded by bushes. There were sunflowers, roses, tulips, poppies, and many more. She took in the sheer beauty of the sights around her, all of the colors, the smell of the amazing aroma, it was the most beautiful place she had ever seen.
Suddenly she heard a rustling coming from one of the bushes behind her, and she quickly turned around to look at the source. After about a minute she saw what had been making the noise. A white filly about her height and age, with a beautiful light purple mane with grey stripes. Apple Bloom recognized the filly as Sweetie Belle, one of her best friends along with Scootaloo, and her tormentor for the past few weeks.
As soon as they made eye contact Sweetie Belle stopped for a second, giving Apple Bloom a look at her seemingly perfect green eyes, gleaming from the sunlight being produced in her dream. After a few seconds Sweetie Belle started to walk forward towards Apple Bloom, and it seemed to be going on slow motion for the yellow filly. She could see a small hint of red on Sweetie Belle’s face, as she felt her own face start to heat up. Although she knew what was about to happen, she didn’t try to stop it, because it felt so right.
Sweetie Belle then stepped up to Apple Bloom, their noses inches apart, and on the inside she was begging for her friend to close the distance. “Yes! Yes! Please do it,” she thought as she stared into Sweetie Belle’s shining eyes that were locked in on her own. Then Apple Bloom’s prayers were answered, as Sweetie Belle closed her eyes, and leaned closer, her lips puckered. Apple Bloom followed suit, shutting her eyes and leaning in for a kiss. “This is so romantic. Ah can’t believe this is happening! Ah…”
Her thoughts were stopped as she suddenly heard disturbances coming from the bushes, and when she opened her eyes, she saw something frightening. She saw many different ponies she knew. Her family, her classmates, some ponies she knew from around Ponyville, but they didn’t look like themselves. They all had big scowls on their faces, and their eyes were a very scary shade of red. Then she turned to Sweetie Belle, whose expression had turned from a love struck one to the scowl that the others around her possessed. “I knew it,” Sweetie Belle exclaimed, speaking for the first time, “I knew she was a fillyfooler!”
Apple Bloom’s eyes shot open after hearing the words come from the unicorn’s mouth. “Wait, it’s not what y’all think!”
“She tried to kiss me!” As soon as she said it, she was bombarded by insults, but there were a few clear ones that stood out to her.
“Ewwww! I can’t believe I used to hang out with something like you! You’re not even a pony!”
Scootaloo
“Disgraceful! Ah can’t believe that my own sister is one of them gays!”
Applejack
“Nopony’s ever going to hang out with you again! Not even your lame blank flank friends!”
Diamond Tiara
She couldn’t take it anymore, seeing her friends, family, and everypony she knew yelling and insulting her like that. She started to sob and curl up into a small yellow ball, still able to hear the words that were being thrown at her at full force. She knew she was being stupid. She knew they were right. “Nopony ever would hang out with me again. Ah am one of them gays.”
“Maybe I’m not even a pony at all.”
Suddenly there was silence, and for a moment she continued to lie there, crying into her yellow coat. Then she looked up, and saw that the forest atmosphere was still no longer there. It was replaced by a calm grassland, with no trees for miles, and a quiet starry sky above. The taunting ponies were no longer there, but she soon discovered that she was not completely alone. Standing in front of her was a tall dark blue pony, an alicorn, with a long wavy blue mane, and cyan eyes that were staring down at Apple Bloom with great concern.
“P-Princess Luna?” Apple Bloom’s shaky question was little more than a whisper, but the Princess of the Night still heard her.
Princess Luna asked, “What is the matter?”
Apple Bloom instead looked down and curled back up into her self made ball, hoping to somehow disappear from the Princess’ presence. Instead Luna laid down next to her and asked, “Are you afraid of something in your dreams? I came when I saw you were distressed, so I brought you to this quieter dream.” She looked to Apple Bloom. “Please tell me what’s wrong. Maybe I can help.”
Apple Bloom instead got up slowly, not daring to look into Luna’s eyes, turned around, and ran as fast as she could away, tears still streaming down her face. She could hear Luna yelling after her, but she didn’t care. She just kept running through the grass fields, not caring where she was going, and not being able to see because her eyes were covered by tears. Before she knew it she tripped on a rock and was flying through the air, her forehoof giving a jolt of pain as she prepared for the impact of the ground…
That’s when she opened her eyes with a jolt, waking up from what was one of the worst dreams she had ever had in her whole life. Looking at her clock she saw it was 7:30, and it was time for her to get up and get ready for school, although she really didn’t want to go. As she got out of bed she quickly realized she had been crying, and she dashed out of her door and into the bathroom to try to clean herself as much as possible.
As she began to scrub her face with a rag and water, she caught a glimpse of herself in the mirror, and she recoiled in disgust. She saw a broken filly, a mistake, that no one would ever love if they ever found out what she was, and she had only one question for herself.
“Why me?”