//------------------------------// // 015 - Dreams // Story: Welcome to Distopia // by LucidDreamer //------------------------------// Dreams were weird, more-so than normal for Lorraine. On earth, her dreams had been either pure fan-girl-driven fan-fiction fuel, the rush of power of being something other than her frail human self or mundane domestic snippets of a life she didn't have. Each often followed a pattern of sorts, her subconscious would place her smack dab in the middle of a teen rated romance plot-line with whatever fictional guy she was a fan of and John found it cute, sometimes hilarious when she'd tell him the next day. Her mundane dreams were often her just out shopping, by herself or with her mum, something Lorraine simply didn't have the energy, money or ability to do back then. The dreams in which she was something else, something other had two reoccurring themes. The first was simple, the calm, warmth and peace of being a slumbering dragon, selfishly guarding her soft, huggable treasure. The second however, followed two distinct settings. In both she was a werewolf, a powerful beast of fur and claws, a monster and it was always night, always dark. In one version of the werewolf dream she was running, relishing in her newfound power and freedom. In the other, she was being chased, hunted though she had done nothing wrong. Here in Equestria, dreams had far more weight to them as her stress and worries followed her into her rest and twisted her dreams into a dull, repetitive nightmare. It was always the werewolf dream, if she wasn't being chased, she was searching for something and every time, she knew it was a dream. Her attempts to control the dream were proven fruitless, it slipped away from her like mist and this night was no different. Here she was once more, the lights from flashlights danced over her as she loped through a forest, the night so dark she could barely see the leaf litter under her feet. She was different and it felt more natural, more her than what she was in the waking world. It was familiar from similar dreams over the years but she wished that, for once, she could get a moment's peace. Through the trees she saw a beam of moonlight, the only source of natural light in the nightmare and Lorraine bolted towards it. She burst out of the trees to find herself in a grassy meadow with the moon and stars above providing ample light for her to see. Whatever, whoever, was chasing her was gone and someone was waiting for her out in the middle of the meadow. The Nightmare, in all her glory stood calmly as Lorraine slowed down, stood up on her hind legs and walked with a hunched, lumbering gait towards the goddess. Lorraine had no idea what to do and waited for the deity to address her. "Your dreams are certainly unique for a mortal," The goddess of the shadows commented. "I can see now why Luna gave up attempting to dispel these, not quite terrible enough for a nightmare but not a pleasant dream by any stretch of the imagination. This is no prophecy nor memory either, so a lack of such a distinction makes using conventional dream magic a difficult task indeed." "What do you mean?" Lorraine asked, confused, "Isn't this all just symbolism generated by my subconscious or something?" "It is, but the power, the magic that permeates every corner of the Dream Realm, gives the nonsensical ramblings of the subconscious mind the means to express itself freely in a way that the conscious mind can understand and remember upon waking. This is a place where the conscious and subconscious mingle and merge unhindered." The Nightmare explained. "Dreams like this, that are not confined to one type of dream yet share the hallmarks of different types of dreams, are rare." "So, what does this all mean?" Lorraine asked. "aside from being a mental representation of my day-to-day life." "It means you must overcome the source of these dreams or take command of your dreams yourself, I am aware doing either is no small feat," The Nightmare stated. "But I will help you as best I can." "I don't want to be a bother," Lorraine replied. "I'm doing my best with what I have anyway, I'll be-" "It is affecting your sleep, you are by no means fine," The Nightmare stated flatly and shook her head. "Regardless of what form you take, stress is still bad for you and no, I am not inconvenienced when I am offering to tutor you in Dream Walking for the sole purpose of providing you respite. My Dream Realm was made to provide respite, to inspire. Not to torture innocent souls." "Granted, I will only teach you enough to master your own dreams, I doubt you would be interested in learning to affect the dreams of others." The alicorn mused and Lorraine. "Yeah, I'd rather stay in my own head thanks," Lorraine replied and looked thoughtful. "Am I... able to learn Shadowmancy? Do I have to wait until I'm not a Luck Dragon anymore to learn or what?" "The different schools of Shadowmancy are as versatile and varied as there are stars in my sky," The nightmare explained after a moment. "Were you channeling wild Shadows as Luna does then you would have to wait but you have tamed your own reflection, it is more natural to you than the