On Saturday morning, Diamond Tiara indulged in her guilty pleasure.
Everything was perfect. Father was away on a business trip, Mother was safely confined in her wing of the house.
Diamond Tiara summoned the butler Randolph to the upper parlor. He dutifully opened the windows to let in fresh air. He laid a clear plastic cloth over the antique wooden table.
“Bring it in,” Diamond ordered.
“Yes, milady.”
A few minutes later, the butler pony returned with a large cardboard crate, almost as tall as Diamond Tiara herself.
“Milady, if I may interject, the grey, cross-eyed pegasus who delivered the package was overcome by the odor, and is currently lying unconscious outside the service entrance.”
“Ugh, not again.” It was the third time in one month. “I guess…take her inside and offer her an orange soda.” Diamond Tiara suggested.
“Very good, milady.”
And so the butler left to attend to Derpy the mailmare.
Like a hungry filly in a candy store, Diamond Tiara climbed up to the top of the box, sliced the box open with a knife, revealing about twenty pounds worth of green, spiky fruit.
Diamond Tiara took a whiff of the box, and smiled. “Ahh…durians.”
She was first introduced to the fruit after Scootaloo’s parents brought it back from Shire Lanka during a visit. The old-clothes smell put her off at first, but one taste…and she was in love. Scootaloo and the other Crusaders hated their durian, so she ate up their servings. Spike said it smelled like a molting dragon and started having traumatic flashbacks of his “awkward teenage period.” So, she cleared his plate too. And more she ate of it, the more she was in love.
Diamond Tiara was pretty much only pony in all of Ponyville that enjoyed durian. Her mom and dad hated it. Silver Spoon hated it. Even Pinkie Pie hated it, and she ate everything. Heck, her family ate rock soup. Applejack said it was “all right,” she was used to the smell from feeding the pigs every day, but then again, that farm pony would never admit that any fruit was superior to the apple.
Durian was not a cheap fruit, either—a crate of five fruits cost nearly 500 Bits, including express shipping in a refrigerated train car.
But of course, Diamond Tiara can afford it. She’s in the Rich family, after all. What better way to flaunt how filthy rich you are than by buying fruits that smell like rotting garbage?
“Randolph?”
The butler appeared. “Yes milady?”
“The durians look satisfactory to me. Only, this one isn’t very ripe. You smell that?” She grabbed the stem with her teeth and dangled it front of Randolph’s snout. She stood on the table so that they’d be at the same height.
“I’ll…I’ll take your word for it, milady.”
“I see. Well, take them away and cut them up.”
“Yes milady.” Randolph picked up the box and sent it down to the kitchen.
The kitchen staff, in a well-ventilated area, carefully cut open the fruits, as per Miss Tiara’s instructions. The spiky exterior of the fruit was scored with a knife, then carefully pried apart. Inside were segments of edible fruit that were removed and served on a plate.
Ten minutes later, the butler returned with several dollops of stinky fruit pulp that were very aptly shaped like turds. They were carefully plated on the family’s best china and covered by a stainless-steel cloche.
“Oh, milady, if I may remark, the mailmare has regained consciousness and took very kindly to your offer of a drink. However, she was inquiring as to whether you had any muffins that you could offer to her. Lemon surprise muffins, I believe she mentioned.”
“Give her a dozen cupcakes and show her out. This isn’t a hotel. I’m sure she’s got other deliveries to make.” Diamond turned her snout up and snorted. Maybe she wasn’t a mean-spirited bully anymore, but she was still a spoiled brat at the core.
Randolph’s eyes darted nervously across the room. “But, if may be so bold, milady, cupcakes aren’t for breakfast—”
“Just scrape the frosting off and tell her they’re muffins. Now leave me be. Unless you’d like to try some durian, Randolph.” She smirked.
That threat was enough to send the butler away at breakneck speed. His coughing and gagging could be heard in the hallway.
And at last, she was alone. Finally, her chance to savor that delicacy she had been deprived of for so long.
She pushed the silver dessert fork to the side until it fell to the floor. She checked to make sure nopony was looking. Then she took a deep breath, dropped her head, and let her jaw make disgusting noises as she devoured the durian segments. She looked up to take a breather, licking the bits of durian pulp surrounding the perimeter of her mouth.
The taste was just as she remembered. The thin membrane wrapping the flesh tore as she sunk her teeth into it. The sweet, fibrous, custardy pulp slipped into every little crevice inside her mouth. There was also a hint of bitterness on her tongue, and a pungent aroma strangely reminiscent of permanent marker.
She took a bite from each of the five different varieties she had ordered. Each one was subtly different: some mushier than others, some without any bitter flavor, one of them red in color.
Diamond Tiara finished sucking the last seed and spit it into a bowl, ten inches away. She slouched in her highback armchair, and sighed with satisfaction, gazing up at the crystal chandelier.
The butler knocked on the door.
“Enter.”
“Milady, Silver Spoon is waiting in the reception hall. She says you are expecting her.”
Diamond got up, forgetting to wipe her mouth with a napkin. “Oh. That’s right. Tell her I’m on my way.”
Silver Spoon gagged when Diamond Tiara exhaled and said “hi” to her. “Ugh! Yuck! Have you been eating durian again, Diamond!?”
“Uh, yeah,” she said, with a pompous look on her face. “And it was absolutely delicious. Are you sure you don’t want some?”
Silver Spoon took deep breaths to avoid throwing up. “I’ve done a lot of things for you, Diamond, but no THANK you. One taste was more than enough.”
“Don’t sass me, Silvy! I paid for your hospital bill, didn’t I…!?” The exhaled air on the word “hospital” was especially stinky. “Besides, it’s not my fault you gagged and ran to the sink so fast that you tripped on that area rug and twisted your ankle!”
Silver Spoon put on one of those respirators that her parents had been hoarding for the pandemic. “Well…at least take a shower or something before you come to my party tonight. And, filly, use some mouthwash.”
Diamond huffed, trying to ignore Silver Spoon sassing her again. “Hey, Silvy, isn’t that colt, Gold Cufflink, gonna be at the party?”
Silver Spoon slowly social distanced from Diamond Tiara. “Erm, yeah I think he is. Wait, isn’t he that colt that has a huge crush on you, and just can’t take the hint that you’re not interested?”
Diamond Tiara scoffed, exhaling another plume of stinky air. “Why do you think I chose to eat durian today?”