Friends have Benefits
Chapter Three: Soarin gets some (more) pie
After hastily enacting repairs to his damaged home and correcting the list it had somehow developed, Soarin was shepherded back down to the pub by Rainbow Dash for the weather team’s morning meeting. There, Soarin had a large plate of food shoved under his nose and was ordered to eat. He didn’t complain and munched as cheerfully he as could while Rainbow explained the day's proceedings to the team. Or she would have, had she not been lazy and just pinned the brief to the table and told everypony to read it for themselves.
“So what’s our teams for today boss?” Doc asked with a mouthful of hay.
Dash pondered for a moment. “Doc you head off with Thunderlane when he gets his lazy flank here, Flitter and Chaser, you get to deal with the rookie.”
Soarin would have protested but he was too busy enjoying a mouthful of pancakes.
“And as always I’m by myself and I'll take the south and east sectors today, Doc you have the west and you three,” she said pointing at Soarin, Cloud Chaser and Flitter. “Have the north and central districts.” She brushed a few stray crumbs off her coat. “Any questions?”
The sound of quiet munching filled the room.
“Good, I’ll see you all this afternoon for the planned shower at Sweet Apple Acres.”
She flew off, leaving the four other pegasi to finish their meals.
“So.” Soarin asked attacking other large stack of pancakes. “Does this happen every morning?”
“What, the breakfast or Rainbow Dash leaving early?” Doc asked with a bemused look.
“Both.” Soarin said, ravenously devouring a pancake, making it plainly obvious as to which one was more important.
“Every morning.” Doc said. “Dash might not seem like one to care about her underlings, but this whole meal is put on every morning at her expense. It’s offset by the company apparently but it’s still a very nice gesture.”
“Interesting.” Soarin replied, massacring another pancake.
“And she runs off early every morning as well. And always takes the south and east sectors. They’re the most difficult to manage and she likes to challenge herself.” He shrugged. “Don’t know why she pushes herself so much though.”
“And what if somepony goes and tries to help her?” Soarin asked.
“The normally get thanked with a kick to the face. Or worse in Thunderlane’s case.”
Soarin tapped his fork against the table. “What’s with those two, they seem… edgy… to say the least.”
The three other pegasi chuckled.
“Edgy is an understatement.” Flitter said, eyeing a shiny apple.
“Those two dated a couple of years back, or something like that.” Doc said. “They broke up after Dash found him snogging yours truly over here” He finished, pointing a hoof at Cloud Chaser. “Anyway, they finally put aside their differences and usually work together reasonably well. Rainbow can be a bit hard on poor Thunderlane though.”
“I see.” Soarin mumbled, dissecting his last Pancake with practiced ease.
As if summoned, Thunderlane chose that moment to appear in the doorway.
“Who are you, Beetlejuice?” Doc asked.
“Who’s Beetlejuice?” Soarin asked.
“He’s some lovely chap my brother met while on his travels.”
“Morning everypony.” Thunderlane muttered, ignoring the tan stallion.
“How was ironing your dog?” Soarin asked him with a mischievous smile.
“Shut up, you two looked set to spill blood and I was tired.” Thunderlane rumbled.
“You have a dog?” Flitter asked dumbly. “How does it live in the clouds?”
“I don’t have a dog!” Thunderlane groaned.
Cloudchaser ruffled his mane affectionately. “Don’t worry Thunderlane, we know you don’t have a dog.” She handed him the daily brief. “You’re with Doc today in the west sector though, how fun!”
“Aww cripes, don’t let me go with Doc! I’ll be bored to death with his constant talk about his brother’s adventures in that box of his.”
Doc bristled. “I think his stories are much more interesting than anything you have to talk about. I’m sure we all want to know about what you did last night like how many shots you downed, or how far you kicked a football.” He rambled sarcastically.
“Oh please, your brother should have been locked away in an asylum years ago.” Thunderlane said, rolling his eyes.
“Well you’re stuck with him for today, so deal with it.” Cloud Chaser admonished.
Thunderlane turned to Soarin. “Come on Soarin, help me out here.”
Soarin cocked an eyebrow in mock thought. “Let me think, would I rather go with these two lovely and may I add, beautiful, mares over here or with the lovely chap that is Doc. I think it’s fairly obvious what I’m going to go with here. No offence Doc.” Soarin added. Both Cloud Chaser and Flitter blushed fiercely at his compliments
“None taken.” Doc responded with a curt nod. “I know where’d I’d be going.”
“Exactly” Soarin said.
Thunderlane harrumphed and set about eating.
