A Human, a Pony Princess, and a Mistake
Chapter 3: A Cosmic Joke
The train pulled out of the station after disgorging its passengers into the Crystal Empire. True to its name, there were crystals everywhere. Even the ponies were crystallized!
“At least the scenery will be nice to look at after I’ve inevitably done something to mess up this summit,” Tom quipped deprecatingly.
“Ah reckon with an attitude like that yer already halfway there,” Applejack snarked.
“If all else fails, smile and wave, darling,” Rarity’s comment elicited a snort of amusement from Tom, “Also, I couldn’t help but notice you’re not wearing Twilight’s crown. Did you forget it in Ponyville? Please tell me you didn’t!”
“It’s in the bag. You think someone with Twilight’s level of OCD would let me forget anything? I’m not wearing it because it’s Twilight’s crown and she doesn’t want to wear it because she says she feels self-conscious with that thing on,” Tom answered.
“My first real act of Princesshood was trapping you in my body, so I think I’m a little justified,” Twilight said.
“There’s no need to worry! You’ve got all of us here! There’s no way we’d let something bad happen, we’re way too awesome for that!” Rainbow crowed. A small smile came over Tom’s lips.
“Your moral support is deeply appreciated by both of us. I, for one, would probably be in itty bitty emotional pieces if it weren’t for you girls,” Tom said sincerely.
“You’re very welcome,” Fluttershy demurred.
“It would be a lot harder to have fun if you were in pieces, believe me, I know!” Pinkie chirped. Before anyone could respond, the doors to the castle opened and fanfare played to announce their arrival.
“Welcome, everypony, I am glad you could all make it,” Celestia greeted the group, with Luna and Cadence by her side. Cadence seemed on the verge of saying something, but couldn’t bring herself to do so. Just as the awkwardness was reaching critical mass, Tom decided he had had enough.
“Look, Cadence, if you wanna say hi to Twilight, you can go ahead and ignore me. I promise I won’t get hurt feelings. I imagine it’s pretty damn unsettling to see Twilight’s face but with her not in the driver’s seat,” Tom said.
“I’m sorry, I just- only Twilight could manage to get herself into a situation like this,” Cadence said in exasperation.
“Honestly, going from what I’ve heard and what she’s told me, I’m only somewhat surprised it hasn’t happened sooner,” Tom replied.
“Hey!” Twilight protested when Cadence giggled.
“I know, right? Whenever I’d babysit for Twilight I had to make sure she was actually asleep and not reading or experimenting. The one time I forgot she managed to make herself plaid.”
“I meant to do that!” Twilight complained mulishly. Tom was not convinced. In the two weeks Tom had been in Equestria, he had quickly learned that Twilight had a certain reckless streak when it came to SCIENCE and/or Magic. Nothing in his mind cemented this fact more than the mirror pool incident. If flinging around magic with a chance to doom the real Pinkie wasn’t reckless, Tom didn’t know what was.
“I am glad to see you getting along, but the day grows old and you are all no doubt tired from your long train trip. There is much to discuss, but it can wait. I propose we all head off to bed,” Celestia suggested. Bed sounded nice to all involved, and each was lead to private guest chambers.
“I wonder what this summit is going to be about,” Spike mused as he readied his bed.
“I haven’t the foggiest. All I know is I get to spend the day pretending to be Twilight Sparkle,” Tom grumbled as he fished the Element of Magic crown from the bags. He placed it on his head.
“Don’t worry, I’ll be right here to coach you,” Twilight assured him, “I still think that crown looks silly on me.”
“Well it’s a good thing you won’t be wearing it then,” Tom snarked as he placed it on the dresser. Spike had learned to recognize when Tom and Twilight were conversing between themselves and to ignore it.
“Go to bed, you two. I don’t want to be kept up all night because of your talking,” Spike said around a yawn as he curled into his blankets. Tom complied and after a few false starts, the three were all asleep.
As the night wore on, all seemed peaceful, until a shadowy figure appeared from seemingly nowhere, nimbly dodging guards and making a beeline for the room Spike, Tom, and Twilight were sleeping in. The door wasn’t locked, so the intruder had no issue slipping inside and soon spotted the prize: The Element of Magic. In haste, the Element brushed against a lamp, and nearly shattered, but was caught in a greenish-blue magical aura just in time. The lamp was set back in place and a fake Element of Magic took the place of the real one.
The intruder nearly made a clean getaway, but Spike shifted in his sleep, causing his tail to trip up the intruder, awakening the occupants of the room.
“Huh? What?” Spike asked blearily.
“The crown!” Tom exclaimed, spotting it sticking out from the intruder’s saddlebags. The chase was on! Tom and the intruder thundered down the hall, awakening the rest of the castle.
“Stop in the name of the law!” Tom shouted after the intruder, having always wanted to use that line. Using the hard gained skills of magic Twilight had pounded mercilessly into his head; Tom summoned the necessary mana to teleport in front of the intruder. Unfortunately, the intruder was capable of the same trick and teleported behind him, leaving the cloak behind to blind Tom as it flew into his face. That didn’t slow him down for long, and thanks to Rainbow’s training, he soon managed to catch up with the thief.
“Give it back!” Tom shouted as both he and the thief barreled into a room with a large mirror in it. The thief tripped over Tom as he tried to draw even with her and the Element of Magic was sent flying into the mirror, but instead of the mirror shattering, the Element of Magic passed through it.
“What did she do?!” Twilight was aghast.
“Sorry it had to be this way,” The thief sneered, “Princess.” She teleported to the mirror and walked through. Tom made to follow, but AJ’s cooler head saw it coming and bit down on his tail.
“Let me go!” Tom demanded.
“No way!” Applejack said around a mouthful of tail.
“I need to go after her into a magical portal I know nothing about… on second thought we should get Celestia,”
“Ah’m glad you came to yer senses,” AJ drawled as she let go of Tom’s tail. They met Celestia, Luna, Cadence, and Shining Armor in the hallway.
“What happened? We heard a commotion,” Celestia asked and the theft was explained. When the thief’s description was related to them, Celestia and Cadence both frowned.