Light you gained upon arriving in this world, it would be child's play for you once you learn how to draw upon it." "Oh, I wasn't sure since Light and Shadow are opposites forces and you can't use both, only one or the other... from what I've read anyway." "Shadowmancy is fueled by Shadows, whether a tamed shadow or wild ones are used varies from caster to caster but new techniques can arise purely from the imagination and mindset of the shadow's master, because of how varied it is by nature, it does not conform to the rigid teachings associated with other schools of magic," The goddess elaborated. "Yours is docile and you yourself do not see it as a tool or a separate entity and many others do, it is you, you and your shadow are one and the same so regardless of what you are, it is a power that reflects who you are and will only prove to be of great benefit to you." "Huh, okay, should I start with the dream stuff first?" Lorraine asked. "Do you have the time to teach me?" "I am a God child and this is my realm, I can exist in multiple places within this space at any given time. As long as you are willing to learn, I will teach you." The Nightmare replied curtly. "Sorry, just asking!" Lorraine hastily apologized. Time passed and slowly, Lorraine learned the basics of enforcing her will upon her own dream. Her progress was slow, in small amounts, it still felt good to be learning, to show she could do something. As she stared at the small pink flower she made, a question bubbled to the surface of her mind. "Is Luna going to be okay?" The Nightmare blinked. "...What?" "Luna, you took her away her guardianship and stuff, will she get it back? Are you going to talk to her about it?" Lorraine asked. "...You peculiar thing, that whelp used you, any feelings of camaraderie she had for you came second to her selfish desire to be worshiped. How, in all of creation, can you stand there ask if she will be okay?" The alicorn asked in confusion. "I dunno! I just do? Something didn't feel right about the whole thing," Lorraine admitted. "She was going on about how I was given this form for a reason and that I should just follow my destiny or something. I don't understand, if my destiny is to be coveted like a rare collectible or forced into dangerous situations to "save the day" then destiny can go to hell..." "You and your partner were brought here to live with one another, whatever destiny you think you have is just one of many," The Nightmare stated. "and each of your potential fates are all equally valid options. I will not deny that there are gods younger than I that see you and your beloved as toys to act out a grand tale, as entertainment but I, along with Solaire and others among our ranks, simply wish for you and yours to be happy." "Free will is not blessing, nor a curse, it is a gift the oldest of us bestowed upon mortal kind for we were the first to have it and we felt it should be shared. So long as the universe continues to function as it should, you my do as you please," The Nightmare added. "The only responsibility you had upon arrival was to be there for your partner, something you already wanted," The goddess smirked. "I can see why Alastor is interested in you, I daresay you would be good for him." "Can we not talk about that? Please?" Lorraine asked timidly. "It's not something I can deal with right now." "You still struggle with the idea? You like him, do you not?" The Nightmare asked curiously. "Your boyfriend has already given his consent, yes?" "That is beside the point, I," Lorraine began and pointed at herself. "Have a crush on Alastor's fictional counterpart, The Radio Demon. The deer I'm forced to babysit twenty-four-seven is worthy of my respect and assistance, nothing more and besides! how fuckin' selfish would I be, accepting Alastor's courting when even thinking of another woman being with John makes me feel so damn possessive I may as well be a literal dragon!" She continued, ranting as a way to vent more than anything. "I've had to have John, wonderful, amazing John, reassure me that my goddamn fictional crushes are perfectly fine to have! Do you know how insecure and stupid that sounds?! I just-" she paused and sighed. "It just goes against a lot of things I was taught, it doesn't matter if having multiple partners is acceptable here or if John is fine with it, I view it as selfish, as me being selfish and I know I'm better than that, that John deserves better than that." "So... you view the fact that your desire to care for certain individuals and support them beyond what is acceptable on a platonic level... as selfish." Nightmare deadpanned. "To be fair, my crush is pretty bad... I'm not exactly going to act on those kinds of emotions when that would just be a train wreck waiting to happen, not to mention distasteful," Lorraine commented. "I still care about everyone involved, they're still people and fiction is different from reality anyway it's just... difficult keeping things straight in my head sometimes when I have, what equates to my fictional crush, flirting with me at every opportunity and my boyfriend occasionally getting in on the act for shits and giggles." "I'm not saying