-Canterlot, Prance Prance Revolution Nightclub, Jade-
“So really, I want to provide for them in my own way like they are willing to provide for me. Love is considered a two-way street, but when it comes to a herd it’s more like a crossing where everyone can come together at the center for a time to love and be loved. Also it requires patience, which I admittedly test often enough, while treating each other as equals.” The disco beat was nice and the dragon fruit juice was good. The oddest thing about this party club is that it had mares and stallions dancing around poles, sometime two ponies were on one pole at a time. I just didn’t feel like dancing and was chatting with Flotsam at a booth as we watched our companions on the dance floor. “Would you look at those two go? Last five songs and they still can’t determine a winner between them.”
Paprika and Sweetcakes were really challenging each other. It was Paprika’s frenetic and boundless energy versus Sweetcakes grace and flow. It was beautiful to watch the two work the crowd as hardly anyone else was dancing when they were too busy watching the alpaca and the kitsune cut the floor into so many pieces.
“Yeah, it’s like they’re dancing machines.” Agreed Sammy as she sipped her own drink. “So the relationships you have is just that easy for you?”
“Not really, I still have to a put of lot of effort into it. It’s not all cuddles and snuggles, there’s also staying fit and healthy for them, making sure to keep their lives interesting and I want to make them smile. Seeing Fizzy smile and her eyes filled with joy is a breath of fresh air.” Considering our livelihoods, some traveling with Jacky would be fun and profitable. I still wanted to travel the world and Jacky has already seen too many places without me. “It’s hard to not make them sad when I keep getting injured the way I do, but I’m not exactly super cow Arizona with a hide tough enough to bounce swords off of. I’d die for them, I’d rather live for them and I would almost do anything they could ask of me… except put on a dress. They could actually talk me into getting pregnant, but no dress will ever befoul my body!”
“Fresh air is about all I can breathe… my gills are entirely useless, except when someone is trying to choke me by my mouth and nose. I want things to work about between me and Twist, not going to stop being a pirate for anything though. Your sister is amazingly generous with each crews share.” Which would explain why Flotsam was paying for the drinks and snacks, she had plenty of money from the adventures she got into. The fact that Jacky can hold onto any treasure long enough to pay her crew surprises me to no end with how unlucky she was. Not that her crew needed money to stick around, but they did need it to buy food and some materials for new balloons or minor repair work. “So have we worked up enough of an alibi yet?”
“Not yet, let a few more ponies get a bit more salt lick in them.” The plan was relatively simple tonight and I really just wanted to Spitfire to chase me again, but she kept refusing to do so. I am sad kitty about that, but I can at least hope to get Shining Armor chasing me tonight. Twilight was getting support from the Crystal Empire until the Royal Guard could get back into order. So I had a thing for running from angry people, I’d like to see the world try and sue me with Maries around. “Most of them will be too dry to remember when we came in or when we leave, but they’ll remember that we were here.”
“Sounds good enough to me, I personally don’t have an interest in salt lick or alcohol. Though my captain does make drinking tempting...” Flotsam took a sip of her strawberry and kiwi juice. “So how are we doing the heist?”
“We get through the gate, go up to the door and…” Waiting until my companion took a drink, I finished my answer. “We knock on it to ask to be let inside to steal things.”
She spewed her drink, she coughed a lot and sputtered fruit juice everywhere.
“What?! That’s your genius, incredibly convoluted plan to have a fun bachelorette night!” Why do you seem so surprised Flotsam? I grinned at her. “Jacky says you’d make a ridiculous plan. You’re known for not do anything normal and you had me thinking you had something huge planned.”
“It’s clearly not normal though.” The look I was receiving right now was completely deadpan. “I mean, how many people do you suppose do something as honest as asking if you can rob them blind and expect it to possibly succeed?”
“You expect to just waltz up to a door, knock on it and ask the ponies that live there if you can steal from the house?” Nodding to Sammy, that was generally what we were going to do. “Fine, we’ll do it that way, this is your plan for the night after all. Let’s call the girls over to finish this food first though, also can we get some refills?”
