//------------------------------// // Comet Screech: The Batpony Who Doesn't Give A... // Story: TD Punches Everything // by BronyWriter //------------------------------// Fuuuuuck. I haven't lived in Ponyville all that long, but it's been long enough that I know that this small little hamlet is somehow the craziest place in all of Equestria. Case and point, the town is currently under attack by ponies with these helmets on their heads led by some dickweed named Sombrero, or something like that. I dunno. Something something something evil guy, something something something Elements of Harmony, something something something revenge. It really didn't matter all that much, really. All I knew was that I found myself stuck in Mom's schoolhouse hiding behind her desk. I had to duck in here to avoid the patrols. Sombrero has captured and helmeted most of the town last I saw, but I don't think he got Mom and Dad. I don't even know if he had a helmet that would fit Dad. He doesn't exactly have a pony-shaped head. In any case, I figured that the only thing to really do was sit and wait for Celestia or somepony like that to come rescue us. Maybe the Elements would get us out of this. I mean, this is better than when that herd of chupacabras rampaged through the town, but not quite as bad as when that large group of Bunyips that attacked us. The latter definitely required more cleanup. Honestly, though? My biggest problem is boredom. I've been sitting under Mom's desk for almost two hours now, and there hasn't even been one of those tense scenes like from the movies where the bad guys come in and they start looking under desks and whatever, and just as they're about to look under the protagonist's bed or desk, they either get called away, or it turns out the good guy managed to slip underneath something else, but thanks to editing, it looks like they didn't have time to. But no. I'm just under Mom's desk with nothing to do. I wish I had a coloring book or some cards or heck, even a stupid textbook, but no, I have nothing! I groan and thunk my head on the floor, but instead of hitting the hardwood, it's cushioned a bit by something... paper-y? I sit up and tilt my head when I see what appears to be a comic book underneath me, but the cover is blank except for the words MAN COMICS. Huh. Odd. Well, at least it was something to do. * * * * "BWAHAHAHA! HE HE HEEE! Bow to me, peons! None of you will escape my grasp!" Sombra paced back and forth in front of Town Hall, his cape fluttering in the wind. He was surrounded by dozens of ponies in his mind control helmets, which were controlling ponies from both the Crystal Empire and Ponyville itself. Most of the citizens had been rounded up, with small patrols rounding up any that tried to hide. "You'll never get away with this!" Bon Bon cried, glaring at Sombra. "Th princesses or the Elements will destroy you!" Sombra scoffed and waved his hoof. "Oh, I'm afraid that will not be happening, my dear. Once I've taken over this silly little town and destroyed the Elements and their bearers, my army will march into Canterlot, and the princesses will fall to me! None shall oppose me! All will fear the name So--" It was right then that one of the windows right behind Sombra completely shattered. That tends to happen when an armored, mind controlled crystal pony is thrown straight through it. Everypony just stared at the spot where the window used to be. Sombra blinked in confusion, then turned to the crowd. "Wh-what was that? Who did that?" He bared his teeth in a snarl. "Who dares attack one of my soldiers?! I'll--" The window on the other side shattered as yet another soldier was thrown straight through it. "Enough!" Sombra roared. "Who? Who is attacking me?" "Uh, I think it's her," one of Sombra's soldiers said, pointing at, of all things, a batpony filly who couldn't have been older than twelve. Odd. Sombra scoffed. "Oh, how droll," he said with a wave of his hoof. "As if some smarmy little foal could defeat me." "She already beat two of your soldiers with no effort," Sea Swirl pointed out. "As if," Sombra replied with a roll of his eyes. He pointed to one of his soldiers, then motioned to Comet. "Seize her. I'm certain I have a helmet of her size." The soldier bowed to Sombra, then trotted up to Comet. Just as he reached his hoof out to grab her, Comet spread her wings, grabbed the soldier by his hoof, twirled him over her head, then hurled his straight at Sombra. Sombra squeaked in fear, then ducked. The soldier whizzed past where his head had been a moment earlier and smashed straight into town hall's door. "Holy shit balls, it is her!" Sombra cried. "Seize her! Get her now! I won't have some foal embarrassing my-- whoa!" Another soldier flew past Sombra, and the citizens of Ponyville began to consider that a fair few of their tax bits were going to be put toward repairing town hall again. "This can't be happening," Sombra growled, running his hoof down his face as the filly dodged and threw his soldiers like they were dolls. "I'll do it myself!" He lit his horn and encased the filly in his magic. The filly just gave him a blank look at tilted her head at him. Sombra let out another evil laugh, and his horn