Puzzling Frost’s Comment
Ello Calebero’s Comment
“Booooo!” Greta suddenly catcalls.
“Why are you booing me?” you ask the griffon.
“That was a terrible pun! It was bad and you should feel bad,” she chides.
“What pun? I wasn’t making a pun,” you say flabbergasted.
“Yeah, I don’t get it either, and believe me, I know puns thanks to my dad,” Ember adds.
“Well, it was about…the weird…yanking...uh…hmm, why was I mad again?” Greta asks as she puts a talon to her forehead.
“I think you’re not fully awake yet or something,” you say as you look at her lost expression.
“Yeah, maybe…” she nods. “You got any coffee?”
“I got a jar of laughter,” you say offering one.
“I’ll take it,” she says as she unscrews the lid, takes a deep breath…and then begins giggling like a school filly.
REMOVED FROM THE INVENTORY
1 Jar Of Laughter.
“…This girls day out trip is already falling apart,” Ember sighs and looks around the empty shop. “Now where’s the pony that’s supposed to bring the sweet snacks?”
“Well our waitress is currently outside in the middle of a musical number,” Cadence says pointing outside.
Through the window, you see the cowboy pony from before, throw away his garb and start singing with Pinkie levels of energy as she and everyone else gets caught up in it.
“Oh great, another one,” Ember sighs as Greta leans against her giggling.
“There’s at least five a day if you’re really unlucky,” you nod before looking at Cadence. “How come we’re not getting pulled into the song?”
“Well, it seems the focus is on that stallion, with Pinkie giving accompaniment,” she says as the stallion starts playing an accordion. “So we might be outside it’s radius.”
“What, is this thing like an infection? How far do they spread?” Ember asks as she pushes the laughing drunk griffon off her shoulder.
“It depends on the main singer I suppose,” Cadence says. “Apparently during my wedding, Chrysalis and I were singing a duet while Twilight and I were escaping from the caves.”
“…How do you even know that if you weren’t there?” you ask.
“It’s one of the few things she’s spoken about in her prison. I guess she wanted to brag?” Cadence shrugs. You all then look back out the window just as the stallion, which from the lyrics of the song you hear to be Cheese Sandwich, continues going on about being the ‘Super Duper Party Pony.’
Down With Chrysalis’s Comment
Changer T. Emerald’s Comment
“Heh heh, he’s like the guy version of the pink one,” Greta laughs as the sight gags during the musical number start.
“There’s not like clones of him too are there?” Ember asks.
“Not that I know of, but Greta’s right, he is like a guy Pinkie,” you say.
“That’s…that’s Perfect!” Cadence suddenly shrieks causing you all to startle.
“What’s perfect?” you ask.
“Him, her, them! Pinkie and Cheese! It’s literally the most perfect thing ever!” she says giddily, her eyes sparkling with hearts.
“Slow down there girl, what are you going on about?” Ember tries to placate.
“Yeah, what’s so perfect about them?”
“They have matching purposes in life, the same energy and laughter, and the color scheme just works together! I think I found my new OTP!” she squees.
“Heh heh, my OTP is Link and Zelda,” Greta laughs.
“I’m talking REAL shipping Greta! It’s much more exhilarating than those fictional character fantasies!” she declares.
“Heh heh heh, if I wasn’t so giddy I’d be taking offense to that,” the griffon chuckles.
“Okay, hold on a second, what’s shipping?” Ember asks.
“I think she means she thinks they’d be good together as special someponies,” you say, somewhat disappointed in your cousin.
“She’s right,” Cadence nods. “Look at the two of them out there. A mysterious, roguish stranger comes to town to help the innocent and carefree maiden in her goals, and immediately he shows that they have a lot in common! EEEEE!!!”
“Cadence, they literally just met each other,” you say disturbed by her enthusiasm.
“Love has to start somewhere Nightshade! But I know it in my heart, bones and soul that they’ve got the potential for the best chemistry outside of Shiny and I!” she stands firm, before mumbling to herself. “Now what would their ship name be? Pinkwhich? Chinkie? CheesePie?”
