//------------------------------//
// Family 
// Story: Becoming a Princess 
// by kuromi 
//------------------------------//

Of all the royal duties I had begun to experience during that visit to Canterlot it had been the ambassador's meeting that truly did show me that some things available to me as a princess were remarkable, and something I should always be grateful to have. That I could meet and even be a diplomat with other peoples of different lands opened up more options to me that I found myself eager to pursue. But it wasn't long before I was forced to remember just why I had always hated my royalty in the first place. Because I was always alone, and the only filly of my kind. That I had never had a friend until now, and the weight of Equestria rested on my wings.  

And how much it all could hurt me. 




The rest of my family had arrived for the debutante ball of which some of my cousins were also taking part in. I wasn’t looking forward to seeing the rest of the royal families, especially the other fillies and colts. My cousins had always been standoffish and rude to me. They didn’t like that I was an alicorn, or the heiress to Equestria, and they definitely weren’t going to be congratulating me on becoming a debutante. I wished I could just go hang out with my real friends. My disastrous but memorable sleepover with Sweetheart seemed like years ago now and the Summer Sun Festival and the end of my visit was fast approaching. I hoped I could at least find some time to meet Shining Armor again before the debutante ball in the next few days.  

But I would see him sooner than I thought. 

Things were strange that day. Although the palace was full of pony nobility from all over Equestria, and the staff were busy as usual getting ready for yet another banquet, the halls felt empty and forlorn, the air thick and full of tension. I actually wanted to get to the banquet hall where the welcoming party was being held to just be around other ponies and to get away from the strong feelings attacking me. It wasn’t just my own nervousness at confronting my family, it was my inherent ability to sense ponies’ emotions. I knew that something was wrong. 

I walked with my father to the party without a word between us. I wondered where my mother was, but felt weighed down by the feeling of wrongness I could feel from him and all around me so I didn't speak. It wasn’t like he was going to volunteer the information himself. And because this was a relatively informal party, (for royalty anyway) I hadn’t needed mom to help me get ready, and figured she was there already with the other mares. She could somehow get along with all those stuck up ponies. She could get along with anypony. 

“Your mother is indisposed right now and will not be joining us tonight,” My father suddenly answered my unasked question and I looked up at him, quizzically, but he turned away and muttered, “You will behave like a proper princess, and greet our kin in her place. And I will not have you arguing with your cousins.” 

“But I-” I tried to protest, hurt that he would blame me for all the times that my cousins had bullied me into a corner, causing me to leave all the parties in tears over the years. But his stern glare kept my mouth shut, and I hung my head. “Yes, father.” 

When I arrived in the great banquet hall it was even worse than I had thought. 

Instead of my family treating me like the envied, hybrid, freak they usually did, they showered me in praise and adulation, even going as far as to grab me in a hug, stuffing bouquets of flowers in my aura and planting kisses on both my cheeks as is the Istalian way, but something I hadn’t been worthy of from them since I grew out of the cute foal phase, and was pretty much taller than most of them.  

It might have been nice. It might have eased all my worries, made me feel special and loved, and shown me that my family didn’t hate me. But I was an empath. And I knew from my emotion sensing magic that not one of those ponies was being sincere. Not one of them really cared about me. And all I could feel from them was jealousy, resentment and hate. 

I tried to ignore it. I tried to smile and take their fake commendation, congratulating them also for their own achievements, but I was starting to feel sick from all the strong, negative emotions, my heart was racing and I felt near tears, until they finally stopped with the artificial praise and asked about my mother. 

I said she wasn’t feeling well and couldn’t be there that night, but what did I know? I hadn’t even seen her since the early morning when she said she had some sort of appointment and asked me to please get along with my father until she came back. It wasn’t like I was going to get into a fight with him. We weren’t children. But it was strange she hadn’t made it to the party. She always liked to see our family, with her own sister living in  Canterlot it was a rare opportunity, and she hadn’t seemed unwell that morning. I wished she were there. I needed her. 

Eventually the adults went off to bother my father, and left me with the other yearlings and foals. Particularly my sixteen year old cousin, Giada Ametistia (which meant Jade Amethyst in Istalian) who put the fake cheer on extra thick as she hugged and kissed me, although I knew she actually burned green with envy under her own pastel green coat.  

She had always been jealous of me. For everything I was, and everything I hated about myself. I suppose since she was older than me she probably would have been the first heiress to the throne, but my aunt never even appointed an heiress until I was born. It wasn’t like I took it from her. And it wasn’t like I wanted it. As far as I was concerned she could have it. 