“If you’re done with the sweet talking and the attempted extinction of pancakes, we should probably get going Soarin.” Cloud Chaser said, playfully.
“Aww but... pancakes!” Soarin whined.
“No more pancakes for you mister.” She said slapping his hoof away from the severely depleted stack in the centre of the table.
“Fine…” He grumbled, clambering to his hoofs and stretching his wings.
“That’s the spirit; the weather won’t look after itself after all!” Cloud Chaser said, leaping to her hooves.
>>
Soarin wiped a hoof across his sweaty brow. His wings were starting to burn from the amount of work they were doing. While Soarin knew weather control was not an easy job, he would have never guessed how tiring it was. He marvelled at how relaxed Cloud Chaser and Flitter were. It hardly seemed like they were working at all, yet every time he looked, clouds had been shifted or bucked into the next life. His mind drifting to the two mares, Soarin let his eyes wander around the sky for the two athletic pegasi. He saw Cloud Chaser first and scrutinized her body with his gaze. The sleek and graceful curves, her toned flank and her legs, Celestia her legs. Even the way she kicked the clouds out of existence struck Soarin as being sexy. ‘I’d never go there’ he thought numbly, ‘but she’s hot.’
“Hey Soarin.” Flitter said, suddenly appearing next to Soarin.
Soarin let out a strangled cry of surprise. “Umm… hey Flitter! What’s up?”
“I see that look you’re giving my sister.” she purred.
“What are you talking about?” Soarin lied, embarrassed he had been caught in the act.
“Oh come on, you’ve been eyeing her all day. She’s a cutie ain’t she?”
“She is pretty good looking I guess.” Soarin admitted..
“Well, she’s a hell of a mare. Word for the wise though, she doesn’t put out. Which is good, cause if she did, I’ll have to kill you. Or worse. And that would be such a pity” Flitter growled, her threat hanging in the air. There was no trace of humour on her face.
Soarin gulped.
Her face immediately brightened. “Anyway I’m going on a quick break, be back soon.” She dived off and vanished in the maze of streets below him.
Soarin hung there for a moment, Flitter’s threat looming over him. “All the mares in this town are crazy.” He eventually muttered.
“Hey Soarin.” came a sultry voice from behind him.
For the second time in the space of a few minutes, Soarin let out a strangled noise in surprise. He turned his head to face the voice.
“Oh... Hi Cloud Chaser.” He said, noting with alarm the bedroom eyes she was giving him.
“I heard you talking to my sister, such a pity isn’t it? I mean who wouldn’t want this?” She winked.
“Yeah, such a pity.” Soarin feigned.
“Why don’t you come over here and have play? She wouldn’t ever know.”
‘Not sure if want…’ Soarin thought dumbly. This mare was practically throwing herself at him and Soarin was fairly sure that phrase would become literal if he didn’t do something soon though. ‘Well, she is pretty hot…’ he thought. The memories of Flitter’s threat sudden popped back into his mind, making his thoughts do an abrupt heel-face-turn. The possibility of her inflicting pain worse than death brought particularly disturbing images to mind.
‘Do not want!’ He thought as she moved a little closer to him.
“What are you waiting for?” Cloud Chaser asked, giving Soarin a seductive look.
‘Think think think Soarin think! Use that grey matter of yours.’ He thought desperately. He blurted out the first thing that came to his mind.
“I’m gay.” He lied. ‘WHAT?!’ “I mean… Yeah totally gay. I this… ur… Cute cowpony… Um… Yeah cute cowpony out west with this handsome vest… Yeah… that’s it. We’re totally gay for one another.”
Cloud Chaser looked at him suspiciously. “What about you and Rainbow Dash?”
Soarin looked around nervously. “I thought she was a guy?” He said.
“You thought she was a guy on two different nights?” Cloud Chaser deadpanned.
“How does everypony know about that?!” He yelled exasperated.
“Ponyville is a small place and you two I must say were pretty loud last night…”
Soarin’s eyes widened in surprise. “Yikes.”
“Come to think of it, “Cloud Chaser said, her fantasy with Soarin temporarily forgotten, “I don’t think I’ve heard the phrase ‘Giddy-up!’ used in that way before.”
Soarin flushed red in embarrassment. “Hey would you look at the time, clouds to buck, things to do. You know!” He blurted, shooting off in a blur towards nothing in particular.
“Hey, wait come back! You still have to ravage me! I spent ages getting ready for this. Years dreaming! Come back Soarin!” Cloud Chaser yelled after him.
“Ready for what?” An unamused voice said from behind her.
“Oh Flitter… Hi…Um… Nothing?”
