//------------------------------// // Chapter Ten: Look for the Light. // Story: Cure For a Toxin // by RadBunny //------------------------------// The stallion’s armor was rent and torn. The teeth from the Stone Wolves had shredded plate and barding alike. But they were almost free, or would be, as soon as he limped on three good legs down the canyon. His figurative Princess helped him along, the Knight not understanding how she could be so strong. He had come to rescue her. And yet now, his body, armor, and weapons broken, she was the one helping him out of the dangerous rocky abyss. She saw the look in his eyes, her previously immaculate features marred by his blood and dirt. Despite all of that, she smiled. A genuine, loving, energetic gesture that made everything hurt a bit less. “Hey, even a knight in shining armor has to be rescued from time to time,” she whispered, her stallion stumbling over a rock. “I wouldn’t have it any other way.” He was about to reply, but loud hisses erupted from the canyon walls. Large, unusually-sized rodents crept from their rocky burrows as they eyed the meal that crept towards them. Levering himself up on a broken sword, the Knight looked over in surprise as the mare bucked a rock, sending it towards the offending creatures and caving in one of their skulls. “What?” was her indignant reply, the fire in the mare’s eyes reminding the Knight once more why he had charged after her captors without hesitation. Oh, how he loved her. It was one of the bad nights. Toxic woke up with his chest being constricted, the stallion gasping for air. Mercifully, the nightmarish images were blurred and without too much detail. It was enough though; he knew what had happened in this dream. Flopping out of bed as he caught his breath, the pony’s body dripped with sweat as he sat up against the wall, motion-sensitive lights slowly brightening to a dim but comforting yellow glow. Did I make a mistake? Get caught up in the joy of it? A shudder ran through Toxic’s body, the room seeming a bit colder than normal. I was so happy to have found somecreature. For two weeks, I was able to forget. For a brief moment… The knowledge that some outside force could be influencing his nightmares wasn’t a comfort in the slightest. It was even more painful to know that even without their mysterious threat, the dreams would have been just as bad. Melted feathers. A single begging question of what she did to make me hurt her. Why wasn’t I more careful… Then the screaming. Toxic had expected it, but the stallion had blissfully hoped above hope that this time the dreams wouldn’t touch Gelliana. He was wrong. How do I go forward? Stuck between the fears I face every week, but wanting to have somecreature in my life? Lots of therapy time had been devoted to that question, and it was likely part of the reason Toxic had been able to ignore it for so long. Pushing through fear was a valid tactic, but in the long term could be dangerously exhausting. The butterflies and affection he had for Gelliana had pushed aside the initial wall against opening up again, but now it loomed higher than ever. The problem lies that I can’t put my fear to rest. I have to face it every time I get that call. And I’m just so tired. It had been beautiful. A week or two of forgetting what he had to deal with. And now the chickens were coming home to roost, an amusing analogy considering his current relations with a feathery gryphoness. On our date to the eatery. For the first time in ages, I didn’t jump at the sound of a milkshake being filled, or scan the room for nearby burst pipes. I was able to forget. And that was the crux of the matter, something Toxic knew was unhealthy. If he was given the chance, he’d forget it all. The sights, the sounds, everything that came with the inevitable calls from the Princess or Command. It was odd; the fact he had been taking a break from his usual, weekly job of inspecting various labs for safety violations may have had unintended side effects. I’m not getting exposure therapy; that’s how the therapist said it at least. Walking down a fully-functional lab when it isn’t exploding put me on edge, but I suppose helped get me used to a ‘normal’ sense of operation. And I haven’t done that in weeks. Knowing full well that sleep wouldn’t return for a time, Toxic meandered through his large apartment to refill the water bottle that usually resided by his bed, sitting down and looking at the large shelf of ‘gifts’ from various international countries. Tokens of a job well done. A ceremonial horn from the Yak’s. A piece of sculpted coral from the Hippogriffs- that’s the newest one. And even that magma-gem sculpture from the dragons. Still not sure how I didn’t get burned up on that job, from both the dragons AND that volcano. Abruptly and without any warning, the image of Gelliana’s horrifically maimed face invaded Toxic’s mental vision, the unicorn shaking his head as if that could banish the sight. “Well. Tomorrow will be a fun therapy session,” he mumbled as he meandered back to the bed. “Aaaand that was my night. Or morning depending on how literal I want to be,” Toxic explained, flopping on the well-worn cream couch in a high-rise building. The Royal Assistance Offices dealt with many, many issues ranging from financial, physical, and those of the mind. In this case, more than a dozen floors were dedicated to said mental challenges one may have when working for the Crown. There were even puppy therapy rooms. Five, as a matter of fact. Everypony loved puppy therapy. Toxic had been meeting with Sharp Point for years, the older stallion having been an ex-guard that had seen that sometimes physical wounds weren’t a pony’s greatest hurdle. As with many of the counselors in the building he had the security clearance necessary to be able to address any on-the-job trauma that could arise. The mustached light-blue unicorn let out a hum, glancing over the notes from the previous week. “You know, I’m surprised you didn’t foresee this, Toxic,” Sharp mused as he spun a pen in a magical field. “You’ve been pretty on target for anticipating events that would adversely affect you. Then again, these past two weeks have been a bit of a whirlwind I