//------------------------------// // Chapter Seventy Two, Swing and a Misses: Not what they expected. // Story: Airship Mauled // by Darkonshadows //------------------------------// -A week or so later, Canterlot Hotel, shower room, Fizzle- “Why do we have to bathe in the shower?” Jade mumbled sleepily. I was dragging the naked Abyssinian into the bathroom, I had just woken up and we had a long day ahead of us. “One, to wake you up. Two, we need to be presentable today.” I tossed her in the tub and she whined. “Three, cleaning yourself with your tongue is not what I consider presentable.” “Oh, come on, it’s the most feminine thing I do!” Only an Abyssinian like you would consider licking their fur feminine Jade. “Nope, you’re getting scrubbed whether you like it or not.” I was obviously going to hound her today and she had to know this, at least she wasn’t putting up much of a fight. I stepped into the fairly large tub with her. “I’ll brush and comb your hair after I’m done bathing you, because that’s the most feminine thing ‘I’ ever seem do.” “Who cares about being feminine when you’re already naturally beautiful and attractive?” Sitting up, Jade immediately wrapped her arms around my neck and then pressed her face into the left side of it. “Can we at least make this fun Fizzy?” “Maybe a short cuddle wouldn’t…” I let her nuzzle me for a second, but then I felt her snap her mouth over my neck and I could feel her tongue working it over. My tail flicked a bit reflexively and lifted upwards, I could feel my cheeks heating up as her teeth dug into my fur and flesh. I needed to get control of this situation and show Jade she’s being a really bad kitty this morning. As such, the response Jade was going to receive would be less than stellar on my part. I leaned my head to the right a bit while rolling my eyes and then turned my head to the left to sit my chin on top of Jade’s head. I let out a slightly happy sigh, giving Jade a few more seconds of this before I ruined this moment. I calmly lit my horn, within a second a mass of cold water sprayed all over us. I was used to the shock of cold water in the morning, as for the half awake Jade, not so much the case this day. Jade hit the floor of the bathtub mewling having taken the brunt of the sudden blast of water to the face. “That’s so cold of you Fizzy… both in temperature and attitude.” My bed warmer whined, then grinned. “I approve of your coldhearted act wholeheartedly, because I know there is a warm gooey muffin based center to you!” I just gave her a stern look, sighed and turned up the warm water. “Yes, but we need to get ready.” I had to put my hoof down on the shenanigans, especially today given where we were going to be. “So please Jade, don’t do anything to ruin this.” “Me, ruin things, whatever gives you the idea that I would do something like that?” She pretended to be insulted, but I knew Jade better than that. “Why I’m completely appalled that you don’t think I can get away with something like that today without having a completely airtight alibi at the ready!” “Is Jade being a bad kitty?” Asked Marie as slithered into the tub with us and groaned under the steam of the warm water spraying us. “You’re always good with getting the temperature right Fizzy.” “No, I’m being a naughty kitty… there’s a fine distinction between the two my scaly love.” There was a short pause before Jade noticed something. “Hold on, you’re actually separate from your sisters?” “Yes, it’s been known to happen.” Intoned Marie sweetly as she started to wind around the both of us. “Wait, why are you…? Fizzy we’re being…!” Cutting off Jade’s warning, Marie quickly finished coiling around us tightly. She brought Jade and me chest to chest, then flicked both our noses with her tongue. “Hello… mates~.” Mara said with a grin as she grappled me from behind while pressing her muscular chest into my back. “This morning feels like it’s full of opportunities.” Maria said as she curled herself around to Jade’s face and shoved her tongue into Jade’s mouth for a quick passionate kiss. “We should seize the day, because our prey certainly are quite vulnerable right now.” “Ambushed.” Finished a slightly dazed Jade lamely, she proceeded to nuzzle her face into Maria’s fluff. “Love you guys…” We all barely fit in the hotel’s bathtub, but we still had some room to maneuver, with the exception of Mara given her size. “I probably worried too much about you Jade, and clearly not enough about them. I forget that Maries can be as predatory as you are Jade.” Muttering this out loud before I felt Mara’s large tongue enter my mouth to play with my own. The tiger had her entire body wrapped around mine in a way that prevented me from getting out of this