I'm going to run off with another guy, it's simply a matter of this situation really messing with my head," Lorraine added. "For years, I associated romance with fiction, with video games, anime ,cartoons, visual novels and so on. it was something that happened to other people, so I sought those kinds of emotional attachments in fiction." The world shifted around them, the open plains becoming a library with portraits of various fictional characters hanging from the dark wooden walls. Lorraine gestured at some of them, each one bearing a name plate beneath their portrait and the Nightmare walked over to look at one that looked to be older than the others. "Shadow The Hedgehog?" the goddess read aloud and Lorraine nodded, smiling. "My first fictional crush, still adore him even now," Lorraine explained and gestured at the rest of the room. "I still like all of these characters and a lot of the time I go back to their source material and fall in love with them all over again. But at the end of the day, it's all fiction, just escapism and immersion..." she sighed at, sheepishly pointed at a picture on the other side of the room, concealed by a red curtain. "Except that's not the case anymore, I've got an alternate version of The Radio Demon living in my house and flirting with me like any fangirl's dream come true. Just who else is going to show up? Who else is real?" "How many characters from my favorite things are just now suddenly real people? What about all the pain and suffering they go through in their source material, is that still true?" Lorraine asked. "If so then why? I gravitated towards them because they were interesting, because I wanted to know more about them... I wanted them to be happy and safe or to save them because I cared about them...You can call it a power fantasy but to me, it's horrible. The things some of these characters go through, some even die and that's just- a story is one thing but to translate into reality is just terrifying. The Nightmare watched her in silence. "I'm sorry, I don't quite know what to do anymore," Lorraine admitted. "I've just been focusing on trying to improve things for the better in Ponyville and just do the best I can because that's all I've got going for me and I just figured maybe by then, I'd have sorted this out. I'm a bit of a mess and the only thing I'm sure about is that I don't want to be a Luck Dragon, or a demigod or a hero. I just want to be me... Whatever that ends up being." "Very well, I will guide you when you need it,"The goddess replied calmly. "If you desire my assistance, of course." "Thanks, I could really do with some help." Lorraine hesitantly approached John’s bedroom door, the sun was just starting to rise, so pale orange light spilled in through the windows past the hall. The luck dragon checked for any signs of life from the other occupants of the house before she took a breath and quietly slipped into her boyfriend's room. The room was dominated by a twin bed that sat smack dab in the middle of the room, yet was pushed up against one wall. On either side of the bed, (leaving just enough room to walk by) were bookshelves filled with books, graphic novels, and manga. A table sat to the right of the door. It was a little messy, covered in half-put together models. A desk was against the wall between a bookshelf and the table, forming a rudimentary L. Said desk seemed to just hold journals, mechanical pencils, and pens. There was a box underneath the desk that looked to contain sandwich bags that held different kinds of figures. On the bed, lit by the dawning light, was a small lump under the blue covers. Lorraine wrestled with her desire to talk to her boyfriend about what she’d spoken to The Nightmare about while the other, more sensible part of her wanted to just go back to bed and find a way to tell him later. She stood by the closed door, in the early morning light as the chill of the season seeped into her fur. With a silent sigh, she rolled her eyes at her own indecisiveness and approached the sleeping form of her boyfriend. “John?” she called out softly, mentally wincing, her mind was screaming at herself to not wake him up but this wasn't something that could be left for later. Not when Alastor could now literally butt in unannounced. “Snnkt~ Huh?” Came a sleepy snort as John’s head popped out of the lump and blinked sleepily at Lorraine. “Lorraine? You okay?” The luck dragon fidgeted with a strand of her mane. “This is dumb, I need to talk to you… before Al- everyone else wakes up. It’s important…” She said nervously. He blinked at her. “Kay.” He shimmied until he was in a sitting position and patted at the bed. Awkwardly, Lorraine clambered onto the bed and tried to make herself comfortable as she sat down, mindful of her boyfriend. She took a deep breath, ran a paw through her mane and began to explain her recurring dreams and her visit from The Nightmare, as well as what they had discussed. “Sweetie. I love you, but I will repeat.” John said through a toothy yawn. “I am not bothered by your crushes, and I am fully aware that you want to treat all these crushes as actual people, because at this point they probably