presume?” Letting out a chuckle, Toxic nodded at that. “Well I started dating again after years of running away from it. So, you could say that.” “Running? Hmm. You haven’t used that term before, not recently at least.” “I haven’t?” The counselor looked through his notes; a decent stack of them, and that only covered the past few years. “I don’t believe so. Avoided? Yes, but never running away.” Not replying immediately to that, Toxic’s brow furrowed, the stallion finally shrugging. “I mean, it’s an apt descriptor.” “How so? That implies not only actively avoiding it, but eagerly so.” Toxic’s shoulders slumped, his head shaking back and forth at that. “Well, when one of my greatest fears involves losing somecreature I love, that can eat away at you. Maybe I avoided seeking out such opportunities because I just couldn’t deal with the idea of that coming true. In hindsight, it was a self-fulfilling prophesy. Withdrawing when I was younger, seeing everycreature think of me as ‘odd’ due to my voice just compounded it. In reality, my past social life probably wasn’t that bad. Just me being far too sensitive…again.” “The subconscious is a powerful thing indeed. But this new gryphoness, Gelliana, was it? Somehow you’ve approached things differently.” “Well, our meeting pretty much eradicated the initial worries I had,” Toxic replied. “In my last relationship, in which I thought things were going well with, that mare was just really good at hiding discomfort, and distain for that matter,” the last words were said in a growl, the unicorn shaking his head. “But good riddance to bad rubbish in that case. That was definitely a learning experience, and why I am taking things slow.” “Not a bad idea. You said earlier the usual hang-ups just weren’t there?” “That’s what threw me for a loop. Usually it’s something that makes a pony uncomfortable around me. The voice, my job, or the jitters. But at least for a week or two, that all just didn’t exist.” “That must have been nice.” “It was, but it obviously didn’t last.” The counselor continued to spin the pen in thought, gesturing to the stallion with a hoof. “You said that on your second date, you had an anxiety attack?” “A small one. The usual traumatic memory stuff. Kind of like those few months where every time I saw my own cutie mark I had flashbacks.” “But Gelliana didn’t seem to mind?” “No, and that’s part of why I think I was able to ignore everything. The usual reminders that somepony would inevitably give me just weren’t there.” “Until last night.” “Past few nights.” Toxic was then quiet, looking at the floor with a furrowed brow. “Sharp, I don’t want to give Gelly the wrong idea,” he said quietly. “I may have inadvertently put up a front with her. Not intentionally, but just been able to forget all the things that usually are buzzing around my head. Then there’s the trust issue; that is not going to go away anytime soon.” Sharp let out a hum at that. Quite a few therapy sessions had been devoted to that topic… “Do you trust her?” “Yes. But at the same time, I don’t. Something won’t let me trust her completely.” “Well, to be fair, Toxic, that’s healthy at this stage of your relationship. And from what I understand, your sense of trust in various individuals isn’t iron-clad.” Toxic let out a grunt, waving a hoof at the older stallion. “Obviously. But I’m speaking on a general level. There’s always a nagging ‘what if?’ I think I’ll bring it up, as a matter of fact.” “Oh?” “She has been burned before too. It’s not my place to say in depth, but she’s had her fair share of distrustful encounters. I just…” Words drifting off, Toxic’s gaze returned to the floor as his ears pinned back. “I don’t want to go back to it all.” “Go back to what?” Lifting his gaze, Toxic’s demeanor slumped, genuine exhaustion radiating from the tired unicorn. “Going back to jumping at odd sounds. The nightmares. Being afraid of getting close to somecreature; it all has been reduced until now.” “You and I both know the real problem, Toxic,” Sharp said sincerely. The other unicorn let out a tired grunt at that. “And yet no solution. How do I allow myself to deal with years of this garbage without a break? If I take a break, creatures die and I wouldn’t be able to live with myself.” “You work through it as best you can. But you do have to take care of yourself. Didn’t you say you have an idea to help in that regard, reducing the workload slightly?” Toxic nodded, shifting on the couch. “And I’m trying to, but as you know I can’t take a break yet. I do plan on launching my-” As he spoke, the stallion’s hoof shifted to press into the chair. In an instant, it was not a soft, plushy material, but instead held the texture of a metal floor being eaten away by a caustic agent. The sea of chemicals underneath the Tall Tale lab spread out before him, the unicorn shivering and curling up into a ball as his heartrate skyrocketed, the stallion struggling to take deep breaths and not hyperventilate. “Toxic?” “Sorry. Just…” “Take your time.” Toxic got his breathing under control, shaking his head back and forth. “It’s coming back. The small things that yank me to a memory.” “That’s what Post-Traumatic Stress Disorder can do, one of the many symptoms we’ve covered. You know this, Toxic.” “Yes, I do. But for a week or two I didn’t feel like I had that! I was…almost normal.” Sharp let out a snort, gesturing to the stallion. “Weren’t you the one telling me that normal is boring on multiple occasions? I understand the sentiment however, but running from the truth only postpones the inevitable, as you are seeing. It’s not what you want to hear though, I know.” “Well, you aren’t paid to tell me what I want to know, Sharp,” Toxic said softly, returning to a different position on the sofa. “You are there to tell me what I need to hear.” “And I’m telling you as both a paid counselor, and as your unpaid friend, that as an individual you need to find a way to accept your trauma and deal with it. If that means launching your project sooner, then so be it. But you can’t begin to heal with the constant work environment you’re in.” Ears now flat against his skull, Toxic nodded in agreement. “Then I guess that’s going to have to wait a bit.” “I suppose