Welcome to Distopia

by LucidDreamer


014 - Ponyville Progress and Problems (Part 1)

It was late. The dinner had been good (though to Gilda and John it seemed more show over flavor.) and they’d had their ears talked off by Fancy Pants and Fleur. Most of the group could only remember bits of certain topics. They’d made it back to the castle with little difficulty, and made it all the way to their suite, however Celestia was waiting outside.

“Lorraine, John, can I have a word?” Celestia asked the pair.

Both nodded, and encouraged the others to go relax before following the white alicorn to a small meeting room.

“What’s up?” John asked.

“I’m sorry.” Celestia replied, bowing her head a little.

“Foooor what?” John blinked.

“I’ve been…” She seemed to be looking for the right words. “Blind. Twilight came to me this afternoon with some very interesting questions regarding pony behavior.”

“This about the racism?” Lorraine asked bluntly.

Celestia winced a bit. “Yes.” She nodded. “It is. Surely it can’t be as bad as Twilight has been saying. I know my little ponies can be a bit insular, but surely they can’t be as aggressive as Twilight said?”

"Celestia," Lorraine began gently. "I am hounded by mares whenever I leave the house, with insults and jabs at me or my relationship hurled at me if I'm not with my friends," the dragon remained calm as she explained. "Quite a few people have gone as far to suggest they should ... have John like he's an object. They don't care about facing repercussions because as long as no one is physically violent, they can get away with this kind of behavior."

Lorraine sighed. "Verbal and sexual harassment are somehow the norm here but I can't expect you to solve every little incident when you're ruling a kingdom and have bigger problems to worry about."

“But I should worry about this.” Celestia replied, looking almost disturbed. “I should know this is even happening.”

Lorraine blinked. “Did… Did Luna not tell you?”

“Tell me what?” Celestia’s brow furrowed in confusion.

“She knows about all of this.” Lorraine stated.

“She told me that she was handling it, in reference to the stallion movement and Night Court.” Celestia shook her head. “I’ve been revising old herding laws, as well as my regular duties. I believed that Luna was handling it.”

“I don’t know about Luna’s effect on other towns or cities, but Ponyville really hasn’t changed that much since we got here.” John shrugged. “Everyone seems really stuck in their ways. I mean, there are exceptions, obviously, but it’s still pretty rough going some days.”

“And it was a town primarily started by the Apple Family and the Rich Family, though there were other families involved.” Celestia nodded. “I can understand holding onto tradition, but… I thought ponies would change over time.”

“Tradition is just another word for peer pressure from dead people.” John said flatly.

Lorraine looked at John. “John… No.” She shook her head. “Just… no.” She looked back to Celestia. “We don’t expect things to change overnight, but it’s hard to see how much good we’re actually doing when the reception is so negative and only getting worse.”

“Ponies, especially earth ponies, are very… hesitant about change. Most tend to be very stubborn. And Ponyville is primarily an earth pony town.” Celestia nodded.

“Well, we’ve thought about moving, but that’d be a hassle and moving in general sucks.” John started. “So, we lock ourselves up in the house and pretend that everything’s fine.”

“To be fair, we have a foothold here.” Lorraine added. “We’re making some progress, albeit slowly, and moving wouldn’t really solve anything. Especially if the rest of Equestria is like Ponyville but only a bit toned down.”

“Any progress is good.” Celestia nodded. “Are you sure you don’t want to move? I could provide you a place to stay in Canterlot.”

“Celestia, Tia, you’ve already done enough.” John shook his head. “You pay for our very existence. We got a house because some Elder God thought we were interesting. I think we can solve this ponies being shitty situation on our own.” John paused. “Well, on our own, plus friends.”

“If you’re sure.” Celestia said slowly.

“If you’re that concerned, maybe send out a statement reminding them that we’re representatives of the Crown. That what we’re doing is our job.” Lorraine stated bluntly.

“I will write something to Mayor Mare, but I don’t know how well it will be received.” Celestia shook her head.

“We’ll have to see.” John nodded.

“So, what are you doing? In regards to the movement?” Celestia asked.

“Raising money to buy a building so we can make a little community center.” Lorraine said.

“But… I could just pay you so you could buy it.” Celestia blinked.