crackled with evil energy. "A fine effort, foal, but all for naught. I think you'll end up being a valuable soldier! Sombra floated a small helmet over to Comet and slid it right over her head, relishing the sound of it clicking on. "Oh, that's not good," Lyra muttered. "You are a smarter one!" Sombra crowed to Lyra. "Your secret weapon is all mine! This filly is clearly powerful, and--" Sombra's evil monologue was cut off when the helmet slammed straight into his head. The helmet shattered like an egg upon impact. Sombra's eyes and mouth widened as he stared at the broken remains of the filly-sized helmet. "I... puh... duh..." "I was talking about you," Lyra said. "If I had to guess, she found a Man Comic." "A comic book?" Sombra groaned and rubbed the bridge of his nose. "It doesn't matter. It's my entire army versus one tiny foal!" He pointed at Comet, who was giving him a bored look. "Destroy her! Destroy her now!" Within moments, Comet found herself surrounded by almost fifty of Sombra's soldiers. The horns of the unicorn soldiers crackled with black magic, and before Comet could even think about running, they all shot their magic at her. The magic engulfed her, and for a solid minute, the soldiers didn't let up their vicious assault as Sombra laughed in a very evil manner. You know, like you do. Eventually, the assault stopped, and the soldiers powered down their horns. "Now with her out of the way, I can-- Oh me dammit!" Comet stood there, a blank expression on her face. The ground around her smoked, but she didn't have a single hair on her head singed in the slightest. Sombra's eye twitched. "I... how...? That attack would have destroyed Celestia herself!" "Uh... I don't think she gives a fuck," Cloud Kicker said. A slight smirk crossed Comet's face, and before Sombra could issue a further command, she shot forward with her hoof outstretched. It smashed straight into one of the helmets on a pony, shattering it instantly. The pony, who turned out to be Blossomforth, collapsed onto the ground with a gasp and a cry of "I'm free!" Comet pinballed off of her and into the next pony, shattering their helmet as well. The third one reacted faster and swung his hoof at her when she turned her attention to him, but she flipped in midair like she was in the friggin' Matrix, or something like that, and swung back around to punch him in the back of he head, instantly destroying his helmet as well. "NO! THIS CANNOT BE HAPPENING!" Sombra roared. "DESTROY HER! DESTROOYYYY HERRRR!" * * * * Celestia took a dainty bite of grapefruit before raising her teacup up for a sip of her favorite camomile tea. She sighed in contentment as her warm sun shone brightly and happy birds chirped outside of her window. Celestia smiled as the doors to her dining room opened and Luna walked in, her eyelids drooping slightly from the stress of her night. "Good morning, Lulu," Celestia said, putting her teacup down. "Long night?" "Grmph," Luna grumbled in response. "So. Many. Nightmares." Luna plopped down in her seat and laid her head on the table. "But on the plus side, I know that the new horror movie is good." "Well, it's a good thing that you are there to protect them from their nightmares," Celestia replied before taking another bite of grapefruit. "As for me, I don't think that there's anything too stressful in my schedule, and today has the makings of a glorious day overall." "Yes, yes," Luna muttered. "Have fun with whatever you have planned. I'm going to bed." "Yes, that might be a good idea," Celestia said, picking up the newspaper she had neatly folded next to her. "I'm sure that by tomorrow--" PUNCH! Celestia flew back in shock as a hoof shot through the paper straight into her muzzle. In her surprise, she'd shot out a beam of magic that bounced off of the ceiling and obliterated the table in front of her. She laid on the floor for a few moments, waiting for the ringing sound to dissipate before sitting up and sliding the grapefruit off of her horn. "What happened?!" Luna cried, running over to her sister. "Were you attacked?" "I... suppose so," Celestia said, standing up and gingerly lifting the newspaper up in her magic. It had a filly hoof-shaped hole in it. "This doesn't appear to be a prank. Somehow a hoof came through the newspaper and punched me in the--" Celestia's eyes widened, and she tossed the newspaper onto what was left of the table. "There's something wrong in Ponyville. Something to do with TD." She turned to her sister. "Luna, if--" She blinked in surprise when she saw an empty spot on the floor where Luna had previously been standing. She looked to the door just in time to see it swing shut. Celestia sighed and facehooved. She'd have to do it herself, then. * * * * "WHYYY WHYYYY WHYYYY?!" Sombra wailed as each of his soldiers was given an ass-kicking of epic proportions, freeing them from his control. "How can you all fail to defeat a filly?!" "'Cause she's fucking awesome, that's why!" Roseluck said, popping her head up over the rain barrel she'd been hiding behind. "You're not gonna beat somepony that cool!" Steam came out of Sombra's ears as the townsfolk gave various noises of agreement, giving Comet time to shake off the newspaper