Dear Twibitch,
My acquaintances and I are beyond pissed right now. Why the fuck didn't you tell us that the cave where those necklaces were had a fucking Ursa Major living in it! Do you want to know what the fuck we had to go through? Well, the damn thing started chasing us around and wound up falling on a couple of us but somehow we managed to survive. It also started throwing us against the walls until Bunny Girl was able to calm it down somewhat. Now I thought I would be the one to get the necklaces but Scootaloo just had to show off her new wings and fly back and get them.
To make matters worse, in our attempt to escape, it grabbed my mane and ripped it out. I knew it was lost so I again tried to leave but then the bastard bit down on my tail in an attempt to eat me. Now apparently Scootaloo must not be as much of a bitch as I thought because she handed the necklaces to Sweetie Bitch and tried to pull my tail out of the Ursa's mouth but in the process, my tail got ripped out too and now I look fucking hideous!
Anyway, once we got out of the cave we took a look at the necklaces and determined which one was for us. Then when we got back to Ponyville, things were even worse. Cupcakes had begun to fall from the sky along with everything else so we knew we had to act. We joined hooves, ugh so disgusting, and tried to channel our energies through them but you know what, they didn't work! All that happened was we levitated a bit and then dropped to the ground.
I thought you said those fucking necklaces would work but they didn't. Want to know what happened next? Well Starbitch's precious little wannabe daughter came rushing out of the school, lit up her horn, shot a ball of magic out and fixed everything! Damn that Bright Beam, she just had to show me up AGAIN! I almost wonder if this whole thing wasn't a fucking set up.
You know what I bet happened? I have a feeling you talked to Discord, had him pull this shit and then had Bright Bitch study some weird magic to reverse it all on her own. How the fuck did she pull that off? How the hell is she so damn powerful that she can reverse fucking chaos magic? I honestly can't help but wonder if she isn't related to you two somehow. What, did Bitchlestia have another daughter nopony knew about, is she a cousin of yours or are you two bitches hiding something?
What fucking ever. I should have known that you two would probably set something up and now I have to figure out how to get my mane and tail restored. Bunny Girl thinks I am hideous and the way I am right now, even a powerful seduction spell probably wouldn't work on Diamond Tiara. And another bad thing, I heard Cozy Glow mumbling to herself about finding the bell on her own, stealing my magic and taking it for herself! I wanted to spank her but I know you'd probably punish me if I did so now all I can do is not let her out of my sight.
Now I'm ending this fucking letter before I blow my stack and one final thing, don't go sucking Bright Bitch's pussy for doing this, ok?
Incredibly Pissed,
Luster Dawn
Dear Luster "I'm a Fucking Little Bitch" Dawn,
Oh cry me a river you little bitch. After reading this letter I have come to the conclusion that you are a hundred times worse than I ever even imagined of being. Now if you were even remotely intelligent when it comes to magic, you would have teleported those necklaces to yourself like Bright Beam would but oh no, you had to disturb the Ursa and lose your fucking mane and tail in the process. Speaking of your fucking mane and tail, I couldn't care less you lost it. I know Zecora knows something about mane and tail magic but if you're in such a hell fire hurry, go talk to Bright Beam. I'm sure she could probably handle it in nothing flat although I don't know why she would help a worthless little bitch like you anyway.
I am also going to let you know that I am beyond pissed right now because you failed me, again! Hell I'm pissed at all seven of you because you couldn't get those necklaces to work. Oh wait, I know why they wouldn't work. You're not all friends. For those to work, you'd all have to be friends! Oh well, what matters is that Bright Beam got everything fixed and I will say this right now, Bright Beam is far closer to fulfilling her destiny than you are. Starlight is already beginning to make plans for her, and she even has a set of wings in Canterlot tower that match her coat now! Have I done such a thing for you? Fuck no I haven't and I doubt I will ever have to.
Now look, I am demanding that you befriend those six rejects so that maybe, just maybe, you and those acquaintances of yours can go out and actually defeat villains like my friends and I did instead of relying on Bright Beam to go out and save your ass on her own. Damn I wish she would have been my protege. I'm going to tell you the same thing my incredibly hot mom told me, you are making ME look bad by failing like this! I know I should punish you severely for this but you continuing to be miserable, getting shot down by Diamond Tiara and Bunny Girl and constantly being outdone by Bright Beam is more than enough! On and Luster, "Damn it sucks to be you!"