“That defeats the purpose of raising money.” John pointed out. “We want ponies to get actively invested, pardon the pun, in what we’re working on. So far it’s mainly Twilight, The Apples, The Cakes-ish, Rarity, Lyra and Bon Bon, and Vinyl Scratch for some reason. Honestly, the Apples are funding most of it, but we’re still a ways off.”

“We’re doing a bunch of bake sales right up until the Running of the Leaves. Rarity’s working on a new fashion brand, where most of the proceeds are going towards the project. Fluttershy’s even donating some money and Rainbow is trying to get the weather ponies to help out.” Lorraine added.

“Well that sounds wonderful.” Celestia nodded. “So things aren’t all bad.”

“Not all the time, no.” John shook his head.

“I’m mostly dealing with the brunt of it, just to keep the populace off everyone else’s back.” Lorraine sighed.

“I would like to say that changing your race would fix things, but it probably won’t.” Celestia frowned.

“Oh, I know, I want to feel like I’m being useful, and this isn’t being useful. This,” Lorraine gestured a claw at herself, “is a walking plot device that no one knows anything about, and what we do know is nothing more than myths, legends, and speculation. So I, at the very least, want to be something that would allow me to be more helpful in day to day things.” she explained.

“And I wish you luck in your endeavors.” Celestia nodded. “Just know that The Nightmare can be… finicky.”

“I think we got that.” John nodded.

“But she’s a person.” Lorraine blinked. “Yeah, she has a lot of responsibility, but I don’t blame her for how she does things.”

Celestia blinked at her in return, then smiled. “I hope you stay this way. This world needs more beings like you.”

“I mean, on our world there are no Gods, at least no physical ones.” Lorraine replied. “So my gut response to seeing actual divine beings is hey, they’re a person.”

“I think many people, many ponies especially, forget this.” Celestia nodded. She sighed. “I’m not even a God and I have to deal with it.” She shook her head. “I’ve taken up much of your time already, and it’s late, you two should get to bed.”


Lorraine was pissed. Gilda was pissed. Alastor was amused. John was just worried about the two particularly angry females.

Lorraine sat on the couch and stared at the source of her anger, a letter. Gilda was pacing, Alastor sat across from the noodle dragon, and John sat on the floor in front of Lorraine.

“What do you mean complaints?!” Lorraine snapped. “From who?”

Alastor raised a hoof. “Darling, I’ll give you three guesses and the first two don’t count.”

“You can’t be serious! They can’t be that fucking petty.” Lorraine gave an exasperated sigh. “We had this interview planned for weeks!”

“When we get back I am going to… have words with Spoiled and all the mares she’s wrapped around her hoof.” Gilda snorted.

“I don’t understand, why would they do this?” Lorraine asked, reading the letter again.

“We’re a threat?” John offered. “A threat to their… I don’t know, societal norms or some shit.”

“But this is sabotage, legal sabotage, but still.” Lorraine looked at the smol bug. “What the Hell are we supposed to do?”

“That letter Celestia mentioned can’t get done fast enough.” Gilda growled.

“Okay. So, interview’s gone down the fucking toilet. Which means we’re relying on the bake sales and Rarity for publicity.” Lorraine said, setting the letter down. “Cheerilee also asked me to come back to the school and do more talks. So we have that going for us.”

“Yeah, it’s a blow, but it’s not like it was the only thing we had.” John nodded.

“It was the big thing though.” Lorraine countered. “It would have been broadcast all across Equestria.”

“Point.” John wilted.

“I might not have my personal equipment, but if I can find something similar, I might be able to Pirate Radio something.” Alastor said, seemingly now lost in thought.

“Shame you can’t build what you need.” Lorraine sighed, looking at the buck.

“Weeellll…. I could.” Alastor nodded. “In fact, I have most of a set up complete. However I’m missing a few key pieces, they’re what I was looking for in Canterlot, among other things. I doubt I will find anything. Destiny seems to have it out for me.”

John blinked. “Destiny, in a figurative sense or literal sense?”

“Literal.” Alastor stated.

“Of course.” John face-hoofed. “Okay. We’re on the back foot a bit, we’re stressed again, and Ponyvillian mares are being dicks. How about we just try and put off the stress until we get home later? How about a day in Canterlot?”

“But we need to think of something.” Lorraine countered. “We have to do something.”