>>
By the time the afternoon rolled around, Soarin was hot and sweaty. It was to his great relief then, when Cloud Chaser announced that they were due in at Sweet Apple Acres. Thankfully, she seemed to have forgotten that their little encounter had ever happened. Soarin wondered if the rotten looks Flitter occasionally gave her had anything to do with it. As they lazily drifted towards the apple orchard, both Flitter and Cloud Chaser decided to comment on Soarin’s fantastic body odour.
“You smell bad Soarin. Like really, really bad.” Flitter said, covering her nose.
“Not my fault I’m a guy. We work, we get hot, and we get sweaty. Just how it works.”
“How did your teammates cope with it?” Cloud Chaser gagged.
Soarin grinned. ”We all smelt bad. The smell you’d get when the squad finished a day of training was probably potent enough to weaponise.”
“Alright, we get the picture.” Flitter said.
“Well you can forget about any more offers for fu-. OW!” Cloud Chaser cried out as Flitter hit her on the back of the head.
“Yeah, when we get this rain started, you’re going right under a cloud Soarin. And you’re staying there. And Cloud Chaser will not be joining you.” Flitter said, glaring at her sister.
“Speaking of rain, how do you make it rain?” Soarin asked, trying to steer the conversation in a new direction.
“Simple. We get a shipment of rainclouds from the weather factories in Cloudsdale, move them into position and then start them up.”
“And how do we do that?”
“We jump on them silly!”
“But don’t jump too hard, the process to make the clouds isn’t exactly perfect and occasionally we might get a lightning cloud. Jump on them too hard and you’ll set it off. Causes one hell of a bang.” Cloud Chaser explained.
Soarin grimaced.
“Don’t worry, you’ll be fine!”
“Hahaha!” Rainbow Dash snorted. “Look at you! I mean, seriously look at you!” She lapsed into another round of chuckles.
Soarin sighed and rolled his eyes. He’d been doing a good job with the rain clouds at first, jumping up and down on them and making them release their payload with ease. His ninth cloud though, had been particularly stubborn and he had little success beyond a few measly drops of water. Throwing caution to the wind, he had slammed his hind legs down on the cloud as hard as he could, finally causing the cloud to rain.
Unfortunately it also launched a bolt of lightning at its attacker.
The loud boom of following thunder had attracted the attention of Rainbow Dash, who took the opportunity to poke a little fun at the blackened Soarin.
Soarin growled and landed under a raining cloud, allowing the water to wash the blackened tips of his wings and legs off.
“How was it Soarin, shocking? Get-it? Shocking?” She asked, snorting with laughter.
“My wings are ruined.” He muttered, ignoring her incredibly lame joke and sitting down and rubbing the tips of his wings.
“Oh don’t be such a baby, feathers grow back.” Dash said helpfully from above him.
“I know.” Soarin snapped.
Bringing her mirth under control, Dash swooped down next to him, letting the cold water run over her lithe body. “Sorry, you do look ridiculous though.”
Soarin grunted.
Rainbow cocked her head to the side. “You do that a lot don’t you?”
“What?”
She grunted loudly, trying to imitate him. She laughed at how deep she had managed to make her voice.
Soarin ignored her and continued to wash his wings clean.
Dash sighed explosively. “You’re doing it wrong. You should be rubbing downwards, not across. If you wash it across you’ll gunk your wings up. Don’t they teach you anything in the Wonderbolts?” She said playfully.
“We’re a flight demonstration team, not the weather team.” Soarin snapped back, his anger simmering. He reluctantly changed his method of cleaning though.
“Sheesh, no need to get snappy.” She said moving closer to him. “Just trying to help.”
He eyed her cautiously. “What are you doing?” he asked as she moved even closer.
“Helping.” She muttered, placing her hooves gently over his other wing and slowly rubbing it clean.
“Thanks.” Soarin muttered under his breath. He finished cleaning his wing and started washing his legs clean. He was reluctant to admit it, but the feeling of Dash running her hooves over his wing was amazing. He suddenly felt bad for getting angry with her before. After all, she was just trying to help.
“Dash,” Soarin said. “I want to apologise for being such a jerk yesterday. It was unfounded and I should have treated you with more respect.” He stammered for a moment. “I understand that we didn’t have the best of introductions an-.”
“Second Introductions” Dash interrupted. Soarin glared at her.
“Whatever.” He said. “I know we didn’t start out in the best way and I’ll be honest, my judgment of you was affected by that. For the record though, you are loud, boastful, have a terrible ego and are generally obnoxious.”
“Wasn’t this supposed to be an apology?” Dash noted wryly.