so. May I make a bold observation, Toxic?” “You’re my therapist; go for it.” Sharp smiled at the younger unicorn, setting aside his clipboard for a moment. “You’ve had something very few individuals get. You’ve lived a week, maybe two, as if your trauma had already been dealt with,” the counselor said. “You now know what life could be like after. Not many creatures get a chance to see what that is like before it happens. You’ve been given a potential look at what your life could be after properly dealing with your trauma. That is a rare gift indeed.” Toxic could only stare in absolute shock, a soft chime ringing out from a clock. “Same time next week?” Toxic didn’t reply for a moment, but when he did, a confident, determined smirk made its way onto his face. It was a look that made Sharp smile as well. “Plan on it.” A short time later. He should have been here earlier. The last few words said to the stallion by Sharp Point had made something change in Toxic’s heart. It was a fire that had been dulled by the Tall Tale incident and the dozens before. It had been slowly guttering out, but now raged with an intensity almost forgotten. A confidence that had faded now returned in force, the unicorn lookout out across his island in satisfaction. My dream is almost ready. After a decade of preparation and planning. No more ‘eventually’ or ‘soon,’ but now. Toxic let the sea air run through his fur, a confident grin on his face as he looked out from the island’s primary lighthouse. Stationed above one of many independent leyline reactors, the tower was both a beacon and a generator for a number of defensive measures for his organization’s headquarters. The reactors were an engineering marvel, utilizing passive leyline energy to general both electrical and magical power to be distributed across vast distances. They were the perfect, if not complex power source for the island. To that end Toxic had once wondered if he had bitten off more than he could chew. Thankfully such doubts were behind him. He had even submitted an application pending to declare the island a city-state due to its massive value and other political mumbo-jumbo. That was for later. For now, this island, this organization was the culmination of over a decade of work. Everything had been planed down to the simple minutia; all that was needed was the go ahead. The name itself had been decided on years ago, and hadn’t undergone many revisions at all. Toxic knew what he wanted to portray when creatures saw the symbol of a lighthouse. The Last Light Organization. A light for when all others go out. Within the year, my dream will be a reality, I think. The stallion mused, the thought widening his smile. He couldn’t have done it without Varti, the yak lending his technical expertise to invent most of the systems on the island from scratch and adapting those that were bought. Within a year or two, the Last Light Organization could send emergency supplies and highly trained creatures to every corner of Equestria and beyond. To help when the promises of safety fail, as they inevitably will. One way or another That thought put a damper on his mood for a moment, the stray memory returning as the stallion shook his head. The curse of knowledge was knowing when a choice was correct, even if it was at the cost of your own wellbeing. A determined smirk now took place of the carefree smile, Toxic adjusting the harness around his barrel. Jumping off the tower with ease, the unicorn activated the mechanical wings; the metal and crystal device opening with a snap. Purple arcane feathers moved in the wind, sending the unicorn soaring across his island. It wasn’t so much true flight just yet, more of falling with style for an extended period of time. Even so, the dozen or so successful flapping motions and levitation spells could let Toxic soar for easily an hour before running out of power, more than enough time to oversee almost all of the massive volcanic facility. What we have built here… He still couldn’t fathom it all. The amount of money needed for this had been massive yet substantially less than anticipated. Varti had supplied the majority of the funds for the building; but the island itself was something Toxic insisted on paying for. Well, the initial down-payment at least. Once the organization was up and running with material exports all over Equestria, they’d have it paid off within a few years or less. They could pay it all off now, but that was a last-resort measure with funds best left untouched for now. The things they could manufacture would easily outstrip the investment. Coupled with Varti’s mechanical genius and side projects, money was not going to be an issue. Hazard suits, emergency food, water, blankets, raw food; there won’t be any disaster left untouched! Fields of grain spread out underneath Toxic as he soared, then coasting over the factories that were almost completely automated due to Varti’s ingenious fiddling. The island itself was built on one of the many leylines, a necessary step for the reactors they drew power for the golems, lights, everything. The reactors were an energy-efficient secret that would have even Twilight Sparkle jealous, or so Toxic assumed. Then again, she may have already patented her version of it. That wouldn’t surprise me either. Ok, if I’m being honest, that mare’s smart enough to have one underneath that castle already and miniaturized to the size of a horseshoe. Past the factories was the mountains, the edges of the caldera. There were deep, hollowed-out caverns that had been blasted, dug, and furnished a good three years ago. They were heavily shielded, concealing a more controversial aspect of Toxic’s dream organization from everything but the most intensive and up-close magical scans. Even then, it would appear to just be an underground storage area until you opened the thick doors into the stone and metal compound. I am sorry about that, Celestia. I wish I could be more honest with you. I wish I could trust you, even if I already do a great deal. But I know where your priorities lie. Where they have to lie. I can’t fault you for that, but that doesn’t mean I won’t take every precaution. Your nation has to come first. And so