“Heh heh, she’s a fanatic,” Greta giggles dumbly as you notice her eyes turning red.
…What the heck are those jars of laughter made out of? You wonder worriedly. She’s acting like those hippies and their horrible food.
“Um, Shade?” Ember whispers to you.
“Yes?”
“I think today might be a bust,” she says pointing at the stoned griffon and the rambling princess.
“Nah, it’ll be fine,” you reassure as you turn back to Cadence and tug at her mane. “Hey! Cady!”
“And their first child should be named Cheesey, or Lil Cheese or-“
“Yo! Cady!” you interrupt her tirade, waving your hoof in her face.
“Huh? Yes? What do you need Nightshade?”
“Maybe you should stop fanfillying over them?” you suggest and she frowns.
“There’s nothing wrong with wishing good fortune on potential future lovers,” she argues.
“Yeah, well, it feels like you might be taking it a bit far, so maybe take a step back?” you suggest.
“Nightshade, you have no idea how hard it was to create a shipping chart for Twilight and all her friends. Until now, Pinkie Pie has always been the White Whale in my quest to find her a mate, but that changes today!”
“…Stop it, Get some help,” you tell her plainly and she purses her lips.
“…Okay, I admit, maybe that last bit was a bit creepy,” she admits.
“A bit?!” Ember balks as Greta giggles.
“But I’m sorry, I can’t help who I am as a Princess and as a Pony. I mean, I do this a lot when I find perfect pairs. When I learned about you and Spike I filled a white board with how your future would go and-“
“YOU WHAT?!!” you exclaim in embarrassment and she smiles nervously.
“Well, I mean, only up until your early twenties anyway…but by that time he should have already popped the question and-“
“Oh My Gods!” you moan, holding your ears and slamming your face onto the table.
“There’s no need to feel embarrassed Nightshade. Your chart is so much better than the Sparity one I created. A lot of it relied on her waiting a few years till he was older, but with you it starts much sooner and is much sweeter in my opinion.”
“Please stop…” you moan as your entire head burns red and your shards glow harshly.
“Heh heh, I ship it,” Greta laughs absentmindedly and you muffle your screams into the table.
Finally deciding to get off this topic, Cadence chuckles nervously again and pats your back.
“Okay, let’s just put a pin in that for now. We’ve got a scrapbook to make, and we can talk about ships later,” she says.
“Can we not?” you plead, lifting your eyes from the table.
“Eh, guess we don’t have to. The yellow pony made the pink one depressed,” Ember points out.
“WHAT?!” Cadence exclaims as she shoots out of her chair and presses her face against the window. You look over yourself, and sure enough, Pinkie Pie looks sad and despondent as a group of ponies carry Cheese Sandwich off happily, leaving her behind.
“Oh Gorramit! Why is it that Pinkie Pie getting sad is almost always ten times sadder than anyling else?” you grumble as you see her hang her head in sorrow.
“Heh heh, she’s being replaced and your ship is dead,” Greta laughs.
“NOOOOO!!! It can’t end like this! It never really started! I must fix this!” Cadence exclaims as she throws open the door and flies out.
“Wait! Cadence!” you call out, but she continues flying off.
“I’ll die for my ship!” you hear her shout as her voice gets more and more distant.
“But what about the scrapbook?! ARGH!” you slam your face into the table once more.
There are a few moments of silence while you just grumble about fanatical shippers while Greta continues to laugh at nothing.
“Sooooo, can we call this a bust now?” Ember asks.
“No!" You say lifting your head off the table. “We are going to go find my fanatical cousin and drag her back here and we are going to figure out this Family Tree once and for all Dang It!”
And with that, you grab Greta by the claw and start dragging her towards the door.
“…I just wanted some snacks,” Ember bemoans with a sigh. This actually causes you to pause and look around.
“Wait a second…everyling is outside, and the shop is empty…” you say as a light bulb goes off and you look Ember in the eye. “RAID THE SODA FOUNTAIN BEFORE IT’S TOO LATE!”
