//------------------------------// // Chapter 4: Impressions and Concessions // Story: Saints of Equestria // by Carlin //------------------------------// Chapter 4: Impressions and Concessions Celestia had the plan, Luna had the will. All they needed was their champion. The monarch of the sun wanted to appoint her best royal guards to the case while allowing their selected champion to hold the reigns. The monarch of the moon wanted to give their champion absolute autonomy. And both had their own list of candidates for the position. A tie breaker was needed… They needed somepony of absolute objectivity. They needed a pony with a fresh outside perspective and worm’s eye view of the situation. They needed a pony they both could trust absolutely. A pony they could count on to remain rational and level headed no matter what, as to ensure the best possible choice for all of Equestria. They needed to talk to Twilight Sparkle… “Was that really necessary!?” Rarity was not taking the outburst of violence very well. Four of her best friends and four blood stained creatures stood knee deep in a pile of unconscious Brotherhood. The frazzled fashionista looked to her fellow unicorn for assistance. She could always count on Twilight to know what to do. “That… was absolutely uncalled for, excessive in all the worst ways possible, and absolutely abhorrent!” “See, Twilight agr-“ “It also rocked absolutely!” “…” Rarity face-hoofed. This was going to be a long day. Princesses Celestia and Luna patiently waited inside the library that Twilight called home. This would be a sudden and unsettling surprise for the poor student, but it was a necessary one. The faster the sisters moved to stem the flow of corruption the fewer ponies would fall to its influence. Spike, having been abandoned in the library after Twilight’s abrupt venture into town, did his best to act as royal attendant. Tea had never been served fancier than this. His pinkie was raised and everything as he poured it. One thing troubled Luna, however… “Do you smell bacon?” “What’s bacon?” “I have no idea…” The Crusaders had practically burst out of the boutique when the fight was over, still holding popcorn. Scootaloo was bursting at the seams with excitement after seeing her idol, Rainbow Dash, in combat and seemed eager to copy some of the moves she witnessed. Applebloom was busy plotting world domination with an automated jimmy-kicker device she had started drafting in her head. And Sweetie Bell had discovered the secret for allowing anypony to sing soprano. Oleg had somehow managed to get Rarity to calm down. The pair was sitting on a bench near the boutique and talked quietly. That they had to step over the bodies of silently bleeding and mostly unconscious or half-dead Brotherhood was a testament to the Russian’s silver tongue. Shaundi, meanwhile, had taken a liking to Pinkie Pie and busily picked her brain for information. If anyone on this crew was good at forming new connections it was Shaundi. The Boss kicked himself for not remembering this sooner. It would probably be a good idea to just let Shaundi loose on Equestria for a few days and let her work the magic of friendship, or something. The crowd of ponies that had followed them through the city was now gathered and gawking at the aftermath of their confrontation. Pierce loved every single moment of it… He truly was a showman as he walked up and down the line of ponies shaking hooves, smiling, introducing himself, and signing anything he could get his hands on. Nopony knew who or what the hay he was, but after the display of strength from the Saints they all knew it was a good idea to get in on the action while it was hot. Now if only they had had some merch to sell… Things were going well, all considered. Twilight and the Boss sat together watching the reactions of the crowd and of their respective friends. Both knew it was vital to their future that the groups work well together. Fortunately, both seemed to gravitate to each other. Rainbow Dash and Applejack in particular had taken an instant liking to the Saints for their rough and tumble take on scumbags. Fluttershy, who had apparently been harboring a secret bloodlust, relished the company of those who understood. Pinkie Pie was worrying, but only because the Boss wasn’t sure she actually comprehended the gravity of the situation… Few cards shy of a full deck, that one. Lethality still made the mares nervous, but the Boss was sure he could warm up all six to the idea eventually. Testicular assaults were all well and good, but he knew the Brotherhood would get wise to their antics