that she'd punched through as it floated by. Crackling black electricity formed around his horn, and he took a combat stance, homing in on the filly who had caused him so many problems over the past few minuted. "Enough! You are going to kneel before me, you--" Sombra really shouldn't have bothered with the villain speech stuff. Not that it would have mattered because Comet didn't give a fuck anyway, but it would have probably made him feel a little bit better all things considered. Before he could fire his black magic, Comet flew straight to him, punched him in the gut, then shot into the air, balancing the mad tyrant on her hoof. "NONO! STOP!" Sombra cried. "PUT ME DOooooooooo..." The various townsponies all stared into the air where Comet had flown up with Sombra. The cloud overhead had a Sombra-shaped hole in it. They'd just started to wonder if they'd ever come down when they heard something coming from the sky. "...oooooooooOOOWNNNN!" The entire town shook with the impact of Sombra's landing. The ground now sported its own Sombra-shaped hole right underneath the one in the cloud. For a moment, there was no noise. Not even birds chirped as everycreature (yes, including the aforementioned birds) stared at the new hole in the ground. "Did... did she win?" Caramel finally said. "Is it over?" "I guess so," Sea Swirl said. "I can't see how he would have survived that." "Yeah, I guess," Caramel said, walking over to the hole and looking down. "But is she--?" PUNCH! Caramel flew back as Comet shot out of the hole, punching Caramel in the face as she did. The crowd let out a collective gasp as Comet zoomed toward Time Turner, her hoof outstretched. "Oh no! Oh no she's not done!" Daisy cried. "Everypony run!" Panic resumed. * * * * "Okay, girls. Sombra has taken over the town, and now that we have our Elements, we can stop him!" Twilight said as the Mane Six raced toward Ponyville. "He won't hurt anypony ever again!" "Heck yeah he won't!" Rainbow Dash cried with a midair hoof pump. "We'll show him how we do things here in Ponyville! We'll... WHOA!" Rainbow Dash rolled to the side as Lily flew past, barely missing her. The Mane Six all skidded to a halt and turned to Lily, who has lying on the ground where she impacted and groaning. "What happened?" Twilight cried as the group ran up to her. "What's going on? Is it Sombra? Are you hurt?" Lily groaned and slowly sat up, rubbing her head. "Yeah, Sombra. Yeah, he's been defeated and all that. Atomized, maybe." "What?" Rarity said with a frown and tilt of her head. "Then what is the issue? Who is attacking you?" "Comet," Lily said, waving a hoof in the direction of Ponyville. "She kicked Sombra's ass, but she's still going." "Comet beat Sombra?!" Twilight asked, her eyes widening. "How is that possible? And why is she still fighting?" "I think she found a Man Comic," Lily said. "It's the only thing that makes sense." Twilight's eyes somehow widened even further before narrowing to slits. "Oh, I see," she growled. She whirled around and began stomping toward Ponyville. "Girls, formation. We're dealing with this Man Comic thing once and for all!" "If you see her, tell her I think she's awesome!" Lily called out after them. Twilight let out a noise of disgust as the six friends resumed their run to Ponyville. It wasn't long before they saw the destruction in front of them. Houses had holes, stalls were smashed, and ponies were lying on the ground with various states of injury, many groaning about something awesome. Twilight considered for a brief moment that it couldn't be all Comet's doing, but some of it was, and she needed to fix that. Finally, they came to the middle of town square and spotted the filly in question standing in the middle of absolute destruction. Town hall would need a lot of repairs. "Comet Screech Powell!" Twilight roared, taking a combat stance. "You had better stop this Man Comic crap right now!" Comet blinked and tilted her head at Twilight before turning to face her. Twilight grunted in response. "Yeah, just calm down and we'll figure this out." Comet's wings flared out, and Twilight's eyes narrowed. "Oh no, no, don't you dare! You put your wings back and we'll have a conversation like civilized ponies!" Comet's wings flapped once. "No! Don't you--!" Comet shot forward, her hoof outstretched. Twilight groaned and rubbed her temple. "Fuck me. Okay girls, ready with the Elements!" "Are you sure, Twilight?" Pinkie asked. "She is just a--" "READY WITH THE ELEMENTS!" Twilight lit her horn, and the Element of Magic began to glow. The other Elements followed suit, and the group began levitating in the air. A manic grin crossed Twilight's face, and her eye started twitching. "No more of this Man Comic crap. I'm done with it. Take that!" A beam of weapons-grade love and tolerance shot out of the Elements, meeting Comet mid-charge and completely enveloping her. Manic laughter filled the air for a few seconds as the Elements worked their magic, or whatever it is that they do to cleanse people. Finally, the light faded, and the Mane Six floated back to the ground... Only to see Comet still charging at them. "I just... wha...?" Twilight's jaw dropped and her eye twitched. "But... how?! We