The violet maned unicorn older than me by two years was the first born filly of my mother’s younger sister who had always disapproved of her marrying my father as he was not of royal blood. With her mother’s criticism of my own, and jealousy over her bearing an alicorn, my maternal aunt didn’t really care much for me either, and had passed down her resentment to her filly who was spoiled and cruel, bullying me relentlessly, and telling me just what her mother thought of me and the rest of my family.  

And I could feel all that covetous emotion through her as she let me go and smirked in what was supposed to be a smile. 

"Look at my little cuz, taller than me now. You're starting to look like our aunt more and more, Cadenza," she said snidely, her narrow eyes filled with mischief. "Just how long will that muzzle grow, anyway? You look more stallion then Blueblood over there." She giggled, trying to reach up to my nose with her hind legs, but I took advantage of being taller than her and moved away so she almost fell over. It was my turn to smirk, but her glare of daggers left me reeling back to my meek little self. 

Our girlish mind games that looked as amiable as any conversation between two royals to anypony watching was always too much for me, as my brain tried to tell me she was being friendly, while the magic in my heart could tell she most certainly wasn't. And she held nothing but contempt toward me. 

"Its nice to see you again too, Giada. Congratulations on your acceptance into Canterbury University." I tried to be kind, to show her I was the mature one, and as much as I didn't want it, the harmonious one, more worthy of being Celestia's successor. 

"Hmph, and what do you plan on studying? Or does our aunt just expect you to go into government after you finish your formal education?" She muttered, as bitterly as a lemon rind. I guess kindness didn't work with her, and it wasn't like I had the strength to stand up to her, or resort to her cruel ways. 

"Well I would like to learn more about--" I started to say, but then the elder unicorn's eyes lit up with malice as she seemed to remember something, and she interrupted me. 

"Or are you planning on getting married? I've heard about your little colt friend. Is he really not even a noble pony?"  

As with the ponyrazzi incident,  I could put up with her taunting me, but I was not going to let her say anything bad about the pony I loved, and I bristled at her snide remark. 

"He's more noble than any prince I've seen. And yes, I will marry him if he asks me." I responded clenching my teeth in anger. 

"Hah, and your parents are okay with that? I know Aunt Celestia will let you do whatever your pretty little heart desires, but you're the next crown princess, you can't expect to get away with marrying a commoner. Even I'm not permitted to do such a thing, and I'm just a lowly duchess." Her words were full of her usual bitterness, but the mocking tone was thick and palpable. She knew she had hit me in a sore spot, which seemed to be her life's goal. 

"I don't care what any pony says. I love whom I love, and I won't let you insult him just because he isn't part of royalty."  I growled, defensively. 

As I backed up, my wings spreading out, instinctually, I realized that my other cousins had crowded around us, and embarrassed, I lost my resolve, and stood down. 

“I saw you in the magazines too!  They said you met the stallion of your dreams here. That’s so romantic!” Glory, a little white filly from the Canterlot nobles spoke up, excitedly. She was a benign little unicorn, not trying to taunt me like Giada was, but she was young and impressionable, and looked up to Giada before she would ever look up to me. 

“That it is, Glory, but you know our dear cousin, Cadance’s coltfriend isn’t a noble like us. She’s breaking our family’s rules.” Giada said, pretending to be motherly as she put her hoof around the filly’s neck. 

“You are?” she asked, looking over at me, with wide, disillusioned eyes.  

“No, I'm not, I---” I tried to explain but was cut off as more of my family expressed their concern over that damned magazine article. 

“Is that colt in the royal guard? Are you really dating a guard pony? They like, don’t even talk!” Wysteria, an eleven year old filly spoiled by the royal life and loving it, spoke up, snootily. Of course she wouldn’t appreciate our royal guards and the lives they put on the line for us. She knew nothing else. 

“They’re common ponies. Ew.” My other twelve year old cousin, Blueblood grimaced in his creepily feminine elitist way.  

“You think everypony is a commoner.” I muttered, trying to stay calm around the younger ponies. It was Giada who was really trying to get to me. The others were just following her. 

“Get away from me! You have common pony germs!” the colt shouted, rearing up and trying to push me away with his hooves.  

Of course they were also total brats, making Twilight’s impish antics look like a saint’s. 

“For once Blueblood is right,” Giada made her presence known to the others with her strong voice, and air of superiority as she stood in front of the group of young nobles. Blueblood smiled smugly, and I just tried to keep my emotions from tearing me apart.  

I looked around for somepony to help me, to make them stop torturing me and the stallion I cared for. But there was nothing for me but disapproving glances from my distant relatives, as Aunt Celestia hosted the party at the front of the room, and my mother was nowhere to be seen. I was alone. Just like I always was. 

“ I didn’t know that colt is a royal guard. What are you trying to do? Ruin us?” Giada laughed. 