does mine, in a sense. Perhaps you already know of my plans, even approve of them, but I can’t take the chance I’m wrong. I won’t have more blood on my hooves because of fearful bureaucrats. I hope you understand, because I’d sincerely appreciate your cooperation. Toxic’s eyes narrowed, many a night spent in the fitness centers, the obstacle courses and magically-powered training dummies. It was here that quite a bit of his own personal, classified training had taken place. It had been a shock when Celestia had authorized it without question, every course he requested. Perhaps because she knew he’d pursue it one way or another. Even when she knew what he’d use it for, she didn’t raise a single objection. Maybe it was because of the guilt she felt. That could explain the generous pay and authorized trainings; even if she didn’t ever admit to it. She said that wasn’t it, so I’ll have to take her word for it not being special treatment in that sense. But I suppose if not through the official channels, I’d have found somecreature to teach me. I never want to feel so helpless again. Not when I can do something about it. He could still hear the sobbing of the parents. It was almost a decade ago yet the sound rang clear as day. An announcement of a failed rescue operation, diplomacy and international red tape having taken too long. Then again, for some creature’s diplomacy that was never truly a goal, only a stalling tactic. One of many realizations, along with that there was evil in the world that knew no mercy or empathy. And then when it happened again, I showed Her what I was willing to do, what price I was willing to pay. I will never stand aside again, not with so much at stake. He pushed those thoughts aside, now turning the wings to angle back towards the larger rocky outcroppings on the edge of the island back across the fields and factories. It was here the primary facilities lay; training grounds, bunkers, decontamination chambers, classrooms, training halls, and dozens of arcane portal platforms. It was a facility built for one purpose; to respond to any disaster that threatened the lives of any creatures, big or small. And then I won’t be alone in this. It had taken a lot of thought and therapy sessions to come to terms with his job, that he was the only creature that could handle certain environments. The responsibility had once been nearly enough to break him, and it took quite a bit of time for him to have admitted that. While Last Light was indeed his dream, a way to expand help across the land with the funds he earned, a secondary purpose quickly made itself clear from the start. I can’t do this forever. It had been insidious, the cracks and dark tendrils weaving their way into Toxic’s mind. The never-ending nightmares, poor sleep schedule; it didn’t take a well-trained eye to know he was being slowly buried underneath his work. And so, he had planned, hoping that an organization could accomplish what he was solely tasked to do. The fact I have demonstrated nearly all of the symptoms for a post-traumatic stress disorder at one time or another made me snap out of it. The proud bravado I had for a year thinking I could do it on my own. Ponyfeathers, Sharp Point showed me the checklist he made of PTSD. That was a shock. To think I once thought I could do this without being affected. How wrong I was. With luck, this organization can take my place, in time. It was a freeing thought. Where once he had drawn from his own strength that only he could stop certain disasters, it was a relief to imagine that such a burden could now be shifted. Perhaps a past version of himself would have scoffed. But no longer. After Toxic landed on the roof of a large rectangular building, the offices for the Director and eventual-councilcreatures, the unicorn shrugged off the harness into a waiting container. Toxic’s thoughts then drifted to a much happier time. More specifically, in an hour or two when he’d meet a certain gryphoness. He hadn’t told her about the organization, but he would. Most likely within the next few dates or whenever he got close to immediately launching things. The last thing he wanted was to scare Gelliana, or, a greater fear, add a motive for dates. The previous nervousness that she may want to date him just because he owned this organization had quickly faded after a few more dates. No, tonight, he wanted to make one thing clear. A simple question that made a few nerves knot in Toxic’s stomach. “I wonder if she’ll be my special somegriff?” he asked himself, mechanically taking a subconscious tour of his office, then the private ‘home away from home’ section of the building, and the various conference rooms. She’s still here. She still wants to be with me. At that, the unicorn skidded to a halt, his eyes widening in shock. The emotion that simple thought carried with it surprised the pony, a lump clogging his throat. It had been a vague thought at first. But to put it into words magnified the impact by a thousand-fold. She doesn’t need me to be there. She wants me to be there. He made a mental note of that. Toxic would explore that train of thought with his hopefully-special-somegriff. She appreciated his more vulnerable side, and Toxic was just happy to have somecreature to show it to. Of course, even that simple realization had seemed to increase the worries, the fears, the doubts; and yet that made sense in an odd way. I guess that lines up with what I know about stress. You can’t really deal with it until the event has passed, and I’ve been living the ‘event’. Another thing to talk to her about. If she’s ok with helping me deal with a decade of trials. I should mention that before anything else. Yet she saw what I dealt with, and is still here. Toxic could have sworn Varti’s voice was echoing through the chamber. ‘She’s a keeper!’ “Yeah, yeah, I know,” Toxic mumbled to himself with a grin. He trotted off towards the lab, intent on saying hello to the yak instead of an imagined response of such. In spite of it all, I’m moving forward, and that’s a good thing. And yet the dark tendrils of his past refused to be silenced, as evidenced by the stallion jumping slightly at the sound of a hissing pressure-release valve. One step backwards, two steps forward. Gelliana relaxed underneath the shady tree, looking out over Tall Tale happily. To say the past seven days had been a ‘good week’ was an understatement. Another week and five more dates on top of our other four! I’m just happy he liked our third. A museum tour of Tall Tale’s founding. I was worried he’d find it boring. Quite the contrary, Toxic had been thoroughly interested in learning about Gelliana’s now-home, the pair then having a simple lunch until the next date. Tonight, they were taking a break from the ‘activity’ dates which they had been doing, and more of a simple relaxing with in each other’s company. Other than their second date, they hadn’t really touched on more personal topics as much, instead enjoying and getting used to each other’s company during various activities. Which wasn’t to say they couldn’t have brought up something, but it had just been a cheerful, enjoyable atmosphere. This time however, the quiet park they were going to meet at was far away from the city bustle and noise, something the stallion had said became rather uncomfortable for him in high enough doses. With her sensitive ears, Gelliana completely understood that. While hers was an audio overload, Toxic’s qualms seemed to be both that and a mental one, from how he explained it. Either way, it suited her just fine to meet in a park. She was tempted to suggest a hike in a few dates; Toxic shared her view that nature was just relaxing. It was a different kind of noise, a natural one, not like the city. Makes it easier to hear his heartbeat too. I love that sound. Over their past few dates, the pony had loosened up more and more and it made Gelliana’s heart glow at seeing a genuinely happy stallion shining out from the previously nervous pony. Despite all he had seen, all he was dealing with, Toxic didn’t seem like a naturally gloomy individual. Dealing with stuff, sure, but that was the exception to his attitude, from what Gelliana had seen. And that’s something I really like, something I look for. I don’t want to be the only reason somepony is happy, just one of them. I mean, a BIG reason, but not the reason. She was wondering when they were going to talk about the ‘special somepony’ label. While more of a formality, it was still a step. It was the official ‘I’m dating you, and only you’ step. Rather arbitrary at the moment since they were literally doing that, but still, it was a step. After two weeks and almost ten dates, she at least felt like it was a comfortable step. There was a gesture that meant something along those lines for gryphons Gelliana was going to try. Hopefully. If I don’t turn into a nervous wreck at least. Thankfully her stutters seemed to have vanished when she was around Toxic. With others, especially on the guided museum tour, she had felt the weight of her usual anxieties settled around her shoulders. And yet with Toxic not acting any differently towards her it made her anxiety lessen slightly. Even the times she had stuttered, the stallion simply listened with that gentle smile on his face. No odd glance or sigh of exasperation, just the stallion being his easy-going self. How could she not fall head over tail for that? At least I know I’m falling for him. Doesn’t make it easier to wrap my mind around though. But still does at the same time. However, she could still tell something was itching at the stallion. Most likely it was that question from their second date. They both had definitely been burned by past friends, of that Gelliana could tell. She got the sense Toxic wasn’t entirely convinced she’d stick around. Of course, I intend to fix that! To give Toxic a bit of credit though, Gelliana could completely understand. The usual factors that mares would have shied away from just didn’t apply to her; his profession, the challenges with it, the voice. That would logically take a bit of getting used to from his perspective. And he’s not the only one. She hadn’t brought it up much, but on some level Gelliana recognized she was dealing with the same thing. A subtle, intrusive thought here or there, wondering when Toxic would ask something, reveal some hidden motive like most of the others had. But she wanted to trust him. And that was a start, and one of many things to talk about. But first a hug. He had quickly warmed up to such gestures much to Gelliana’s joy. She didn’t realize how much she needed that from somecreature she cared about; A simple gesture of reassurance and care. It was an odd thing to understand about one’s self, and it was something she definitely needed to let Toxic know about. But fact that he showed initiative in a physical gesture that made her happy… I’m already a feathery puddle and he’s not even here yet. She couldn’t help it. Gelliana’s love of romance stories had certainly bled though. But if anything, it only made her appreciate aspects of Toxic more. He wasn’t a knight in shining armor, not the one she had dreamed about when younger. No, he was so much better. Gelliana loved the quote from an old philosopher; that a knight with shining armor was one who had not been tested. Toxic certainly had been; his barding was scorched and torn, not a patch of untouched metal on him. But through all the battle and pain, he was still a knight. Well, in my eyes he is at least. Hearing a soft *pop* of magic, Gelliana looked around and spotted a familiar stallion with his back to her. Heh. Surprise hug! After triple-checking that it was Toxic, Gelliana crept up on the unsuspecting unicorn. Claw over claw, paw over paw. Soon she was close enough too… “Hey Tox-EEP!” Starting to hug him from behind, the gryphoness found her neatly thrown head-over-tail over Toxic’s shoulder with a heave. The unicorn’s eyes widened in surprise as his grip changed to a magical one, neatly setting her down in front of him. To his credit, Toxic’s cheeks were bright red as he stammered his apologies. “Sorry, you surprised me…” he mumbled as Gelliana couldn’t help but giggle. “Apparently! Where did you learn to do that? Like, that was a perfect throw! I’ve practiced a good amount and still haven’t got it down that smooth.” Oh, how she loved to make the stallion blush, especially with