A Few Moments Later
After getting quite a few unpaid free refills, the three of you now walk down the street, soda cups in hand, looking for the runaway princess.
“Okay, all of those drinks do kind of make up for your crazy family shenanigans,” Ember says, taking a sip.
“Not for me! Tee hee hee,” Greta titters while sucking down another soda.
“Okay, you’re still acting weird! No more jars of laughter for you!” you chide as you drink Soda number eight.
“Not gonna lie, I kind of want to try some to get that blissful,” Ember admits.
“Oh don’t you start, you’re still clean and pure Emby,” you argue.
“Please don’t call me that! My Dad called me that when I was little!”
“Haaaaa, Emby,” Greta laughs.
“Oh Gorammit!” she curses. “Where is your cousin anyway?”
“Which one? Because apparently I have a million of them,” you snark as you look in the air for Cadence.
“Yeah you do, there’s one now, heh heh,” Greta points over at a bridge where Pinkie Pie is looking down in the water sadly.
“Huh, figured Cadence would have gotten to her already,” you say in surprise.
“She probably went to the guy first then to…I don’t know, do whatever weird pony voodoo she does to make them fall in love,” Ember exposits.
“I don’t think that’s how it works…at least I don’t think it is. I’d like to believe the Princess of Love isn’t doing what me and my friends did to my dad during the Lovepocalypse,” you say with a shudder. “But anyway, guess we could go talk to her since she still looks down. Cadence might show up too.”
Agreeing to your plan since you’re kind of their leader, you three walk over to Pinkie who is frowning.
Kichi’s Comment
“Hi Pinkie,” you begin, but she doesn’t respond.
“I could still make this work. I just need streamerss and balloons…”
“Uh, Pinkie Pie?” you try again.
“Sure he’s enticed everypony else, but I…I could make gift bags or something. Maybe everyone would like a doll of Rainbow Dash?”
“Helloooo?” you say a bit louder, but her shoulders only slump more.
“No, I can’t do that again. I can’t be sued for copyright infringement a second time. Oh…maybe I don’t deserve to run this par-“
“OI! Pink Pony!” Ember shouts and flicks her ear.
“YAGH! What?! Who? Where?” Pinkie Pie startles and looks around.
“Ember!” you chide.
“What? She was taking forever,” she shrugs.
“Oh, it’s you Nightshade,” Pinkie Pie says rather flatly. “How goes things? I still haven’t blabbed the big secret if that’s what you’re wondering.”
“No, that’s not what I’m,” you start before you compose yourself. “Are you alright Pinkie?”
“Yeah, I’m fine, why wouldn’t I be fine?” she asks defensively.
“Because that cowboy guy showed you up, heh heh,” Greta laughs.
“Oh my gosh you guys are tactless! And that’s coming from me!” you facehoof.
“I…I wasn’t shown up. I’m still the best party pony!” she declares. “I mean sure, maybe I’ve made mistakes in the past, but I’m not worried about being replaced!”
…And Cadence wants her and that Sandwich guy to hook up? You think in bewilderment before shaking those thoughts off.
“Well, obviously noling’s gonna replace you Pinkie, and if that guy is so much like you, I doubt he’s aiming for your job.”
“No…that’s just what they want you to think,” she says as her eyes dart around. “To lull you into a false sense of security.”
“Who’s they?” you ask.
“Exactly,” she nods before she hangs her head again. “They probably saw how bad I was for not having Maude in my flashbacks when I told the CMC my cutie mark story.”
“…The buck you rambling on about?”
“Retcons my sweet summer child, retcons…” she says mysteriously.
…Sweet Celestia I’m related to this lady, you think apprehensively.
“Well whatever, have you see the pink princess flying around?” Ember interrupts and Pinkie looks around.
“Princess Cadence? I thought she was hanging out with you?”
“Nah she flew off to get you and that one guy to-HMPH!” you quickly cover Ember’s mouth with magic.
“To, uh, to let you know something great!” you say hastily and the dragoness looks at you crossly.