“From the sounds of it, the thief was a former student of mine by the name of Sunset Shimmer. She was my student before I took on Twilight. However, her ambition turned her cruel and dishonest when she didn’t see the results she wanted quickly enough. I will not pretend I was completely faultless. With Luna’s return close at hoof, I was looking for the one who could save her, or destroy her as necessary. I believe the phrase is ‘do as I say, not as I do’. I lectured her on humility and forming friendships, while encouraging her perfectionist tendencies and isolationism with my actions in hopes that Sunset could be made into an Element Barer. Instead, I failed her as completely as one pony can fail another,” Celestia’s gaze grew distance, reliving past memories.
“Sunset was a young orphan when Auntie Celestia took her on as her student,” Cadence added on.
“Sounds like there’s a whole, long story you’d like to get off your chest, but we don’t exactly have time to be sitting around,” Tom said bluntly.
“You’re right, of course,” Celestia snapped back to the present, “You will need to follow Sunset in order to retrieve the Element of Magic. Even I do not know what exactly lies beyond that mirror.”
“Starswirl used to have a number of similar mirrors that served as portals to other worlds, but I understand that many of them were destroyed over the course of my banishment,” Luna explained, “This one in particular is only open for three days once every thirty moons, or about two and a half years by modern reckoning. It was once kept in Canterlot, but when Cadence took over the Crystal Empire, we had it sent here for safe keeping.”
“Enough exposition, let’s get going!” Rainbow, ever a mare of action, shouted in exasperation.
“Only Twilight and Tom may go through. The balance of our worlds could be put at great risk if all of you were to go,” Celestia curtailed any attempts for the rest of the ponies to join Twilight and Tom.
“First big event in magical pony land and it’s a solo job. Somehow that seems to be keeping in line with my recent string of luck,” Tom bemoaned his situation, but placed Twilight’s saddlebags on his back, “I’m ready.”
“Then good luck, to both of you,” Celestia said and a chorus of well wishes sprang up from the other occupants of the room.
“Allons-y!” Tom exclaimed as he jumped into the mirror portal. Spike, unable to stand the idea of Twilight and Tom being sent off on their own, dove into the portal after them before anyone could stop him.
The portal was a swirl of color and noise that completely disoriented dragon, pony, and human in the pony’s body equally. So much so that none even noticed their bodies changing as they progressed through the portal before they were thrown out the other side.
“Uh, Tom? Twilight?” Spike’s voice centered Tom’s focus as he opened his eyes.
“Spike, you weren’t supposed to come along and why are you a dog?” Tom started to become more aware of the situation.
“I have no idea, but more importantly, I have no idea what you are!” Spike shouted. Tom instinctually patted himself down with his hands, only to realize that he had hands again. Then he looked down at himself.
“Well, this just got infinitely more awkward,” Tom said while fighting down a blush.
“What? Why?” Spike asked.
“I’m a human, although I’ve never seen anyone with this shade of skin. What makes it really awkward is that I seem to be Twilight as a human teenage girl, when I was a twenty three year old man,” Tom let out a hearty sigh.
“It could be worse!” Twilight tried to bravely point out.
“How?” Tom was almost afraid to ask.
“You could have been naked; you told me humans have a nudity taboo, right?” Twilight was determined to look at the bright side.
“I don’t think ‘awkward’ even begins to cover it, dude,” Spike drawled.
“Whatever…” Tom picked himself up and brushed of the skirt he was now wearing, “Let’s just get the Element and go back to where I’m at least a female of a different species.”
As Tom started walking towards what seemed to be a school, he found himself happy to be able to walk on two legs again, even if it was hampered somewhat by the different center of gravity and weird boots. The school was infiltrated with no problem, Tom presumed it was a weekend, with how quiet everything was, but that was quickly disproven when the bell rang and suddenly the hallway was flooded with students.
“Looks like we’re not in Kansas anymore, Toto,” Tom muttered to himself as he gazed over the sea of humanity that was just as colorful as the ponies back in Equestria.
“I don’t know how you could live in a world with such a limited color palette,” Twilight remarked.
“I don’t know how you can live in a world that looks like a Crayola factory puked on it,” Tom shot back.
“Touché,” Twilight conceded. Tom, who had survived high school, managed to slip through the crowd without getting jostled too much and made it to a lower traffic area.
“So where are we going to find the crown?” Spike wondered.
“Given the portal tossed us out here, I’m hoping Sunset is still in the area. If time moves at the same speed in both worlds, then Sunset’s been here at least two and a half years, if not more. She knows the lay of the land, but I’m also hoping she’s had some kind of impact around here. If we don’t find her here, we could probably find a phone book or a police station,” Tom laid out the beginnings of his plans.
So they wandered aimlessly around the school, Twilight getting weirded out every time they ran across someone who had a pony counterpart she knew. Tom was not so easily distracted. Eventually, the search paid off when they heard Fluttershy’s voice and it sounded like she was being bullied.
“No one bullies our Fluttershy!” Twilight nearly growled and Tom was of a similar mind. To their luck, the bully happened to be Sunset Shimmer.
“You shouldn’t pick up things that don’t belong to you!” Sunset shouted.
“It doesn’t really belong to you either,” Fluttershy muttered, but not quietly enough for Sunset to miss it.
“EXCUSE ME?!” Sunset roared and slammed her hands into a locker, completely trapping and cowing Fluttershy. At this point Spike was actually growling. It only got worse as Sunset started degrading Fluttershy. Tom wasn’t about to stand for it.
“Leave her alone!” Tom called out. Sunset spun around, her eyes narrowing as she looked over to see who had interrupted her.
“What did you say?” Students fled in abject terror as Tom and Sunset marched towards each other, fire in their eyes.
“I said leave her alone. You have no right to talk to her like that,” Tom’s calm tone belied his boiling rage. Tom and Sunset got in each other’s faces. Sunset tried to get Tom to look down by putting her hand under his chin, but he just grabbed her arm.
“Let go of me,” Sunset seethed. Tom acquiesced and Sunset stepped away, “You think you’re tough? Just you wait. I own this school and I can make your life hell.” With that Sunset stalked away.
“I can’t believe you stood up to Sunset Shimmer like that,” Fluttershy said in awe.
“I couldn’t in good conscious just do nothing,” Tom said.
“Well, it’s just; no one has ever stood up to Sunset before,” Fluttershy told him.
“I plan to do a whole lot more standing, if that’s alright with you,” Tom replied.
“Just be careful. I don’t think I’ve seen you around here before, are you a new transfer student?” Fluttershy asked. Tom didn’t want to lie to Fluttershy, but given the circumstances, with Sunset clearly being a student herself, Tom needed an in.