eventually. But nothing made a thug question his loyalties quite like hot lead. Confident that their comrades would be receptive to cooperation both Twilight and the Boss met each other’s eyes and knew what the other was thinking. It was time for a private meeting between their respective groups. They fought side-by-side well today, but they were not yet a united team. Twilight spoke first. “Ladies! I think it’s time we got to know our new friends a bit better. How about we all meet at the library?” “What she said. Lads, we need a pow-wow. We sent a powerful message today... Do not fuck with the Saints! But we need to back that up. I hate to admit it but the Saints are currently the four of us. These ladies in front of us are not only the enemies of our enemies, they are the entire reason we’re in this bloody world. I think it’s time we get acquainted, and rebuilt the Saints. Starting right here!” “Hell yeah!” Pierce fist pumped before turning to the crowd. As a professional showman he saw an opportunity for a little self-promotion. “Third Street Saints are here to stay! Brotherhood’s been stepping on the wrong ponies for too long. Time to step on some Brothers ourselves, you with me!?” The assembled crowd was already pumped up by the excitement of the day, but the suggestion of taking the fight to the Brotherhood themselves sent them over the edge. Cheers went up and hooves stomped the ground in appreciation of the Saint’s rallying cry. Several ponies in the group seemed to already be making plans to draw blood next time they were confronted by a Brother. The Boss took the spotlight back before anyone could get too far ahead of themselves. “Right, right… But first things first! We need a plan. Everypony meet up in the town square tomorrow afternoon for instructions! Twilight and I need to exchange ideas to organize you lot. Until we have a response keep yer heads down. We do this right, not by rioting.” He turned to Twilight, confident that their words had inspired confidence. “Lead on, luv.” Back in the library Twilight was terrified. Her mentor, and the ruler of all of Equestria, was sitting in her living room. There was a Brother who was dead and a Brother who wished he was dead still sitting just outside the door. She had illegally summoned four incredibly dangerous creatures from the abyss and used them to start a brawl in the middle of town. She had participated in the aforementioned brawl rather than use her words as Celestia herself had trained Twilight to do. And also she really needed to find a good spot to hide bodies… And find out what that smell was. “Hello Twilight... We need to talk.” Celestia looked grim. “Do you know what bacon is?” Luna asked. She looked peppy and curious. “Not a clue…” Twilight looked deranged. Luna shrugged. “Drat, oh well. On with business. Gangs, we has them. Need some ideas, have some ideas. Care to trade?” The monarch of the moon smiled warmly in anticipation of Twilight's response. Even her wide, friendly, eyes seemed to invite the unicorn to sit and have a friendly chat. Luna was a very forward pony... Whatever awkwardness she may have had during that ill-fated Nightmare Night seems to have been replaced by a totally new brand of awkward. It was unsettling and Twilight was, for the umpteenth time today, at a loss for words. The leader of the Saints was not. “Oi, what’s the holdup? There’s only one door and one fat arse sitting right in the middle of it. You can continue your conversation inside!” “New friend, Twilight?” Celestia looked very puzzled. Whoever this pony was he seemed very rude, and had the strangest accent. “Well the more the merrier. We are planning on involving all five of your friends. We may as well make it six.” Had Twilight not already been riding an adrenaline rush from her prior engagement this would have been a wonderful time to void her bladder. Fortunately for her, adrenaline suppresses that ability. It was already bad enough that the unicorn’s capacity to make decisions had been completely and utterly obliterated. The Boss made another decision for her. He abruptly squeezed the librarian around the middle, causing her to emit an adorable squeak, and carried her inside the library. With the door clear, humans and ponies began shuffling inside. To everypony’s amazement neither Celestia nor Luna so much as batted an eye as they entered. Celestia wore a stoic poker face that betrayed nothing. Luna, meanwhile, simply looked as happy as she had when she first arrived. She was doing a wonderful job of channeling Pinkie Pie. It was almost creepy. When all the guests had arrived in the