“Great news? I sure could use some of that right now,” Pinkie says, going back to being mopey.
Stop looking sad dang it!
“Yeah, well, the thing is, Cadence was going over a family tree and-“
*GASP*
Down With Chrysalis’s Comment
“Did she find out that through all your complicated familial relations with the Apples that someone else might be related to you?!” she shotguns and you are thrown for a loop.
“Uh…yeah actually. How did you-“
“Pinkie Sense,” she hoofwaves before her eyes widen once more. “Oh My Gosh! If Cadence wanted to talk to me about it then…”
“Um…yeah?” you chuckle nervously.
“EEEEE!!!” she shrieks as she rushes forth and gives you the mother of all hugs. She squeezes you so hard, your eyes start to bulge out a bit.
“WE’RE RELATED!!!” she shrieks in excitement, her sadness washed away by the revelations.
“Ha ha, Shade’s gonna pop like a balloon,” Greta laughs as all the air is squeezed out of you.
“Oh My Gosh! I can’t believe we’re cousins!” Pinkie says, rubbing her face against your mane.
“Neither-Can-I!” you strain to say in her grip, when all of a sudden she lets you go and you gasp in much needed oxygen.
“Oh my gosh! That means…I’m also related to the Apples!” she says while jumping with joy. “That is great news!”
“…I still find it amazing how ponies can go from sad to happy at the drop of a hat,” Ember mutters before drinking more of her soda.
“You’re right! I should have a piñata stuffed with hats Princess Ember!” Pinkie nods before looking you in the eye with a deep smile. “I’m so glad to know this…thank you so much Nightshade.”
Despite her antics, you can’t help but smile at that.
“No problem…cuz,” you say and she giggles.
“Oh wow, I feel so much better! With so much more family there’s so many more possibilities! Applejack and I have family on top of being friends, your Dad will be able to forgive me a bit easier, you and Applebloom will be like the little sisters I never had, and Big Mac…” she pauses at that as her eyes widen. “Oh…”
“What’s up?” you ask at her tone shift.
“Now that he and Cheerilee aren’t married anymore I was thinking of hooking him up with my sister Marble, but now…Yikes,” she says while biting her tongue.
“Oh…yeah, yikes,” you agree. “But hey, at least you found out now. That way there won’t be any weird situations like Applejack kissing my Dad.”
“Yeah…” she says disturbed before shaking her head. “But aside from that, thanks for cheering me up little cousin! You have given me the motivation I need to reclaim my crown as Super Duper Party Pony! Cheese Sandwich isn’t going to take this Birthiversary planning from me!”
And with that, she rushes off, going who knows where, leaving you three on the bridge.
“Heh heh, she’s fast,” Greta guffaws.
“Yeah, too fast,” Ember nods. “I don’t think we’ll be catching up with her.”
“Probably not,” you agree and drink some more soda. “But hey, that was just a detour, we’re still looking for Cadence.”
“Would have been a lot easier if we were near the Pink one,” Ember points out.
“True, true,” you concede. “But it’s not like we got many options to look for her. My dad took the instant message receiver thing with him to the other world.”
subhumandegenerate’s Comment
“You sure you don’t got anything else in that magic bag of yours?” Ember suggests.
“Not anything useful I don’t think. Mangle?” you say turning to your bag. On command, your fox pops out and sits on your back, holding the Ocarina you got so long ago.
“Umm, not really what I was asking for, but good effort girl,” you say patting her head.
“Hey! Heh heh, didn’t you steal that from my old gang?” Greta says as she looks at the instrument.
“Maybe? Finding all this videogame junk is a blur in my mind,” you shrug.
“Well hang on, heh heh, we’ll just use this to call her to us,” Greta says as she takes the flute from Mangle’s paws and starts playing a familiar tune.
“There, now Epona should show up,” she says excitedly, looking all around.
“We’re not looking for Epona! We’re looking for Cadence!” you shout as you snatch the Ocarina back and put it in the Inventory.
“Oh…right, heh heh heh.”
