“What are you dragging me to your portal for, Twilight?” Anon asked, sighing. Twilight looked back at him with a wide grin. Her hair was frazzled and unkempt. Anon silently broke into a squee and fought every urge to hug her like a stuffed animal. It was getting harder since he started those lessons a few weeks ago. He really started to settle into the cute chaos that made up his everyday life.
“Okay, first, don’t be mad.” Twilight prefaced. Anon raised an eyebrow. “I maybe told Spike to sneak away from your phone for a while, but it was so I could surprise you!” Anon sighed, now understanding why Spike needed to borrow his camera for “something”, as he put it.
“Okay, you got it.” Anon accepted he’d been bamboozled. “Now, what’s the surprise?” Twilight trotted to the mirror portal and magically manipulated numerous parts as she explained.
“Well, I was practicing new spells with Starlight when I realized there I could use a spell that returns an object to its owner in conjunction with a time spell. By using the two spells, I can send your phone back in time.”
“Wait.” Anon interrupted. “Why send my phone back in time?”
“I’m glad you asked!” Twilight exclaimed, rolling out a chalkboard and drew as she explained. “You see, time and space are intrinsically connected. When you move back in time, you also move in space. They are relative to one another. So, if we send your phone back in time, it will also move to where it was in that position in time. If I then use the mirror portal to locate your cellular device, it can connect you back to your home!” She shoved the chalkboard and lit up her horn, activating the machine.
“Okay, Einstein.” Anon scoffed. “That sounds like a bunch of fake science in conjunction with bullshit magic. You can’t possibly expect this to work, right? I mean, if it was that easy-“ Anon was interrupted by the portal suddenly exploding with light as the portal activated suddenly. Anon had to shield his eyes in defense. Twilight meanwhile kept her eyes glued to the process with bated breath. After a while, the portal slowly dimmed. Anon opened one eye, curious if he had gone blind.
What Anon saw left him in disbelief. Reflected back at him wasn’t his image. It was his phone. Sitting on a charger within his dorm room. The room was still. That was, until Twilight started jumping for joy.
“I did it!” Twilight screamed, pronking about like Pinkie would. “I’ve mastered the power of inter-dimensional travel! Just wait until Starswirl hears about this!” She faced Anon, eyes wide with excitement and discovery. She had expected that Anon would be baffled, sputtering to understand how something so crazy would actually work. Instead, she saw that Anon still stood with a frown and a stare of disbelief still.
“Anon?” She asked, tempering her emotions. “Is everything okay?” Anon seemed to have awakened from a deep thought.
“Oh, uh, yeah.” Anon’s voice was much lower than it usually was, as if he was still in thought. “Um, do you know what happens if I go through that.” Twilight put a hoof to her chin.
“I...don’t know.” Twilight finally answered. “The statue at Canterlot High was the gateway for Sunset Shimmer. It had some rules, such as closing for 30 moons at a time. I don’t know what is serving as the gateway now, or if it has similar rules.”
“So,” Anon started, then hesitated. Twilight was beginning to see Anon’s face contort in thought. “If I pass through, I may not be able to come back?”
There was nothing but silence for a moment.
“Anon, I’m...I’m sorry.” Twilight stared at the ground. “I thought you would’ve wanted to know as soon as possible. You don’t have to go right now!”
“I know, I know.” Anon answered defensively. “It’s just...Eh, nevermind.”
“No, Anon.” Twilight stood a little straighter. “Something’s clearly on your mind. You can tell me.”
Anon looked back at the portal, a portal to home. The feeling Anon felt reminded him of that French term he learned. L'appel du vide, the call of the void. The inexplicable impulse to walk into traffic or jump off a ledge, for no discernible reason. Anon could see himself forcing himself through, consequences be damned. He felt his hand suddenly pressed against something heavenly soft. He looked down to see Twilight’s mane under his hand. She looked up at him. Her face, though alien, was somber.
“Anon. We’re friends, right?” She asked.
That was the last thing Anon remembered. The next conscious thought was him laying in bed, staring blankly at nothing. He assumed he did something dramatic, like pulled his hand away, backed away slowly, then ran away. Or, maybe he just excused himself to the bathroom and left, betraying her trust. Anon didn’t care to really think about it.
“Well, this is most curious.” A voice echoed around him. Anon shot out of bed, grabbing his bat at the side of his bed. “This usually never works.”
“Yo, I got a bat and I’m in a bad mood. That’s a recipe for making bad decisions.” Anon declared, readying to swing at the omnipresent voice.
