Smolder rapped her knuckles on the frame of the headmare's office door and stuck her head inside.
“Hey, uh, Professor Fluttershy said you wanted to-- whoa.”
The air was full of books, scrolls, and papers, all wrapped in a raspberry pink aura, and all floating past the headmare's desk one after the other. Each one got passed off to Counselor Starlight to either return to the shelves or be sorted into one of several large boxes labeled with things like “legal”, “academic”, and “personal”.
“Tax records: keep here, zoning determination: keep here, student roster: keep here, Deed: take a copy--” A blank scroll floated out of the desk, flashed pink, then parted ways with the original.
“Twilight? Smolder's here.”
“Hmm?” The headmare paused the conga line and peeked past a stack of papers so thick that someone had given up trying to paperclip it properly and just speared it together with the bent wire. “Oh, Smolder, you're right on time! Just a moment!” The floating documents heaped themselves up in the corner behind her desk. “Please, make yourself comfortable. Starlight and I were just getting a head start on some paperwork.”
Smolder shrugged and took her usual seat across the desk from the headmare. Oddly enough, Starlight settled into the chair next to her and flashed her a smile.
“Uh, am I in trouble or something?”
“What? No no, not at all! I'm actually very pleased with how you've been doing in class. Er, for the most part. Some of your grades are a little--”
Starlight cleared her throat.
“--But that's really something I should let the other teachers talk to you about, and isn't why I called you here. I actually wanted to talk to you about the lessons you've been giving Spike.”
Smolder folded her arms. “Is this about the raiding lesson I wanted to do?”
“No, er, well,” Twilight stopped herself for a deep breath. When she started talking again she was much more composed. “Smolder, when we first talked about these lessons, I'd been planning to be a part of all of them. Unfortunately, that's just not going to be practical. I have too much to do to get ready for my coronation and, while I still plan to sit in with you whenever I can, I can't keep putting sessions on hold if Spike is going to have the opportunity to get the most out of your help before we move. Ideally, I'd like to have Spike visit Ponyville when he can to visit friends even after we return to Canterlot, but time is going to be at a premium once that happens.”
“So, you want me to just teach him whenever from now on?”
“Nooot exactly. Spike still has his own responsibilities, after all. I'm just going to leave scheduling time to him from now on. If I can make it I'll join you but, if I can't, then I'll just have to sit that lesson out.”
Smolder nodded cautiously. She had a feeling there was another boulder about to roll. “Sounds good to me.”
A hard bound book floated out of the desk and swooped in front of Smolder's snout. “So, I'd like you draw up a lesson plan!”
And there it was. “A what now?”
Twilight's grin gave no sign she'd picked up on Smolder's lack of joy. “I've already put together a template for you to follow.” The book opened itself to show off the premade forms that filled each page. “The name of the topic, a brief summary of the activities involved, required materials (if any),” Smolder swore she could actually hear the parentheses, “ideal locations, ideal time of day and/or season, estimated duration, risks, related topics, creatures who can assist, and ideal order in which it should be handled!”
Smolder stared blankly at the form. It was more complicated than one of Professor Dash's Wonderbolt stat-sheets.
“Uh…”
“Trust me, it's not as bad as it looks,” Starlight chimed in. “I'm pretty sure Spike and I will end up filling most of that out.”
Smolder shot the Counselor a look between attempts to fend off the book trying to push itself into her claws. “You?”
“That's the other thing,” Twilight continued. “I'd still like you to have some supervision. I firmly believe that there's no difference between any two species that can't be overcome with friendship and understanding, but it's also a fact that ponies are a lot less resilient than dragons in many ways. There are aspects of your daily life that are very, very dangerous to other creatures. Gorge surfing may be a lot of fun for dragons, but I have to cast powerful heat-shielding spells on my friends every time one of them goes to the Dragon Lands just so that they can go near to an exposed lava flow without risking burns or heat stroke. I would really feel a lot better about things if I knew that somepony will be there just to make sure there aren't any accidents or misunderstandings.
“Besides, it's a great opportunity for more ponies to learn about dragons! Once you've got a list of topics you want to cover, you can coordinate with Starlight to make plans with an appropriate observer and to get you whatever you need!”
Smolder finally took hold of the book and glowered down at the empty forms. This was such a pain in the tail. If she'd known it was going to be this annoying to put lessons together she'd… She heaved a smoky sigh. She'd probably still have done it.