blasted her with the Elements!" Fluttershy tapped Twilight on the shoulder. "Uh, Twilight? I don't think she gives a fuck." Twilight began grinding her teeth together as her eye twitch became more violent. She ground her hoof into the ground, and a growl began forming in her throat. However, it died as quickly as it came, and Twilight deflated, feeling very tired all of a sudden. "I know she doesn't." The bowling pin sound of Comet crashing into the Elements could be heard all the way to the Crystal Empire. Rainbow Dash had been flying as per usual, so she managed to dodge the attack. However, that didn't mean she was okay. Before she could react (yes, really) Comet grabbed her by the leg, swung her around a few times, then hurled her as hard as she could. Rainbow Dash flew back with one last cry of "You're so awesooooooooo..." Twilight could only facehoof. * * * * Cheerilee and I rushed to the middle of town which was where the groaning, injured townsponies told us that Comet would be. We'd been worried sick that we couldn't get to her, but we were trapped in Sugarcube Corner while Sombra's patrols scoured the city. I'd never actually had to face him, but by all accounts he was a nasty character. A great weight in my chest faded away when, sure enough, Comet was in the middle of town. She was lying on the only not destroyed bench in the area. A quick check when we reached her revealed that she wasn't hurt, just completely conked out. "Thank Celestia," Cheerilee whispered as I scooped Comet up and held her close. "We were so worried about you, Comet." Comet muttered something in her sleep and nuzzled into a comfortable spot in my shoulder. Now that I knew she was safe, I could take better stock of my surroundings. There were a fair few townsponies all lying on the ground. Most of them looked fine, and some were even starting to get up, but many of them had bruises. Sombra must have really done a number on them. To my surprise, though, five of the Mane Six were splayed out as well, each of them wearing their respective Element. "Wow. Sombra must have really done a number on this place," I said. "Did you guys beat him, then? Where's Rainbow Dash?" "I hate you," Twilight grumbled. "I hate you all. You and your stupid fucking Man Comics." Cheerilee and I exchanged a shocked look as Mayor Mare trotted up to us, looking like one of the only ponies who didn't have any injuries. "So... Comet defeated Sombra?" I asked, turning to Mayor Mare. Mayor Mare nodded with a grin. "Most certainly, Mr. Powell. You should have seen it!" "Kinda wish I could have." I frowned and tilted my head. "So she beat him even after he beat the Elements?" "No, Sombra didn't beat the Elements. Your daughter... ah..." Mayor Mare spun her hoof as she thought of the words. "Took to her Man Comic possession with great zeal. She continued attacking even once Sombra and his minions were defeated." "Whoa," I muttered to myself. "So Twilight and her friends..." "That was Comet's doing," Mayor Mare confirmed. "Wow." I held her a little tighter and raised my eyebrow. "So... she's not in trouble, is she?" Mayor Mare scoffed while Cheerilee just gave me a confused look. "For what? Kicking ass? Not in Ponyville, I assure you," Mayor Mare said. I blinked. "Uh..." "What would I even charge her with?" Mayor Mare asked. "I mean..." I motioned around. "Destruction of property, assault, assault on national heroes--" Mayor Mare rolled her eyes. "Mr. Powell, I admit that I am ignorant of how things work on Earth, but here in Ponyville, we appreciate badassery on this scale. We're all good, honest, hardworking ponies, and this is just too bitchin' to punish in any way. Why, even Miss Sparkle here kicked the horseapples out of you wife's class one day while you were on your journey, and punishment wasn't even considered!" Twilight groaned and briefly raised a hoof in acknowledgement. "Huh. Interesting." I shrugged and patted Comet on the back. "Well, I guess we should just let her sleep this off. Manderley shouldn't be too damaged, if at all. She needs rest most of all, I suppose." "Of course, Mr. Powell," Mayor Mare said with a nod. "You get her to bed, and we'll, ah, figure out our latest rebuild." Before I could say anything else, Celestia of all ponies landed next to us. "I'm here. What do you need? What has happened? Why is the town destroyed again, and why is my student injured?" "Sombra attacked and Ms. Screech stopped him with the powers of a Man Comic," Mayor Mare explained. Celestia flinched back and stared at Comet as though she'd wake up and go on another rampage. When nothing happened, she relaxed and turned back to Mayor Mare. "Well, I... suppose that is good. I shall bring ponies to help fix Ponyville and do whatever else needs to be done." "Yeah, and we're getting Comet to bed." I chuckled and turned to Celestia. "But hey, at least you didn't get punched in the face this time." Celestia glared at me, flipped me her middle feather, then walked away without another word. Weird. Well, with nothing else to do, Cheerilee and I went back to Manderley to get Comet into bed, glad to have all of this behind us. Rainbow Dash finally made it back into town three days later.