“Sweetie. What can we do right now?” John asked, looking up at her.

“Ask Princess Celestia if there’s any other avenues.” Lorraine replied.

“Do you want to bring her in after the conversation we had last night?” John responded.

“No, but with the way things are going, either I’m going to have to start throwing my weight around or we’re going to have to drag the Princess into this.” Lorraine stated.

“Wait…” Gilda paused. “Why haven’t you been throwing your weight around, well, not counting your health concerns.”

The noodle dragon blinked. “Because… that’s rude.”

Alastor burst out laughing. “Oh Lorraine, you’re somehow still polite when ponies are treating you so terribly. What happened to the fire when Applejack was treating your small bug like trash?”

“Applejack’s a national hero. She should’ve known better.” Lorraine replied. “And after how the town responded to her being arrested, I didn’t want to push my luck.”

“Yeah, that I get.” John nodded.

“Fuck it, we could just go out to breakfast, try and enjoy the morning, then go home and start trying to salvage this shit.” Gilda said with a huff.

“Sounds good. Lemme just leave a note for Spike and Twilight.” Lorraine nodded, slowly getting up off the couch.


It had taken a bit of a walk to get there, but the four of them found themselves at a small cafe. There was a cool morning breeze, and the sun was a tad bright for John and Lorraine’s eyes, but by and large, the morning was just fine.

The noodle dragon wasn’t paying attention to any of the conversations. She was too busy focusing on her blueberry muffin.

“And they give you shit, why?” John asked, staring at Gilda.

“I’m not a pegasus, thus I shouldn’t be able to work on the weather team. I can’t thank Dash enough for getting me the job, but ponies will be ponies.” Gilda rolled her eyes.

“Do you like it?” Alastor asked, sipping his coffee.

Gilda blinked at him a moment. “Yeah.... Yeah, I do. I work in Cloud Management. Which is basically. moving and towing clouds around. I’m stronger than most pegasi, so I can move and carry more clouds.”

How many clouds can you lift bro?” John snorted as he warped his voice into something akin to Gym-Bro Chad. “Can you lift a thunderhead bro?

Gilda face-taloned. “Stop… I hear that on a daily basis.”

John blinked. “Wait seriously?”

“The Weather Team really reminds me of a fraternity or sorority at times.” Gilda nodded. “Only the mares are more bitchy and the stallions are more bros.”

“How can you be more bro?” John squinted at the hen in confusion.

Gilda just shrugged.

“Well this is all very fascinating.” A voice spoke up.

Everyone paused.

Now, sitting between Alastor and Gilda, was a unicorn. A bright, pearl-white unicorn stallion, with a coiffed, blond mane, and bright yellow eyes. He wore a dapper white suit, with a red tie, and wore a white top hat atop his head.

The stallion gave Alastor a small smile. He seemed to flicker for a moment. Said flicker made everyone at the table tense up.

“Alastor.” The stallion said smoothly.

“Mourning Star.” Alastor said with a casual nod. “How’s Joy, the wife?”

“Oh, both are just fine, thank you.” Mourning Star said with a nod. “I must say, you’re putting on quite the show, Bambi. You and your little doe are quite the stars down in Hell.”

“Oh, so you’re still airing that little show of yours.” Alastor replied. “How are the ratings by the way?”

“Quite well.” Mourning Star said with a chuckle. “You always put on a show, even if I have to punish you for it. You have broken one of my laws after all, and the other Overlords are in quite the tizzy about it. You’re one of my top dogs after all, and the others have a bone to pick with you.” He grinned. “So I thought, why not let them have at it? So long as they don’t break any laws topside, then it’s fair game.”

“Well, they’re more than welcome to try.” Alastor smiled.

“Wonderful.” Mourning Star said with a nod. “It’s quite a shame that you’re not taking your punishment seriously, Allie-boy. So I thought I’d be a good sport and let you know… that it’s Hunting Season. Who knows, keep up the good behavior and I may just throw you a bone.” He sighed. “If Destiny didn’t have her hooves in so many pies, I’d give you your powers back right here and now, only to see the reaction. Because these two,” he gestured at John and Lorraine, “are quite the interesting folks. But alas, lessons must be learned.”

“It’s your kingdom, you could simply forgo this punishment.” Alastor commented.

