//------------------------------// // The Trouble With Swans (S1 E26) // Story: Unpleasant Correspondence 2 (My Little Pony: Reign of the Goddess-Queens) // by StormLuna //------------------------------// Dear Luster, Ok Luster, you came so close last time but failed your grammar lesson but I am giving you yet another chance to get to come home. You see, right after my incredibly sexy sister and I took over, we got rid of the swan festival that always caused so many problems. The problem is, a lot of locals have been complaining for years because we got rid of it but for this one year, we told them that we were going to bring it back so they'll quit bitching. However, overseeing such a thing is far beneath us and it is also beneath Bright Beam but we have been discussing that you and your friends, I mean acquaintances, could handle it. Now this will be tough for all of you but we know that the seven of you should be able to handle it just fine. As far as our step-daughters and us go, we are heading on a trip to Maretonia because we simply need some time out of town. After all, if you are to pull this off, nopony in the royal family can be here to save your ass WHEN it appears that you will fail. Get up here tomorrow morning so you can get started. See You Tomorrow, Goddess-Queen Twilight Sparkle Dear Twibitch, Seriously, I along with my acquaintances have to set up some stupid swan festival? I know you two despise most useless festivals like that but I know that you are only bringing it back so you can inconvenience me. Well I know that if you would let me do this on my own I would do just fine but since you are making me allow my acquaintances to help, I know it will be a disaster. Oh well, I really don't give a shit because I know nothing I do will ever be enough. See You Later, Luster Dawn Dear Bunny Tracks, Apple Bloom, Sweetie Belle, Scootaloo, Diamond Tiara and Silver Spoon, Alright you six, listen up. You are to join Luster Dawn on a trip to Canterlot tomorrow morning. You see, we have decided to bring back this stupid swan festival our mom always held and the seven of you are going to set it up because it is beneath us to have anything to do with such wasteful shit. Now I do want to warn you, Luster is a bit bitchy about this but hey, that will make it all the funner! Now you better be there because Luster will need all your help. If you don't show up, the punishment will be severe, especially for you Scootaloo. Have fun with this losers! Sincerely, Goddess-Queen Starlight Glimmer and Goddess-Queen Twilight Sparkle To the Incestuous Sisters, Seriously, we have to help that bitch set this up? Look, we all know that you like making ponies miserable but this is stretching it, even for you two. Well we will join her but not because we want to. We're only doing this because we are being forced. After this, we will go back to only dealing with her when it is absolutely necessary. Sincerely, Luster's Acquaintances One Week Later Dear Goddess-Queen Twilight Sparkle and Goddess-Queen Starlight Glimmer, Well I am not sure when you and your precious step-daughters will get home but I am writing to tell you about how that worthless swan festival went. I would love to know why the fuck you didn't tell us that we were supposed to delegate different jobs to the rich snobs that live in Canterlot? The least you could have done is leave instructions because we had no idea what to do, at all. We were scrambling around screwing things up and that one rich snob, Fancy Piss I think it is, was laughing at us the whole time. Garbage was piling up in the streets because the sanitation workers were on strike because they feel they aren't being paid enough. Knowing you two though, you're probably taking money from the sanitation department and spending it on either cake for yourselves or showering your precious step-daughters with lavish gifts and festivals of their own. Ok, back to the festival. Well all that garbage wound up attracting a bunch of vultures and to make matters worse, they killed all the swans so we wound up holding a vulture festival instead. I suppose it isn't all bad because one of them bit Diamond Tiara down south and now she won't be able to put out for Silver Slut for a while. In the end, we were ran out of town by a bunch of angry snobs and from what I understand, the sanitation department is still on strike and vultures have taken over the city. Oh well, I don't really give a shit. We got this done and now it is behind it....and I tried to seduce Bunny Girl after a vulture scared her and guess what, I was able to kiss her! Yep I was able to kiss her before she slugged me and stomped me. Oh well, I got a kiss but next time my horn shall prevail and meet her love canal! Maybe you should put us in charge of another festival! I know if you do I can buck her! Kissed Bunny Girl, Luster Dawn Another Week Later Dear Luster, Well we finally got home and we were actually shocked to see that you were formal with us! It is about damn time that you show us the respect that we deserve. After reading the rest of your letter, we figured out why you were so formal with us, the festival wound up being a disaster. Now you may find this surprising but we are actually happy that it was a disaster. You see, we put you and your acquaintances in charge for a reason. We wanted to make sure that the snobs up here would never want another swan festival again and thanks to you seven, they don't! Congratulations Luster, you succeeded in doing what we wanted. When we got home, the rich snobs were complaining about all of you so you know what we did? We laughed in their faces and told them that we put the seven most inept ponies in existence in charge of it just so they'll never ask us to put another one on! They weren't one bit happy but after this, they don't want another. Now we were able to clear out the vultures, get the sanitation workers back to work and get the swan corpses out of here so all is good. Believe it or not but you pulled it off Luster! Now had you not adopted Cozy Glow, I would have let you come home! What a shame too, we would have put you in charge of the royal family's relations with the rich snobs but oh well, the leading guard pony will still have that job. Still Not Letting You come Home, Goddess-Queen Twilight Sparkle and Goddess-Queen Starlight Glimmer To the Incestuous Bitch Sisters, You know what, never ask us to try and put on a festival again! Everything was a complete disaster. Trash was piling up in the streets thanks to your lousy trash ponies, vultures came in and killed the swans and the snobs were laughing at us. To make matters worse, poor Diamond Tiara got bit down south and she is in a lot of pain. We don't know if you did this solely to punish us more than you already have or you just got a laugh out of it but never again! We would rather have to deal with those Abyssinians and diamond dogs again than have to do this. Signed, Luster's Acquaintances To Luster's Acquaintances, Guess what, you won't have to worry about this one again. We put you seven mental defects in charge so that this town would never want another swan festival and it worked. So congratulations and Diamond, we don't give a shit about a vulture trying to violate your love canal with its mouth. You deserve it because you couldn't just keep on making Luster happy! Now I have some advice for you, let Luster have her way with you OR we will be forced to give you to our friends up here for the whole off-season and we know you'd just love that! Sincerely, Goddess-Queen Starlight Glimmer and Goddess-Queen Twilight Sparkle