“Yeah, today’s my first day, but I can’t seem to find the principal’s office. My name’s Twilight Sparkle,” Tom lied.
“My name’s Fluttershy,” Fluttershy introduced herself.
“Nice to meet you Flutter-” Tom was cut off when Fluttershy caught sight of Spike.
“Oh my goodness, who’s this sweet little guy?” Fluttershy started gushing over Spike.
“You know, this seems awfully familiar. This parallel reality thing is really starting to get to me,” Twilight complained.
“That’s Spike,” Tom ignored Twilight and answered Fluttershy’s question instead, “He’s my dog.” Fluttershy then offered Spike a dog treat, which, after the first bite, he greedily scarfed down.
“Wouldn’t you just give anything to know what they’re really thinking?” Fluttershy asked.
“Pet me, Feed me, Love me, Play with me, not necessarily in that order,” Tom snarked and Fluttershy giggled.
“I think it’s lovely how simple and straightforward dogs are,” She cooed.
“Sunset said Fluttershy picked something up, ask her what it was,” Twilight prompted Tom, who asked.
“It was a crown,” Fluttershy answered, “The one we use for the Fall Formal princess, but Sunset Shimmer seems to think she owns it.”
“We need to know if that’s the Element!” Twilight exclaimed.
“Really, you guys have an actual crown for the prom queen? That’s pretty amazing,” Tom remarked.
“Well, it’s not a real crown, but it’s a pretty well made fake. It even has real amethyst in a starburst at the center!” Fluttershy explained.
“So what happened to it after you found it?” Tom questioned.
“I handed it back to Principal Celestia for safe keeping,” Fluttershy answered.
“Principal Celestia?” Twilight parroted, “This place keeps getting weirder and weirder.”
“That reminds me; you said you were looking for the principal’s office. Let me show you the way,” Fluttershy offered and Tom accepted the help, “Also, pets aren’t really allowed on school grounds, so you might want to hide him in your backpack. That’s what I do.” Fluttershy then opened up her backpack to reveal a bunny, cat, and bird.
“Thanks for the advice,” Tom said and ushered Spike into the backpack the portal had provided him with. The school bell than rang and Fluttershy said goodbye before dashing off to class.
“How are we going to get the crown back if these people have it?” Spike asked when the coast was clear.
“If it has a real amethyst like Fluttershy said it’s probably locked up tight, which means we can’t just casually take it back. I also doubt anyone would believe our story about it being a magic item. The only way I can think of getting it is legitimately, but I’m not a student here,” Tom didn’t see any options.
“Who says we’re not a student here?” Twilight suddenly spoke up. Tom quickly caught on.
“We convince the principal that I’m a transfer student and I can compete…I suddenly feel like I’m in danger of losing my man card. A guy shouldn’t have to compete to win as prom queen, dammit!” Tom whined.
“You don’t look much like a guy to me,” Spike quipped. If looks could kill, Spike would have found himself taking a very sudden dirt nap. Tom took a breath to calm himself and knocked on the door to the principal’s office.
“Come in!” Celestia’s voice carried through the door and Tom let himself in, “What can I do for you?”
“Hello, my name is Twilight Sparkle, and I just moved here, and I’m looking to transfer here,” Tom lied.
“Ah, just in time for the Fall Formal. I’ll just need you to sign a few forms and take a few papers home to your parents for them to sign, but we can get you into classes today,” Principal Celestia said as she searched for the necessary paperwork.
“That sounds great, thank you!” Tom was a picture of gratitude, then he spotted pictures of Sunset in what seemed to be her moment of victory at previous Fall Formals, “Seems like that girl is pretty popular, if she’s been crowned prom queen every year.”
“Popular isn’t exactly the word I would use…” Principal Celestia trailed off, “But here at Canterlot High the prom queen is called The Fall Formal Princess. We feel it flows better, so it stuck.”
“Can anyone run?” Tom asked.
“Thinking of throwing your hat into the ring?” Celestia questioned as Tom signed the papers she had placed before him.
“I don’t think I’ll win, but I think it might be fun to try,” Tom replied and Celestia smiled.
“I think we could use more of that attitude in our Fall Formals, all you have to do is let the committee head know you want to participate and she’ll put your name on the ballet,” Celestia explained, “Now, I’ll need those papers signed and back in my office by the end of the week, alright?”
“Understood, Principal Celestia,” Tom responded.
“Good, now here is a schedule for you. Lunch period will begin shortly, so you’re free to go, and if you ever need anything, my door is always open,” With that Tom was herded out the door, which closed shut behind him.
Soon thereafter, Tom made his way to the cafeteria and was fortunate enough to spot Fluttershy’s pink hair in the crowd. He slipped his way into line next to her.
“Hello again, Fluttershy,” Tom greeted.
“Hello, Twilight,” Fluttershy returned.
“I know we haven’t known each other long, but I was wondering if I could ask a favor.” Tom asked hopefully.
“You stood up to Sunset for me; of course I’ll help you if I can,” Fluttershy said as she picked up a bowl of apple slices.
“I’ve decided to run for Princess of the Fall Formal and-” Tom was cut off by Fluttershy gasping and dropping the bowl of fruit, which landed on Tom.
“Oh, I’m sorry, it’s just, running for Fall Formal Princess is a really bad idea, and Sunset already has it out for you. Running would be suicidal! Sunset Shimmer wants to be Princess and what Sunset wants Sunset gets!” Fluttershy explained as she used napkins to clean up the fruit juice off Tom’s clothes, “If you don’t believe me, ask the girl who ran against Sunset in the Spring Fling.”
“I still want to try,” Tom said, unconcerned with Sunset’s vengeance.
“I don’t think you understand. Sunset has an iron grip on this school and to win, you’d have to convince the whole school to vote for you over her. The athletes, fashionistas, drama kids, the eco kids, the techies, the rockers, and so on,” Fluttershy laid out the facts for Tom, but he was still determined to see his candidacy through.
“Why is everypony separated this way?” Twilight wondered.
“The usual high school cliques… I find it somewhat depressing to see every high school has the same groups,” Tom mused aloud for Twilight’s benefit.
“That’s just the way it works, but everyone knows not to cross Sunset Shimmer,” Fluttershy said as they sat down at a table.
“Even so, I want to go through with this. Do you know where I can find the committee head?” Tom asked.