“Fear not, Anonymous!” The voice called out. Anon tried to pinpoint whose it could be, but failed to come up with any. “I have come to ease thy fears, upon my sister’s request.”
“Sister?” Anon asked, before he noticed the room around him shimmering. The walls began to fall around him, revealing a vast and infinite void. Something churned in Anon’s stomach, so he went to sit back on his bed...only to fall on his ass. It didn’t hurt however, as he couldn’t really feel any sensation. He looked up to the sky and saw a moon hovering over him, impossibly close, yet equally as far. “Oh what is this bullshit?”
“I assure thou, there is no bovine stool here.” A voice called from the moon. A figure descended from the glowing orb down to the same plane that Anon sat dumbfounded. Before him was a horse that looked eerily similar to Celestia, only smaller and a dark blue. “I am Princess Luna. We have met before, haven’t we?”
“Yeah, that meeting from way back.” Anon recalled, laying down completely on the floor. “Honestly, I try to forget about that whole thing. Wasn’t my proudest moment.” Luna sat beside Anon, conjuring a set of pillows for both of them to rest upon.
“You are a difficult one to get a hold of.” Luna commented. “Since that night, I have tried to contact thou through the realm of dreams. However, I find that thou’s unique mind is difficult to enter by means of magic. Thou is quite resistant.”
“Are you really going to keep saying thou, and only thou?” Anon deadpanned. Luna chuckled.
“Ah, it was fun while it lasted!” She remarked, dropping the old language and accompanying accent. “So, Anonymous, why is thou-I mean, why are you so down.”
“How can you tell what I’m feeling?” Anon sat up on his elbows. “As you said, you shouldn’t even be here.”
“Indeed.” Luna agreed. “Yet, here I am at last. I could always sense a darkness within your mind. Ever persistent it was. Perhaps it is that same darkness that has allowed me to enter, driving so low as to drop your magical defenses.”
“You don’t actually know, do you?” Anon glared.
“Indeed, I do not. It is mere conjecture.” Luna scooted closer to Anon. “Still, I wish to help you. Celestia worries for her pupils and you are no different.” Anon huffed and turned on his tide, showing his back to the alicorn.
“She won’t have to worry long. I’m going back home soon.” Anon answered.
“Does this bother you?” Luna teleported to face him again.
“I’ve got nothing more to say.” Anon rolled over again. Luna sighed.
“She warned me of this, you know.” Luna stood back up onto her legs.
“That’s very responsible of her.” Anon retorted. “Look, I’m not in the mood for any more lessons. Far as I can tell, school’s out. I’m done.”
Luna stood over Anon as he continued to lie silently, patiently waiting for the alicorn princess to give up and cut her losses. However, Anon his patience short as he groaned and stood up. Instead of facing her, he walked away from her toward the unknown edges of the void.
“Where do you hope to go, Anonymous?” Luna called out to him.
“Anywhere but here!” Anon shouted back defiantly. He kept walking. And walking. And walking. After what felt like hours, he turned around, only to see Luna in the same spot she was in.
“Do you know where we are, Anonymous?” Luna asked him.
“Not in Kansas?” Anon asked sarcastically. “How the hell would I know?!”
“We are in that darkness in your mind.” Luna explained. “Usually, I find myself walking in the dreams of other ponies. In their dreams, I see what they fear, what they like, what they aspire to be.”
“You’re point?” Anon tapped his foot on the ethereal ground.”
“We are supposed to be in your dream, Anonymous.” Luna continued. “However, there is nothing here. You are not dreaming. Everything is shrouded in darkness, like a blanket laid over your entire world.”
“Yeah. News flash.” Anon began walking back to Luna. “Humans sometimes don’t have dreams. Dreams aren’t some “gateway to the soul” or some mystical shit. They are an attempt by your brain to exercise it’s basic functions such as problem solving, memory consolidation and emotional regulation. Since you’re using your horse magic to invade my brain, I’m not doing any of that, am I?”
“So, what do you believe is happening then?” Luna asks.
“I’ll tell ya’ and it’s the same reason you weren’t invading sooner.” Anon started to pace. “I don’t belong here! I don’t follow the same rules as you do. I can’t fly and I can’t use magic. I was never supposed to be here, so you’re magic was never supposed to work!”
Luna noticed that as Anon talked, something began to push up against her flank. It felt like a wall, but it wasn’t one that she could see.
