//------------------------------// // The Second Rampage- Part 2 // Story: 'I Hate Ponies!' // by Scripture //------------------------------// 'I Hate Ponies!' By: Scripture Chapter 11: The Second Rampage- Part 2 Pant, pant… “Jesus… dude… that thing… won’t… let up…” Pant, pant… “Yeah… I know…” Pant, pant, wheeeeeze… “GAACK! Stupid lungs… gotta quit smoking after all of this…” “Wait, what?! Matt, you smo-“ “GREEEEEEEEEEEEEEEE!” “SHIT! HE FOUND US! RUUUUUUUN!” It felt like that all day so far all I had been doing was run around. Run here, run there, run after my sick friend, run away from being rampaged on by a very irritated mandrake. Just a confused mess and sore hooves all day for me, it seemed. The one time, the ONE time I had thought I could enjoy himself and simply take in a little bit of the gift I had been given… and Matt shows up to ruin it! He does this ALL the time! Why, WHY does he have to do it now?! Now, I’m running for my life, once again, this time destroying Ponyville in the process! Can’t I enjoy something for once?! True, I didn’t initially go after Xavier and enjoyed a short stay with Fluttershy, but that was mostly due to the initial shock of the situation. I mean, what was I going to do? Chase after my mentally unstable friend (who basically called me “imaginary”) throughout Equestria, having no clue where he remotely was, or is for that matter, and leave a knocked out Matt behind? No, of course not! They may have been my friends, but it always seems like they bring me into the depths of trouble, one way or another… Life’s just wonderful sometimes… Especially when you happen to be on a dead-end street… “Through those stalls Matt, quick!” Immediately we dove between a pair of stalls into an alleyway, which could snugly fit two grown ponies. Luckily, it was snug enough to prevent a mandrake’s claw in, much less his entire body. Johnathan however didn’t understand the fundamentals of ‘mandrakes can’t fit in here’, and plowed himself headlong into the houses, shaking the ground beneath our hooves with the collision. The three of us sighed as we watched Johnathan groan a bit at the failed entry, a new bruise on his head already forming. Matt snickered slightly and pointed at the creature, his breathing a little ragged. “Ya see… ya see that? Such an idiot! Stupid... Johnathan couldn’t even… couldn’t even… figure out he couldn’t fit… in here?!” Sighing, I shook my head a bit, already recovering from our mad dash into the alleyway, and stared hard at him. “Dude, c’mon… give Johnathan some credit for actually finding us every time! And also, I don’t think goading the mandrake is gonna make him any more friendly to you!” “Tch!” Matt rolled his eyes at me and frowned slightly. “Why do you got to always ruin my fun? Anyways, it’s not like he can get in here! There are two houses blocking the way of his thick skull!” “Yeah! The big meanie is right! We should be safe here!” Surprised at the slightly squeaky voice piping up behind us, we simultaneously turned our heads to face its owner. Almost immediately afterwards, we both went down on the ground, onto our backs, but for entirely different reasons. The cracking laugh and guttural hollers of Matt’s now-wheezing voice showed him to be quite enjoying the site he saw, his chuckles and laughter mixing with his wings flailing about. He kept rolling from side to side, his mouth constantly opened and his eyes closed, tears dripping down his face. His hooves were crossed over his chest, clutching it like it was the only way it could stay attached to his body. It’s possible that he had found something to be quite funny... “HAHAHA! What the HELL?! And I thought this place didn’t have anything funny in it! But you… oh god YOU! HAHAHAHA! Jack! Did you get a load of this pony-thing?! Oh god, I can’t believe… HAHAHA!” I didn’t respond to Matt however, mostly due from shock, some from embarrassment, and the rest from the famous, 'What the hell do I do?' kind of moment. The only movements I performed were my painful landing on my back and my head inclining up a bit to see if what I saw was for real. Sure enough, a pair of adorable mismatched eyes viewing in different directions stared back at us. The grey pegasus puffed her cheeks out in possibly the most adorable way known to man or pony-kind and glared at Matt with one of her eyes. “Pony-thing? Mister, I am Ditzy Doo, aka Derpy Hooves! Whatever aka means anyways… I don’t know, people