“You’ll probably find her in the gym,” Fluttershy answered. So Tom quickly finished his lunch and headed off to find the gym. When he found it, he opened the door and looked around.
“Hello?” He called out as he walked into the gym proper.
“INCOMING!” Someone yelled and suddenly Tom found himself assaulted by streamers. When the attack was over, Tom unburied himself and soon spotted a familiar tuft of cotton candy pink hair.
“I should have known, if it’s a party, Pinkie is involved somehow,” Twilight giggled.
“Are you the head of the Fall Formal Planning Committee? Fluttershy said I could find you here,” Tom said.
“Fluttershy, huh? Don’t let that shy bit fool you, she can be a real meanie! I’m Pinkie Pie, by the way!”
“Fluttershy? Mean? Any alternate reality where that’s the case would have to be way more messed up than this one,” Twilight quipped. Tom shared her skepticism.
“A little late to be signing up, isn’t it?” Pinkie asked.
“I’m new here,” Tom explained.
“Really? I thought I didn’t recognize you…but now that I look at you, do you have a twin sister who lives in the city who has a dog named Spike who looks exactly like your dog?” Pinkie interrogated Tom.
“She must mean my counterpart in this reality,” Twilight speculated.
“I can neither confirm nor deny any accusations of that nature,” Tom answered.
“I thought so,” Pinkie acted as if that were the most normal answer in the world. Pinkie then dug a clipboard and pen out of her hair and had Tom sign on it. He very nearly signed his own name, but caught himself and put down Twilight Sparkle instead.
Once that was completed, a newcomer arrived.
“Somebody order a dozen cases of fizzy apple cider?” The unmistakable southern drawl of Applejack called out across the gym.
“Oh, me! I did!” Pinkie called out as Applejack and Big Mac carried in the drinks. Pinkie bouncing up and down like a rabbit on speed the whole time and looking suspiciously love struck at Big Mac, in Tom’s opinion. Then AJ caught sight of Tom.
“Don’t I know you?” She said.
“Do you?” Tom suddenly felt nervous.
“Yeah, you’re the new girl who gave Sunset Shimmer the what for!” Applejack exclaimed as she popped the cap on one of the cider bottles and chugged it.
“Twilight Sparkle here is going to run against Sunset for Princess of the Fall Formal,” Pinkie casually mentioned, causing AJ to do a spit take. Pinkie, meanwhile, was somehow flying with just a single balloon filled with her breath, but Tom had quickly learned the survival skill of ‘it’s Pinkie Pie, don’t question it’.
“Ah’d think twice about that,” Applejack warned, “She may come up to ya all nice like, but she ain’t nothin’ but a snake.”
“I appreciate your concern, but I’m not terribly afraid of a high school girl,” Tom remarked.
“Oh, trust me, you will be. You will be…” Applejack gazed off into the middle distance briefly before shuddering, “About the only girl you can trust less is Rainbow Dash.”
“Really now?” Tom asked.
“She’s the captain of just about every sports team here at Canterlot High. She’s the queen of the athletes, in more ways than one, according to the rumors,” Pinkie blithely expositioned.
“She’s also the captain of sayin’ she’ll do somethin’ and then turnin’ around and not showin’ up,” Applejack grumbled.
“Thanks for the warning, Applejack, I appreciate it,” Tom put as much false sincerity into his voice as he could muster. Something smelled fishy to both him and Twilight.
“Hey, how did you know my name?” Applejack asked.
“I, uh, didn’t you say?” Tom coughed out weakly.
“Nope,” Big Mac answered helpfully. Tom knew a lost cause when he saw one and quickly abandoned ship.
“That one is trying to hide a secret, but I am totally on to her!” Pinkie declared as the doors swung shut behind the retreating Tom and Spike, “She’s psychic!”
“Uh huh, if you say so,” Applejack was experienced enough with Pinkie’s antics to just let it roll off her back. Just then the door on the opposite side of the gym burst open, reveling Sunset Shimmer and her goons, Snips and Snails.
“This place looks terrible! There needs to be more streamers and fewer balloons!” Sunset barked as she popped a few of the offending balloons. She then stalked over to the refreshments.
“Fizzy apple cider? Ugh, this is my coronation, not some country hoedown!” Sunset said in disgust while holding a bottle of said beverage away from her in contempt.
“Well now, it ain’t necessarily going to be your coronation this time around!” Applejack couldn’t keep herself from sneering at the spoiled brat before her.
“Is that so?!” Sunset got in Applejack’s face, “You country folk really aren’t that bright.” Sunset sneered to match AJ’s own as she slid Applejack’s Stetson over her face, “Must be why the other students say such awful things about you.” Applejack was so mad her face had turned red and steam was streaming from the inside of her hat.
“Obviously I’m going to win, I’m running unopposed,” Sunset smirked.
“Not this time, the new girl, Twilight Sparkle, just signed up!” Pinkie chirped.
“WHAT?! Where is she?” Pinkie and AJ glanced at each other. Was it just them, or was Sunset acting more like a Saturday Cartoon villain every day?
Meanwhile, Tom, having made good his escape as far as he knew, took to wandering around the school to try and familiarize himself with the population. However, his aimless walking soon took him to a badly run down hallway that seemed to him to be a back alley pulled from a film noir. It was poorly lit as to be almost pitch black and a broken locker was creaking along its hinges.
“I can’t believe I didn’t recognize you sooner,” Sunset’s voice called out from behind Tom, “I should have known Princess Celestia would send her prize student after my crown along with her little dog too. I’ll make this real simple for you, either you go right back through that portal now, or you’ll go back a broken wreck.” Suddenly an idea sprang into Tom’s mind. He started laughing.
“Oh, Sunset, you honestly think you can intimidate me? That’s adorable,” Tom then advanced on Sunset. She stepped backwards, only to find herself against the lockers, “And that’s not the only adorable thing about you.” Tom purred while hungrily eying Sunset’s form.
“What are you doing?!” Sunset demanded.
“You don’t get it, I’m an Alicorn. I’m everything you could have been but weren’t, because you let your ambition and impatience get the better of you. I could snuff you out like a candle. But I won’t, because Princess Celestia is yet stronger than me and she wouldn’t like it if I killed you,” Tom murmured just loud enough for Sunset to hear. Sunset went pale.
“You- you’re bluffing!” Sunset stammered, but Tom’s smile with far too many teeth made that already shaky assertion fall apart.