“But where’s the fun in that?” Mourning Star replied. “And you wouldn’t learn anything. In fact, you should be grateful. I made sure you were at least stuck with the object of your affections.”

“Lorraine is no object.” Alastor’s smile strained a little.

“And yet here you are, prancing around her like a love-struck foal.” Mourning Star countered. “And she doesn’t even know you.”

“I’m right here.” Lorraine said bluntly.

Mourning Star’s head turned slowly, and he focused on the noodle dragon. “So you are. Such a strange little thing, harboring emotions for a monster.”

“He’s my friend.” Lorraine replied. “You’re the reason I’m stuck with him.”

“Imagine my surprise, when you decided to be friends with a demon.” Mourning Star said coolly. “You really are too trusting for your own good.”

“Oh, I know.” Lorraine nodded.

Mourning Star looked back to Alastor. “Bambi, it’s been a pleasure.”

“The same, Mourning Star.” Alastor nodded.

“I’d be careful if I were you.” Mourning Star kept his smile. “I won’t be this lenient come All Hallows Eve. You’d best shape up now.”

Without a word, or sound for that matter, King Mourning Star disappeared.

Silence descended on the table.

“Soooo…. We just met pony Satan.” Lorraine spoke up.

“You did.” Alastor nodded.

“I, for one, want to now go home and forget about seeing any of that.” John said bluntly.

“And now we have to deal with, potentially, more demons.” Lorraine stated. “And let’s not forget the fact that we’re part of some reality show.”

“Can we not?” Gilda asked.

“Thank you.” John pointed at Gilda.

“I don’t see what the issue is. He was just coming to pay me a visit.” Alastor said, glancing around the table.

“He threatened you, and by extension, us.” John said bluntly.

“To be fair, most of this is your fault.” Lorraine said to Alastor.

“And I take full responsibility.” Alastor nodded. “I assure you, the other Overlords will not be a problem.”


It was good to be back home. Even if it was Ponyville, and mares hounded them, it was still good to be home. The following few days were actually rather quiet for the most part. Then again only John and Gilda ever really went out. Lorraine only ever really went out when one of her friends needed help with something. On the note of help…

“Thank you again for agreeing.” Rarity said with a smile towards the slow plodding noodle dragon. “I can only carry so much by myself.”

Lorraine shrugged, underneath a few saddlebags worth of fabrics and thread. “It’s fine.”

“Would you be interested in learning how to sew? That way you can fix any damage to that adorable little bee plush you have.” Rarity asked.

“I tried to learn how to sew. I can’t thread a needle all that well.” Lorraine shrugged again.

“Well that could be remedied.” Rarity giggled.

“Not really my thing, I’m more of a writer.” Lorraine nodded. “Although, I can make some really good figurines out of pipe-cleaners.”

“And that sounds adorable.” Rarity grinned at the noodle. “You will have to show me how.”

Neither of the two noticed the approaching group of mares until they were surrounded.

“Um, excuse me? Can we get through please?” Lorraine asked.

"We wanted to talk to you about something." One of the mares, a cream coated, red maned earth pony Lorraine had seen running a flower stall in the marketplace said.

"Okay? Is something wrong?" Lorraine asked and looked around her, her face blank.

"We're a small-town community, you know what that means right?" the mare asked rhetorically. "If we want to keep Ponyville afloat, we need a bigger population. We need foals to secure our future."

Her statement was followed by sounds of agreement from the other mares.

"Roseluck, we're quite aware of that dear, but what does that have to do with us?" Rarity asked cordially.

"It means, coltymare that everypony needs to do their part," Roseluck stated venomously. "It's bad enough we have coltymares and queers in town but if you," Roseluck pointed a hoof at Lorraine, "and your stallion don't do your duty, there'll be consequences."

Lorraine blinked. "I'm sorry, but are you threatening me?"

"What else do you expect us to do?" another mare replied. 
"You talk about taking away our stallions and you're keeping Alastor all to yourself! You two aren't in a herd so why do you keep driving mares away like you are?"

"So you think people shouldn't get a choice in who they marry, that I shouldn't protect a friend from sexual harassment just because they're a guy I'm not dating?" Lorraine argued calmly.

“Also darlings, how fast do you expect Ponyville to grow?” Rarity asked aloud. “If every mare continues to pop out foals then we’ll quickly run out of room.”

