//------------------------------// // The freshest filly // Story: The Seventh Sense // by LikeaSir //------------------------------// Real shame, that. I'd grown quite attached to my gentleman's sausage over the years. Could be worse, I suppose. I could've burst. I may not be dead, but it's quite hard to maintain a level head when your body suddenly isn't the one you've spent your entire life growing up in. Gone were my hitherto elegant limbs - replaced by four squat, fluffy little powder pink marshmallows. My head felt heavy and strangely cumbersome - sat on a neck that was definitely longer than the one I was used to. a lilac wave of hair; my mane, I presumed, tumbled down across my face and partially obscured my vision. I even had a bloody tail. I swished it experimentally, whilst Kiwi tittered and 'awwwwed' at me, still ruffling my mane. "Twilight?" "Hmm?" "I would very much like to abscond the fuck out of here before the crazy doctor turns me into something worse than a horse. I don't want to end up as a... a sea cucumber or something." "Oooh, don't worry! Your morphic field has already adjusted to the local context. Very appropriately, I might add. Besides that, there's no thaumic buildup left in you. Couldn't change you again even if I wanted to." Kiwi paused for a moment, staring at me with a slowly widening grin crossing her features. "You are just the CUTEST, aren't you?! Yuh! Yuh, you are!" She squealed, pouncing on me, and redoubling her ruffling efforts. "What do you even mean, you absolute nutter?" I struggled against Kiwi's onslaught, desperately patting my mane down before she noogied it into an irretrievably tangled mess. "Well, you were a horrible baboon, you are now a pegasus. Thaumic science, raw magic, and probably some of your uhh... weird baboon desires? That, is all it took! W-what were you thinking about, by the way? When you were in the crucible?" "...weird baboon thoughts? Kiwi, I was thinking about how great it must be to have wings! To fly! How the hell is that weird?! Are you seriously trying to tell me that a-all... this, is MY fault?! I squeaked, gesturing at my dumb pink self. "Yuh! Well, sort of? You really should've kept a clear head in there..." "Uhuh? Ooookay... so, you're... you're actually SERIOUS. How are you even finding the presence of mind to argue this?! I mean, is it even legal to just uuh... pegasusify someone?" Kiwi stomped a teeny hoof, and glared reproachfully at me. "Well yuh! I saved your life! And YOU'RE the one that wanted to fly! Don't blame ME for the wings! Besides..." she said, flouncing over to her beloved crucible, and patting its door. "You should be thankful nothing bad happened." "N-NOTHING BAD? I literally don't have a DICK any more! What the hell is your definition of 'bad'?!" "Ooookay! Okay!" Twilight simpered, sliding in between me and the increasingly irate Kiwi "Thank you Kiwi, but we really must be going! Come on Mister Bab-uum..." "Oh, just call me Frankenstein's Monster, Twilight..." I grumbled, staring daggers at Doctor Kiwi. "Frankenstein's Monster and I really must be going! Thankyoukiwigoodbye!" Twilight's voice teetered wildly on the edge of mania. "Y'know Twilight, I was actually joking when I said 'call me franke- The world went temporarily purple -nsteins'..." Oh. Great. Another teleport. I've had just about enough magic for one day. I glared angrily about at Twilight's library. "You could've at least given me the time to call Kiwi out on her medical malpractise? She turned me into a horse you know, Twilight... I didn't ask for that." Twilight ignored me. Her attention focussed instead on the... oh. The very irate Applejack. And look! An equally furious Big Mac, a very lachrimonious Braeburn, and to top it all off a worried looking blue pegasus. The four of them stood (well, three stood, one hovered) in the library's doorway, eyes fixed on Twilight. "Whut were you thinkin' Twi?" Applejack's voice was dangerously calm. "Ya coulda' killed Braeburn. I know he's uuh... somethin' of an idiot, Twi" Applejack continues, patting the crying Braeburn on his back. "But he's mah idiot. He's family. And if it weren't for Rainbow-" "Hah! If it weren't for me, you'd be a murderer!" The blue pegasus (presumably Rainbow) obnoxiously chimed, interrupting Applejack. "I caught the big doof as he soared past me on his way to Canterlot." Rainbow landed, and carefully struck a suitably condescending pose. "I know, I know... I'm awesome. No need to thank me, Twilight. Just doing my job." She beamed, clearly awaiting some form of praise for her efforts. A few seconds elapsed before it became clear that praise was not forthcoming - Rainbow unleashed the poutiest pout I've ever witnessed. "Y-you ain't gotta go throwin' ponies T-Twahlahuuuuuuuh... uuuuh..." whimpered Braeburn, his voice faltered, mouth flapping uselessly as he locked eyes with his erstwhile tormentor. Twilight's eyes glittered with cold, amethyst menace. "You and your repulsive tobacco habit nearly destroyed an ancient volume on the founding principles of alchemical magic. The only one of its kind. It was over three hundred years old." Twilight burned with an intensity that absolutely wilted Braeburn, he all but shrivelled under her gaze. Well shit. Twilight is quite possibly the most murderous combination of violence, magic and purple I have ever seen. She's something between a miracle worker, and a natural disaster. Braeburn, the absolute lunatic, has the gall to come and piss her off? The balls on that pony... Applejack's face fell as she let out a guttural honk of pure terror, and scrabbled at Braeburn in an effort to get him moving. Apparently she's witnessed enough of Twilight's booklust to know what happens next, I suppose. "Ah'm sorry Twi! Ah didn't realise, Ah, uuh.... uhhhh!! He never told me! Ah'll uhh, take him away. Ah'll take him away! No need to lose your uuh... temper darlin'." Twilight's eyes were on fire now. I don't mean that figuratively. No seriously, they were on actual fucking FIRE. "TEMPER?!" bellowed Twilight, taking step after intimidating step towards Applejack, who pummeled more desperately than ever at Braeburn's shoulder, screaming herself horse hoarse at him, in a bid to get him up and running. "Hey!" said a quiet voice behind me, diverting my attention away from the magic murderhorse. A claw dropped gently onto my shoulder as I turned to face Spike's nervous features. "Want some pancakes?" he continued, as Twilight levitated a table, and continued stalking towards her prey. "We'd umm... best stay out of this one..." came his nervous voice again, as I was ushered into the kitchen. "She'll cool off, eventually. She just... needs a bit of time, is all." By the look of things, she'd require quite a lot of time to cool her head. The table clearly had not been enough for her, as she had by now added at least three beds, one wardrobe, a toilet seat, most of a bicycle, and (to preserve her dignity) an item I shall deign to describe only as 'distinct' and 'unmentionable', to her levitation spell. Witnessing the final item flopping menacingly in Twilight's magical grasp, Braeburn got the message, and went pelting off towards the town centre, with Applejack in hot pursuit. Twilight careered after them with a feral howl, assorted clutter rattling behind her in a sparkly purple mist. Well... that was a spectacle, and no mistake. I gathered myself for a moment, and gave Spike the coolest smile I could muster. "I uuh... Yeah mate, please! Pancakes sound wonderful right about now."