“…Seriously, I wanna try some of that laughter,” Ember says.
“Ugh, come on you two!” you order as you lead them away from the bridge. A few seconds after you leave, a young blonde stallion with a long green hat and a heart shaped cutie mark walks onto the bridge and looks around in confusion.
“Hyah?” he questions, but no one is around to answer.
Another Few Moments Later
Kichi’s Comment
“I’ve gotta pee!” Greta complains as you continue walking the steadily more decorated streets looking for Cadence.
“Why didn’t you go when we were at Sugar Cube Corner?” you huff.
“Didn’t have to go then,” she says plainly. “So can we stop somewhere?”
“Really?”
“Actually, I’ve gotta go too,” Ember chimes in.
“Oh for, why now? It’s not like you both drank a bunch of soda or…Oh…” you say in realization as that is exactly what’s just happened. And as soon as you realize this, your own body gets to protesting. “Alright fine,” you say as you take a detour to some public restrooms
“Me first!” Greta shouts as she rushes in, leaving you and Ember to wait outside.
“And why can’t I go into the other one?” Ember asks.
“Because that’s the Colt’s room, and we’re fillies,” you say as if it’s obvious.
“I’m a dragoness, so the rules don’t apply!” she says as she walks past you into the Stallion’s Room and closes the door.
“Ember!” you shout in disappointment.
“Huh, this bathroom has like some weird drinking fountains in it,” you hear her voice through the door.
“Huh? Why would they have-“
“Excuse me little filly?” asks a full of themselves haughty voice.
“Huh? What?” you say turning around…and seeing that same skinny stallion with glasses from earlier that was ogling Applejack. “Oh hey, you’re that hipster who shot down McStabFlank.”
He seems confused at that, raising an eyebrow, but he continues.
“I don’t know who this McStabFlank is, but I’m not a hipster. I am a purveyor of-“
“Yeah, yeah, whatever. What do you want?” you say tersely, still having to use the can.
“I was wondering if you saw Ms. Applejack around? I’ve seem to have lost sight of her,” he asks.
“Sorry pal, haven’t seen her since the musical number,” you tell him and turn away.
“Really? Are you sure?” he asks and you huff.
“Yes I’m sure! Now leave me alone. In fact, maybe you should leave her alone, I can tell you straight up you aren’t her type.”
He is taken aback by that and looks hurt.
“Why would you say such a thing? How would you know what that living goddess would like?”
“Because she’s my cousin, and I know a thing or two about her,” you grit your teeth and look at the closed door where you can still hear Greta laughing off and on.
“Really now? Her cousin huh?”
“That’s what I said!”
“Then tell me please, what sort of stallion does she like?”
“Like, buff, hardworking outdoorsy types! Everything that you’re not buddy. Now will you leave me alone?” you moan.
“Hard working outdoorsy types! Of course!” he says happily before leaning close to you. “You have no idea how much that helps little filly.”
“Uh, personal space?” you hint but he doesn’t back off.
“I mean, all I have to do is show off my inner country yokel and then she’ll notice me! And I’ve already gotten close with her family, that can’t hurt either,” he says ruffling your mane.
“I NEED AN ADULT!”
“But I am an-EEEEEE!!!” he cries out as you kick him in the nards and he goes flying across the street.
“Buck off pervert!”
“Heh heh, what’s going on here?” Greta asks opening the door.
“Nothing, just solving a problem. Now Move!” you say as you rush past into the restroom.
After taking care of business, you three once more walk along as you see more and more rainbow colored decorations for Dash’s birthday, moving day thing.
“I’m telling you, the guys are hiding things from you mares in their bathrooms. They had these water fountains with like these blue mint smelling things at the bottom of them,” Ember says trying to paint a picture.
“But there was a water fountain outside, why would they have another?”
“Beats me, but they got the usual toilet and then that weird vertical fountain thing.”
“Huh, maybe that’s why guys never wait that long, they’re just running in for a drink?” you ponder.