“But there haven’t been foals for the past two Breeding Seasons!” Another mare called out.

“I know the birth rate here is low, but come on guys.” Lorraine spoke up.

“And what is a single luck dragon, and a buck actually going to do to help?” Rarity added. “Plus, don’t you all have a thing against inter-species breeding?”

“Bucks are fine!” Roseluck snapped. “One buck could make our population boom!”

“So… Let me see if I am understanding you, simply based on your argument.” Rarity actually sounded rather cold. “You want to share this buck around so he can impregnate all of you, just so you can have more foals. Darlings… you are reducing both Alastor, and yourselves down to breeding animals with no thought of family, or the willingness of the buck in question.”

“But still, she’s the only known luck dragon.” A mare called out.

“What, do you expect me to be the mother of a whole species or some shit?” Lorraine asked, looking around.

“Precisely, what do you expect Lorraine to do?” Rarity asked.

“She’s a luck dragon, she can bless us with fertility.” Roseluck said with a confident smirk. “And if there were more luck dragons, there’d be less dangerous things out there, because they’d chase them away.”

Both Rarity and Lorraine blinked.

“So you’re basing all of that… on what exactly?” Lorraine asked.

“The old myths and legends.” Roseluck puffed out her chest fluff. “There used to be a golden age before they all went extinct.”

“Roseluck, darling, they’re myths and legends for a reason. We don’t know if they’re true.” Rarity said, sounding quite exasperated at this point.

“Then why don’t we find out?” A mare called.

“Find out?” Rarity blinked.

“Use your magic.” Roseluck said to Lorraine.

“Ummm… No.” Lorraine said flatly.

“Why not?” A mare asked.

“Roseluck, no.” Rarity stepped between the luck dragon and the mare, her voice raised a little. “She can’t.”

“What. Of course she can.” Roseluck snorted.

“It’s killing her!” Rarity yelled in Roseluck’s face. “Lorraine’s own magic is killing her!”

Roseluck immediately paled. “W-what?”

“Lorraine surged while in Canterlot.” Rarity said, sniffling a little. “She isn’t compatible with her magic. There’s a plan to help her, but things like this,” she waved a hoof around, “are the cause!”

“Why isn’t she compatible?” A mare asked. The mare’s in general seemed to be shocked and confused by this information.

“Oh well, I don’t know, maybe it was because I wasn’t born a luck dragon, I have no training, I have no idea how to use my magic, and no one else knows how to either.” Lorraine responded flatly. “And as soon as you all found out what a luck dragon is, you went from oh, it’s different, to oh, it can help us. Have any of you paid attention to the talks I’ve given, to anything I’ve said when you’ve attempted to harass my friends and boyfriend? No, of course not, because you all seem to think that, since I don’t agree with you, that I’m somehow a threat.” She sighed. “Let me be clear on one thing, I am not against herding, but I am against people being treated like objects and not getting a say in how they live their lives.”

One-by-one the mares left the impromptu rally, ending with a rather confused looking Roseluck.

“I am terribly sorry about that darling.” Rarity put a hoof on Lorraine’s shoulder. “I may have exaggerated a little, but it got the point across.”

“To be fair, I am this close to going fuck it, and willingly vilifying myself just to get this shit sorted.” Lorraine groaned. “If they have to be absolutely terrified of me to leave us alone, then fine. I just hope it doesn’t come to that.”

“I for one, would welcome our pink, fluffy overlord.” Rarity said with a smile.


It was a fine day out. The sun was shining, and the smell of freshly baked goods wafted through the air. The Peacewalkers were running the bake sale. Spike was keeping inventory, Applebloom was making sure that everything was getting cooked right, and Sweetie Belle and Scootaloo were at the table outside of Sugarcube Corner, selling and keeping a tally of what was sold and for how much.

Lorraine was sitting not far from the table, supervising in name only, mainly just watching.

Spoiled Rich and Diamond Tiara walked up. Spoiled snorted at the cookies then glared over at Lorraine. “Did she, have anything to do with this?”

“Nope.” Sweetie Belle chirped. “We just need adult supervision... for some reason.” She said the last bit under her breath.

“Oh, well, they can’t be that bad.” Spoiled sniffed haughtily.