“So, yeah. That’s why it doesn’t work. It’s also why I have to go. Who knows what’s gonna happen if I stay? Maybe nothing! Maybe I’ll actually live a stress free life, you know? With friends that, while annoying, give me something that I never felt at home! I never had something like what I had here and now I have to go back? It’s not fair!”
The invisible walls continued to close in, pushing the two closer together. Although Anonymous was none the wiser.
“Do you even know what it’s like over there? For someone like me? I could be sitting in a cafe and someone tells me I have to leave. I could be driving down the street and be pulled over on suspicion of a drug charge. I could be arguing with someone and they decide to threaten the police on me in order to run me off. I could be applying for a job and turned down just for what I look like! I could be robbed for my possessions just for being at the wrong place at the wrong time! I could be shot, stabbed, heartbroken, ran over, raped, starved, abandoned, lied to, beaten, manipulated, anything you could imagine! And I would have no control over that.”
The walls had boxed them in, leaving them no room to move. Anon slid down one of the walls, looking down dejectedly and tired.
“Equestria is a utopia by comparison. You may have the odd villain, but from what I see, there is no war. There is no famine. There is no oppression. Anything bad that happens, you ponies seem to have an answer. You have control over everything in your lives and can ensure a future for not just yourselves, but everyone. You love unconditionally. There is no reason that I should’ve been here and no reason any of you should’ve cared.”
Anon tried to stifle it, rubbing his eyes and squeezing them close. But he couldn’t stop it. The tears fell and he broke completely. Anon cried.
“I don’t want to go home!”
It had been a solid half hour. Luna sat beside Anonymous and wrapped a wing around him. Anon, in turn, embraced Luna. He had been bawling into her barrel, muffling his cries in her chest. Anon felt weak and it only made him cry out harder. He felt pathetic, that he had succumbed to such a world, so sugary and saccharine.
This wasn’t home. It couldn’t be home. This wasn’t where his family was. As much as he loathed everything about home, it wasn’t like he could just run from it, could he? Even if he were to run away and stay here, why should he be the one who gets to leave all that behind. There were plenty on Earth who suffered, arguably more than him. So why does he get to be the one pulled into paradise.
As each thought raced through his mind, Anon could faintly hear something slowly growing in his ears. The more he focused, suppressing his thoughts in the process, the more he could make out what it was. It was a lullaby. Anon could tell it was Ponish, but it was also something much older. It was hypnotizing and Anon couldn’t help but listen. Even the world’s music held sway over him and though he tried to fight against and wallow further in his pity, the lullaby would not let him. Luna’s beautiful voice began to echo through the void.
Anon’s grip on Luna lessened as he relaxed, listening to the alien tune. The crying had stopped, but the sniffling did not. Regardless, Anon felt better than he had before. He was of course lying in Luna’s soft fur and her feathered wings had wrapped around him so gently. Anon’s eyelids loosened, no longer held tightly. His breath became more measured, the hyperventilating having ceased. Soon, Anon was nothing more than a sleepy child in the arms of their mother. It was only then Luna stopped singing and spoke.
“I, too, know what it”s like to be alone.” She whispered. “The Equestria you see must be such a lovely place, but I’m afraid it only exists in your dreams. We have our share of hardship. We’ve had emperors who enslaved entire kingdoms, ages of chaos and disharmony. There was even a time where there were such things as prejudice. One may argue that even now, us ponies still hold them. Even I have done things that I still regret to this day, Anonymous.”
As Luna spoke, she stroked Anon’s body with her wing. He unconsciously nuzzled against her, submitting to the pampering.
“That is why friendship is so important. To ground ourselves and look at things for what they are, as well as what they can be.” Luna looked down to Anon, who still frowned. “Celestia is proud of you, you know? The girls often write about you and your eccentricities, but more importantly, your successes. You make her feel that she is still capable of teaching as she once had. And I can say that she has done a fine job with you, as I can see.” That was enough to get Anon to blush and grunt disapprovingly, to which Luna chuckled.
“That doesn’t change the fact that I don’t want to go…” Anon admitted.
“Why do you think you have been tasked to learn friendship?” Luna asks, using a wing to lift Anon’s face toward hers. Anon averted his eyes anyways.
“To better integrate with pony society, I guess.” Anon answered, to which Luna shook her head.
“You speak ill of your world.” Luna responded. “If you are so frustrated with how it works, don’t you think you should change it.” Anon attempted to push off of Luna, but instead only drew himself deeper into her softness.