“Pfft, You should definitely ask Spike about it, ahahahaha,” Greta guffaws, a bit more forcefully this time like she actually finds something humorous.
“Good idea,” you nod and she laughs even more. “But that mystery comes later, we just have to find Cadence and-“
“Oh, there she is,” Ember points to your cousin who is looking in through a window of a clothing shop and pulling at her mane.
“Huh, good eye,” you thank Ember as you make your way towards the alicorn, who you can hear cursing under her breath.
“You stupid bimbo! You did my mane before, how can you be so tone deaf!”
“Cadence!” you shout when right next to her.
“AGH!” she shrieks and bonks her head on the window. “What the-Nightshade?”
“Yeah me! What’s the idea of ditching us back there?” you demand, putting your hooves on your hips.
Down With Chrysalis’s Comment
“I’m sorry Nightshade, but I had to make sure my ship didn’t sink,” she excuses, but you just shake your head in disappointment.
“It’s at times like these that you have to admit to yourself that you have a problem,” you admonish and she droops her ears.
“Yes, I know I do…”
“And besides, you ditched us for Pinkie and that other guy, but you’re nowhere near them. We ran into Pinkie and cheered her up back that way,” you tell her.
“Well…about that,” she says sheepishly. “I was going to talk to Pinkie…but then…well, just look!” she motions towards the shop window.
Looking inside, your jaw drops as you see McStabFlank, wearing overalls and a straw hat, and her mane is just messy.
“…What in the buck is that?” you ask as you rub your eyes.
“A travesty, that’s what!” Cadence huffs.
“Well I mean, she normally is, but at least she usually looks tidied up.”
“Exactly! That’s what diverted my attention from Operation Cheese-Pie. She’s acting out of jealousy and shallow emotions!”
“…Again, that’s how she usually is,” you say plainly. “What’s up with the get up?”
She then turns her head behind your group and frowns in disgust.
“That!” she points. Turning around, you see Applejack helping some other ponies set up decorations for the party, but she looks kind of disturbed. The reason being, the hipster guy you kicked earlier following her around, now sporting some freshly bought overalls.
“Yeesh, he recovered quickly,” you say, very disturbed by his resilience.
“Hey, that’s the guy that was leaking blood for Applejack, heh heh,” Greta chuckles.
“Yes that…that thing! He’s…he…” she stammers with a disgusted face, looking like she might vomit. In fact she does.
“AHHHHH!!! WWWHHHYYY???!!!” Ember screams as Cadence loses her lunch at her feet.
“Heh heh, gross.”
“Uh, are you sick?” you ask your cousin as Ember starts wiping her feet on the grass.
“Yes, yes I am Nightshade. Because of that situation!”
“I don’t understand. I know the guy’s a creep and he doesn’t respect personal space, but why’s that got you blowing chunks?” you ask as you watch him following Applejack like a puppy.
“Because that right there is the worst kind of love, and it disgusts me to my core!” she exclaims. “It’s all just unrequited surface level infatuation. It spawns from somepony “loving” another purely based on looks and nothing else. It’s a Mockery!”
…You know, maybe everyone in my family IS insane, you think solemnly.
“Heh heh, hahahahahaa,” Greta just bursts out laughing while Ember soaks her feet in a fountain.
“And not only that, but his very presence has caused that putrid, vile imitation love to double! Rarity right now is throwing all caution to the wind and spreading that same puss of equinity!”
“Okay, I can see that your upset cuz, but maybe we should just go back and make that scrapbook?” you suggest.
“Oh, you can bet your bits we will make that scrapbook…but first, I must fix this!” she says as she starts to make a beeline towards Trenderhoof and Applejack, only to be tackled to the side by Rarity.
Ello Calebero’s Comment
“Princess Cadence! It’s a gol darn good thing I finded ya’ll,” she says in a very bad southern accent. “I needs ya to help me wit some love magics!”
“Never! I Would Rather Die!” she exclaims as she starts to try and wrestle the messy fashionista off of her. Greta, still high on laughter, just rolls on the ground at this display, while Ember full on heats up the fountain water to clean herself better.