“Not that I’d expect you three to make anything good.” Diamond spoke up.

“Spike’s involved too.” Scootaloo frowned at Diamond.

“Well then, I don’t want any.” Diamond huffed.

Scootaloo’s eye twitched as Sweetie Belle hastily bagged up some cookies.

Spoiled gave Lorraine a death glare as she and Diamond trotted away.

Thankfully, there weren’t many more incidents, however the Peacewalkers did have to reiterate that Lorraine was simply supervising.

At the end of the day, the Peacewalkers were at Lorraine’s home.

“Well, at least we made a great haul.” Scootaloo said, counting out coins on the coffee table.

“Sorry for lying.” Sweetie frowned at Lorraine.

“Ah hate it. What is ponies problems? So what if Lorraine made some muffins, they still sold, and ponies liked ‘em. What would they not like them, just cause the pink noodle made ‘em?” Applebloom ranted as she paced back and forth, wearing a hole in the carpet.

“It’s fine. I’ll just… let Spike supervise next time.” Lorraine said with a somewhat forced smile. “Or maybe ask someone else. I don’t have to be there.”

“What now?” Spike waddled in, carrying drinks on a tray.

“Lorraine- No, we’re all pissed at ponies at the moment.” Scootaloo spoke up, and took a drink from the tray.

“Guys, look, we made the money. We’re getting the message out there, that’s a good thing.” Lorraine said with a nod. “I don’t mind taking a hit to my reputation.”

“But that’s all ya do.” Applebloom said bluntly.

“Seriously, are you going to have to die and be reborn for ponies to leave you alone?” Spike asked.

The fillies and Lorraine just stared at him.

Spike flushed. “I’ve been reading some of John’s manga collection.”

“I am not Jesus.” Lorraine said flatly.

“What’s a Jesus?” Scootaloo asked.

“That is a long and complicated story.” John spoke up as he trotted into the living room. “Far too long and complicated for a casual sit down. So, did it go as poorly as I thought it would?”

“Well, noooo.” Sweetie Belle said.

“Great!” John grinned. “And that’s why I’m a pessimist in most situations, either you’re right, or you get proven wrong in the best way.”

“Uh huh.” Spike blinked.

“That’s some weird, but oddly satisfyin’ thinking.” Applebloom mused aloud.

“So, Lorraine, gonna do anything about your nose-diving rep?” Scootaloo asked the lounging luck dragon.

“Yeah. Eventually.” Lorraine shrugged. “Depends on how far people are going to take it.”

“Why does this only fill me with dread?” Spike asked, looking at Lorraine with worry.

“I mean, it’s all on them. I’m giving them as many opportunities as possible for them to see I’m not a threat.” Lorraine said with a nod.


John sat in Rarity’s small kitchen, at Rarity’s small table, drinking tea from what felt like a too small tea cup. He stared at the smiling mare.

“Please?” Rarity batted her lashes at him.

The pink noodle reading a book in the corner snorted.

“Why?” John asked. “Why on God’s green Earth would you want this,” He gestured to himself, “to model for you?”

“Simply put, none of the colt’s parents would agree to letting their foals model.” Rarity said with a sigh.

“You know what?” John said blandly. “Fuck it.” He shrugged. “Though, how frilly are we going here?”

“Da-har-harling.” Rarity giggled and waved a hoof dismissively. “Frills were last year.”

“Correction, what kind of over the top clothes am I going to be sporting?” John raised a brow.

Rarity grinned.


“Ha!” John stood on his hind legs and made hoodie kicks with his forelegs. “Whaaaa!” He was also making overly dramatic kung-fu noises.

John was wearing semi-baggy black pants, a white vest, white cuffs, and a red headband. He bounced on his hind legs and bounced his shoulders like he was a boxer.

“Didn’t I mention that they were Nightmare Night costumes?” Rarity asked.

“Wha-ta!” John somehow managed to do a spinning kick as Rarity took a few pictures.

“Wonderful, and the next one is a long black coat.” Rarity said trotting over to a rack of hung up costumes. “This is a highly requested look from a popular Neighponese comic.”

John paused his kung-fu noises and gasped. “I’m gonna need two swords for this heresy.”

Rarity looked over at Lorraine and the pink noodle just shrugged. Lorraine was however grinning at the enthusiastic smol bug.