“Am I, Sunset Shimmer? However, it doesn’t have to be this way,” Suddenly Tom closed the remaining distance between them, stopping just before full body contact, his lips ghosting over hers, a smoldering look in his eyes, “We could be great together, Sunset. You’re driven, intelligent, and attractive. I fancy myself an intellect as well, but I know how to toe the line around Celestia. Follow me and you could have everything you ever wanted and more. All you have to do is say ‘yes’.”
Tom made to close what little distance remained between them, but Sunset’s fight or flight response kicked in and she shoved Tom away before running like a bat out of hell. The hallway was dead silent for a few moments after Sunset’s departure.
“WHAT WAS THAT?!” Twilight and Spike both shouted.
“I told you I was a theater nerd. I was in drama club every year since middle school and I was part of my college’s theater troupe. I like to think I know how to act just a little bit. Let me tell you, it was a whole lot easier being in a human body for that, because pony body language is a completely different beast, pardon the pun,” Spike just remained in open mouthed shock while Tom could sense Twilight’s mix of exasperation and grudgingly impressed. For his part, Tom was rather pleased with himself, if his smug expression was anything to go by.
“Still, I wonder why she stole the Element to begin with, I mean, she already seems to rule the school,” Twilight pondered.
“Who knows? It’s probably for the best if we recover the crown before she has a chance to enact whatever evil scheme she has and go back to Equestria, never knowing for sure what she might have planned,” Tom opined.
“Well, yeah, but to do that, we need to figure out how you’re gonna win this thing,” Spike said.
“The sad thing about being a theater nerd is that my ilk was never looked at for prom king or queens, no matter what certain movies might lead you to believe,” Tom sighed, “I haven’t a clue as to how to unite the cliques against Sunset.”
“When in doubt, find a library!” Twilight suggested and so they found themselves staring at what passed for the Canterlot High newspaper’s website. It didn’t help matters that the human versions of the CMC were blasting music at full volume.
“Well, there’s one clique that we don’t have to worry about, because it doesn’t exist!” Tom muttered. The newspaper page was utterly devoid of anything beyond regular school announcements. Twilight convinced Tom to start looking through the books, mostly because she was thirsty for new literary discoveries, but Tom couldn’t think of anything better to do, so he humored her for the rest of the day.
It was a good thing he did, because just as the library was about to close, they stumbled upon a yearbook with a very interesting photo. It showed the human versions of Pinkie, AJ, RD, Fluttershy, and Rarity sitting together as friends.
“The library is closing in five minutes,” The announcement came over the intercom and suddenly Twilight and Tom realized they hadn’t thought about sleeping arrangements. Fortunately for both of them, Spike had found an out of the way corner of the library where they could camp out. Once there, Tom brought the picture to Spike’s attention.
“I don’t think it’s crazy to think that Sunset had something to do with their friendship breaking up,” Twilight mused and Tom was of a similar mindset. The human counterparts of their pony friends behaved very similar to the pony versions, yet to each they had talked to had accused others of very out of character things. Fluttershy being mean or Rainbow backing out on a promise with no explanation was the examples given so far.
The next morning, something seemed afoot as Tom exited the library. Every student looked at him and started whispering or giggling. Before he could try and figure out what was going on, he was snatched out of the hallway. When he got his bearings, he saw that Rarity was the one who had pulled him into an empty classroom. After a quick flurry of activity, she threw a disguise on him.
“There, now no one will recognize you!” Rarity sounded proud of herself.
“Why wouldn’t I want anyone to recognize me?” Tom asked, understandably confused.
“And I supposed we’ll need a disguise for your dog, as well,” Rarity mused, completely ignoring Tom, “Which is too bad, he really is so adorable. You know, with a little work, I think I can make him look like a rabbit instead.” Spike, who had been eating up Rarity’s attention, drooped when she said she wanted to make him a rabbit.
“There you are, Twilight!” Applejack burst into the room, followed by Fluttershy and Pinkie Pie.
“So much for the disguise!” Rarity pouted.
“I like your new look!” Pinkie exclaimed as she entered the room.
“I do have an eye for these sorts of things, not that you seem to care,” Rarity sniffed,
“WHAT?!” Pinkie squawked.
“Why do you think she doesn’t care?” Tom was feeling more and more lost, but decided to drop the subject when it looked like Pinkie was about to blow her top.
“Would any of you care to tell me what the hell is going on here?!” Tom finally shouted.
“Oh, she hasn’t seen it yet,” Fluttershy murmured. Pinkie then pulled out a laptop, pulled up YouTube, and showed Tom, Twilight, and Spike a video. It was a recording of the time Tom spent in the library along with Sunset dramatically narrating over him absentmindedly doing things like the rubber pencil trick and chewing on said pencil with filters placed over it.
“This is what has everyone so worked up? Good God, you people must have absolutely nothing else to gossip about! I chewed a pencil, oh the horror. Aren’t teenagers supposed to be talking about who fucked who and which football player is dating which cheerleader this particular week?”
“You don’t understand,” Fluttershy said sadly, “Sunset posted this video. Her word is law. If she says to ridicule you, then that’s what people are going to do.”
“Not to sound like a tired cliché, but if Sunset told you to jump off a bridge..?” Tom trailed off, everyone knew the saying. Fluttershy then offered her support, but that somehow set off a domino effect that led to AJ, Pinkie, Rarity, and Fluttershy all bickering with one another. There was only so much Tom could take, and he soon hit his limit.
“ENOUGH, ALL OF YOU!” Tom finally shouted over their arguments. The others fell silent, “Look at yourselves; you used to be friends, if this picture is to be believed.” Tom showed them the picture in the yearbook, “Now you’re snapping at each other like a pack of starving wolves.”
“I remember that picture. It was taken at the Freshman Fair,” Applejack said wistfully.
“I think Sunset Shimmer has been sabotaging your friendship,” Tom announced, which got the others talking about the perceived slights and they all soon realized that some outside party had been pretending to be members of their group and had sent lies around to make them think they had been slighted. It didn’t take a genius to figure out that someone was Sunset Shimmer.
“Isn’t the power of open lines of dialogue an amazing thing?” Tom asked rhetorically. In that spirit, AJ tracked down Rainbow and cleared the air between them. Rainbow then came over to speak to Tom.
“So you’re looking to dethrone Sunset and be the Fall Formal Princess, eh?” She asked as she looked over Tom.