“There is nothing wrong with dating a royal guard,” I retorted, angrily. “Shining Armor is strong and kind. He wants to be a part of the royal guard to protect us. Just like all the royal guard do. They’re brave and courageous and they keep us safe. You have no right to criticize them or the pony I love.” 

“Heh, love. What do you know about love? You’re just a kid.” Giada smirked, and that made me really angry. Love was my calling. I was the princess of love, a Mederi. It was my destiny to spread love and light around me, and it was only because of that that I was not hitting the cruel unicorn with every hateful insult and possibly physical assault that I could. I was too kind. And too meek. 

“I know a lot more than you!” I shouted back, stomping my hoof. And of course everypony in the room turned to me then. Because all of Blueblood’s squealing, or Giada’s big speech didn’t alert them, but I lose my cool once and they all stare at me like I’m a dragon in their court room. 

I backed away from Giada and the stares of my family as their condemning looks washed over me. I could feel their disapproval and shock over my sudden shameful outburst. Even Princess Celestia seemed disheartened, and my father wouldn’t even look at me.  

And then I could hear the whispering around me. The disapproving clucks and chuckles. The cruel jabs at me as if I were some garbage on the street, and not a young and fragile filly who would be their princess one day.  

Breathing hard, I backed over to the banquet table where I could overhear their white hot brutal words, and I felt their dissent attack my heart as if I were being shot by arrows from every corner.  

“This is our next princess.” 

“She’s too emotional and sensitive. She won’t be able to handle government.” 

“She’s in poor health. Did you hear she was very ill just last year? They almost lost her. Princess Celestia should appoint a stronger mare in better health.” 

“I know its tradition to have alicorns rule because of their long life spans, but if she is so weak how does that make her any better suited to rule than any of us?” 

That last belittlement had been from my maternal aunt Fiorelle, and was something my mother would have stood up to her sister for saying. But she wasn’t here. Nopony was there for me.  

The voices surrounded me like monsters in my deepest nightmares, my breaths came fast and hard, thick and choking as the room suddenly grew too bright, and seemed to spin around me dizzyingly as I tried to back away further and further from these ponies who only wanted to hurt me. Who made my heart race in my chest as if I were ill again, and mocked me for that very illness.  

And then Giada was standing in front of me. Her smug little expression every indication that she had heard the others’ hateful words, and knew I was wounded and suffering, and that she could easily finish me off as if I were an enemy to be defeated. 

“My mother says that you brought scandal to the royal family with that humiliating article about you and your commoner coltfriend. You’re only getting away with it because you’re Celestia’s favourite for whatever reason,” She suddenly seemed genuinely hurt to be treated differently by our aunt just because I was born an alicorn, and seemed to merit special privileges. Even through my own pain I could feel hers too, and a small part of me, the weak part, the meeker side of me, ruled by my empathetic heart wanted to do something for her. Even as it was breaking inside me. 

But then my vision and brain focused, and I remembered how I had been treated by her and all the others, and how she had been criticizing Shining Armor, and I told my stupid empathy to shut up, vehemently switching it off like a light switch as I had painstakingly trained myself to be able to do, just as the pony I was feeling sorry for a minute ago got right up in my face and smiled as if she enjoyed breaking my heart. And in some ways I suppose she did.  

“You can’t have everything you want, princess. For us marriage isn’t about love. Its about continuing the royal bloodline so our culture can continue for generations. But then again you’re an alicorn, so you might not have to worry about that,”she paused before adding with a sinister smile, “But if you live forever, what are you going to do when your common unicorn husband dies and you’re left all alone?” 

It was the last thing I could take from her. She had touched on my greatest fear. That which had me wake up screaming some nights until my throat was raw, and tears soaked my pillowcase and mother’s mane as she tried to comfort me long into the early morning.  

The fear that I would be alone. All alone. My friends, my family, even Aunt Celestia if I succeeded her.... I couldn’t imagine living forever. Watching my family die, my real family...Shining Armor... I couldn’t. I wouldn’t. I’d die a thousand deaths before I would. And my cousin was not going to make me face it. 

“You shut up! You shut up!” I shouted, rearing up and spreading my wings as I furiously approached her. "You don't understand anything about me. You'll never understand what its like to be me, or feel what I feel. I'm not some immortal creature, and I'll never give up my love for anything. No matter what you or any pony says," my breaths and voice a fierce staccato I wanted to scream at her and attack her with my hooves, my much stronger magic, but I had already struck fear into those cold, dark eyes of hers by my height and strength behind my anger and hurt rising from the power of my deepest nightmare. She cowered in my winged shadow. 