say it all the time in situations like these… Maybe it’s-“ “OH GOD, DERPY HOOVES?! BWAHAHAHA! IT SUITS YOU VERY WELL, HAHAHA!” While Matt’s laughter doubled in strength, my head immediately shot over to him, my anger flaring up suddenly. Before I could get around doing anything however, a chunk of the wall from one of the houses suddenly went flying towards the other house, knocking down part of that one’s wall as well. Derpy screamed in surprise and Matt and I immediately launched ourselves from the ground so we didn’t get impaled by the falling debris. Johnathan, apparently, had found out that he could simply knock the houses down to get to us. “GREEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEE!” “Goddamn! That thing won’t give up!” Matt said, staring at Johnathan, bewildered. I rolled my eyes and gave him a glare myself while starting to walk towards the other end of the alleyway. “Well, if I was called names, had a table thrown at me, AND had an incredibly sore back which was increasing in pain as I hunted down the one RESPONSIBLE…” “Yeah yeah… god, you can be such a prick sometimes…” Once more I could feel the pressure growing in my temples, but Johnathan’s rampage was getting closer to us, swipe by swipe with his claws. At the other end of the alleyway, which I was slowly approaching, was another set of stalls right outside of it. I smiled and looked back at the others, watching as they approached me. “Okay, when I give the word, we will bolt out of here and try to lure the mandrake away from Ponyville. Hopefully we can get him back to Fluttershy’s and-“ “GREEEEEEEEEEEEE!” “WHOA!” I launched myself back as a giant slab of one of the houses kicked up and landed in front of me, destroying the two stalls and inadvertently blocking our escape route. Honestly, I was lucky that I even survived that! Matt groaned and rolled his eyes over towards me. “Oh great! Now what, Mr. Genius-pants?” My eyes hardened on him and I was getting increasingly frustrated by his stupid comments. Mr. Genius-pants? Really? “Oh, shut the hell up! I didn’t know THAT would happen!” My gaze shifted to Derpy and I softened my face up for her. “Derpy, do you think you could fly us up and over that slab?” Derpy looked confused for a moment but soon the thoughts connected and she happily extended her wings. “Oh, OH! Right, I’m a pegasus! Silly me!” Unexpectedly, she zoomed right at me, much to our surprise, and hoisted me up into the air by my armpits (or were they legpits?). The air felt cool against my coat and the wind whipping past made me squint a bit, but it felt particularly entrancing being in the sky. Ahhhh! This feels divine! The air in my face, the sights all around! Yes… I would have loved to be a Pegasus, but that honor went to- “HEY JACKASSES! COME BACK HERE!” Ah shit… “Derpy! My friend can’t fly at the moment!” Derpy looked down at me, cocking her head a bit to the side. “But… he’s a Pegasus! Why can’t he fly? That seems awfully weird, and trust me, I know weird. Why, my great Uncle Ditzer Drew was such an oddball and-“ “DERPY! FOCUS!” “AH! Sorry! Sorry!” By the time we turned around though, we noticed that Johnathan had nearly reached his target, who was frantically racing around what was left of alleyway. We could hear the tail ends of his… colorful language, so to speak, and we noticed his fevered jumps were getting him nowhere, even with his wings flapping viciously. “Faster, Derpy! Please!” “I’m trying, I’m trying!” “I know, but you have to-“ “Oooooo, is that a muffin shop?” “FOCUS!” Dammit! We aren’t going to make it like this! “GUYS! C’MON! FUCKIN HURRY UP!” “GREEEEEEEEEEEEEE!” “YEAUGHHHHHHHHHHHH- OOMPH!” Oh god, thank you Celestia! Just as Johnathan was nearly approaching Matt to exact his righteous revenge, a sudden rainbow like stream of color collided with the red pegasus and launched him up into air, similar to how Derpy was with me at the moment. “Yay Rainbow Dash! Woo-hoo! Oh, oops!” “GYAH!” Derpy, forgetting that I was in her arms, had suddenly lifted them in the air to root for the rainbow Pegasus pony… but in the same process, dropped me as well. “HELP ME SOMEPONY!” To my surprise, I was suddenly going horizontal instead of vertical and traveling at twice the speed that Derpy had carried me at. Looking up, I saw a rainbow-maned mare focusing on the path in front of us and exhaled in relief. Then I looked to my left and noticed a not-so-happy looking Matt staring at me