“So, Twilight and the others are doing what now?” Moonwhisper asked as he watched Spike scurry around the castle.
“Twilight’s helping put together a Cutie Mark Crusader Appreciation Party to help convince Scootaloo’s parents that its important that she stay here in Ponyville instead of moving with them to Shire Lanka,” Spike said.
Moonwhisper grunted in response. “Normally, I’d prefer to stay out of other ponies’ family matters unless there were evidence that an intervention was absolutely necessary. On the other hoof, aren’t Scootaloo’s parents the imbeciles who dragged a…what do you call a group of cragadiles? A pod? A pack?”
“A bask,” Twilight said as she trotted by levitating a box of streamers. “Or a float, either term would be equally correct.”
“Ah, thank you. Anyway, seeing as how Scootaloo’s parents failed to see any issue with dragging a bask of cragadiles through the middle of town I’d say convincing them to leave their daughter here in Ponyville would probably be for the best. Speaking of substandard parental figures, that reminds me. Spike, you’ve said previously that you didn’t want to take any action against the dragon who posed as your father, correct?”
“Who, Sludge? Yeah, its not worth it to go after him, I just want to forget that whole thing and move on, you know?” Spike said.
“Fair enough. Well, should you change your mind on the subject Torch has informed me that a fair number of dragons have offered to exact revenge on your behalf. Though, from what I understand they’re mostly motivated by a preexisting dislike of the offender in question. Avenging the slight against you would be more of an excuse than anything else,” Moonwhisper said.
“Yeah, I’m still gonna pass. Sludge may have been a massive jerk, but he doesn’t deserve anything like that,” Spike said. “And besides, for all the trouble he caused there was some good that came out of it. Thanks to him I’m finally totally settled with the idea of who I am and where I belong. I mean, sure it’d be kind of nice to know where my egg came from –”
“Klugetown,” Moonwhisper replied almost reflexively, causing Twilight and Spike to both drop what they were doing and stare at him in shock. “You were asking about where your egg was recovered, weren’t you? It was recovered from an illegal auction in Kludgetown.”
“How in Celestia’s name could you possibly know that?” Twilight asked.
“Simple, it was included in the acquisition report on file at Princess Celestia’s school. It was one of the documents I reviewed when I was initially assigned to serve as your bodyguard,” Moonwhisper said.
“How come you didn’t say anything about it when Sludge was here?” Spike asked.
“For one thing, I had assumed you were already aware of the report. Besides, there wasn’t anything in the report that would have contradicted Sludge’s story, so it didn’t seem particularly relevant at the time.”
“So what else did the report say?” Spike asked eagerly.
“To be honest, not much beyond what I’ve already mentioned. The guard had stayed a raid on an auction of stolen or otherwise illicit items in Klugetown, and your egg was one of the items recovered. There was an effort made at the time to locate your birth parents, but relations between dragons and ponies at the time weren’t particularly conducive to making any sort of contact. After that your egg was apparently left in the care of Princess Celestia’s School until Twilight managed to hatch you.’
“That’s it? You really don’t know anything else?” Spike asked, to which Moonwhisper shook his head.
“Like I said earlier, there wasn’t anything in the report that could have contradicted Sludge’s story. The criminals who were running the auction weren’t exactly concerned with the provenance of the items for sale, nor were they particularly forthcoming when asked how they came by your egg in the first place,” Moonwhisper said.
“Oh, I see,” Spike replied before shrugging his shoulders. “Oh well, I guess it’s not really a big deal. It’d be kind of nice to know where I came from and everything, but what’s really important is where I am right now.”
“That’s a very mature way of thinking about it, Spike,” Twilight said before turning back to Moonwhisper. “Though this does make me a little curious about what else you know about my friends and I.”
“Nothing too scandalous, if that’s what you’re worried about,” Moonwhisper replied. “If you like I can try digging out the dossiers Greater Good prepared on each of you. For the most part it was just basic information and public records data. Names, occupations, observed history, that sort of thing. In your specific case I had obtained most of the information already from Shining Armor during our time as roommates.”
“It’s just a little strange to thing that somepony like Greater Good has a file on me someplace,” Twilight said.
“To be frank, it shouldn’t be all that surprising. After all, you’re a princess who’s played a central role in resolving nearly every crisis Equestria has faced over the last several years. In that context, it would be stranger if Greater Good didn’t have your life under a microscope.” Moonwhisper said.
“I understand that, but still…I mean, how would you feel if Greater Good had some secret file on you?” Twilight asked.
“Oh, he absolutely does,” Moonwhisper replied. “In fact, I’m reasonably certain Greater Good has nearly everyday of my life from the time I enlisted with the guard to the present meticulously documented in as much detail as possible. I’m a little less certain about the information he has on my life prior to that, but I’m sure any deficiencies aren’t there for a lack of effort on his part.”
“I…that’s…wow, really? Is that why you seem to dislike him so much?” Twilight asked.
“I dislike Greater Good because he’s a deliberately annoying ass who doesn’t have an ounce of respect for proper procedure. And unlike certain other individuals, Greater Good doesn’t have the excuse of being a physical manifestation of chaos,” Moonwhisper snorted. “The fact that he, or at least his agency, keeps close task on me is just him doing his job. I am, after all, one of the few ponies who could seriously threaten Princess Celestia and Princess Luna should I ever go rogue. Added to that, until recently my psychological evaluations have likely been less than reassuring. “
“I guess I wasn’t really thinking of it like that,” Twilight admitted.
“Greater Good’s job is, essentially, to be paranoid on behalf of the rest of Equestria. When you think about it, it’s not entirely dissimilar from my own responsibilities towards you and the rest of Ponyville.” Moonwhisper was abruptly cut off by the sound of a loud, bellowing roar, followed by several panicked screams. “Speaking of my responsibilities towards Ponyville, it seems I’m needed elsewhere at the moment. If you’ll both excuse me,” With that, Moonwhisper calmly opened a nearby window and leapt out while yelling at the top of his lungs. “DAMNIT, SNAP SHUTTER! WHAT DID I TELL YOU ABOUT KEEPING THOSE THINGS UNDER CONTROL?”