Finally, it was time to see Diamond Tiara. You could already hear her light sobbing as she entered the room. Poor thing, she must think you were burned to a crisp. Just be gentle, Anon, look at her and smile so she knows you’re ok. As you turn to look at her, she locks her eyes with your one visible eye, starts to cry and rushes towards you. OH SHIT! “Diamond! Diamond! WSASDSDSS” And immediately, she snuggles onto you, crying. Welp, the pain meds couldn’t help with this, the pressing of your body made your eyes open wide as you stiffened and then shook before howling in pain.
“Anon!” Diamond yelled in surprise before hopping off the bed. “Anon! Oh no! No! Is it getting worse?!”
“N-ngh, unnnghhh…” Oh god, she was too fast, you didn’t even get a chance to tell her to slow down. “I-I’m fine, I-I just… Well, that hug sort of hurt, y’know, cause of the burns?”
“Sort of hurt?” Suddenly Diamond begins to give you the stink eye and stomps back towards you, looking directly into your eye. “Sort of hurt?! Then why didn’t you tell me before I came and hugged you?! I’ve been worried all this time and you just let me make it worse! Darn it, Anon, you’re supposed to be better than that!”
WUT?! WUT?! Dammit, you give her a a bit of an angry eye yourself before you notice the small bit of tears in her own expression. Goddammit, finnnneee. “S-sorry, erm, but weren’t you told I could fix myself up with my magic?”
“Hmph, of course I know, but that doesn’t mean I can’t be worried. Anon, if your magic can do that, why not call your dad instead to fix you up right now? You got that ear caller thing, don’t you?” Diamond asked, perplexed as to why you didn’t call Discord for help.
Oh, you knew exactly why. Friends you may be, but the guy will either give you a freebie, or utterly mock you for launching yourself into an oven before making some sort of deal for the heals. And given your chances, it’d most likely be the latter. “I do, but I’d rather not let Dad know. I don't want to worry him.”
“Worry him? I don’t think he’d be worried, Anon. He’d probably just heal you up and make you go do a prank with him or something. As long as it doesn’t make a fool of the princesses or my family and friends, then that’s nothing to worry about. In fact, if you won’t call him…” Diamond looks up, sits down, and brings her hooves to her mouth to call out “Daddy Discord!”
Seriously? That’s not gonna work. “Diamond, c’mon, don’t do that. It’ll be fine, I promise.”
“Daddy Discord!” Diamond called out again
Ugh… “Diamond, I promise. I mean, your parents are kinda worried and stuff so they’ll probably let me stay the night. We can cuddle together and-”
But you are cut off as she yells out another “DADDDDY DISSSCCCOOORRDD!”
Geezes, you almost swore some glass shattered with that last one. “D-diamond, c’mon, it’s not gonna-” And once again, you are interrupted as the room begins to tremble. Oh what the fuck!?
The fireplace suddenly begins to open wider, like a mouth. The flames turned a ghastly blue as two arms began to stretch out. This, whatever it is, pulls itself out of the flame, a draconequus with wild hair, and a black and white striped suit with matching tie. OH FUCK YOU, DISCORD! WHAT THE FUCK IS THIS SHIT?!
“Daddy Discord! You came!” Diamond said, unphased by his entrance as she goes to give him a hug.
You were about to protest immediately, but the moment you opened your mouth, you suddenly found bandages wrapping around your muzzle rather tightly, preventing you from speaking. Oh no, what did he want? Why did he come?
Discord reached down and gently gave Diamond a little pat. “Of course I came. Your cry, so full of distress, has not fallen on deaf ears. Well…” Discord takes some ears out of his pocket and tosses them into the flame. “They did, so I had to replace them, you know how it is.”
“Oh, that’s why you came when I called you the third time. I get it! But, erm, Daddy Discord, Anon got really hurt by flying into an oven, and now he’s being dumb and waiting to use his own magic to heal when you can fix him now. You can fix him, can’t you?” Diamond said, as she looked up to Discord with big pleading eyes.
Discord lets out a soft chuckle as he looks over to you. “Fix? Oh, you mean his injuries, right right.” Discord rolls up his sleeves as he looks over you. You look at him, with one hell of an angry eye, knowing he was up to no good. But he just takes a part of the bandage and covers your eyes so you couldn’t see. “Burns, hmmmm. Shouldn’t be too hard, all you need to do is peel off the skin with chaos magic and he’ll be as good as new.”
“Really?! That sounds amazing! But ow, also painful. Is that really the way you can make him all better?” Diamond asked, curious as she walked over to you.
“It is, but fear not.” Discord said with a snap of his talons, changing into doctor’s scrubs as two clone nurses appear beside him. “I am a certified loon… Er, doctor. I have all the tools I need to make sure he recovers instantly, with only a light stinging as a risk.”
Light stinging your hoof! What the fuck! He was gonna fuck you over! Why?! The hell is in it for him?! Why did he suddenly feel like making this horrible?! You begin to bounce around, trying to break the bandages that bind you.
“Instantly?” Diamond’s eyes lit up as she went to give Discord a big hug. “That’s totally awesome, Daddy Discord! I knew Anon was being dumb about not calling you, you’re super amazing!” She didn’t even note the fact it’d sting you, a light stinging? What the fuck was his angle?
“Oh, trust me, I know. But young Diamond Tiara, I must ask you for your patience now. Silence is required for this procedure as it is still difficult to perform with this kind of magic. You understand, don’t you?” Discord said as he once again gave a gentle pat to Diamond’s head. This fucking act he was pulling wasn't fooling you.