“…Maybe Ember was right, and this day is a bust,” you mutter as even more madness takes place.
“But ahm rustic and charming, just like he wants it!” Rarity argues as she holds Cadence in a headlock.
"Guuuuuurrrrrrrrrrrrrrrl!!!! You know that mane-style doesn't go with that outfit! In fact, it doesn't go with anything at all!" your cousin sasses as she flies them into a wall.
“If Discord wasn’t still sick, I’d think he was behind this,” you say as Rarity and Cadence get tangled in some streamers. “But seriously, can this day get any weirder?”
And even as you say that…
Down With Chrysalis’s Comment
WARGAMES’s Comment
Changer T Emerald’s Comment
“I hear the call of the weird!” an exuberant male voice says from behind you. Looking back, you spy that Cheese Sandwich guy from earlier, sprouting his poncho and hat again.
“Oh, hey it’s you,” you say tiredly and look back at the fight.
“That’s right, it’s me, Cheese Sandwich…what’s your name little filly?” he asks.
“Nightshade,” you answer with a sigh.
“Awww, what’s with that frown? Are those wrestling mares bringing you down?” he asks sympathetically.
“A little bit,” you admit. “I mean, don’t get me wrong a part of me thinks it’s hilarious that McStabFlank is getting suplexed-“
“YAGH!” she grunts out on cue.
“But I had a tiring day yesterday and it’s not helping.”
Cheese Sandwich looks from you, to the wrestling mares and back as he frowns.
“Well, far be it from me to leave you with a frown that big on such a fun day,” he says as he reaches under his cloak and pulls out…
“Is…is that a Junk Jet?” you ask in surprise at the familiar looking contraption.
“Junk Jet? Nah, this is my party nuke launcher,” he says gleefully.
“What’s a pa-“
“WHO WANTS A PARTY NUKE?!!!” he shouts at the top of his lungs and launches a grapefruit sized capsule at Cadence and Rarity as a mysterious guitar rift is heard. The two mares both have a moment of panic right before the orb hits them, and a rainbow mushroom cloud appears all around them.
“Ha ha! This is Mandatory Fun time ponies!” he says triumphantly while your jaw is still dropped.
“W-What did you just…?” you stammer as the dust clears, and suddenly you see Cadence and Rarity now surrounded by pool noodles, and blow up punching gloves line all of their hooves.
“I nerfed their little squabble, and now it’s kid friendly. After all, it’s Nerf or Nuthin!” he says giving you a bright smile. Sure enough, Rarity continues to try to get Cadence to use her magic on Trenderhoof, but now there’s no chance of them actually getting hurt.
“That’s…pretty funny actually,” you admit as you start to giggle and you hear Greta howling.
“Then I guess that little side job is complete,” he says with a tip of his hat. “The plans for Rainbow Dash’s Birthiversary are going swimmingly, so there’s time for a little break. You wanna know what’s better than a nerf battle?”
“What?” he asks.
“A GROUP NERF BATTLE!” he shouts as he launches more party nukes. “With guest musical track!”
And with that, he pulls out his accordion and begins playing as several kids and a few adults start having a foam sword battle. He then begins singing about having a polka face and how he has no idea what he's even singing about.
As more and more ponies start to have fun, you even see Greta and Ember pulled into it. Applejack takes the distraction to get away from Trenderhoof who is caught up in the sea of soft foam weapons.
You look at Cheese Sandwich as he plays his instrument and sings with almost limitless energy.
Wow, this guy…he’s like if someling took all of Daddy’s craziness and stuffed it into one pony, you think in awe. Yet somehow he’s tamer than both him and Pinkie combined. Also, he did this just because he thought I was feeling down…
And with that thought, you can’t help but feel that maybe Cadence has a point about the guy being good husbando material for Pinkie Pie.
Speaking of your newest revealed relative…
“CHEESE SANDWICH!!!” her voice echoes over the music, cutting it off and causing the nerf war to halt. You look to see her perched on a rooftop dramatically as she looks down upon him.