“Yeah yeah, I’m getting there.” Soarin snapped. “Look, I’m sorry okay?”
“Thank you.” Dash said, gently massaging his wing.
Soarin’s eyes widened. ‘Ohhh that’s good.’ He thought as she dug into his wing.
“Hey! You two should kiss!” Thunderlane yelled down from above them.
“Piss off Thunderlane!” Dash yelled, still massaging Soarin’s wing.
“He’s right you know.” Soarin muttered.
“What?” Dash froze in surprise
“I was being sarcastic.” He said flatly. ”I wouldn’t touch that with a ten foot pole. Oh wait already did.” He added after a moment even more dryly.
Dash punched him hard in the chest. “Don’t scare me like that.” She stopped massaging his wing and flapped her own wings a few times, gaining a little altitude. “When you finish up with the rain, come and meet me by the farm house over there.”
“Why?” Soarin asked.
“To get some pie. Duh.”
“That could be taken in two ways.” Soarin said with a snicker.
“Get your mind out of the gutter.” Rainbow said, glaring at him intensely.
“Whatever.” Soarin chuckled, running a hoof through his wet mane.
With the prospect of pie on the cards, Soarin rushed to finish the job, bouncing gaily from cloud to cloud. Besides nearly crushing Doc several times, the deployment of the cloud cover went off without another hitch. Careening through the sky at a breakneck pace, Soarin raced towards the barn for his promised meal. Arriving at the front of the barn, he bucked the door open in a appropriately theatrical manner.
“Surrender the booty!” he cried, striking a flamboyant pose
“Wow, what’s gotten into you?” Rainbow Dash said dryly from a tall stack of hay.
“I’m a fan of food.” Soarin said simply. “We got good chow regularly with the Bolt’s. Thanks for breakfast by the way.”
“Don’t mention it fatty.” Dash said cheekily. “At the rate you were devouring those pancakes I’m going to need to make cuts elsewhere in the budget.”
“Lay off, I didn’t eat that many.”
“I heard that even Doc lost count how many went down your throat, is your stomach bigger on the inside of something?”
“High metabolism.” Soarin said dismissively. “Now where’s the pie, I was promised pie.”
“You’ll get your pie, be patient.” Rainbow said, stretching out on the massive haystack.
Soarin groaned and paced around the barn for a moment. Bored, he decided it would be an excellent time to play a trick on Dash. Stealthily he crept into the haystack, unnoticed by the napping cyan Pegasus on top. Climbing up the inside of the stack as quietly as he could, Soarin prepared to pounce on Dash from underneath her.
“RAAWR!” he yelled, leaping out the haystack like a quarry eel. Dash, however had rolled over and was no longer where he had anticipated she would be. Crashing down in an ungainly heap on the top of the haystack, Soarin felt the entire stack starting to tip as it became unbalanced. Dash yelped in surprise as the entire stack promptly tipped over, a tidal wave of hay covering the floor of the barn.
Naturally it was at this time that the food arrived.
Applejack swung the barn door open, her eyes widening as she took in the sight of the toppled haystack. Two blue heads poked out from the pile, one wearing an innocent grin and the other with a fierce glare.
“You’re fixin’ that.” She muttered angrily.
After Applejack had retreated, Soarin had wasted no time in tucking into the first pie.
“Soarin, slow down. You’re making me sick.” Dash protested as he devoured the pie in a messy yet efficient manner.
“Nom nom nom, nom nom” Soarin mouthed back happily.
Dash sighed and continued eating her pie, albeit much slower.
“You know Soarin.” She said after a few minutes, “I think you’ve put me off pie for good. Thanks a lot you… you…” Her words died in her mouth as she slowly pushed the pie away.
“Genius?” Soarin finished for her.
“That’s not what I was going to say.” She huffed angrily. A mischievous smile replaced her scowl a moment later. “Hey Soarin, you want the rest of my pie?”
Soarin nodded happily, his mouth full of the delicious apple pie.
“Ok then.” Dash said, throwing the pie squarely at the side of his head., hitting home with a satisfying squelch.
“How could you do that?!?” Soarin yelled through his mouthful of pie. He glared at Dash. “Oh it’s on now.”
“Oh yeah, what are you gonna do about it?” Dash said with a smirk.
“This.” Soarin said. In a flash he had leaped on top of Dash, pinning her beneath him.
“EAT PIE, FIEND!” he yelled, shaking his head furiously from side to side. Chunks of pie started flying around the barn and most importantly, covered Dash with a gooey layer of apple filling.
Dash wasn’t sure whether to laugh or to scream as she was assaulted by pie.