are.” “But- You know how bad my thing is with The Radio Demon, I’ve told you about the dreams! It was just- He’s real now, how is that okay?” Lorraine replied and continued ranting for emphasis. “Two dreams where I’ve been married to the guy, at least one where he’s there and you’re there and…. Come on!” “They’re dreams. Honestly they might be popping up more because you’re thinking about it so much?” John shrugged. “Those were back when I was human, Now I have a ponified version of one of my more...intense crushes sharing a living space and he likes me, the fuck do I do?” She asked. “It’s honestly a miracle it took me this long to start actively getting concerned about this because hey, my dumb arse thought I could ignore it and things would sort themselves out!” “Honey, what are you worried about here?” He asked, tilting his head to the side. “Being unfaithful to you, especially since I’d probably verbally murder any chick that tried to hit on you.” Lorraine replied bluntly. “Soooo, are you tempted to start a relationship with Alastor or worried that something might happen out of the blue?” John queried the pink noodle. “I am a possessive little shit when it comes to you, I’d sooner take over Ponyville than let anyone else have you,” Lorraine began. “.... and I might be developing that same possessiveness whenever a mare flirts with Alastor…. and he’s cute… and seriously that letter was really sweet…. Shit. Crushes suck.” “I’m sorry.” John said after a pause. “I honestly don’t know what to say to help. You’ve got the crush bad and it’s stressing you the fuck out.” “Well yeah, why wouldn’t it stress me the fuck out, monogamy and being faithful to one person is kinda what I saw as the social norm and acceptable and I sure as shit don’t want to be like my dad…. Have I told you about my dad?” Lorraine asked. “I only remember vague pieces.” John said with a shrug. “Might need a refresher.” “He, in short, cheated on my mum and was not fit to be a parent,” the noodle dragon replied. “Five years old. And he left me unsupervised so he could take a nap, know what I did? I drank dish-washing liquid because I was thirsty and thought it was juice… but yeah, this whole fictional characters being real thing is really messing with me. I can’t compartmentalize as well as I used to.” “I remember the dish detergent thing.” John nodded. “But as to the former fictional characters thing… I really don’t know. I want you to be happy, yet I feel pretty jealous when Alastor wants to do anything with you.” “And therein lies the issue, I know for a fact you would always come first, even being shoved into a visual novel doesn’t change that but the fact of the matter is, we grew up with different ideals compared to people here,” Lorraine stated. “And sometimes I feel like the solution is to show these dick hungry morons what a herd should be like but that wouldn’t be fair to either of us.” “But… Aren’t herds like… family units? Or they’re supposed to be.” John mused. “So what does that make this household?” “A college dorm,” Lorraine snorted in amusement. “But yeah I see your point, herds seem to have a head mare that everyone is subservient to instead of say, a patriarch and matriarch, or something… I dunno, this whole thing is just dumb, the only reason I’m in this fuckin’ mess is because it’s certain characters being chucked at me like every bloody fanfiction ever, I can’t even….ffffft.” her annoyance overruled her ability to speak and her words fizzled out. “Nah, this isn’t a college dorm. There’s not enough sex. However, I see your point. Fuck I haven’t really met anyone that has the same reaction for me that Alastor does you.” John shrugged. “Would there even be anyone that would fit that criteria, or am I just too damn obsessed for my own good?” Lorraine asked curiously. “I… dunno?” John said weakly. “Really? Name a fictional chick you wouldn’t mind dating.” Lorraine said calmly. “Dating or fucking? Because there is a difference. The latter is a much bigger list than the former, however, One that would actually be both is probably Raven from Teen Titans.” John said with a hum. “Oh yeah.. My date or fuck list kinda overlaps half the time…” Lorraine paused. “Don’t tell Alastor.” she cleared her throat. “Anyway….Yeah that poor girl needs a hug, if she’s real and you two develop a thing, I’m keeping her just so the poor girl gets a hug… and food, i dunno, if the Teen Titans are real, I’d prolly be their emotional support friend or some shit…. But yeah, Raven is definitely welcome.” “I almost forgot you even had a fuck list, what with your toned down libido.” John chuckled. “Also, agreed, Raven needs all the cuddles.” “So….the fuck do I do about the deer, because those arsehats in town are only getting worse…” Lorraine stated. “Crush aside, I would like to see him not be an uncomfortable twitchy mess whenever we get mobbed.” “Fuck it, couldn’t we make some “herd” like thing, at least from a legal standpoint?” John asked. “The four of us and whoever we end up picking up along the way.” He offered with a shrug. “And how much do you wanna bet Alastor will take advantage of that as a legal loophole to go ham?” Lorraine countered. “It is a