A waiter came up to the table and sat down a mass of fries dripping with cheese, four forks were provided for cleaner eating of the mass made from at least three large potatoes. There were also a fish tacos for Sweetcakes and me, while Paprika and Flotsam were having fancy salads. This nightclub was plenty snazzy, but not too overly snazzy or too high class.
This place wasn’t too expensive and it was too low class for nobles, I knew how to pick a good spot to try.
“Of course.” The stallion stated as he turned to walk away.
“Hey Pappy, Sweets, the food has arrived!” The two twirled their way to the table and struck a pose much to the amusement of their audience before they sat down. “Maybe we should do this again when I feel like actually dancing, but I can honestly say that I love the atmosphere of this place.”
Paprika nodded, Flotsam hummed loudly as she chewed through some of the platter of cheesy fries we were sharing and as for Sweetcakes...
“I am honored Jade, that you ask me to join you, the night is still young.” Sweetcakes gave us a cheerful smile as she flicked her tails happily.
“Wait until we really get into the thick of things, we’ll see how honored you are by the end of it.” All the vixen did was quirk an eye at my response.
-Later, noble target’s house-
“Open gate like so.” I just pushed it open and the girls followed up the path to the house. “Walk up to do the door and...”
Paprika took the initiative before I could and knocked on the door with seven familiar notes, five quick notes and then two slow notes.
Soon the door opened and a butler type stallion poked his head out to look at us.
“Yes, may I assist you this evening ladies?” The stallion politely stated.
“My friend, the Abyssinian here, wants to raid, pillage, plunder and otherwise pilfer her weasel-y black guts out on this home for whatever reason. She’s a rogue sun priestess, I’m a pirate, that’s a relatively mischievous kitsune and this here is our lovable friend who's a hug monster to everyone.” The stallion just stares at Flotsam for a moment, she decided to add on to the completely nuts statement. “We’re being honest and upfront with our intentions, also it’s the cat’s bachelorette night and we’re indulging her a bit much to ask such a thing of you. May we come in?”
“Very good madam, you can come in and take whatever you feel like. Can I offer you any food or drink while you are at it? Mayhaps a place to rest for an hour or two?” The stallion was pretty easy going as he pulled the door wide opened and stepped aside. “I would ask that you please exit by morning as the stallion of the house will be back by then and it would be terribly dreadful for a bunch of ladies like you to be stuck under the same roof as him.”
“Seriously?!” Flotsam stated in confusion as I sauntered on by her with my nose in the air in a regal manner.
“No, we’ve had plenty to eat and drink already, we’ve just come from the nearby Prance Prance Revolution nightclub to give us an alibi for the night in case anyone asks where we were when it comes to stealing from this place.” I said plainly and upfront, the stallion didn’t even bat an eye about me working on an alibi. “I suppose you’ll stay quiet about this then?”
“Of course I will madam….” He rolled his hoof to me in a friendly manner.
“Jade the bachelorette they are partying with tonight, the one that wants to snuggle you is Paprika, the one that is curious as to why you’re letting us in through the front door is Sweetcakes and the completely flummoxed one is Flotsam.” He nodded to me introducing my friends for the evening and bowed to us while holding a hoof out in an accepting manner. I walked on by into the house. “So where does the stallion keep his bits?”
The stallion butler couldn’t answer as he was being hugged tightly by Paprika in an affectionate manner, while she’d hug everyone in the same manner she previously did… she was saving her more special hugs for Arizona and Velvet. She eventually put him down when he turned a little blue in the face.
“Very good Lady Paprika, you can choke an Ursa Major with that kind of strength. If you see fit to give me another hug, then I would be remiss to deny you.” What a ridiculously polite stallion, must have the patience of a saint given who he works for.
Sweetcakes just wanders on in looking at all the fancy stuff we could steal.
“Wait a minute… what’s the catch to all this?” Of course Flotsam was still sitting outside the door and was completely suspicious of what was happening here. “You’re just letting a bunch of self-admitted ne’er-do-wells into this house!”
