Dear Twibitch,
Well things could be worse I suppose but I'm still pissed over losing the spa twins to Starbitch's precious, ass-kissing protege but recently we had some crazy shit go down here in Ponyville. These saucer shaped things landed in the middle of town and then these bipedal freaks came out of them. I decided to go approach the damn things and they were asking for you and Starlight. Now I know a bit about them and what happened after your sorry ass ascended so I told them that you two became recolors of your bitchy mother hoping that they would leave me alone.
Now that was a fucking mistake because they suddenly wanted me, ewww....gross! The bastards groped me, told me that they loved me and even said that they wanted to marry me since you're a fucking Mary Sue now. I tried to use my magic to blast them away but all I was able to do was get a few sparks out of my horn I was so freaked out. But then, like she always fucking does, Bright Beam came rushing out of the school and unleashed her magic on them. It wasn't long until they got back in their saucers and took off but Bright Beam just had to be a showoff and blast them out of the sky. Now many ponies may think she was fucked up but I know you'll love her for it because they died in the crash and she was dancing around their remains shouting something about how they fucked with the wrong planet or some shit like that.
And of course after that she went back to her cushy job and after that went to the spa and did who knows what with those slutty spa twins. *shudders* I probably don't even want to know given what a deviant she is. Oh well, fuck finishing this letter. I'm going to go and try to initiate Bunny Girl.
Upset,
Luster Dawn
Luster,
Seriously, you mean to tell me that those freaky things actually exist and aren't just a creation of comic books? Well shit, I was really hoping they didn't exist and even if they did, that they'd never find a way to Equestria. Well I would like to thank you for telling them that Starlight and I are just like our mother so they'll leave us alone. Now I do find it funny that they suddenly wanted you! You know Luster, you should have just put out for them because so far, outside of Diamond Tiara, nopony would ever want you. Hell I may find a way to summon more of them solely so that they can come and stalk you some more.
I know you are bitching about this but I'm betting you were secretly loving all that attention those things were giving you. Now why the hell they'd want you is beyond me but hey, it beats them wanting Bright Beam right? Speaking of Bright Beam, I am very happy that she took care of them. This reminds me so much of how things were before we became Goddess-Queens. Starlight would always outshine me and now it is a matter of her protege outshining mine. I suppose I shouldn't be surprised though. Bright Beam came from a working class family while you are nothing more than the foal of rich scum.
Well I must get going because Starlight and I are having a cake delivered to us and I really don't want her eating all of it....now of course we'll have each other for dessert! Maybe one day if you're lucky Diamond Tiara or Bunny Tracks will be your dessert but I wouldn't count on it. In closing, "Damn it sucks to be you!"
Disappointed in you (Again),
Goddess-Queen Twilight Sparkle