now rather crowded library the Boss, yet again, broke the silence. “Right… You seem like an important one. This yer boss, Sparkle?” Twilight hadn’t moved an inch, and did not intend to do so. “Mum?” Still not moving. “Fuck buddy?” She twitched slightly… then tipped over and fell to the floor with another adorable squeak. “Roight, well I’m going to stick with boss for now.” He stopped staring at the disabled librarian and turned to face the princess. “…Wassup?” Celestia blinked. She knew it to be a human of some sort but she knew not where it had come from. She knew her loyal student had something to do with it, but feared the details would not be pleasant. The monarch’s already frayed nerves had hit something of a breaking point. Every single day Celestia had to bear witness to the suffering of her ponies and their accusatory glares. It was all her fault, after all. Equestria was her responsibility, and hers alone. It was her duty to prevent such happenings. It was her duty to expect the unexpected and react to it swiftly and effectively. She had failed on all counts. This meeting was to be her last hurrah. Her one last rally for sanity was right here in this library. Her final beacon of hope rested in her most prized treasure in all the world. Her ever faithful student Twilight Sparkle was not infallible, but the princess could always count on her protégé to be a beacon of hope for all of Equestria. …And she had gone behind her back to break several very important laws. There was a corpse sitting on the doorstep and the building smelt of burnt flesh. A monster that dared to call itself human stood before her while carrying a concealed deadly weapon. The entire town had gone to hell and back and it took the Elements of Harmony with it. She envied her sister at times like this. Luna was not expected to be the rock that the forces of nature could crash against fruitlessly. Luna could afford to roll with the punches and adapt however her intellect decided would be most efficient and enjoyable for all involved parties. She almost had to, given her mile-wide angry streak that no pony wanted to see again after Nightmare Night. As such, Luna had very deliberately positioned herself so that her duties rarely carried her to the public eye. If something disturbed that tranquility, she could afford to do whatever was necessary to correct it or simply cease to give a damn about it. Luna was a mother fucking honey badger. …Celestia wasn’t. Her rock-like willpower had cracked, crumbled, and dissolved under the pressure of her collapsing kingdom. “…Well fuck me sideways. I’m out! I’m done. Gone. Finished. Had it. It’s all yours Luna. Call me when you’re done. Peace out y’all!” With a burst of golden light Princess Celestia was gone. Back to Canterlot to cry in a corner, most likely. This author recommends the bootleg moonshine Luna had been working on ever since she got back from the moon. Luna barely batted an eye. “Curious… Anyway, we have an idea! I would like to appoint a champion with the ability to take the fight to the gangs themselves. Cripple their efforts, inspire the populace to resist their evil, and bring some gang bangers to swift justice! I have a list of candidates my sister and I compiled. Would you all care to have a look?” Luna paused for a moment after speaking and noticed everypony and everybody staring at her absolutely dumbfounded. She smiled both with her mouth and with her eyes once again, she emitted a sound like a squeaky toy. Had Wilford Brimley been present he would have diagnosed everyone in the room with diabeetus immediately. We really need to figure out how those ponies squeak like that. It’s like weaponized cuteness right there. Twilight, meanwhile, was mortified. The one pony she wanted to never disappoint, had been. But she hadn’t been banished, that was a good sign. Right? Maybe this could be salvaged. The Princess was just stressed is all. Tomorrow would be a new day and all would be well again! Or maybe Celestia would never talk to Twilight ever again. …Still not a problem! With the Farsighted-Mirror Twilight was sure there’d be a Celestia somewhere in the multiverse she could talk to! Would that seem creepy? Didn’t matter. None of it mattered! Everything is going to work out juuuust fine. Twilight noticed everypony was staring at her. Luna was staring at her, even. She should probably do something… RIGHT! List. Let’s get on that. The distressed librarian slowly approached the princess of the night and examined the scroll on a nearby desk. The list was good. Every name on that scroll Twilight recognized as a champion