“Well, there is one… no matter how much money you steal, you really can’t bankrupt the stallion of the house.” What the stallion said next made my ears shoot straight up in attention. “No matter how much I honestly wished you could. I am contracted to him as long as he can keep paying me… but he just simply never runs out of money.”
“That’s impossible, especially from what I know of the guy…” I took on a thinking pose. “I may not be a math expert, but the guy does not strike me as frugal. He might have some decent diplomacy skills from what I’ve heard though, but not enough to warrant the ability to replace this entire house even if we steal the nails that holds anything down and then everything else.”
“I would have thought so too, but I still work for him to this day.” This butler was a really nice guy, I liked him. “So steal to your hearts content, but he’ll get it back somehow.”
“Wait… are you implying that this has been done before?” Flotsam asked as she slithered into the foyer and allowed the butler to close the door behind her.
“Yes, indeed Lady Flotsam, multiple times in fact.” Okay, suspicion meter is rising and the butler had my interest. “Everything stolen, it is quickly replaced in a manner of days. His funds always seem to be at a steady number.”
“Well this sounds like a good challenge then!” I wanted to ruin this stallion so badly, I just had to find the method to whatever was keeping him in good money. “I’m sure I could figure out how he’s doing this.”
“Many before you have tried, none have been successful Madam Jade. He does nothing illegal and his nose is entirely spotless… in a manner of speaking.” Only spotless unless you consider the fact that nobody has infinite amounts of money and funding to replace everything expensive in this house more than once.
“Hmm… tell me, do his funds ever go below a certain point Mister…” I trailed off and waited for him to give me a name. There was something exceedingly suspicious about what the stallion just told me.
“I am Patient Decorum Madam Jade, it is quite nice to meet you and you can call me Pat.” Pat the blue eyed, pale green furred, butler answered. He bowed his slick backed grey mane towards me. “His funds tend to stay quite steady. They neither increase nor lower by too much in variance, but his spending habits are quite extravagant. It is a rather big mystery is it not?”
“Can you get me a single solitary bit that you know belongs to him personally?” I asked.
“Of course, right away, please take a seat and I will be back with the coin you wish to purloin… though I am quite puzzled as to why you are only asking for one.” Pat sauntered off and went upstairs.
We all took a comfy seat in the foyer.
“I take it you have a hunch?” Glancing at Flotsam, I nodded.
Paprika made several gestures to me and I considered what she was asking.
“Well if I’m right Paprika, then a single bit will be all we’ll need to commit one of the biggest ‘perfect’ heists in the world.” That nearly answered what she had asked, I soon provided something more substantial. “I honestly think everyone has been entirely wrong about the owner of this mansion, everyone thinks he’s an egotistical narcissistic idiot. Egotistical, yes, narcisstic, very, but an idiot? I’d actually be horrified to both find out how wrong everyone has been, because I think... he might have come up with something genius.”
“Who owns this house anyway?” Well now, that’s the question isn’t it Flotsam.
“I’ll tell you if my hunch proves to be as horrifying as I think it is.” There was a hope in my heart, please don’t let that hope in my heart die and my hunch be completely wrong.
“Here you go Madam Jade, a single bit.” Pat said as he place it in my left hand, I studied the bit furiously with my eyes.
By all rights it looked like a normal bit, nothing seemed off with it at all. I then tried to sustain it with my magical alchemy, but nothing happened and it wouldn’t accept my attempt. There was only one reason why that happened.
Oh my freaking goodness… I… I think… I might finally have something on the guy.
The comeuppance was neigh!
“Sweetcakes… magic sight, look at this coin with it and tell me exactly what you see.” If I’m right, then his cutie mark and special talent has everything to do with this.
“There is magic there, subtle and rather unfair, steals back the unearned?” Sweetcakes, was there glee in my eyes? I think there was glee in my eyes.
“We’ll bankrupt him by the end of this night with this one coin!” I stated proudly.
“Please do.” Pat answered dryly.