“Greater men than I have tried to change the world and failed, at least in my eyes.” Anon mumbled. Luna chuckled again.
“I do not mean the world at large, Anonymous.” Luna again tried to make Anon look at her. This time, he complied. “I mean your world. Friendship need not die here, Anonymous. You have shown yourself capable of forging connections with those who you have said have no reason to connect with you. If you can do that, surely you can find friends back home. Those friends will ground you, inspire you, and yes, at times annoy you. But, once you find them, and you will find them, the darkness will leave your mind. And when it comes back and threatens to claim you again, your friends will still be there to love you and drive it away, again and again.”
Anon remained silent, taking in her words like a breath of fresh air. He pulled himself off her barrel and smiled at her, sadly but still warm. He returned his appreciation with an ear scratch, to which Luna happily accepted with a giggle. Anon’s smile briefly fell as one thought still cling to him, weighing him down.
“But why me?” He asked. “Why was I the one who ended up here in Equestria? There are so many other people who deserve this more than I.”
“Perhaps you are asking the wrong question.” Luna suggested. “Instead of asking “Why you?”, is it not better to ask “Why not you?” Anon was about to protest, before a hoof was pressed to his lips.
“Life is unpredictable, no matter the world you come from.” Luna continued. “Perhaps there is a greater purpose and perhaps there is not. Why would these things matter? What I think matters is that you enjoy this opportunity. It matters not if you deserve it, it matters what you do with it.”
Luna again wrapped Anon in a hug. Anon hugged back, accepting the embrace one last time. Anon felt as though a burden had been lifted, if only temporarily. That didn’t matter right now, Anon could see that. This hug was something to enjoy for the moment.
“I believe it is about time I go.” Luna announced, unwrapping her wings and standing. Anon silently mourned the end of the hug, but stood up as well, meeting her gaze. “I still have a night shift to work and you have a visitor.”
“Wait, a visitor?” Anon asked. Just then, he heard that all too familiar sound.
Knock, knock, knock.
Anon lurched up in panic, frantically looking around the room. He was, in fact, in his room in Ponyville. He sighed in relief, then puzzled himself on how he could’ve been asleep when he felt so awake and lucid. The continued knocking soon broke that train of thought and forced him out of bed. He quickly dressed himself and answered the door.
“Sup, Anonymous!” Spike greeted him, short and round as ever.
“Sup?” Anon repeated. “Who the hell taught you to say “Sup?”
“Uh, you did?” Spike answered, puzzled that he had to at all. Anon scratched the back of his neck.
“Oh, uh, yeah.” He awkwardly responded. “Guess that means I’m rubbing off on you, huh?”
“For better and worse.” Spike replied with a cheeky grin. Anon shot him a look, only to find himself smiling. Spike gasped before coughing into his fist. “Oh yeah, before I forget. The girls wanted me to come and get you for that welcome party Pinkie planned for you.” Anon thought about the irony of a welcome party being thrown so close to him potentially leaving and frowned a little.
“Oh, and when is that?” Anon asked cautiously.
“Oh, not for a couple hours.” Spike answered, waving a hand dismissively.
“Then why are you here, Spike?” Anon asked, growing a little agitated. To this, Spike dug at the floor with his foot. Anon finally noticed that Spike’s hands were behind his back, holding something. Spike saw that Anon was looking and pulled from behind him a stack of comic books, rolled together.
“Well, I was just thinking,” Spike started, seemingly embarrassed. “Maybe we can, I dunno, read a couple comics together? I mean, we never did get to rid them that night you visited Twilight.” Spike looked up at Anon with hopeful eyes, sparkling in the same way the ponies do. Anon shook his head and sigh.
“I wonder if you’re sometimes more pony than dragon.” Anon replied. Spike’s smile began to fade as he heard the statement. He turned and tried to walk away, only to be suddenly picked up by Anonymous and placed on his shoulders. “That only makes you more of a damned sweetheart. Let’s finish a couple issues.”
“Alright!” Spike cheered, pumping a fist in the air. The two shared a fist bump.
“You know, I’ve been thinking.” Anon said, as he prepared the close the door. “I think it’s about time I give you a gift of my own, Spike.”
Spike tilted his head. “And what would that be?”
“Well…” Anon grinned a devilish grin. “Let me tell you about a little thing called an N-Word Pass!”
Anon’s Friendship Lessons
Final Grade? Equivalent to the quality of this fanfic.