predicament. “However, I’m still going to blame Jade for this. Even if she is the guiding light of our hearts.” “Sounds fair.” The three chimeric constituents said as one. “Can we get this over with? I don’t want to waste all this hot water.” Well Jade broke relatively fast and knew when to cut her losses. “Maria, can you get my back please?” Maria grabbed the soap and started to do as Jade asked, while Marie released her hold on us. “I supposed you want to bathe me too Mara?” I felt some shampoo squirt into my mane and a pair of large, yet surprisingly gentle, paws started to knead my mane pleasant. “Yep, good clean fun… what a way to start of the day. At least this will make things quicker and then we can get in breakfast.” “Just one more reason to do this quickly.” Sighed Jade with a fond smile on her face, her green hair hanging below her should and clinging to her fur as the warm water dripped off of her. We were all fairly distracted for the next thirty minutes. -A few hours later, hallway, Jade- Well this wasn’t nerve wracking at all, because watching Rarity fuss and moan over every little detail like this was her own wedding was getting me a little nervous too. At least her dress was appropriate for today’s events. “Seriously darling, a dress would really look nice with your figure.” Giving Rarity a scathing glare as she returned her attention from wedding planning to me, I was going to tell her exactly how I felt about her needling me constantly to wear one for this occasion. “Rarity, let me just be clear here. Discord couldn’t get me in a dress, that’s even with chaos magic. So you’re definitely not going to do much better.” I crossed my arms and looked at my tuxedo and skirt combo. “Besides, what I’m wearing looks perfectly feline to me. Can you honestly say that I don’t pull this off?” Rarity opened her mouth to tell me I was wrong, but then closed it. She opened it again a minute later, but then snapped it shut and looked me over with a critical eye. I just stayed silent for about two minutes while she hemmed and hawed. “Okay, admittedly you do pull it off, but have you no shame for not wanting to look exquisite on such and auspicious day as this one or even a little sense of feminine decency?” Finally the bubble keeping Rarity from giving me a response decided to pop. “Nope.” I even popped the ‘P’ when I said it. “I’m plenty feminine enough already when I bathe my fur with my tongue.” “Oh right, cultural differences… which doesn’t make sense given that other Abyssinian females wouldn’t mind wearing nice dresses. Ah, I got it!” She raised a hoof with imaginary stars sparkling in her eyes. “Dress is five letter word, do you know what word also has five letters? The word ‘lover’. If you’re a lover than you must to know how sing like a song bird. If you can sing like a songbird, then you need to make yourself seen as much as heard. So in reality you love dresses more than anything in the world and want to wear one!” “…” I just stare flatly at Rarity, I inhaled and then spoke a rebuttal that took three and a half minutes. ‘Humming Birds’, ‘Rice Pudding’, ‘Spatula’, ‘Hornets’, ‘Honey Syrup’, ‘Paprika’, ‘Puffer Fish’, ‘Fork’, ‘Pinkie Pie’, ‘A Hayburger’, ‘a garden rake’, ‘Celestia’s training toilet is teddy bear themed’ and ‘Sextant’ were the various words I used in my bouncing return argument. Said words were used, in that very given order no less, to turn Rarity’s completely failed attempt at faulty logic entirely back on her with even worse logic. I had her so confused after I finished saying everything. -Eight minutes later- “How did you do that? I look awful wearing two dresses at the same time!” Cried Rarity as she was now wearing two dresses, one on top of the other, in a completely ridiculous manner. One dress was on backwards and the other was put on inside out and upside down. “What happened to the perfect use of my insane logic? How did you even convince me that this was a good idea?!” I stood off to the side with a smirk on my face still wearing my tuxedo and skirt with my hands in my pockets. “I’m simply better at crazy logic than you are Rarity.” Proclaiming this proudly, I turned and begin to walk away from Rarity humming to myself with a bright cheeky grin on my face. As I sauntered away with added a sway in my hips and my tail flicked in victory against Miss ‘wear a dress’ herself. “Nice attempt at getting nowhere. Oh and you might want to wear a third dress as a hat.” “No, I will not stop in my efforts to…” Rarity stumbled back when I suddenly turned and pointed at her. “Rarity, keep pushing this and I will plan to destroy the world just because you can’t take ‘no’ for an answer.” I stared into her very soul with my eyes. “I absolutely mean it, I can