Celestia listened in awe as Sunset spoke of a different Equestria where she ruled as Princess and everything seemed perfect. Unfortunately, her awe was short-lived, giving way to horror as Sunset began to talk about her past, from how she had been an orphaned filly up to the events that led to her arriving in this world.
“So not only have I failed Luna as a sister, I’ve also failed you as a mother.” Celestia’s eyes were sad as she spoke. Sunset’s eyes widened.
“A…A mother?” Celestia tilted her head.
“Was that not what I was to you in that world? From what I gathered, in that world, you’re my adopted daughter, are you not?” Sunset blinked.
“N-Not officially. I mean, you took me in, but only as your personal student.” Celestia frowned.
“That’s ridiculous. I wouldn’t have introduced my secret cake stash to anypony, student or not, and if I really did share it with you, it could only be because you’re a pony I trust and care a lot for.” Sunset looked down.
“You never said anything like that to me.” She said softly.
“And I should have.” Celestia said as she gently lifted Sunset’s head with her hoof. “There were many things that the Celestia you know did wrong, things she could’ve done right but didn’t. And I must apologise to you for that, Sunset Shimmer. Counterpart or not, it was inexcusable for me to have done that to you.” Sunset shut her eyes tightly as all her hurt and sorrow from her past returned.
“Then why did you do that to me?” She asked softly. “Why did you take me in, but didn’t spend any time with me outside of lessons? Why did you allow Princess Cadance to call you ‘Auntie’, but wouldn’t allow me to address you by anything other than ‘Princess’ or ‘Celestia’? Why did you readily give hugs to other ponies, but flinched away every time I tried to hug you? Why did you keep the distance between us even when you could see so clearly that I wanted you by my side? Was it because I wasn’t strong enough? Was it because I wasn’t a Princess? Was I not worthy of your love, your attention, your time? If I wasn’t worth anything to you, then why did you take me in and planted false hope in me that there was at least one pony who honestly cared about me?” Celestia felt herself tear up as the pony who had seemed far more mature than her suddenly turned into a little filly who had grown up lacking love from the pony she needed it from the most.
“I’m not her, so I can’t be entirely sure. But listen to me, Sunset.” She said as she pulled Sunset into a warm hug. “If she’s me, then the only reason I could think of for why she would treat you so strictly was because she saw that you were becoming the pony she once was, the pony who didn’t treasure friendship and lost everything as a result, and she didn’t want that same tragic fate to befall you. And I believe she had wanted and tried to do the right thing, but she was too scared.”
“Scared?” Sunset sniffled as she pulled back, looking up at Celestia. “Of what?” Celestia’s smile turned saddened.
“Of growing too close to you, and then losing you.” Sunset’s eyes widened as she began to understand.
“Just like how you lost Princess Luna?” Celestia nodded.
“It’s said that time heals all wounds, but unfortunately, a thousand moons apart only served to deepen my wounds.” She looked up, a tear escaping her closed eyes. “The new castle in your world was most likely an attempt to move on and forget, rather than being a replacement for the old damaged one. I tried to move on and forget as well, a thousand moons ago.” Sunset listened as Celestia spoke, draping her wing over her. “Luna had always been there in my life. I couldn’t talk about any part of my past without mentioning her. When I lost her that night, it felt like I lost a part of me as well. I was confused and lost without her, and I was hurting from what I did to her. For the first few decades after I fled, I couldn’t bear to even think of her. Everything hurt, and there were times when I went days, perhaps even weeks, just not thinking about anything at all. I was just wandering around aimlessly. And then, one night, as I was raising the moon…”
FLASHBACK
Celestia stared at the giant burning orb in the sky with dulled eyes. It was routine, her body just moved on its own.
Raise the sun. Wait. Lower the sun. Raise the moon. Wait. Lower the moon.
“You must lower the Moon! It is your duty!” Celestia gasped as she stepped back.
“W-What was that?” It sounded so familiar… Who was I talking to? Her eyes widened as she looked up at the moon she had just raised, a duty that once belonged to another. How could I have forgotten? Her eyes watered, her gaze softening as she kept it fixated on the moon. Luna…
END OF FLASHBACK
“It was the reason I came back.” She admitted. “We Alicorns live long lives. Even if it was only for a second, the fact is that I had forgotten about Luna.” Tears welled up anew in her eyes. “The thought of forgetting her, a pony who had been by my side since as long as I could remember, terrified me so much that before I knew it, I was flying back here at full speed. And then, from there, I only continued to spiral downwards, unable to pull myself up. I grew desperate and started to obsessively try various different ways to bring Luna back. I even tried to use the Elements of Harmony to bring her back, but I could no longer wield the elements.” She hung her head in shame. “When I realised that it was hopeless, I lost my mind. In my grief and despair, I stomped on the Elements and even crushed them with my teeth until they were nothing more than particles. I screamed and cried for days. The grief and guilt I felt was just too much for me to bear. And at some point, I considered…” Sunset nodded in understanding, catching on quickly to what she was implying.
“I understand. I was the same way too, for a while after I was old enough to understand that I didn’t have any parents like the other ponies. I was miserable and felt unwanted. Being taken into the orphanage only to meet such treatment just made things worse. I felt like I was all alone in the world and then I started to feel as if my life l was meaningless. I was alive for nothing and the orphanage was just wasting their time and efforts on a burden like me. I thought the world would be better without me. So I…” Sunset clamped her mouth shut, closing her eyes as she drew in a deep breath to compose herself. “It was one of the darkest times in my life.” Celestia bit her lips.
“How did- How did you get over it?” She asked softly. “What changed?” Sunset offered her a small smile.
“I met you, or rather, Princess Celestia.” Celestia looked at her in shock.
“The Princess? B-But I thought meeting her only made things worse!” Sunset shook her head.
“She was the first pony to ever show genuine care and concern for me. She showed me the little joys in life, like cakes.” She winked at that, making Celestia slip up a small chuckle. “She helped me believe that life was worth living, and that I was not a burden. Even if she did make mistakes in how she raised me afterwards, it doesn’t change the fact that she saved my life in more ways than one. It was because of her that I met her, Princess Cadance, and everypony in this world; my friends, Princess Luna, and you. Princess Luna was right. There’s no point in dwelling on what ifs and what could be. I shouldn’t lament the past. My past is not today. It doesn’t define me.” She stood up, turning to face Celestia. Her eyes were more refined now, no longer hiding uncertainty behind them. “But my past made me who I am today. And I don’t hate the pony I became, despite the mistakes I’ve made.” Celestia found herself staring up at the renewed pony, while she herself remained lying on the floor.
“You’re an amazing pony, Sunset.” She said when she found her voice. “Even after going through such harsh experiences, you’re still able to pick yourself up.” She looked down. “I wish I can say I don’t hate the pony I became like you, but I do.” Her voice was soft and broken as she fought back tears. “I hate the pony I am now. I hate what I did to Luna. I hate that I abandoned my subjects. I hate that I ran away from my responsibilities. I even hate what I did to you in another world. I hate everything I did.” She buried her muzzle in her hooves as she sobbed. “I just wanted Luna back. I didn’t care for anything else, and I hate that part of me too.”
“Well, sometimes, what you want isn’t what you need.” She looked up to see Sunset smiling gently at her. “Alicorn and Princess status aside, you’re a pony too, just like the rest of us.” Sunset’s geode was glowing, encasing her with a soft orange glow as she held out a hoof out to her. “And sometimes, all we need is a friend.”