good idea but still, Radio Buck…” “I can still swat the shit out of him.” John waved a hoof. “Plus all of his death and damage things seemed to be the ones that got locked or nerfed or whatever.” “He is getting his powers back though and we still don’t know how close to his fictional counterpart he is,” Lorraine commented. “He does care about us, or me in some capacity, but what happens when he gets all his powers back? What are we to him aside from maybe some twisted crush on me and entertainment in general?” “That…. Mmmm point.” John nodded. “We really know nothing about the guy to be honest.” “Asking him gets us nowhere and it looks like Joy won’t be of any help either, I could try to sit him down and have a proper discussion with him but I don't know how risky that is,” Lorraine suggested. “I do enjoy spending time with him and he has his moments where it looks like he’s trying to understand where I’m coming from but  I’m not sure what will happen if I try to get answers from him, he could be anything from a cannibalistic serial killer radio host to, I dunno, the equivalent of Jack the Ripper and I’m worried how he’ll react.” “We could potentially wait and see if he decides to tell us about himself on his own.” John hummed. “I hope so because we’ve got other demons gunning after us now, alongside all the bullshit Ponyville puts us through,” Lorraine paused. “It’s weird, this is My Little Pony but it doesn’t quite feel like the show, like say if Capper or Auizotl showed up out of the blue as my… ugh romance candidates or however you want to word it, I’m not sure how I’d react.” “Well you won’t know until if, or when, that happens.” John replied. “And same with me, though I’m surprised that I haven’t had any kind of reaction to any characters that would normally be on my lists. Flutters was on the lists, but that died pretty quickly.” “True, it is a reverse gender role world, maybe that’s why? Ponies don’t seem to want things to progress naturally when it comes to romance, or at least, that part comes later which is weird but I’m more worried about the people who feel like they don’t have a say in the matter.” Lorraine sighed. “Honestly, if you and Alastor could work out  an agreement or whatever with his whole flirting thing, I’d be cool with whatever decision was reached, I trust you.” John snorted a laugh then smirked at her. “Threesome?” “John, sweetie, the most intimate thing I can think of is hugs and you know that.” Lorraine replied with a grin. “Can you blame me for trying?” John shook his head. “And, on the other point, sex first, relationship after was something that was interesting to read about, but… Theory, that’s fine. Execution, that’s way different. And, I can also say that I don’t want anyone to be forced into a relationship.” “That’s something that we’ll have to address once we sort out the racism and sexism in this place,” Lorraine said. “So… I was serious about seeing if you and Alastor could talk about his behavior and figure something out, god knows he’ll dance his way around the topic if I try to say anything.” “I’ll try talking to him today.” John nodded. “See if I can get any further.” “I don’t care if you two decide to both date me or if you get him to tone it down, doesn’t matter but I’ve tried everything beyond just outright just telling him everything I’ve told you and I don’t want to do that because it took having a conversation with a god to get me to realize I was trying to deal with things by myself, again,” Lorraine grumbled. “He may be my friend but there’s some things I’m only comfortable doing with you, you know?” “Oh, I understand.” He nodded. “Though....” He smirked evilly. “What sorts of things?” She blinked and then after a second, grinned stupidly. “Really?” “It’s early, no one else is awake. Why not?” He shrugged. “No but really, I’m not keen on doing anything looking like this,” the noodle dragon gestured at herself. “Three months of being this thing and it still feels weird sometimes and you know how long it took me to do anything as a human.” “I know.” He nodded, frowning. “Sorry. We can wait for whatever until after you’re in a more comfortable form.” “I’m willing to let you do stuff, I just, I’m a bit scared to be honest, new body, no one knows anything about it… can you blame me?” Lorraine stated. “.... I’m torn. Want to comfort, yet want to explore.” John grumbled a bit. Lorraine blinked. “I don’t know whether to be flattered or upset that I disappointed you… or something.” “Wut.” He blinked at her. “You didn’t disappoint me. I’m just bein' horny buggo.” “I know, but I feel bad we haven't done anything yet.” She said. “Weeeellll… Would you like to?” John asked. “That particular switch hasn’t been flipped yet and... Wait- Is your junk like external or concealed 'cause I’m in logic mode right now.” Lorraine replied with a head tilt. “Internal, concealed in a chitin sheath thing. Wanna see?” John asked with a grin. “You know it’s weird, I can handle seeing images of furry characters with dicks but human ones freak me out… so I’d probably be okay with wherever the hell this is headed.” She admitted. “Okay then.” John gulped, before shimming out of the covers.