“That’s the plan,” Tom confirmed.
“Gotta say, I’d really love to see that happen. I’ll totally help you out, all you gotta do is beat me in a game of one on one,” Rainbow challenged. The rules were simple. Whoever made it to five goals first would win. Tom tried, bless him he tried, but Rainbow Dash was a born and bred athlete. Against a weekend warrior like Tom, who was in the body of a soft nerd named Twilight Sparkle, Dash completely cleaned up. At the end, Tom wound up sprawled out on the ground, panting heavily.
“Curse you Twilight, and your lack of physical education!” Tom whisper shouted so no one would hear him except Twilight.
“I stand by my decisions,” Twilight said impudently.
“So how can I help you beat Sunset?” Rainbow asked as she helped Tom to his feet.
“But I lost.” Tom said.
“Well duh, I’m awesome. But I’m not going to help just anyone. You gotta have heart and determination, which you proved to me you have in spades. Even when I was crushing you, you didn’t give up. That says a lot in my book,” Rainbow explained.
The group gathered at the human version of the Sugar Cube Corner to talk strategy and to get something to eat.
“Alright girls, the Formal is tomorrow night and we need a plan and we need it fast,” Applejack took the lead, “Right now folks only know Twilight from the video Sunset posted. We need to get them to see her differently.”
“I’ve got it!” Rarity suddenly screamed, drawing the attention of everyone in the store, and probably the city block. She then unveiled her plan. During their freshman year, wearing fake pony ears and tails were a way to show school spirit. Rarity wanted to use them in order to rally school spirit around Tom and Twilight.
“It’s a lot better than anything I can think of, which is exactly nothing. Let’s do it!” Tom threw his support in behind the plan and so did the rest of the group.
The next day at lunch, Tom was inducted into his first Heartsong. It was very weird to him, having the lyrics and choreographed dance suddenly downloaded into his head and hearing Twilight’s voice coming out touched up for the singing, but Twilight assured him it was normal and to just roll with it. Soon the whole school was sucked into the Heartsong.
After lunch, suddenly everyone was wearing ears and tails, but the smile on Sunset’s face put everyone ill at ease. Everyone soon learned what the smile was about. Sunset and her lackeys had ruined Pinkie’s preparations for the Fall Formal and she was looking to frame Tom for the misdeeds.
So that was how Tom found himself under interrogation for the crime of vandalism of school property by Vice Principal Luna.
“I’m innocent!” Tom protested.
“This is clearly you in the photographs, isn’t it?” Luna asked. Tom looked at the photos, then back at the vice principal.
“Are you serious? Did you even LOOK at these things? She literally cut out photos of me and pasted them onto other pictures! You can even see the edges of the cut!” While he was talking, he worked to peel off the pasted images, “Didn’t even use Photoshop…”
When he finished, the picture that was underneath clearly showed Snips and Snails trashing the gym.
“I don’t suppose you want me to fetch you a drink to help wash down that slice of humble pie, would you Vice Principal Luna?” Tom asked, only the slightest hint of venom in his voice.
“No, I deserve it for taking anything Sunset Shimmer says at face value…” Luna seemed somewhat disgusted with herself, which eased Tom’s ire. Luna then told him how the Fall Formal would have to be delayed until the next night due to the damages.
“Tomorrow night will be too late! The portal will have closed!” Twilight shrieked. Tom ran all the way to Carousel Boutique where he found the others waiting.
“The Fall Formal isn’t happening tonight!” He announced.
“WHAT?!” Pinkie screamed.
“The damage to Pinkie’s preparations was too great,” Tom explained.
“WHAT?!” Pinkie screamed again.
“But the Fall Formal has to happen tonight,” Tom said. Pinkie tried to scream a third time, but AJ threw her hand over the pink one’s mouth.
“Why is it so important that it happen tonight?” Applejack asked.
“Well, you see,” Tom started to explain, but Pinkie broke free.
“You’re from an alternate world where you’re a pony princess there and the crown actually has a magical element embedded in it that helps power up others magical elements and without it they don’t work anymore and you need them to help protect your magical world and if you don’t get the crown tonight you’ll be stuck in this world and you won’t be able to get back for, like, a really really really long time!” Pinkie could truly be frightening. Spike’s and Tom’s jaws dropped and Twilight did the best she could, given her circumstances.
“Yeah…I’m pretty sure that isn’t the reason,” Rainbow Dash said reasonably.
“Nope, she’s pretty much spot on,” Spike recovered from his shock first and let the cat, or the dog as the case may be, out of the bag.
“He can talk?!” Rarity exclaimed.
“Oh yeah, and back where I come from, I’m not even a dog! I’m a ferocious fire breathing dragon!” Spike exaggerated, but Tom was still rebooting his brain, so he couldn’t call Spike out on it. Naturally, when confronted with a talking animal, Fluttershy shoved everyone out of her way to get close to him.
“This. Is. So. Amazing!” She gasped as she got down on her hands and knees, “Tell me, what are you thinking?!”
“I sure could use a scratch behind the old ears,” He said as he sauntered up to Rarity. She was also still rebooting her brain, “Maybe later.”
“Don’t question it, it’s Pinkie Pie! Don’t question it, it’s Pinkie Pie! Don’t question it, it’s Pinkie Pie! Don’t question it, it’s Pinkie Pie! GODDAMNIT, how did you know?!” Tom finally snapped.
“Just a hunch,” Pinkie shrugged. Tom looked like he was about to blow a gasket, so Applejack intervened.
“Wait a minute; let me get this straight, you’re a pony?” She asked.
“I was. Right now I’m human because the portal between our worlds apparently has a transmogrification spell to help fit in with the locals,” Tom answered.
“You’re a princess?” Rarity asked in a daze.
“You’re from another world?” Fluttershy asked before Tom could answer Rarity’s question.
“Yes,” Tom answered Fluttershy, and he wasn’t even stretching the truth. If they assumed he was answering Rarity as well, he wasn’t going to correct their misconceptions.
“That. Is. AWESOME!” Rainbow shouted. Eventually they calmed down and decided to head over to the school to try and fix what Sunset’s goons had broken.
“Well, it’s not going to be easy, but we’ve got to try,” Tom said and soon found himself caught up in another Heartsong. During the course of which, more and more students started pouring in to help the cleanup efforts.
“You know, it’s amazing how productive these Heartsong things are. Also somewhat violating, but I’d rather not dwell on that,” Tom remarked.