“Pinkie Pie?” he asks taken aback.
“First you take away the party planning from me, but now you seek to turn my own kin against me?!” she accuses as her mane blows in the wind.
“Uhhh, what?” Cheese asks.
“I Challenge you to a Goof Off!!!” she roars.
And suddenly, like that, everyone around you gasps in horror and surprise as the cowboy just narrows his eyes at her.
“Very well then…”
“Uhhh, what’s a Goof Off?” you ask raising your hoof.
An Hour and One Explanation Later
You are now standing with a miffed Cadence, along with Ember and the still giggling Greta with many other ponies in the center of town. Apparently Pinkie and Cheese will compete with a bunch of singing and prop gags to take home the prize of Super Duper Party Pony, and be in charge of the party planning for Rainbow Dash.
“Hmmph, if this competition gets ugly, then the relationship might sour before it even begins,” Cadence grumbles, looking between Pinkie and Cheese.
“I’m starting to think Discord messed with you before you met us this morning,” you roll your eyes as you walk over to Pinkie Pie who is setting up all her props.
Kersey475’s Comment
“Hey Pinkie?”
“Yes my newest and top five favoritist cousin?” she says turning to you.
“Uh, look, I really don’t think you have to go through with this. Cheese wasn’t trying to turn me on you, he was just trying to cheer me up.”
“That’s what they want you to think,” she says with shifty eyes again as she pats your mane and you sigh.
“Alright, if you’re so sure,” you shrug. “But do you need any help?”
“Just your cheers from the sideline,” she smiles brightly.
“Are you sure?” you push. “I mean, we are family, and no matter how much I like the guy, I could sabotage some of his stuff.”
“Nah, there’s no need. I’ll win this fair and square,” she says as she cracks her neck.
“…Alright, but like, maybe you should really reconsider?” you ask nervously. “Because, I…kind of sorta already messed with one of his party devices.”
And because the world runs on comedic timing…
*BOOM*
“BWAGH!”
You see the stage prop you’d tinkered explode, sending Cheese’s rubber chicken rocketing at Trenderhoof, hitting him in the head and knocking him out.
You see Applejack let out a sigh of relief at that as Cheese just looks at the event perplexed.
“Huh, guess the guy said something to tick Boneless off,” he shrugs.
You then see Rarity, sneak through the crowd and reach out to the unconscious stallion and begin to drag him off.
“OH NO YOU DON’T!” Cadence shouts from behind you. You hear a flash of magic, and suddenly you see her teleport behind Rarity and slap her hooves off of him.
“Oh Come On!” Rarity shrieks.
“Hee hee, oh that Rarity,” Pinkie chuckles as she puts a hoof on your back. “But seriously kiddo, no more sabotage okay?”
“Yeah, alright,” you pout as you walk back to Emerald and Greta.
“I’ll ask one more time, can I PLEASE have a jar of laughter?” Ember begs.
“NO!” you scold as the clock ticks closer and closer to noon.
“She’s right you know? Huffing laughter can lead to a ruined life,” a croaky voice says from beside you. Turning you are surprised to see a still blue Discord in a wheelchair, with a medical mask over his mouth and a blanket covering his legs.
“Discord, what are you doing out of bed?” you ask.
“Twilight said she had to officiate a goof off, and I sure wasn’t going to miss that for anything,” he says with a sniffle.
“I really wish you would, you’re really heavy” comes Spike’s voice as he walks from behind his wheelchair, “Hey Nightshade, Ember and Greta.”
“Hi Spike!” you say enthusiastically.
“Yo Spike,” Ember answers as well as Greta laughs in greeting. “Say, since you’re here can you tell us what the deal is with Guy’s special water fountains?”
“Huh?” he says taken aback.
“Shhh, it’s starting,” Discord shushes with a cough, pointing towards the center. As the clock strikes noon, Pinkie and Cheese slowly walk towards one another with purpose.
“Well, let’s see what fresh set of insanity is in store now,” you say under your breath.
WHAT DO YOU DO?
