Tick
I had my first kiss in the back hallway of a nightclub in Canterlot. It was with a filly who I’d grown up with, then apart from, then close once again. I remember the hot air wafting in from the stage, partly blocked by her body as she hung off of me. Almost before I’d registered what was happening, it was over.
Vinyl pulled away from me quickly, stumbling in her haste for distance. “T-Tavi, I…”
I raised a single hoof and tapped my lips. “You kissed me,” I stated.
“I-I know, but hear me out—” She pulled her sunglasses from where they half hung across her face. All I could see of her eyes was a faint reflection in the dim light.
“You kissed me,” I repeated. It felt like there was a lot more I should be saying, but my brain had ground to a halt on that one detail. “Why?”
She took a moment to compose herself then answered, “because I wanted to.”
“You wanted to?” I repeated back slowly. Somewhere in the back of my head, a voice was screaming that I needed to stop being so dumb or I was going to feel like an idiot later.
“Yeah. I wanted to and I’d like to again.” She spoke calm and evenly, but in the light from the doorway I could just barely see her shaking.
That kicked the rest of my brain into actually working, at least enough to get some time to think. I took a very tiny step backwards and smiled at my friend. “I’m flattered, Vinyl, but I’m not sure—”
“Y-Yeah, totally, sorry.” Vinyl laughed, a little high pitched and brittle and set her glasses back on. “Guess I just got carried away. Show high and all that, y’know?”
I took a step forward now, afraid that I’d offended or hurt her. “Vinyl, I meant that I don’t know—”
She spun around, cutting me off again. “Hey, I gotta go talk to the boss man. Dunno how long it’ll take though, so you don’t have to wait for me. I’ll see you back at school after the break, okay?” With a single half-hearted wave of her hoof, she walked quickly through the backstage and back into the nightclub.
The door slammed shut with a hollow bang. I stood there, blinking, slowly trying to force some order into the chaos of my thoughts. Vinyl wanted to kiss me, and not just the one time. She’d always been a very physical friend, but had never done anything like this.
Did that mean Vinyl had feelings for me, more than just friendship?
I smacked myself in the head, startling one of the club workers walking past me. Of course it did. Ponies didn’t just go around kissing each other for no reason. Just the look on her face before she left should have told me as much. If only she’d stay long enough for me to explain. I cared about her, but not like that. She was my dearest friend,and always would be.
“Miss?” One of the club’s employees had walked over to me. “Are you okay?”
“Yes,” I lied with a smile. “Thank you for asking.”
He smiled back at me. “I’m glad. Now, I know Midnight Oil made an exception for you to be here for P0N3’s show, but…”
I nodded. “Ah, I apologize. I was wrapped up in my thoughts.”
The employee quickly stepped in front of me and held the door for me. I nodded in thanks as I walked through, intent on making my way to the club proper. After ordering a drink I took a seat at the same table Vinyl and I had occupied on our initial visit. From here, I had a perfect vision of both doors that lead from the club’s back hallways into the main room.
I was going to wait for Vinyl and explain myself to her. I was flattered, but not interested in her like that. I wasn’t angry at her, I didn’t see her differently, and I still wanted to be friends.
Drink near at hoof, I settled in to wait.
The next DJ took the stage and started playing, causing a surge of ponies to rush the dance floor in their haste to join the group. With even less ponies out by the tables and bars, it was even easier to keep an eye on the doors, which meant I had to spend less energy glancing around groups of ponies.
With less to do, my mind naturally started thinking again. I’d repeated my plan to myself over and over on the way out, trying to keep myself focused, but I kept slipping back to our kiss in the back. She’d felt so warm, so soft. I felt the blood start rushing to my ears again, just as it had back there, and quickly took a fortifying drink.
The Symphonia that lived in the back of my head cocked her head to gloat. She’d been telling me for months, after all, why hadn’t I realized she wasn’t just joking.
Because her default mode, just like her mother, was teasing. They could both be serious, but only when necessary. If she’d just dropped her silly little one-sided grin I probably would have listened more closely.
Or so I said. If tonight had taught me anything, it was that I wasn’t nearly as observant as I thought I was.
A flash of white and purple coming from the back caught my attention. Vinyl, head held high, had emerged from the back room. I raised my hoof and waved it frantically, knowing there was no way she couldn’t see me. Purple glasses turned my way, and for a moment I thought she wasn’t going to come over. Then, ears drooping at the tip, she slowly trotted over.
“H-Hey, Tavi,” she said, most of the strength missing from her voice. “I said you didn’t have to wait.”
“Sit,” I ordered, pushing an extra drink over to her. “I want to talk to you.”
“Yeah, I figured,” she replied. Vinyl sat, blowing out a sigh as she did so. “Listen—”
“I’m not mad at you,” I started, purposely cutting her off. “I’m not upset either. If anything, I’m flattered, but I don’t think I share your feelings.”
Somehow, she managed to deflate even more. “I figured. Sorry, Tavi, just forget it.”