“Fine.”
“Great! I really appreciate this, you have no idea what a load off my mind this is. I'll just let you two get started.” Twilight got out of her chair and trotted for the door. “I have a chariot to catch to Canterlot so I can go over some tax law with Celestia. Have fun you two!”
“Good luck!” Starlight called after her. “…Staying awake. So, Smolder, do you want to start now or would you rather schedule an appointment or…?”
“Now's fine, I guess.” Smolder's lip curled as she flipped through page after page of blank lesson plans. “Do I really have to do all this?”
“Nope!” Smolder looked up, confused. The counselor had a relaxed smile on her face which only got wider when she tugged the book out of Smolder's claws. “Honestly, between you, me, and Spike, we can probably get away with filling in most of it as we go along. It'd probably be a good idea for us to at least work out a few to start with, but it's not as though we have to sit down and fill in every last page with every tiny little detail all at once.”
“I still don't get why we need somepony watching our every move,” Smolder grumbled. “I mean, yeah, I was gonna teach him how to melt rocks, but we can't go gorge surfing in a little lava puddle.”
“We're probably worrying about nothing but, well, we're kinda responsible for you while you're here. Not just you, but every single creature inside the school is under our care and protection. If there's an accident with some lava and somepony on the staff or one of the other students gets hurt, it'll be our fault for not preventing it.”
“This is that dumb 'liability' thing that Professor Dash told us about, isn't it? That pony rule that stopped us doing that thing with the thunder clouds and concentrated rainbows in cheer squad?”
“Got it in one. Sometimes coolness has to take a back seat to not destroying the stadium and every creature in it.”
Smolder groaned and slumped lower in her chair. “Fine, we can do the lesson plans.”
“Great!” Starlight levitated a quill and some ink over from the desk and flipped to the first page in the planner. “What should we start with?”
That was a good question. They probably shouldn't start with the lava bowls or the advanced fire breathing lessons until the headmare was convinced that they weren't going to burn the school down. Raiding was out, and hunting was probably going to be a tough fight to win. There was always more to learn about flying and that was pretty safe, maybe a few more lessons about that. Fishing would be good, but needed a lesson or two in tool making to build up to. Actually…
“You know anywhere we can get some flint?”
“Napping?” Spike asked as the pair of them landed on the castle balcony. “Is this about how dragons can sleep for a hundred years?”
Smolder rolled her eyes. Sooner or later she would probably get used to just how much Spike didn't know, but it hadn't failed to surprise her yet. Smolder had settled on the castle balcony for the next lesson once she'd picked the topic. She got tired of being inside all the time at school, but having a pony guest she knew nothing about coming made her think it could probably be someplace “nice” or whatever. She and Spike flew up as soon as classes were done for the day and Ocellus had agreed to take her stuff back to her room for her.
“K-N-A-P-P,” she waved a talon as if to point out each letter. “Knapping. Y'know, making tools out of stone?”
Spike gave her an odd look, one that she couldn't put a finger on. “Dragons are still using stone tools?”
“Stone, metal, things that don't burn when we sneeze. The only wood I know that holds up is Dragon-Sneeze Trees. It's how they spread their seeds or something.”
Spike didn't get a chance to ask whatever question was eating him before the balcony door swung open from the inside.
“Sorry!” Counselor Starlight said as she trotted out into the afternoon sunlight. “We got held up by Pinkie. Maud and I have been friends for ages now, but Pinkie still insists on 'checking in' on-- Er, uh, anyway, come on out!”
It wasn't the first time Smolder had met Maud Pie but she still weirded her out. Pretty much every pony she'd ever met got at least a little nervous when they met her because of the whole “dragon” thing. They'd smile too wide or keep twitching their tails or wings or whatever. Maud was just… there. She didn't smile, she didn't flinch, she barely even blinked. But, according to the guidance counselor at least, she was the pony for rocks in Ponyville.
Maud came to a stop a couple of paces away from the group and leveled her blank eyes on Smolder. She'd actually pulled a small wagon's worth all the way up the flights of stairs to took to reach the balcony by the looks of it. It was a pretty good haul too, even if she didn't have a clue how it'd stayed in the wagon all the way up those stairs. It saved Smolder the days it'd take to scope out the areas outside of town for what she needed, that was for sure. That was something she could teach Spike while they were out doing other stuff.