“How’s that huh?” Soarin said, looking down at the helpless mare beneath him.
“You’re a dickhead you know that?” Dash said.
“I try my best.” Soarin said, panting slightly. His muzzle was mere inches away from Dash’s and now that she was covered in pie, she looked a lot more appealing than normal.
Dash’s eyes flickered from his to his mouth.
“You know what Thunderlane said before?” She said quietly, a lustful look on her face “He was definitely right.”
Soarin blinked in surprise. “What?”
“Celestia you’re thick.” Dash muttered, dropping the facade. Unnoticed by Soarin, she had manoeuvred her hoof around the last pie and now he was distracted, brought it down on the top of his head.
“Aww, not the mane!” Soarin cried out as the pie slid over his face, gloopy pieces sticking to his styled mane. He shook his head again, covering Rainbow Dash with another layer of pie chunks.
Again, Applejack, having a terrible sense of timing and no knowledge of the plot, had the misfortune to walk in at that moment.
“Ah just forget to g-…: Her eyes widened as she took in the sight of the pie splattered interior of barn, the two pie covered pegasi and their somewhat intimate looking position.
“Ah’m not interrupting anythin’ am ah?” She said slowly.
“Trust me, this isn’t what it looks like.” Dash said from under Soarin.
“Ah don’t think ah want ta know what it looks like. I’ve seen some messed up things, but this is probably my new number one.” Applejack drawled, slowly backing out of the barn.
Rainbow stifled a giggle before she erupted with laughter. Waves of mirth breaking from her as she rolled around on the hay covered floor. The laughter was contagious as within moments Soarin had joined her.
“The look on her face!” Dash howled, her body convulsing with laughter. “Priceless! I would pay to see that again.”
“”Who’s a silly pony?” Soarin giggled.
“Applejack!” Rainbow chortled.
“Shame about the pie.” Soarin mumbled, bring his laughter under control. “I was still hungry.”
“Stop whinging you big softie.” Dash muttered, giving him a rough hug.
“None of that.” Soarin mumbled, pushing Dash off him.
“Aww, why not? Don’t you like being touched by mares?” she grinned knowingly
“No, I don’t like being hugged by smelly, pie covered mares who I don’t particularly like.” Soarin rebutted.
“Whatever happened to being nice?” Dash said, pouting. “I liked the nice Soarin.”
“I never said I’d be nice.” Soarin remarked irritably.
“Well you should be.”
“Why?”
“Because I asked nicely?”
“No.” Soarin said, already knowing he had lost.
“Because I asked really nicely?” Dash said, her infamous puppy dog eyes returning.
Soarin’s eyes narrowed. ‘Damn that’s cute.’ He thought. He shut his eyes so he wouldn’t see her.
“No.”
“I’ll give you another wing massage…” Dash said enticingly.
“No.”
“Why?”
Soarin opened an eye cautiously. She had stopped pouting and had a genuinely sad look on her face.
“Why are you so desperate?” he finally asked.
“Because I’ve learnt that having friends is one of the most amazing things you can have.” She said. “I have five amazing friends and they’ve changed my life for the better. Why won’t you give it a chance?
“Why do you want to be friends with me though?” Soarin asked. “I’ve disliked you since we met.”
“You liked me before.” Dash mumbled. “You even tried to ask me to a date once.”
“Is that what you want?” Soarin asked.
“What?! No! I’m over the whole dating thing. I don’t see the appeal in it anymore.”
“Then why have I woken up with you in my bed for the last two days?”
“Just because I don’t want to date you doesn’t mean I don’t think you’re a sexy hunk.” She said.
“I’ll take that as a compliment.” Soarin said after a moment.
“It was you dope.”
“That wasn’t.”
“Once again, your observational skills serve you well.” Dash said dryly.
“What’s the point Dash?” Soarin asked in frustration, a small gloop of pie falling off his ear.
“Just give it a shot okay? How about you drop past my place some time, we can have some food, I’ll get a projector from my friend and we can watch a movie. How does it sound?”
“Suspiciously like a date.” Soarin muttered.
“It’s not a date! Just friends okay.” She said, picking some hay off her face. “Pleeeeease?”
Soarin rolled his eyes and tried as hard as he could to glare at her. She gave him a cute smile.
“Alright fine. When are you suggesting this?”
“How does tomorrow night sound? You don’t have any plans do you?”
“Not that I can make up…” Soarin muttered.
“What did you say?”
“Nothing, nothing.” Soarin mumbled
“So?”
“Fine… Tomorrow night is… good.” Soarin struggled out the last word. He almost felt like he was being pressured into this.
‘Oh wait, I am!’