The unicorn moved to stand. I quickly reached across and grabbed her hoof. “You’re still my best friend, Vinyl, that’s not going to change. I know I may not be the best pony to talk to about this, but if you need to, you can talk to me.”
After a second of wavering, she smiled, the faintest spark of her normal pep returning. “Yeah, alright. I’ll see you at class on Wednesday?”
“Lunch, before,” I countered.
We sat together long enough to finish our drinks, then left. Vinyl kept a little more distance than normal between us on the walk back, but I didn’t blame her. I couldn’t imagine what she was feeling right now. A part of me was a little sad as well, but I couldn’t quite pin down what, or why.
A short walk later we parted. Vinyl didn’t hang around talking, didn’t ask for another sleepover, just continued the trudge to her own dorm building. With a small frown, I walked into my own and headed to my dorm.
I sighed as I walked into the dark apartments, quietly shutting the door behind me. It wasn’t terribly late, but Symphonia had left a little before I did, citing plans with friends, so I wasn’t expecting her to be back yet. I almost wish she was, having something to distract me might be nice.
“How did it go?” a voice called from inside the dorm room. I jumped, surprised, and poked my head around the corner. Symphonia lounged on the couch, turned towards the doorway. She was still dressed up, as she was before leaving, but she’d been home for awhile judging by the scattered snacks. “Why the long face, did Vinyl’s show not go so well?”
“Vinyl kissed me,” I blurted out without thinking. I quickly clamped my hooves over my traitorous mouth.
Symphonia waved a hoof, dismissive. “Congratulations on escaping the closet. I’m so glad you have chosen me to share this with,” she deadpanned.
When I didn’t answer, she sat up. “Octavia, this is the part where you make some snarky comment back, like normal. Silence isn’t part of the normal routine.”
I released my muzzle just enough to whisper. “We really aren’t dating.”
“Really?” she asked, eyes growing wide.
“Really,” I whispered.
“Oh sh—” She quickly scrambled from the couch, practically bounding over it to get to me. She grabbed me gently and pulled me back to the couch. “Why didn’t you say that before?”
“I did,” I shot back as she pushed me into a sitting position. “Multiple times.”
“Well, sure, but I thought you were just…” Symphonia sat next to me. “Whatever, it doesn’t matter. Tell me what happened.”
I told her everything. She asked a few questions here and there, but for the most part just let me talk. When I finished, she nodded.
“I figured something was going on between you two, the way you acted together,” Symphonia said. “But I didn’t realize that you didn’t realize. She’s probably not taking it great, but how are you?”
“Fine,” I lied. Retelling the events of the night had put what happened at the forefront of my mind and it refused to leave.
“Are you though?” Symphonia pressed. “Look, I won’t tell you what to think or feel. But from what I’ve seen Vinyl really cares about you, and you about her. There are enough ponies who think you are dating that there’s a betting pool—”
“There’s a what?” I asked, a little more shrill than I’d have liked.
“Hush, it doesn’t matter, I’m only in ten bits. My point is really only that you should really think before you see Vinyl again. If you only like her as a friend, no problem. But if you might be hiding something more, this could be a good chance.”
“I only like her as a friend,” I said, trying to forget the image of Vinyl’s red eyes drawing closer in slow motion.
Symphonia shrugged. “Alright, guess that’s all there is then. Come on, let’s go get dinner.”
I spent the next several hours with Symphonia, trying to keep busy. As long as I was doing something, I couldn’t really find time to think. Eventually though, it got too late. Symphonia went to bed first. I followed a few minutes later, not really sure what else to do.
For hours I tossed and turned, unable to get comfortable enough to fall asleep. Every time I closed my eyes, I saw some other memory of Vinyl and I. The two of us outside of Hazelblossom’s apartment, and wanting to smack him for being rude to Vinyl. Our first visit to Night-Glo and worrying about her getting stuck in a bad agreement.
Then, I started thinking back to the night she stayed here and the campus movie marathon; to laying there with her hooves around me. It was warm, it was comfortable, it was so terribly confusing. She’d always been clingy, even when we were young. It didn’t mean anything then, why should it be any different now?
But obviously it meant something different now, at least to her. Should it mean something different to me as well?
I buried my head under my pillow, repressing the urge to shout in frustration. Talking to Symphonia had only made me more confused. I wanted to talk with someone else, but this late at night who could I?
A quick glance at my alarm showed it to be well past midnight. The only ponies I was close to on campus were Vinyl - who was out for obvious reasons - and Symphonia, who was herself out like a light. I could take a trip into Canterlot, but I didn’t really feel comfortable talking to Mother or Father about this.
I hadn’t even considered that we were raised like sisters. That just added another layer of weird onto what was already going on. Thanks, brain.
That really only left one option, though. Even though it was pretty late, there was a good chance she was still awake. As quietly as possible I got up and made myself somewhat presentable. I was out of the dorm a few minutes later, moving to hail a carriage to take me to the neighborhood where I grew up.
It was time to talk to Aunt Rosin.