“Right, well, a few pictures of this one and we’ll move onto the next. That’s a…” She hummed then levitated over a brown duster jacket, with brown pants, a red shirt, and brown hind leg shoes, as well as her list. “Space cowboy.”

“I am going to have way too much fun with this.” John grinned.

“Oh, I’m delighted you are.” Rarity smiled. “I’ll find the best pictures then submit them to the magazine I regularly work with. It’s small, but it does give me business.”

“Lemme go change then.” John trotted over to the rack and Rarity flopped the black coat and accompanying clothes over his back. John then trotted off to the dressing room.

“Thank you again.” Rarity called out.


There was a knock at the front door later that evening. Gilda trotted towards the door and opened it, only to blink at the pair of guardmares that stood on the doorstep.

“Hey, can I help you?” Gilda asked.

“I’m Sergeant Ironwood.” The first mare said. She was a brown-coated, gray-maned earth pony.

“Ma’am, I’m Lieutenant Steel Resolve, does a deer buck named Alastor live here?” Steel, a shorter, blue-coated, white-maned unicorn, asked.

“Yes.” Gilda said, confused. “What did he do?”

“Oh no, we’ve received numerous reports of domestic abuse, yelling, keeping him here against his will.” Ironwood spoke up. “We take these very seriously, may we come in to verify these are true or not?”

“Of course. None of that is true, but, of course.” Gilda stepped out of the way and let the guardmares in.

“Is the mare of the house in?” Ironwood asked as they trotted into the living room. “We’d just like to ask her a few questions.”

John immediately got up from the couch. “Can I help you?”

“No stallion, you can sit back down.” Steel shook her head.

Lorraine plodded into the living room, quickly followed by Alastor.

“Is there something wrong?” Lorraine asked.

“Are you the mare of the house?” Steel asked her.

“Uhhh I guess? What do you guys think?” She looked at the other housemates.

“I’d say she is.” Alastor spoke up and took a step forward. “Can we help you with something ladies?”

“Buck, can I speak with you in private?” Ironwood asked, stepping forward.

“Of course.” Alastor smiled and trotted through the living room to open the back door for her. “Ladies first.”

Alastor and Ironwood disappeared into the backyard.

“Ma’am can we speak in private please?” Steel asked Lorraine.

“Sure.” Lorraine nodded.


John. Was furious.

The smol ball of anger paced around the living room.

Alastor sat by Lorraine. Said noodle dragon looked shocked and more than a little scared.

Gilda was just as pissed, yet she perched on her seat like a cat, with her feathers puffed out.

“We got fucking swatted!” John snapped.

“I don’t know what that is, but I get the intent anyway.” Gilda growled.

“Why?” Lorraine asked aloud. “I’m not a bad person. I just want to be good.”

John paused and looked at Lorraine. “No, you’re not bad.” He shook his head. “The ponies that did this, they’re bad.”

“I know, but why?” Lorraine asked. “I don’t know what to do, aside from calling a town meeting and asking them what the fuck is going on?”

“It’s all sorted now. They know not to take these calls anymore. Guard reports are being looked at. Filing false reports is actually a crime, so there may be more than a few ponies in trouble for this.” Alastor spoke up calmly. “Though, I for one, would like to go see Twilight and her friends in the morning. Perhaps the town saviors could talk some sense into this insanity.”

“It’d be a balancing act though.” Lorraine said. “Just look at us, we have approval from the Crown and yet we’re still being targeted. Still, it can’t hurt to try.”

“Wait…” John’s brow furrowed as he thought. His sparkling wings buzzed softly. “We… We were announced right? Like stuff went out announcing that, hey, we work for the Princesses.

“Well yeah.” Gilda spoke up. “I read about it. There was a thing not long after you got here. Then there was that new statement a couple days ago.”

“So, they’re still going because there haven’t been any consequences for ignoring it. Maybe…” John hummed. “Maybe we don’t go to Celestia. Maybe we talk to Mayor Mare and hear her thoughts? I know she can’t really do anything either, but… It’s something.”

“Perhaps we try to get some sleep, and figure out our plan tomorrow?” Alastor offered.

“It’s Gilda’s turn to clean up the gift pile tomorrow.” Lorraine commented.

Gilda let out a drawn out sigh. “Dammit.”