“Hi.”
“Uh… hey?”
Maud pulled the wagon around and unhitched herself as she spoke. “The local chert deposits are reasonably high quality. They should produce good tools.”
Smolder raised a brow. “What do you know about stone tools?”
There was no telling if Maud was offended by the question or not. She simply reared up and pulled a large, lumpy, off-white rock out of the cart and onto the floor. Her eyes narrowed ever so slightly, studying the misshapen stone critically. Then, without a word, she turned it over, braced one hoof on it to keep it steady, and struck the edge of a lump with the other. A sharp *crack*, and an almost glass-like clatter of shards rang out as a large, flat flake of dark flint split off, perfect for shaping.
“Huh, not bad.”
“Where did you learn to do that?” Starlight asked, somewhat awed by the display.
“It's a hobby.”
Spike bent down to pick the flake up and turn it over in his claws. “Is… that it?”
Smolder snorted. “That's just the start. You bring the hammer stones like I asked for?”
Maud reached into her wagon again, this time unloading a small, wooden box full of smooth stones. “I wasn't sure what to bring. I don't use hammer stones. I don't have claws, either. These are mostly quartzite.”
“That'll work. Pick one out, Spike. Try to find one that fits in your claw that's got a good, smooth side to hit with, then we'll get started.”
A few minutes and explanations of proper stone grip later and the group was seated in a loose circle, each with a rough flake of stone on their lap or on a stubby wooden stool between their forehooves. And it was a group thanks to the counselor not-so-subtly hinting that satisfying Maud's inevitable curiosity about dragon-style rock shaping techniques would be the friendly thing to do back when they'd planned the lesson. She could use the extra credit with how badly her grade in Generosity class had been turning out lately. Professor Rarity really needed to find some fireproof fabric. She'd tried to suggest they bring in some asbestos to sew with but she might as well have suggested using cursed mummy wrappings with the way they'd reacted to that idea.
“So, once you've got your core and your hammer, you can start on shaping it. Right now this thing,” she traced the edge of her plate-sized core with a talon, “is way too blunt. See all this white from the outside on this side of it? We want to get as much of it off as we can until the edge is all black stuff the whole way around.”
Spike turned his own, smaller core over in his claws. “So, do I hit it on the white side to break it off?”
“Other way around. Watch.”
Smolder turned the core dark-side up and braced it firmly against her thigh with one claw while she hefted her hammer-stone in the other.
“You wanna find a spot as close to the edge as possible on the opposite side from what you wanna take stone off of. Somewhere you can get a clean hit, like right here. Line up your hammer, tap once to get your angle down then hit it--” A sharp *crack* and a tinkle of shattered stone rang out. “Like that. See?” She turned the core over to show the newly exposed edge of black on the white side. “This stuff kinda breaks like glass. Now, you try.”
The almost rhythmic tapping and cracking of stone set an off-kilter tempo for conversation the rest of the afternoon. Spike caught onto the technique for making a good edge pretty quick. He only ruined six cores before he got one to start taking the right shape. It was still pretty rough but it'd do the job if he got it finished. It wasn't like she was expecting Spike to be an expert overnight. Knapping took years to get perfect and she wasn't anywhere close to being as good as her big brother. She'd challenge anyone to find her another dragon who could shape a set of drums with nothing but stones, fire, and his own claws. Besides, once you got the basics, knapping was really just about practice. It also kept your claws busy and that meant it was a good way to pass the time while she filled him in on some of the smaller details of survival.
“But, yeah, timberwolves are easy: just blow some fire at them and fly away. They won't go more than a mile outside the forest before they turn back. Oh, hold onto that flake, Spike, it'll make a good scraper later. Watch out when it rains though. Whatever magical wood they're made of holds up against fire better than you'd expect after it soaks up a ton of rainwater, and they know it.” She punctuated her warning with a sharp *thwack* on her stone. “They're only scared of it when they're dry.”
Starlight swept a few shards of stone away from her hooves and levitated her most recent attempt for scrutiny. “Applejack told me they don't like loud noises either. Granny Smith used to chase them off by banging metal pans together back when the Apples first settled down here.”
“Yeah, they spook pretty easy. They're really only dangerous when they get the drop on you or catch you grounded.”