I turned to the other nobles who were undoubtedly watching me again now, and stood down, tucking my wings to my side, but still icily glared at them as I continued, "As for you all, I don't know what you've been expecting, but I am nothing like Princess Celestia, and I don't even want to be your next princess. So if you all hate me so much, why don't you take it up with her, because I just don't care anymore." I stopped, gazing over the surprised and crestfallen faces of those around me, my heart's heavy pounding slowing down, and seeming to crumble in my chest, as my eyes ached with painful unshed tears. 

"I just don't care...." my voice shattered in my throat, and then I was running. Galloping away from them. Breaking through the banquet hall doors and into the halls, the stained glass windows blurring past me in my haste, and from the tears that flowed freely from my eyes. 

I would not go back. I would not face them again. I hated them. I hated them. I hated them all. My aunts and cousins for their cruelty, my aunt Celestia for putting this burden on me, and my parents for forcing me into this world of pompous ponies, politics and prison. Where I couldn’t choose who I loved or even make a friend until I found my own freedom in Canterlot, but even that was being restricted. I couldn’t take this anymore, and I wished I could just disappear into the mountains and valleys around the capital city, or fly to the clouds where no unicorn could ever find me again. But then I would lose him too. I could never win. 

“Cadenza!” I didn’t even lift my head when I heard my father shout my name. I had no strength to. No desire. My head was as heavy as stone, and I was wading through molasses. Nothing he said to me would make me go back. He could lock me up in my room for the rest of my days and I wouldn’t set a hoof back into that room, or face those vicious members of my family again. Giada. I’d never talk to her again. She was no longer my cousin, or family. She’d always tortured me, she’d always hurt me, but she had gone too far this time.  

“You go back into that party and apologize for your behaviour right this instant.” I heard my father’s furious voice from somewhere far away. 

“No.”  

“What did you say?” he demanded, his large, gray form appearing in my vision where I stared stoically at the marble floor. 

“I’m not going back.” I gritted my teeth as I spoke, ice seeming to crystalize in my veins.  

"You apologize to our family now, Cadenza. This is not how a princess should behave." His voice seemed a little softer now, and if I weren't burning with anger and hurt I might have noticed the slight sympathy he was actually showing me for once, but I had long since stopped responding to the emotions in my heart for others, I only cared for my own selfish feelings of anguish and spite. 

"I'm not a princess!" I screamed, finally raising my tear filled, fiery eyes to him, spreading my wings and finding satisfaction when he stepped away from me. If I could strike fear into him, into Giada, maybe I should abandon my meek personality and use my goddesses given strength and power to intimidate those who tried to hurt me. At least that would be one use for being an alicorn. Because I could see no other anymore. 

"You are the heiress to Princess Celestia, the next princess of our land, and you will one day succeed your mother as princess of Istalia too. You have great responsibilities awaiting you and you must learn to accept them and become a great ruler. You cannot run away every time some nobles upset you. You have to be strong." My father sounded weary, strangely melancholy and more patient with me than he had ever been, but his words were still not what I wanted to hear, they were the same things my mother had always said to me, and I still hated to hear them. I hated my duties more than ever now. 

"Don't you see?" I started, emotionally, my voice cracking. "I don't want to be a princess, I never wanted to be a princess. You all just forced it on me when I was born. Because I was born. I didn't ask to be born an alicorn, the only one of my kind besides Aunt Celestia, or even a princess of Istalia. Its all because you brought me into this horrible world of politics, parties and back stabbing, spying ponies who don't seem to understand what it is to be an equine and to have a heart." I stopped, gritting my teeth and shaking my head, my eyes squeezed shut against the tears before I continued. 

"Its because mom was a princess before me. Because she wasn't here today, and she left me alone with those horrible ponies. She abandoned me. Its all her fault, and I hate her, I-" but I couldn't finish, because suddenly I felt the side of my face blossom into an explosion of pain, and I was knocked off my hooves by the force of my father's own connecting with my face. 

I was too shocked to speak, in too much pain to formulate a thought as I stared up at the stallion I called my father towering over me, his eyes filled with fury, and he seemed to be shaking just as I was as I cowered on the ground. He had never struck me before. No pony had ever hit me. It hurt. It hurt almost as much as my emotional pain, and I felt nothing but betrayal from him and the entire world around me. 

"Don't you ever, ever talk about your mother that way, you ungrateful spoiled child!" He roared, staring me down like a predator stalking his prey. 

Putting my hoof to my cheek and trying desperately to stop the throbbing in my face, I shakily stood up and met eyes with him for just one minute, trying to project my overwhelming  feelings of pain and betrayal to him. 

"Cadenza there's something you don't know-" but I didn't give him the opportunity to finish, and spreading my wings, my one advantage over him and any other unicorn, I plunged into the air and through one of the balcony windows.