Foalhood, huh? Oh... well, I never had that spectacular of a foal hood...
...You flatter me.
Fine. I guess there was this one time.
Even before I was accepted into Celestia's School for Gifted Unicorns, I had an admittedly unhealthy love of books. I mean, how could anypony not love books? They are the foundation of knowledge! They are the sole sources of wisdom from the past! Besides Celestia and Luna, of course. Anyway, Cadence had brought me to the Canterlot Archives after I had begged her for the past two hours...
Ugh. Fine. There maaaay have also been a promise of trapping Shiny in the house with her in the future. Something about his nerdy board games and a toilet malfunction. Well that's besides the point.
As I was doing my usual rounds of patrolling the Archives for books that I had yet to read, an anomaly caught my eye. A stray tome was sticking out like a sore hoof from the otherwise pristine river of spines that lined the shelves. Here’s the worst part. It was SIDEWAYS. I still remember the horror and disgust I took upon my face when I regarded that nightmare. Surely it must have been an accident. Surely. I mean, it would take a special type of ruffian to have absolutely NO care for the Archive's orderly system. What if a pony wanted to acquire more knowledge, but was denied of such because of this CRIME against ponykind! Said pony would have missed out on such BEAUTIFUL, SWEET, GLORIOUS-
Sorry. I'm getting off tracked.
ANYway, like any good citizen would have, I levitated the book out of its place and replaced the book in its rightful place. Of course, I made to sure to organize it by the Archive's formal system: author's last name, then the date published, then the magical difficulty, then the age recommendations, then the amount of words, THEN it's melting temperature -
Right. You get it. In my blinding anger, I marched straight over to the Archive's librarian, Dusty Pages. I demanded to see the Archive's check-out logs to make sure that the returner of that book received retribution. As I was the holder of the Archive's Best Returning Book Record award for four years straight, Dusty allowed me to view the logs. Looking back now, the only reason I believe she allowed me to see the logs was because she didn't suspect that a filly could have done anything with them.
Dusty's decision is still ranked in my Worst Decisions Ever Made By Ponykind record list.
She also wasn't prepared for the utter anguish in my voice as I screamed as loud as my filly voice would allow me to. And to be clear, this is the only time I have and will ever scream in a library. It pains me to this day to think of all of the blossoming minds that I disrupted that day with my scream. With a flourish of anger, I spun around and immediately started galloping out the tall ornate doors of the Archives. As I ran, I ignored the curses of irritation that rang out around me. I'm sure they were all prepared to give me one of their multitude of "high and mighty" speeches. Pesky nobles.
No, Celestia did not tell me to say that.
There was only one thing on my rage-driven mind. Well, actually there were two. One thought was that of complete betrayal and despair and the other was devising a fit punishment for the offender. I barely realized I had reached the Sparkle Estate and almost missed it in my fury. The large oak door of the three-story villa stood no chance against my magic. In fact, I didn't notice until later that the splintered door had been blasted straight off of it's hinges. I barged straight into Shining's room and tackled him straight to the ground.
I like to convince myself that I did, of course. In reality, it was probably equivalent to Fluttershy bucking an apple tree- to say the least, he didn't even move.
By now you could have probably guessed who did the foul deed. Yup, Shining Armor, Prince of the Crystal Empire. Not then, of course. He barely had the nerve to ask Cadence out at that time. I had to cast seven barrier wards upon the room that they confessed to each other in. I still dread to look back on the work that was required on my part to get those two lovebirds together. The roses, the not-so-subtle hints I dropped when Cadence foalsat me, the constant charts and graphs I had to create to convince them that their relationship had a infinitesimally small chance of failure, the absolutely HORRENDOUS-
In hindsight, I think I may have contributed to Shining’s deadly fear of graphs.
My point is that Shiny was not exactly brave in terms of stallion bravery. However, I never expected him to run from his own little sister. Even though the look that I had on my face at that time could kill, as soon as he saw me, he BOLTED. I don't believe I have ever seen my brother move faster- perhaps even topping that time I threatened his Ogres collection with magical flames. I never even had the time to even give him a piece of my mind about the book! I came to a conclusion that he must have known about his transgression. I turned to chase after him when my muzzle suddenly collided with a pink foreleg. Wait a fat second.
Yes, I just said that. My fear at that time must’ve been at an all-time-high.
I didn't even have to look up to know that Cadence was mad. I mean, there probably could have been fire shooting through the tip of her horn! She was panting like a dog. Sweat dripped down her face and her multicolored mane was a mess. Her face however, I wish I had a camera for that moment, resembled one of AJ’s apples. If I had to choose a moment in my life where I was most concerned for the wellbeing of my health, it was that moment. Then it hit me like a ton of bricks. Shining hadn't run because of ME.
It was because of this red- sorry, pink alicorn that was standing behind me. I was screwed the moment my hoof exited the front entrance of the Archives.
It is to my displeasure that I must report that Shiny did not receive the punishment he deserved that day. Instead, I was given a stern lecture about how I shouldn't run off without telling an adult, then I had to apologize to the everypony that was in the library that day. I was fine with all of this. After all, making any noise in a LIBRARY over twenty decibels should be considered a federal crime. What if the noise caused disrupted the brainwave of a pony that, in the future, may have invented the most BRILLIANT inventions ever but nowitdoesnthappenbecausethey- Sorry, sorry. I mean, you can't blame me right? I used to run a library.
You've never met Rainbow Dash have you? Yes, apparently certain VERY special ponies can make noises so loud that they break windows. Then again, Rainbow never needed the guise of loud noise to break one of my windows.
Regardless, I wasn't too upset over those punishments. However, Cadence decided that I also owed apologies to all of those stuck-up nobles that were "disturbed" by my escapade. I mean, please, their noses are so high in the air they probably didn't even FEEL me passing them.
That doesn't make sense? Hmph. That’s exactly the same words that Cadence said to me when I explained to her why I shouldn’t have to apologize to those nobles. In the end however, her authority trumped mine so I attempted to make the “apologies” as sardonic as possible. I think a few of them may have even reached a level that matched Cadence’s previous anger. In hindsight, I regret that I did not throw more snark into the apologies. I mean, they couldn’t have done anything to me; even though those nobles rivaled the stank of Cloudsdale’s sewerage system. They wouldn’t hurt an innocent wittle filly would they???
… You’re right. They probably would. In truth, it was probably Cadence’s title of Princess that saved my flank.
Anyway, that’s that. This probably summarizes the entirety of my foalhoad until I was accepted as Celestia’s personal protege. Thanks for coming to our monthly Princess Story Time. It has been a pleasure speaking to you. Next week is Luna’s turn.
Yeah, I’m sure it’ll be fun. Just remember to stay away from the topic of video games. Dear Celestia, once she starts, she won’t stop talking. She’s like Pinkie, but her voice can shatter eardrums when she gets excited.
You know, this talk reminded me of something: Shiny never received his punishment for his crime. Perhaps a few changelings in his closet would suit him well...