“Heartsongs aren’t violating! They’re uplifting and motivating! Have you done anything you didn’t want to do during them?” Twilight demanded.
“Well, no, but I think in this case we’ll just agree to disagree,” Tom said and Twilight decided to let the issue drop for the moment.
Through their efforts, the Fall Formal was back on schedule, but unknown to the rest of the school, Sunset Shimmer and her goons had been lurking in a supply closet the whole time.
“Next time I tell you to make a mess of things, try and show a little restraint! I need this Formal to happen tonight just as much as she does,” With these ominous words she watched as the rest of the school cast their votes for Fall Formal Princess.
Later that evening, back at the Carousel Boutique, the group prepared for the Formal, which meant changing clothes. So it was that Tom found himself standing in the changing booth with the dress Rarity had made for him, feeling intensely self-conscious and embarrassed.
“Just change already. It’s not like I care if you see a human version of me naked. It’s your society with the nudity taboo, not mine,” Twilight said as if she hadn’t a care in the world.
“If you ever wind up in a stallion’s body and have to look at his dick, be sure to tell me how absolutely not awkward that is, taboo or no. Also, you have a human counterpart and I’m 100% sure she wouldn’t appreciate having a random guy seeing her naked.” Twilight had the decency to be abashed and Tom steeled himself.
The first step would be undressing. He knew enough from the time he had lost a bet and had to play a Shakespearian role in the traditional way, that is, dressed as a woman, to know the mechanics of getting undressed, but it was either his imagination, or there was a draft that blew over the now exposed skin in ways he really didn’t want to think about. He caught sight of himself naked in a full body mirror, but quickly turned away and grabbed the dress. He was eternally grateful that Rarity had taken into consideration that Twilight had never worn human clothing and had thus built a bra into the dress itself. So he slipped on the dress and the panties Rarity had provided to go with the dress and made his first public appearance.
Tom forced himself to act all cheerful and giggly, but he was quickly growing emotionally exhausted. Pretending to be something you’re not for hours will always take a toll, but of course the toll will vary for how hard you’re trying to fool your audience and how out of character it is for you. Tom was pretending to be a happy, giggling teenage girl and no one could be allowed to doubt that visage. Not when he, Twilight, and Spike needed that crown so badly.
The night wore on and finally, mercifully, Celestia came on stage and announced the winner of the Fall Formal was Twilight Sparkle. Just as Tom accepted the crown, however, Snips and Snails kidnapped Spike.
“HELP!” He shouted as Snips and Snails hustled him out the door. Tom bolted after them and the rest of his friends were close behind. They followed Snips and Snails to the courtyard, where the portal was. Sunset Shimmer was there also, holding a sledgehammer.
“Don’t you dare harm a single hair on his head!” Tom snarled.
“I wouldn’t dream of it, I’m not a monster,” Sunset said and ordered her goons to let Spike go, “It’s simple, give me the crown now, or I smash the portal and you never get to go home.”
“A question for you, wouldn’t the sledgehammer just go flying through the portal?” Tom asked.
“I was somewhat hoping you wouldn’t realize that, but it doesn’t particularly matter,” Sunset said and she suddenly sprinted at Tom. Caught off guard, he didn’t defend himself or dodge. He fell with Sunset and the crown went flying. Thus began a dangerous game of keep away, which ended when Sunset managed to place the Element of Magic upon her own head, causing it to activate.
“More power, more power than I could ever imagine,” The more Tom listened to her, the more she sounded like Gollum to him. Then the Element burst with magical energy, rising Sunset up, but the look on her face was one of immense pain, before the magic surged and Sunset was transformed into what could only be described as a demoness.
“The Element of Magic is the One Ring, got it,” Tom muttered to himself as Demon Sunset transformed Snips and Snails into demons as well. She then reveled her plans as she made mind controlled slaves of the rest of the school. She was going to use her newfound powers along with her slaves to conquer Equestria. Given she could probably also mind control the ponies on the other side of the portal, Tom didn’t think it was a bad plan.
“You do realize you’re not going to win, don’t you?” Tom asked.
“Oh, please, what do you think you can do to stop me?” Sunset taunted, “I have magic, and you don’t!”
“Did you think I was bluffing when we talked earlier?” Demon Sunset flinched slightly at the memory of that conversation.
“She may not have magic, but she has us!” Dash, ever the loyal one, was first to step up in defiance of Sunset. The group linked hands and stared down Demon Sunset. She laughed at them and threw a plasma ball at the group, assured of her victory. When the smoke settled to reveal a magenta shield surrounding them, Demon Sunset was shocked. Tom was playing it up for all he was worth, ignoring his heart pounding like a jackhammer and Twilight’s repeated ‘thank goodness’.
“Yo, Sunset, the words ‘magic is friendship’ mean anything to you?” He taunted, “It works the other way around too, and friendship is magic!” With that declaration, the Element of Magic responded with a beam of magic shot straight at the group. They were each transformed into pony hybrids.
“You may be wearing the crown, but it is still an Element of Harmony. It still responds to the values which it represents. That’s why you could never win. You have no friendship in your heart,” Tom and Twilight said together. With hands linked the group floated into the air and called down a rainbow laser upon the demoness. When the light show was over, the masses were freed of the mind control, Snips and Snails were no longer demons, and Sunset was back as a human, deep in a crater. Tom signaled the others to stay back and slid down into the crater.
“You ok there, Sunset?” She was trembling like a drug addict going through withdrawal, but clearly alive.
“I was so wrong…so very, very wrong,” Sunset murmured.
“You know, I know a story that seems very applicable to this situation and it happens to be one of my favorites. I’d like to tell it to you,” Hearing no objections, he continued.
“This is a story about a young man named Alma. Alma’s father was a prophet and leader of the church, but Alma was a prideful and rebellious young man. He bullied and cheated and harassed members of the church and led many astray. His father prayed to God that Alma would turn away from his sins. In answer to these prayers, God sent an angel to speak with Alma. Alma was so shocked that he collapsed. While in that state, he relived every sin and saw every person he had led astray and made to see them for the iniquity they were. He repented and after two days and two nights, he was restored. After that, he spent the rest of his days serving the Lord and repairing what he had done. That’s an abridged version, of course, but the parallels are pretty plain to see,” Tom finished the story.
