"Oh yuh? Good! I had a feeling you might." Kiwi grinned, flashing her fangs at me and looking tremendously self satisfied.
"Just... what's the worst that can happen, Kiwi? I-if I burst? How bad will it be?"
"AH! Now, this is where the Thaumic science comes into play" Kiwi puffed herself up to her full, wholly unimpressive height in preparation for the delivery of exposition. "You're stuck between two Thaumic planes, yuh? Two realities, if you will. Smashing you in the Crucible will overload one of these planes in an explosion of raw Thaumic energy. Hopefully uuh... it won't be this end that explodes. Anyway, with only one plane left to you, there will be no more polarisation. Fixed! See?"
Twilight (clearly feeling left out) chose this moment to jump in, eager to deliver some exposition of her own. "O-oh! I think I understand now? You are a...a DOORWAY between planes! I think you may have 'disappeared' Spike across that link? A-and, I think it's that link that dragged you here! The raw Thaumic energy in you. It's wild and umm... unprocessed? It only becomes 'magic' when chanelled via a magic capable creature into a spell effect. It must be your... crazy magic baboon thoughts that compelled it into action? Hey tha-"
"SKREEEE" um... scree'd Kiwi, flopping her teeny bat wings, an expression of absolute horror on her face. "Crazy baboon thoughts?! Y-you questioned reality, Baboon! Didn't you?! Don't do it again! Raw thaumic energy - raw 'magic' it bends what's real to make new truths. Reality gets VERY STRANGE when you question it!"
"Strange? You serious Kiwi? What's stranger than magi-?!"
"STOP!!" screeched Twlight "T-that's exactly what she means! And questioning magic itself?! That could... could dispel every enchantment in this city! Particularly whilst you're just brimming with raw Thaums!"
"Yuh!" Kiwi scree'd, furiously, stomping about the lab on tiny angry hooves. "It's magic holding Canterlot onto the side of this mountain, you know. Just... just don't think, and we'll all be okay."
"Yes!" agreed Twilight. "You MUST keep a clear mind in the crucible, mister baboon. Don't think of anything. Anything at all! Because if you do, that 'anything' could manifest."
"Ooooookay...? I should uuh... I should go in now then, right?"
"Yuh. Go!" Kiwi swatted me across the arse with a wing. "Lie down in there, and close your eyes!"
'Huh. Ok. No worries.' I thought to myself, as I squeezed through the painfuly small hatchway. 'Zen thoughts. Calm thoughts'. said my mind, as the hatch slammed shot behind me. 'Oh hell... ooooh no... beautiful thoughts! NICE THOUGHTS!' The floor hummed at me, and my skin began to prickle. 'Oooh SHIIIT!! Pretty stuff! Don't explode me! Nice things! Like... like those first glimses of Ponyville? That was beautiful, right? Those soaring pastel pegasi, and their peaceful isolation. The absolute freedom of unfettered flight*SMASH*sweeping through thermals on delicate wings...'
The floor stopped humming, and a moment later, I heard the hatch clang open.
"I-is it over already? Can I open my eyes now?"
My question was answered by a muffled gigglesnort from Dr Kiwi.
"What're you laughing at? Didn't it work?!" I felt around desperately for the hatch, found it, and scrabbled through on all fours.
"...well... yuh? It worked? You didn't explode. Just umm... you look a little different now, is all." I could hear the grin in her voice...
"Oh dear... is it bad? Should I... should I maybe not open my eyes yet, Doctor?"
Kiwi hummed awkwardly.
"N-no? No? I mean yes, maybe?" murmured Twilight. I'm really not sure what I heard in her tone. Might've been concern? I heard hooves tentatively clop towards me.
Bugger this. Can't be too bad, right? I'm having a look.
I opened my eyes. Looked down at myself.
Oh.
Oh dear.
"Hang the fuck about, Kiwi. Why am I pink? Where where my hands? Wh-WHY THE HELL AM I SHORTER THAN YOU?! WHAT HAVE YOU DONE TO ME, YOU LITTLE TURD?" I bellowed, in the voice of a literal goddamn child.
"BWAHAAAAAAHAHAH! You're SO cute!!" Kiwi scree'd, scampering over to me to ruffle my hair.
Or... I guess mane now?
"Twilight, I'm a bloody horse! Nobody told me I'd become a bloody horse!"
"Kiwi did say your morphic frequency would be adjusted to fit the local Thaumic average? I uum... didn't expect you to umm... transform that much? Y-you do make a good pegasus though, if that's any consolation!"
A pegasus... ah... I can't say they didn't warn me. 'no thinking in the crucible' and all that.
"Yuh! You make a good filly too, for that matter!" squealed Kiwi happily, still ruffling my mane.
"You bloody what? A filly?!"
I searched desperately for my wedding vegetable.
It was not there.