Spike puffed up his chest proudly. “Oooor you can throw a rock right down their throats. That's how I took down a giant timberwolf at Sweet Apple Acre's once. Plugged up that rancid breath until it blew apart. And that was before I had these babies!” He flexed his wings for emphasis.
“Rocks make versatile and effective tools for self defense in a variety of situations,” Maud said.
“…Is that what these things are for?” Starlight prodded her floating tool with her hoof. Hers was turning out long and jagged, a far cry from the more even, teardrop shape of Smolder's, or the smooth half circle of Maud's. She kept using way too much force with her magic and smashing off big chunks instead of flakes. “What are we even making, anyway?”
“We call them 'claw axes'.” Smolder held hers up by the broader end. “We use 'em for all sorts of stuff. Breaking things, cutting things, gutting things, hammering things--”
“Wait, what?”
“--grinding things, you name it.”
Spike and Starlight shared another one of those weird, wide-eyed looks ponies got sometimes until Spike asked, “Uh, did you say… 'gutting' things?”
“Yeah, I'll teach you all about that when we go hunting and fishing. Trust me, you do not want to taste what your prey had for breakfast after it's been in there for a few hours. Big stomachs are great if you can get your claws on all the ingredients for a haggis though. And you can trade the guts with griffons once you clean them out if you're close enough to a village to get there before they start rotting. They use them for sausage casing. You ever had blood sausage before?”
“Maud!” Starlight turned a slightly frantic smile on her fellow pony. “What do you use claw axes for?”
Maud held up her tool just below shoulder height. “This is a mouth axe. It's meant to be held between the teeth. I picked up the hobby for something to keep me occupied between dig sites while researching my dissertation. It's believed that ancient ponies used them for the same things dragons do. Except for the gutting.” She blinked slowly as she turned her eyes onto Smolder. “Most ponies find discussion of preparing meat very disturbing.”
Smolder casually jabbed her axe in the Maud's direction. “Ponies eat eggs, don't they?”
Maud turned her attention back to her rock. “That's different. Domesticated chickens lay unfertilized eggs when kept separate from roosters. They never hatch.”
“Oh. That reminds me,” Smolder gave another sharp tap her to axe and swept the flakes away. “Cockatrices. Half chicken, half snake-things? They don't eat dragons, but they're crazy territorial and attack on sight. Never look one in the eye. If you do, you'll only have a few seconds to shut your eyes and fly before they'll turn you to stone. Their magic wears off quick if you break eye contact and they won't usually fly far above the canopy, so just go straight up as fast as you can. The eggs are good if you find a nest. Just chase the adults off with a little fire and they're all yours.”
“That's where dragons get eggs?” Spike asked.
“You see any markets in the Dragon Lands? We get food wherever we can find it. Gems, fish, game, plants, you name it. There are a few things you shouldn't eat though. If any dragon ever dares you to drink hot tar? Don't.”
“Why not?”
“Trust me, you don't wanna know.”
Starlight frowned. “Iiif Twilight were here, I'm pretty sure she'd want to know.”
Smolder waved her axe in the general direction of the castle. “This is pretty nice castle, right? Does it have that plumbing stuff like the school does?”
“Of course it does.”
“Now,” Spike corrected. “I mean, it was pretty cool of the Tree of Harmony to give us this place after the library got blown up, but it was no plumber. We had to get three different contractors in here to get everything up to code. My claw still hurts just thinking about those checklists!”
“Yeah, well, you drink some tar and you'll have to get those 'contractors' all over again.” Smolder smirked at the horrified look on both their faces. Looked like she'd gotten the point across pretty well, even if she didn't have a clue what a 'contractor' was. She'd have to ask Sandbar about that later.
“Is… there anything else I shouldn't eat? Ponies always tell me they can't believe some of the stuff I eat.”
“Well, yeah, a few. Flash bee honey is great, but it's not worth the flash bees, and you really don't want to eat them without taking the stinger off first. Swamp Lilies are only good for a really weird cough if you eat them. You're really better off just not eating most plants you find in a swamp since it all tastes like mud anyway. You don't even want to think about touching anything a Tazlwurm has drooled on until you're about a hundred. And… I can think of one thing you really oughta know about.”
She suppressed a shudder at the memory of her own 'learning experience' with foraging for food in unfamiliar territory. Honestly, she probably should have started with that. Some mistakes you didn't make twice.
“…You ever hear of something called Poison Joke?”