compliments. The fact he isn’t used to that…I shall fix that problem! “I took some training when first getting started with this job, have kept up on it through the years,” he explained. Gelliana’s ears perked at that. His heartbeat strangely sped up, and the unicorn’s own ears flattened as he looked away. “I can’t tell you more than that, I’m sorry,” he added. “No matter how much I want to.” Gelliana took a few steps closer and wrapped him up in a hug, the stallion sighing happily as he leaned into her embrace. “Nuh uh. No sad times yet. Not at the start of our date,” she said softly into his ear prompting a chuckle. “Fair enough, but your hugs always fix those easy enough.” They do?! He hasn’t really mentioned stuff like that. “Where did you learn body throws?” Gelliana was about to smooth down her feathers, but ultimately just ignored it. With Toxic around she was going to be a puffball soon enough. “I took some self-defense classes when I was younger. I found it a nice way to exercise and meet ponies. Having creatures being able to spar against kind of removed the ‘scary gryphon’ image in an odd way. I’ve kept up on it every now and again.” “Huh, I should have guessed it with the daggers. Warrior princess indeed.” The affection in Toxic’s tone made a pleasant shiver run down Gelliana’s spine, the gryphoness hugging him a bit tighter. She hadn’t expected him to be so cuddly, especially after the ‘not used to hugs’ remark. But oh, how happy Gelliana was to find that out about him. Of course, she had to let him go eventually, the stallion all smiles as he gestured around. “So? What’s the plan for today? Just a peaceful meal under a tree?” “Something like that. I mean, I just like spending time with you, Toxic. Talking or activity or…whatever,” Gelliana admitted shyly, her violet gaze drifting to her claws as the stallion glanced her way with a smile. “Well, I feel the same about you, Gelly. Very much so.” Of course, all Gelliana could do was mumble a reply- the words unintelligible. Toxic seemed to understand, however. A gentle motion to scoot over so their shoulders touched lightly confirmed that at least. “T-there is a thing or two I wanted to talk about,” Gelliana admitted. “All good things, mind you.” “Oh? I had a few things on my mind as well. I do like the fact you, well, talk to me, and also listen,” Toxic replied. “Even if it’s hard to voice my feelings sometimes, I know lack of communication is pretty much what destroys many relationships.” Gelliana nodded in agreement. “Uh huh. I’ve had to force myself along in that aspect. I may seem comfortable with you, but I’m not exactly a social butterfly.” “Like when the tour guide looked at you and asked if there were any other questions? You froze like a stone!” “Y-yes, like that,” Gelliana muttered, a familiar, soft laugh making Toxic’s sides shake. “Well, I do want you to know I greatly appreciate it.” Toxic’s steady green gaze made Gelliana’s words turn to butter in her mouth. Just, gone. “So, what was is it on your mind?” Toxic’s heart fluttered as Gelliana fiddled with her own claws. He had to say, be it her shyer side or more outgoing one, this gryphoness had his heart tied up with a bow. Not that he’d admitted that to anyone. But Toxic wasn’t a fool, and the sooner he was honest with himself the better. Hopefully. “W-well, I guess the first thing is just saying thanks,” she said softly. “For the hugs. It’s…it may seem like a small thing, but that’s actually a really important gesture for me. Somecreature showing they care.” Toxic knew exactly the appropriate reply to that. Reaching over with a forelimb, he draped it over the gryphoness’s shoulders and gave her a single gentle squeeze. “That is very good to know; and I will keep that in mind in the future,” he replied with a slightly cheeky grin. “So just hugs, or gestures in general?” “I…uh, am not sure? I wouldn’t complain with either?” she managed to say, her feathers not likely to calm down for some time. “I will definitely make sure I don’t neglect that. I do admit I’m the same way, but I’m still working on the specifics.” “Specifics of hugs?” “Of what means the most. Y’know, words, physical gestures, time spent with somecreature, that sort of thing. Pretty sure there’s a book on it on languages of affection between couples. Verbal, physical, time spent together and so forth.” “Oooh, right! I gotcha. Wellllllll be sure to let me know! Maybe we could read the book together sometime?” Gelliana was apparently able to push through her flustered state, her peppy energy now bleeding through. “I most certainly will, and I’d like that.” I’ll gloss over the fact it’s called ‘Love Languages’ for a bit though. Bit early for that. “Soooo what’s on your mind? I said my first thing, so, if you want to…?” Oh yes, I’d very much like to make something clear. But first things first. Toxic swallowed his nerves. He couldn’t ask her, not before it was out in the open. “Gelly, these past two weeks have made me realize something, but I’m a bit afraid of what you’ll think,” he said. “For two weeks, I’ve looked forward to every date, every moment spent with you. And for the first time in years, I forgot.” “Hmm?” Toxic sat up a bit straighter, his nerves replaced by the confident fire in his chest. She had to know. “I forgot what I’ve been through,” the stallion said. “I got to live life without the impact of everything I’ve been through. You gave that to me.” The tears that brimmed into Toxic’s eyes came out of nowhere, the stallion’s voice faltering. “And I can’t thank you enough for that,” he managed to choke out. “You showed me what life would be like after I’ve dealt with the things I’ve been through. The problem is, I can’t get to that stage yet.” “Because you’re still in it.” Rather shocked by her insight, Toxic nodded. “Until I can be free of the burden, at least for a time, I can’t deal with it. But I’m worried, Gelly.” “Of what?” The tree behind them creaked in a soft breeze, the sound making Toxic flinch. Poorly constructed metal buckling under the pressure. Screaming ponies running past him, some bloody. And in front of him, the bodies of- A touch snapped him out of it, two affection eyes meeting his. “Are you afraid of what I’ll think