and occasionally Rainbow Dash. Sighing, I looked forward and pointed over by Twilight’s tree. “Rainbow! Bring us over towards Twilight’s tree! We need to come up with a plan!” “Got it!” Immediately we zoomed over to the library where we were deposited without mercy, sending me and Matt rolling forward. Rainbow trotted up to us afterwards and glared menacingly at us, but mostly Matt. “Ok you two! Stop dragging your feet and tell me the plan!” The blue mare snorted at Matt once, who winced slightly as he got up. “And you… If this thing doesn’t eat you first, I am SO going to kick your-“ “GREEEEE GREEEE GREEEEEEEEE!” “AHHHHH! SOMEPONY CATCH ME!!” “Huh- OWCH!” A flash of grey enveloped my vision for a split second and then… Pain. Lots and lots of cranium focused pain. I felt my whole body groan as I slowly picked myself off from the ground, rubbing my now-injured head slightly. Wincing in pain at the newly forming bump, I cautiously opened up my eyes to have a one golden eye staring straight at me, the other off in another direction. “Oh! Sorry mister! That Asparagus Monster back there tried to take a swipe at me when I offered him some muffins and sent me spiraling down at you!” She smiled broadly and giggled a bit. “Luckily, your head broke my fall! So thank you Mister No-Cutie-Mark’s head!” Slightly red now, I coughed once and fully stood up, the pounding in my head slowly subsiding somewhat. How the hell am I even conscious?! A quick shake of my head confirmed that nothing was broken. Eh… cartoon physics? Maybe? “Uhm… no problem Der-“ Finally, it clicked. “Wait! What do you mean I have no cutie-“ “HEY!” Derpy and I pivoted our heads over to the pair exclaiming at us, both not looking too pleased. Rainbow stamped her hoof and snorted once. “Let’s get the show on the road!” Matt followed up with a quick fluttering of his wings, yelling at us. “Yeah! Stupid asses! Less talking, more telling us what we need to do!” Matt’s obnoxious voice suddenly impaled my ears and I sighed, shoving the questions formulating in my mind back for a later date. Looking out into the distance, I noticed that Johnathan was literally plowing his way through the houses now, heading straight for us. I bit my lip in thought, contemplating on several courses of action. Goddammit, I am not good in speed situations… Uhm Uhm… “Twilight!” Immediately I dashed behind us towards the tree, hoping to find the unicorn inside that had once taken down an Ursa Minor! The mandrake was slightly smaller, so she could help… right? Hehehehe… Nope. Wrong. With another good bump to my head, I was sent careening back at the rest of the group, suddenly noticing a near transparent purple bubble around the house. Rainbow trotted up next to me, helping me up. “Yeah, sometimes she puts that bubble up… She can’t hear nothing when she is inside of that thing now! It’s like her own soundproof container!” She squinted at the bubble in curiosity however. “Something big must have happened inside there…” Matt groaned and looked back at Johnathan, who was nearly at us now. Smiling sweetly, he calmly informed us of the current situation. “Guys, that thing is one row of houses away! So Jack, if you don’t mind…” He coughed a moment and stared straight at me. “FUCKING FIGURE OUT WHAT THE FUCK WE SHOULD DO!” “GREEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEE!” “GYAHHHH!” Johnathan had finally breached the last barrier. -_-_-_-_-_-_-_-_- Scritch scritch scra- “What the…” … … … Snap! “This is bad… … … My quill broke!” SLAM! “We have a problem, down in Ponyville!” “Mild, Bad, or Disaster Worthy?” “Bad to Disaster Worthy!” Sigh… “Go. I think it’s time you revealed yourself.” “Alright! I will-“ “And take her with you.” … … “Already? Are you sure?” “Quite. Now, hurry up! You need to get going! Night is almost upon us…” Nod “Of course! I will see you later!” A flash of a grin and several seconds of the clopping of hooves echoed around the room, eventually settling out into a peaceful silence. “Yes…” … “Oh! A new quill! Yay! … From Your Best Pen Pal, Delicious Bananas!” A bit of paper rolled up and was tied with a red string. “Ahhhh! Pen pals are so much fun!” A/N- I'M SORRY ITS TAKEN SO LONG! D: Finally however, HERE IT IS! SUSPENSE! ROMANCE! ACTION! HERPA DERPA NESS! XD Anyways, all editing this time was done by my new Editors! So say thanks toooooo... Conantheimp! MajorWheat! Aburi! Echo Four! BusyJackalope! Herr Kawne! SO THANKS YOU GUYS! :D