who had already sacrificed and proven themselves loyal and hardworking servants of Equestria. One in particular caught Twilight’s eye. He was a magnificent stallion she admired from a distance as a filly. A royal guard who had selflessly defended a traveling family from a rogue monster lurking in the forest. They were heroes, every single one of them. She looked back towards the humans she had summoned. They were terrible, they were violent, they were borderline sociopathic, and all willingly subscribed to a very special brand of insanity. They were in no way fit to be appointed to a position of such esteem. “Princess Luna, I’ve made my decision…” “So soon? How wonderful! You must have found a stand-out choice.” “We need to hire the psychopath right behind me.” …The Boss smiled. It was a good day to be a Saint. Dear Celly, I’ve conferred with Twilight Sparkle and company. We have come to an agreement. The humans collectively known as the Third Street Saints shall be appointed as heads of the newly formed Special Tactics Anti-Gang task force, or STAG. They requested the name themselves. I'm told it's something of an F-U, whatever that means. I like it, however. They also request absolute autonomy, immunity from prosecution for actions deemed necessary to ensure the security of Equestria, and access to the royal guard and treasury to execute their plans of action. Please send your response quickly. I’ve been informed Brotherhood activities have been escalating in recent days. If further violence is to be averted, action must begin soon. Your loving sister, Luna Dearest Luna, Take it. All of it. They can have it. -Celestia “Why does that letter smell of alcohol?” Twilight asked worriedly. “Think nothing of it, Twilight. Celly must be unwinding.” “Yeah? Let me see that.” Pierce grabbed the letter from the lavender unicorn and held it up to his nose as he took a deep breath. “…Is that… moonshine? Unwinding my ass! She’s getting hammered.” “No comment.” “You know where I can score some of that?” “Later.” Oleg and the Boss didn’t hear a word. A plan was rapidly forming and it needed to get underway quickly. They just needed a few things from the Princess before they could start. “Ok! Step one in the grand master plan for world domi*cough* liberation. We need a headquarters.” “Certainly, we could move you to Canterlot immediately, however, Ponyville is a much more central location. I would like to begin construction of a building that should suit your needs perfectly.” “That’d take too long. I want the penthouse.” “If I recall that building is already occupied. By the Brotherhood, in fact. I do not think they are likely to sell such prime real-estate to the enemy.” “Then we just have to clear them out first.” “Building enough arrest warrants to empty such a major operation would take months! Are you sure you don’t want to just start building your own? Clearing that penthouse alone will be a major undertaking requiring our absolute dedication.” The Boss was about to correct a rather severe misunderstanding of intent, but he was cut off by Oleg. “We appreciate the sentiment, your Highness. However we do not wish to be a burden upon your already strained resources. It is our firm belief that the conquest of the Brotherhood stronghold will be swift and decisive. Such a devastating blow will surely demoralize our foes, and inspire your people to greatness in response.” “Oh… Well that makes sense. I take it you would like to begin immediately?” “Yes, we would. We would like to begin with reconnaissance of the structure. We would request a chariot to be drawn by our comrades Rainbow Dash and Fluttershy to carry my employer.” “Are you certain you don’t want professional carriage drivers? We have many available.” “I believe it would be best if our own people were involved. We must begin developing camaraderie and cooperation immediately, you understand.” “Certainly! It shall be done. I must say such unorthodox tactics are rather… invigorating! It feels good to be doing something good for once.” As Rainbow Dash and Fluttershy prepared the chariot that was to carry their new boss, an electric feeling began to pass through the entire group. It started to dawn on the six collected ponies that this was a turning point in their lives. This would be a joint operation planned by their Boss and Twilight, funded by the princess, and breaking ground in the fight for Ponyville. They were official. And they were Saints. Something bothered Rainbow, however… “You’re not actually going in just for a recon, are you?” “God no, you crazy? I’m going to fuck their shit up, luv.”