The night was something that was always peaceful back on Earth or in heaven. But in Equestria... Nobody or pony seemed to get a break. Whether it was extremely annoyed Germans or near drunk generals, shit was never quiet. So why Eisenhower tried to fall asleep without taking a drink from Patton's stash... He didn't know. Maybe he was trying to make it through the job without having to drink himself to sleep, maybe he wasn't... It was all lost to him.
The source of the nights troubles began with some stupid bullshit... Like every other problem in Equestria. However, it was not caused by annoyed Germans, an annoyed Montgomery, or even an annoyed Patton. It all started with Bradley. Why the hell Bradley one would ask... Eisenhower himself asked that question as he prepared to hit the sack but for some god damn reason, he found himself put into a room with everyone else staring at a blank screen. And then... Then he had to wait.
Patience was a skill that many generals had to learn and master, but no general ever did manage to master such a skill... Well, Napoleon probably was not in that group but no general from the 20th century could ever be so patient. To put it in Patton's words, they were all a bunch of "Battle Horny Studs". It didn't matter how patient you could be, you still fell into that category. But that category was also tiered.
You had the lower tier of those who could be quite patient... And then you had the extreme upper tier. Those that fell into that tier were really just Patton and Rommel. The only two differences between those two were their drastic differences in height and the fact that Rommel could hold his tongue and had a bit more sophistication that was added upon his Swabian bluntness. Those who fell in the in-between category were Bradley, Gause, and Bayerlein, given that they both essentially got the best of both sides from the commanders that they had served under. The low tier had included Von Rundstedt and Eisenhower themselves for obvious reasons... And then that just left Monty. He clearly had belonged in the lowest tier, considering that the factors that had applied to such a ranking mainly delved into his pursuit (or rather lack of pursuit) of enemy forces after a battle, namely that of the battles after El Alamein which he managed to cock up. But if you made a bet with that man, he would pounce on trying to earn the winnings faster than a pent up horse... Beddel-Smith learned that the hard way.
But that was all some extra details that were unnecessary, no matter how many times Patton preached such bullshit.
It had been 30 minutes before Bradley finally got his ass our from behind the curtain and was pulling a cart with some type of projector on top of it. He had with him some sort of large, box-like tape that he kept on trying to stick into a feeder but each time, it kept on ejecting itself, much to the amusement of Patton and the chagrin of Bradley.
"Brad, would you hurry up with the god damn thing? I think I speak to the rest of us here when I say that I actually want to get some fucking sleep." Patton said with a subtle hint of annoyance in his voice.
"Hold on for a minute Georgie... You'll get your shut-eye once I get this... God... Damn... Thing in. [size=0.em]Fucking hell, why does VHS have to be so damn complicated." Bradley said as he fumbled with the tape.
"Have you tried turning it the other way?" Bayerlein asked, seemingly intrigued by the box like tape recording.
"You think I haven't tried that already? This god damn piece of shit is supposed to be simple and yet every damn time it keeps on rejecting the tape!" Bradley responded as he kept shoving the tape in.
"Y'know, if you keep on shoving that god damn thing in any harder, you are gonna have twins with whatever that thing is." Patto said with a smirk forming on his face. What immediately followed was Eisenhower slapping the 4 star general on the top of his head. "Ow! What the fuck was that for Ike?"
"As annoyed as I am with Brad's shit... Cut the shit with the off color jokes Georgie." Eisenhower said while glaring at Patton. Surprisingly, Patton just sat back down and kept his mouth shut while Bradley kept on fumbling with the tape.
Eventually, Bradley finally managed to make the tape stop ejecting itself and the projector finally began to play something. What followed next was the simple white screen before some cheesy music began to start playing and a video of some sort of vehicle began to play on the screen. This continued for about 10 to 20 seconds before the announcer began to speak as the vehicle showcase continued.
"Today, the Bradley Fighting Vehicle System takes mobility and firepower a leap forward, giving the United States Army a combined arms team...
Second to None."
It finished with 5 stars surrounding it.
Overall, the tape that caused Bradley so much trouble only lasted about 40 seconds and it wasn't even that special. Still though, Bradley had a child's grin on his face.
"So, how'd you guys like it." He asked ecstatically.
"Brad... Did you get into Georgie's stash? Hell... Where did you even get that recording?" Eisenhower asked.
"Oh never mind that shit Ike. What I wanna know is why Brad is fucking excited over that pussy shit." Patton said.
"What the hell do you mean pussy shit Georgie?" Bradley asked.
"Oh please... Big deal that you got some thin skinned armored fighting whatever-the-hell it is named after you. You still haven't gotten two full fucking blown main battle tanks on your name. Suck it." Patton said, pointing towards his dick.
"What the hell do you mean suck it? Those fucking pieces of shit are outdated now anyways." Bradley countered, making Eisenhower, Monty, and the Germans all equally confused.
"What is going on now..." Gause asked, clearly puzzled by the display.
"I think this is what the Americans call a 'dick-measuring contest'." Bayerlein answered.
"I do not care if they are measuring the Reichsmarschall's pants... I would just like to get some sleep." Von Rundstedt yawned out.
"Ja... how about you He'rr Feldmarschall?" Gause asked towards Rommel's direction. However, no reply ever came as the Desert Fox was missing from his seat.
"Wha... where did he go?" Bayerlein asked.
"He probably went to bed... sneaky fox." Von Rundstedt answered. Just then, the sound of a fog horn disturbed the atmosphere of the room and threw everyone off balance.
"What the bloody hell was that?" Montgomery asked. As if right on queue, a phone began to ring within the room. The odd thing was, there was no phone in the room before... EVER.
"Somebody find that damn phone!" Eisenhower ordered as everyone in the room scrambled to find to phone. It wasn't long before Bradley managed to find the phone plugged into a wall plugin that was not even there before.
"WHO THE HELL IS THIS?" Bradley nearly screamed through the phone.
"Look outside." Was the only reply that came. But it was not some unknown figure... it was Rommel.
Slowly... everyone made their way towards the window that overlooked the city and the valley below in their quarters and as they opened it up, they were met by the site of a large destroyer in the middle of a lake that was not there before. Suddenly, the phone rang again.
"What is this supposed to be Rommel?" Bradley asked.
"Can Patton hear this call?" Rommel questioned.
"Let me put it on speaker phone..." Bradley replied as he fumbled with the Sat-phone... wait... Sat-phone? What the hell was a Sat-phone doing here...
"Alright, Georgie can hear... now what the hell do you want Rommel?" Bradley asked as both him and Patton stared at the phone and the destroyer.
"I... win..." Were the only words that came as a reply as the Lütjens Class Guided Missile Destroyer, D187 (Rommel), unleashed its full firepower on Canterlot Castle with Maximum German Efficiency... obliterating anything and everything with accuracy that only the Germans could match, ending the dick-measuring content once and for all.