“Well, duh, yeah. I’m not some silly filly who doesn’t know how doctors work. I trust you, Daddy Discord, so just trust me.” Diamond said as she took a few steps back and plopped her butt on the ground. “I can wait an eternity, as long as my Anon is ok.”
“Diamond Tiara, you are truly a beacon of hope. Really, I can’t imagine any other mare to keep my boy more in line than you.” Discord said as the nurses began clapping at Diamond’s and Discord's words.
“Keep in line? You mean, keep him from doing dumb stuff?” Diamond asked, confused.
“Yes, exactly. Now then…” Discord snaps his talons once more, summoning curtains around you as he and the nurses step behind them. “Silence, if you please. This procedure is a delicate one and I can’t be making a mistake.”
“Yes sir!” Diamond said, just waiting, sitting, staring at what she couldn’t see.
Discord closed the curtains, then looked over to you with an evil grin. “Ah, Anon, in trouble again I see. I must say, I’ve been waiting for a moment like this for three weeks.”
What the fuck?! Three weeks?! WHY?! He never even showed any kind of maliciousness at all until just now. You tried to bounce and scream, but couldn’t do either.
“You must be wondering why. Ohohohohoho” Discord chortled as the nurses joined in. “You humiliated me, Anon. You didn’t even have to win, I just wanted to see a good fight. Yet here you are, winning a fight against some nopony. Am I proud you won? Of course. But one thing has nothing to do with the other.” Discord says as he puts on some gloves. “Now, don’t fret too much. This will only hurt more than I said it would. Nurse, that blaster metal thing, if you please.”
“A gun?” The nurse asked.
“Yes, that uncivilized thing.” Discord says as he holds out his paw and is given a revolver. He loudly places in the bullets for you to hear. A gun?! A GUN?! What does that have to do with peeling off skin!? You try even further to make an escape, but to no avail. You then hear the gun click, then… BANG! BANG! BANG!
You were alive. Well of course you were, you knew he wouldn’t kill you. But shoot you, he might. But then, he didn’t even do that, what did he do? “Ah good, a few shots through the old beard and its nice and trim. What do you think nurse?” Discord asked as he looked to one of the nurses with a grin.
“Er, it’s crooked. Why didn’t you just use scissors?” The nurse asked, shrugging.
“You’re fired!” Discord said, opening a portal and pointing towards it. The nurse clone says nothing, giving Discord a nasty look before grunting and walking through as the portal closed behind her… Or him, or whatever. “The nerve. Crooked, when it’s actually slanted. Isn’t that right, nurse?” Discord said as he looked over at the other clone, who merely shrugged at him. “Eh, good enough. Anyway, let’s continue. Knife, if you don’t mind.”
“Knife.” The nurse called out as she handed it to Discord.
If you could show him an eye roll, you would. Fool you once, shame on him. Fool you twice? Fuck that, that ain’t happening.
That is, until you felt the cold steel on your cheek. “Now then, with this rusty knife, I shall perform a miraculous surgery. Every piece of burned skin shall be peeled off like a grapefruit.”
OH GOD NO! THAT ASSHOLE! HE WAS GOING TO MAKE IT AS PAINFUL AS POSSIBLE.
“But Doctor, won’t that take forever? I don’t know about you, but that sounds awfully boring.” The nurse said.
“Hmmm…” Discord said as he pondered “That is true, I do hate things that are boring and take forever. Alright then.” Discord said as he flings the knife, throwing it right next to your head as you heard it vibrate next to your ear. That fucking bastard, he was toying with you. All this over the Shining Armor shit? Goddamn, he can hold a grudge. “Nurse, the ‘extra extra premium ultimate adhesive yet completely medical’ bandage if you don’t mind.” Discord said as he held his hand out.
Oh god, no no no! He was totally going to do that, wasn’t he?! FUCK FUCK FUCK! COME ON, ANON, BOUNCE OUT OF THIS! COME ON! DAMMIT, WHY CAN YOU BARELY MOVE?!
“Here you are, doctor.” The nurse said with a bubbly giggle as she passed a huge roll of bandages to Discord.
“Now, Anon, you may feel a penetrative stinging that will encompass your entire being, surging through every nerve in your little body and alighting them like a thousand flames. Oh!” Discord put a hand over his mouth as he faked making a little verbal mistake. “I’m sorry, I meant a light pinch.”
And with that, you could feel yourself spinning faster than a tornado as the open parts of your body felt the adhesive coil around you like a snake. Even the parts that were over the original bandages somehow pierced right through them, enabling you the ability to feel the goopy adhesive to the bandage. Oh god, he was really gonna do this, wasn’t he?! DISCORD! DIIIISCORD!
RIIIIIIIIIIIIIIP! The sound was terrifying as the bandage was pulled off, the stinging pain so strong that it sends you flying upwards, off the table, and over the curtains. Your mane and tail were standing out like you were just electrocuted as you slam into the ceiling and fall back down towards the ground in front of Diamond. Discord brushes off his talons and paw as he removes his gloves and looks towards his nurse. “Well, looks like the surgery was a success. How about you and me get out of this place and mingle among our mongles, hhh-OW!” Discord yelps in pain as his nurse clone slaps him in the face. “I’ll take that as a no.”
“Anon! You’re as good as new!” Diamond wasn’t even the wiser as she jumped up and snuggled onto you. You were so wracked with stinging pain that you couldn’t even move, talk, or make a movement. Your eyes criss-crossed as every hair on your body stood on end. Not even her cuddling could soothe your newly healed but pained body.
Fucking… Discord.