of this?” Gelliana asked. “Of you being jumpier than I’ve seen?” Toxic lowed his head in shame as he nodded. “I can’t help it,” he admitted. “I wish I could go back to that dessert shop again and just have a milkshake. Instead, I know if I go back, I’ll be looking for emergency exits, possible gas pipes, and dangers of flying glass. Jumping at the sound of a milkshake machine…” he couldn’t look at her, but hope began to push down the fears. “Are you still interested in dating a stallion like that? Like me?” “Please look at me, Toxic.” He did so- And the stallion felt his heart catch on fire. Gelliana glared at him with a steely gaze, anger shining behind her violet eyes, but not directed necessarily at him. Her beak trembled slightly, reaching forward to poke him with a claw. The fierce look behind her eagle gaze made him pause, because something aggressive and passionate flickered behind the intense wall of emotion at the fore. “Don’t…” she whispered. “Don’t you ever think of yourself like that again. Don’t you dare!” Her own sides were shivering, eyes dampening as she swiped a forelimb to clear them. “I want a stallion like you, Toxic!” He couldn’t speak. All the stallion could do was yank her into a tight hug, a gesture Gelliana immediately returned. “I thought of myself like that for a long time. I’ve been there; please don’t ever think like that,” Gelliana whispered. The stallion tightened his hug, fears having been carried away in an instant. “You want me?” Toxic asked softly, pulling back his head to look at Gelliana. “I know it may be silly, but that means a lot.” “Of course I do! Why wouldn’t I?” “I’ll try to explain, it may seem rather-” “Don’t you dare say it’s silly again. Just tell me,” Gelliana said fiercely, meeting his gaze with her own. Toxic was nearly certain his heart was going to beat out of his chest at those words. Stars above she’s gorgeous. “I’ll try. It comes down to being needed,” Toxic began. “Ever since Oakbark, I’ve been asked to help with various tasks. First were small things, and then bigger events. It didn’t take long for me to realize the nice requests had a tone of fear. A fear that I may say no. I wasn’t a fool; I then realized that I couldn’t say no, not if I wanted a clear conscience. If I was ever called, it was because I was needed, because no other creature could do what I was able to accomplish. Not without a gross loss of life and danger at least.” While his shoulders slumped, and the stallion felt his confidence returned as Gelly stayed snuggled up close to him, ears perked and listening. “I’ve been needed for so long, Gells. Needed to save the day, needed to prevent an explosion, a leak, or maybe just shut off a valve so nocreature gets sick,” he whispered. “But being wanted is something I don’t have a lot of experience with.” “Well, I’m still here, and most definitely not going anywhere,” she stated firmly. “If anything, I’m happy to see who you are even with the stuff you need to deal with. And in terms of being needed and such, I will be more than happy to show that you most certainly are wanted. I can’t speak for anycreature else, b-but I most certainly want you to be here,” Gelliana replied. “I want that quite a bit. And I kinda have the same fears, y’know. Being wanted for the wrong reasons that is, on top of everything else.” The stallion’s posture stiffened, pulling back to look at the sincere gryphoness. “You’re afraid I’m going to just leave, even though I have told you I won’t? Well, I keep wondering when you’ll t-tell me…” she paused, claws curling as Gelly looked away in shame. “I keep waiting for when you’ll tell me the real reason you want to date me. Even though you assured me otherwise. You aren’t the only one with hidden fears, things that you may call silly or such.” Now it was Toxic’s turn to tighten the hug, the stallion not able to prevent a soft chuckle. “Well,” he began, knowing the amulet couldn’t hide the raspyness from emotion in his throat. “It’s nice to know I’m not the only one.” Gelliana let out a soft giggle at that, nodding briefly, the gesture rubbing her cheek against his. “Not by far.” “I mean, there is a rather easy solution to our fears. It’s rather difficult though.” “Oh?” Toxic retracted his head, reaching up to gently boop Gelliana’s beak with his hoof as he scooted over to sit next to her. “We have to spend more time together.” The gryphoness dissolved into giggles, now all smiles as their fears took a back seat. “Oh no, however will I cope?” she asked dramatically, placing a forelimb across her brow. “I know, a trying task indeed. But we just have to learn to trust again, I think. We each have our own fears in that regard, and I have to get over being comfortable with you seeing…well, me, on a day to day basis.” “I can’t wait,” Gelliana said sincerely. Ask her, “I need to ask you something, Gells. I didn’t feel like it would have been appropriate before being as honest as I could.” Gelliana’s head tilted in that ever-adorable gesture of curiosity, her ears perking up. “Oh?” “Well, it’s a sort-of-asking…” The stallion had done his research into gryphon culture. While much of it was old, very old, a few gestures were still applicable. He didn’t feel like a kiss was appropriate, not yet and with their ‘taking it slow’ attitude. But this gesture, very much so. It was, traditionally, what happened before a kiss. It was a signaling of intent and feelings. Another way to say ‘I like you; what do you think of that?’ Nipping one’s ear was a similar, more playful gesture but Toxic hadn’t made that mental leap just yet. But whether Gelliana knew of this gesture or not, Toxic had no idea. He’d gladly explain it, but was hoping she did know. It was still in place in gryphon culture, even if its meaning had been diluted slightly. Essentially, if reciprocated, it was a symbolic gesture of being a couple, that meaning varying across sub-cultures and such. Scooting forward, Toxic reached down to hold a set of Gelliana’s claws in his hooves, something that always made her blush. The stallion then leaned forward and gently rubbed his cheek against hers, drawing his head back to see her reaction. Nerves gripped his heart, the gryphoness staring at him in shock, the intensity and tidal wave of emotion returning to her beautiful violet eyes. Surprise, and then a surge of- She yanked him into a hug with a sniffle, making it quite clear Gelliana knew exactly what the gesture meant as the gryphoness rubbed her own cheek against his affectionately. Apparently, hugs were the activity of the evening. “Is that a yes?” Toxic asked as he hugged Gelliana close, not able to resist a soft laugh as she burrowed her head against his neck. “And I assume you know what that gesture means?” “Mmhmm. I was going to do the same thing, actually,” Gelliana giggled softly. “Well, maybe this date or the next at least.” The stallion’s nerves were immediately replaced by a happy warmth that spread from the tip of his hooves to the top of his head. He still wanted to make it official though. “Wait, r-really? I, erm, mind if I ask you with words?” Gelliana pulled back slightly, her eyes swimming with tears. The fact a smile seemed permanently affixed to her beak was clue enough they were not tears of sadness. “Will you be my special somegriff?” “O-only if you’re be my special somepony,” was her immediate reply, Toxic then leaning forward to rest his forehead against hers. “Of course I will.” She angled her head so she could look him in the eye, a soft but determined smile on her beak. “T-then in that case, I most certainly will too.” Out of nowhere, Toxic’s throat closed up as soon as Gelliana spoke and locked gazes with him. Genuine affection radiated from her violet eyes, a stream compared to the surprising wave of before. The stallion could only pull her into another hug, the hot pressure in his eyes not fully changing to tears, but getting close. She wants to be…. Gelliana obviously picked up on his demeanor change, eagerly returning the gesture and resting her cheek affectionately against his. “And you said you weren’t a hugger.” Not sure how to phrase his tumultuous thoughts, Toxic decide to add a bit of cheekiness in the meantime. “Well, it was either this, or I totally would have kissed you. But taking things slow and all…” A soft “eep” was Gelliana’s reply, but the shy smile indicated the stallion was on the right track as she pulled away slightly to look at him. “Buuuut I haven’t researched how to do that with a beak. So, probably for the best,” Toxic added with a grin. Pulling back slightly and still smiling, Gelliana met his gaze for a moment before looking to her claws with a bright blush. “W-well I’d be more than happy to teach y-you…” Toxic’s face flushed a bright red, his shocked expression prompting the shy gryphoness to dissolve into giggles. Of the things he had expected her to say, that was not one of them! Apparently, she’s got quite a bold and cheeky side. I like it. “How about a r-rain check on that?” Toxic asked, pouting as the amulet perfectly translated the extremely embarrassing voice crack mid-sentence. “Rain check it is.” And then she blushed a bright pink, looking at Toxic shyly. “Did you mean to come up with a different nickname?” she asked. “Huh?” Toxic replied, blinking rather owlishly in surprise. “I did?” “You called me ‘Gells’ just before you ‘asked’ me.” “Uh…” The cuddly gryphoness reached over to scoot her head underneath Toxic’s, letting out another laugh. “I like it.” “Yay?” Gelly snorted, the surprised unicorn looking down at her in amusement. “I mean, I totally meant to come up with one.” “Oh of course,” Gelliana managed to say between a barely-suppressed laugh. She then was quiet for a time, leaning her head on Toxic’s chest. “I like this sound.” “Huh?” She poked him gently with a claw, then gestured to her ears. “Not all gryphons have as good a hearing as I do. Something about owl ancestry; but I can hear heartbeats if I focus. I’ve always liked the sound of yours.” “Well, I can’t really change it, so I’m glad? Forgive me for not being sure how I feel about that at first. Just didn’t expect it,” Toxic admitted. “I imagine that gives you an edge when talking to creatures? Now that I think about it, that’s really neat.” “Uh huh. Makes it easier to tell when somecreature is scared of me or lying. Obviously it’s not foolproof, but it gives an extra insight to what someone is meaning, or thinking.” Toxic looked down at the shy gryphoness, a rather sly grin on her features as her eyes met his. What is she- WAIT. His face turned a bright red as Gelliana giggled, the gryphoness not able to restrain her mirth. “Something on your mind, Toxic?” “I, uh, so you’ve been able to hear my heartbeat…” “Since we first met. Yup!” “I never thought I’d say this, but I think I know what it’s like to feel a bit naked.” Gelliana couldn’t speak through her gasping laughs, letting Toxic go to catch her breath as she sat next to him. “It’s true! I don’t know how or why, but it does!” Toxic objected, only able to smile at seeing Gelliana laugh. I love seeing her so happy. In moments such as this, the fierce highlights around the gryphoness’s eyes vanished, and it was like peeling back a layer. The initial look of being predatory was gone, revealing the bubbly, happy gryphoness underneath the first impression. She caught his gaze, the stallion feeling his heart beat a bit faster looking into those gorgeous eyes. Wait. My heartbeat. His guess was clearly on the money, Gelliana blushing as she reached over to poke his chest with a claw. “Juuuust like that,” she said shyly. “Like on our first date and ever since.” “Well,” Toxic said, confidence returning after the initial shock. “I guess it’s out of the bag how much I really like your eyes among the laundry list of other things. Not like I can control my heartrate when I see you.” His soft but sincere words made his special somegriff immediately puff up with a squeak, the stallion grinning as he poked her shoulder. “Serves you right for snooping!” “I c-can’t h-help it!” With a grin, Toxic reached down and held a set of her claws, definitely not helping her flustered state. “I know. But now you’ve opened up a whole new realm of teasing and feather-fluffing opportunities. You have only yourself to blame.” The indignant but affectionate glare from his puffball gryphoness couldn’t have melted a single snowflake, but Toxic’s heart was a different story.