“Yeah, I’m the foolish sinner who was so sure she was right, until an angel came around and smacked some sense into me,” Sunset let out a self-deprecating bark of laughter.
“Well, that just means soon we’ll get to the part where you get your happily ever after. You’ll do good things and everyone will love you and you’ll realize that the love and adoration you always wanted only comes from being a good person and so on and so forth,” Tom paraphrased Twilight’s input.
“I don’t know about that. I did a lot of awful things,” Sunset pulled her legs into her chest.
“Well, from where I’m sitting, you’ve got a couple of options. One: you could come back with me to Equestria,” Tom suggested. Sunset got an apprehensive look on her face, “If you’re afraid of Celestia, don’t be. I’m sure she’ll forgive you if you apologize.”
“I feel like I should be able to somewhat forgive myself before asking Celestia to forgive me. That will probably be a long time coming,” Sunset grimaced.
“Your call, but I do think the sooner you two talk, the happier both of you will be. Anyway, your next best bet is to stick around here and make amends. I bet the others would be willing to teach you all about friendship if I ask,” Tom said.
“Thanks, Twilight, you’re sweet,” Sunset said before pecking Tom on the cheek. He felt himself blushing.
“You do realize I was acting in the hallway, right?” He asked nervously.
“Yeah, I figured it out right after I got over that heart attack you gave me. That doesn’t mean it wasn’t sexy as all hell,” Sunset purred.
“Uh, portal closing gotta go!” Tom climbed out of the crater to his waiting friends.
“So?” Rainbow prompted.
“She has tasted the rainbow,” RD rolled her eyes at the bad joke, “She has now seen the error of her ways and converted to the side of good, but she’s going to need you all to show her the way forward.”
Tom collected the Element of Magic and with one final group hug, made for the portal.
“Well, aren’t you a smooth operator?” Twilight teased.
“I’m not interested in any seventeen year old girl,” Tom groused.
“She’s twenty five,” Twilight corrected.
“What?! How do you know that?” Tom demanded.
“Well, it’s an educated guess, based on the extrapolation of my age against her time as Princess Celestia’s student and her time spent here. I mean, back home, Pinkie, Fluttershy, and Rainbow are all twenty one, Applejack and Rarity are twenty, and I’m the youngest at nineteen. Going off what you’ve told me, this body is approximately seventeen and going off the pictures from Principal Celestia’s office, Sunset got sent here in a fourteen year old body. I honestly have no idea why there are these age fluctuations, but there you go,” Before Tom could respond, he stepped into the portal and was whisked away in the riot of color and noise.
“Tom! Twilight! Spike!” The room erupted as Tom came through the portal with Spike hot on his heels.
“We’re safe and successful,” Tom assured them.
“What about Sunset Shimmer?” Celestia asked.
“We hit her in the face with the rainbow laser and she saw the error of her ways. However, she’s not ready to come back yet. She wants to find some peace with herself first,” Tom reported, “She may also have a crush on me, I’m not sure.” He immediately regretted bringing it up.
“TELL ME EVERYTHING!” Rarity demanded.
“Easy girl, I’m seventy percent sure she was just teasing me,” Tom tried to ward off the white unicorn, but she would not be denied. She eventually extracted every excruciating detail from Tom.
Given Tom and Twilight had missed the Summit due to unforeseen circumstances, there was no reason for the Bearers to stay in the Crystal Empire for longer than it was necessary to say goodbye to Shining Armor and Cadence. However, before the train arrived at the station, Shining Armor pulled Tom aside.
“Listen, I’m just a dumb guard who married way better than he deserved,” Shining Armor began, “So I don’t get everything that’s going on with you and Twily, but I do know that neither of you wanted this and you’re both stuck like this. So, I guess what I want to say is, please take care of my baby sister. She’s the only one I have.”
Tom briefly considered making a lighthearted remark, but he saw the look in Shining Armor’s eyes. The look of a big brother deeply worried about a younger sibling. A look his own brother had given him what seemed like a lifetime ago.
“I’m not in the habit of making promises I can’t keep, so I can’t promise you I can keep her safe without fail. I will promise you that I will do everything in my power to keep her safe for as long as I’m stuck in her body. Even if it requires more of me than I am able to give,” Tom replied. The two looked each other in the eyes, before Shining Armor nodded once. He was trained as a soldier. He understood.
The train pulled into the station and final goodbyes were said as the Bearers boarded the train. In short order the passengers were all boarded and the train pulled out of the station.
“Tom, I would never expect you to…you know…” Twilight tried to skirt around the subject.
“I know,” Was all Tom would say on the subject. Twilight tried to bring it up a few more times on the train ride, but was steadfastly ignored. As far as Tom was concerned, there was nothing else to say. There was simply a promise with an older brother who was justifiably concerned for his younger sister.
“What was your family like?” Twilight, fed up with being stonewalled, decided to try something else when they arrived back in Ponyville. Twilight’s use of past tense stung Tom more than he cared to admit.
“We were a normal middle income suburban family. There was my mom, my dad, and older brother. My older brother, Joseph, was five years older than me and he joined up with the military at nineteen. Last I heard he was going into training to become part of a Special Forces group known as the Navy SEALs. My mom was a homemaker and my dad supported us with his job as an accountant. We were pretty much boringly average, but we were happy. The worst part of all this is not knowing what they think happened to me or how much they’re worrying.” The words spilled out of Tom’s mouth without his consent, but once they started he couldn’t stop them.
“I’m sorry,” Twilight whispered morosely.
“Don’t,” Tom ordered, “Don’t apologize. If you start apologizing, I’m going to start crying and carrying on and we’ll be up all night. The only thing you’re guilty of is messing around with magic you didn’t fully understand. Everything else is just unfortunate circumstances.”
“I suppose…” Twilight didn’t sound convinced to Tom, but he wasn’t of a mind to force the issue. He was deeply exhausted, so after lazily throwing the suitcase he had brought into a corner, he fell onto Twilight’s bed and was asleep instantly.
Spike looked on, wanting to help in some way, but not knowing what to do. Well, that wasn’t entirely accurate. There was one thing he could do. He pulled out Twilight’s blanket and draped it over them.
“Goodnight, Tom, Twilight, pleasant dreams,” He whispered before curling up in his basket and likewise falling asleep.
As the inhabitants of Golden Oaks Library slept peacefully, something began stirring. An ancient thing that even its creator had all but forgotten about, soon it would rise up to fulfill its purpose.