and will destroy the world if you push me to do so.” “She’s not kidding, she will do it and has the capacity too.” Sekhet said as she sauntered by us wearing a really nice looking Egyptian style regalia for the wedding. “Your mom is coming and it’s about to start Jade.” Rarity swallowed loudly and opened her mouth to say something, but we were interrupted. “Jaded it’s time, we need you to be ready and serious!” Smiling at mom, I nodded and continued to sashay away from Rarity with my head high in the air. Walk like an anugyptian, because I was an honorary one once upon a time. I even tossed my yoyo down once and then brought it back up to look at it, I stared at the images in the wood that were repaired by a lot of magical effort and then pocketed it. I’m surprised Fizzy and several other unicorns managed to get every single splinter and managed to reform it. I just wanted the image of Marie in a top hat back. -Wedding Hall- I entered and walk down the row and stood at the ready, the waiting was making me nervous as I clasped my hands in front of myself. The room was packed with both friends and family, there was a tension in the air. Weddings were quite magical in this world, in the most literal sense you can imagine. The signal was shot to the player and then the ‘Wedding Aisle March’ started playing, which was better known as ‘Here Comes the Bride’. How earth ponies continue to play pianos successfully, much less any ragtime with hooves, I will never be able to figure out and it’s going to bug me for the rest of my life. I spotted something beyond the doors before they closed, I turned to Baast and raised my right hand showing her all my fingers. I closed my hand into fist and then extended and swirled my index finger towards the ceiling. Baast narrowed her eyes and nodded as she turned to address the hall. “Is there any reason why they shouldn’t be wed!” Baast stated loudly having been given my signal. The friends and family looked a little confused until four stallions burst into the hall. “I’ll tell you why, for we the Quarrelsome Quartet… wait a tick… this isn’t your wedding is it Jaded?” Teatime looked utterly flummoxed to see Maud and Mud Briar at the altar, I was standing off to the side of Maud. Behind Teatime was a multitude of combat ready clockwork golems. “Oh come on, you can remember my sisters name, but you can’t remember mine!” Jacky yelled indignantly from her seat next to Gene with Gavin in her lap. “I want to say your name is… uh… Nemesis?” Teatime received the most scathing glare Jacky could give him. She stood up while growling angrily. “Sit down.” Maud stated clearly in the same monotone she’s known for, Jacky immediately did so. “Mud Briar, can you give me two hours to settle this issue?” “Why of course, technically it will only take you an hour, but two hours is really plentiful.” Mud Briar answered without a second thought, Maud then turned to her sister. “Can you…” Maud started only for Pinkie to get in front of her face. “Already set the catering back for one hour and thirty minutes, my Pinkie Sense said it was needed.” Pinkie replied amiably to her sister. “Also, I’ll pass out some snacks that aren’t messy while you’re busy with the trouble makers." “Everyone… excuse me.” Maud started walking back down the aisle in her wonderful wedding dress, all while staring at the four completely dead stallions. After she pushed them out the way of the doors, she closed them behind her. -One hour and forty minutes later, outside- I was witness to it… if there was one thing I shouldn’t have done, it was go outside to see if Maud was alright. On a distant mountain Teatime’s airship was in five large pieces and tons of smaller ones as well, the streets were strewn with destroyed golem parts and mangled royal guards. Half the city was on fire and I was both horrified and intrigued by what I had just witnessed. Teatime and his ilk didn’t even touch the royal guards, it was all Maud’s doing. She mangled everything that so much as hinted that it was going to stop her from getting married today. Maud calmly turned around and walked away from a flagpole towards me, at the top of it was the Quarrelsome Quartet all tied together, beaten, bloodied, bruised and every one of their body parts twisting in weird angles. I slowly turned my gaze back to Maud who slowly walked down the street as an explosion went off behind her. She held out her right hoof and her familiar, Boulder, fell from the sky to land in it. Maud’s wedding dress was immaculate, she hadn’t been touched by a single thing the entire time and she didn’t even break a sweat. “Tell them to start up again.” Maud stated plainly. I entered the wedding hall. “Do not… go out there!” I was clearly horrified.