//------------------------------// // Chapter 4: Reflecting. // Story: Memento Mori: The Last Days on Equestria // by Bronie312 //------------------------------// My health could not be worse, the current state in which I found myself was not exactly comforting since I was only able to take a short walk enduring the pain and fatigue, in addition to the terrible cough, that invaded me at every moment. Fortunately, for the last 4 days I was somewhat comforted to know that my friends still came to visit me from time to time, but I was still angry with myself because of what I had done several nights ago… I accidentally hurt Luna and she was mad at me. My thoughts were abruptly interrupted by the sound of the door opening, I turned to see who it was, and standing under the door were Derpy and Dr. Whooves, who looked at me with slight smiles on their faces, but with clear signs that they were sad about my health. Before I could greet them, I was interrupted by the cough, which began to prevent me from breathing; Derpy immediately came up to me and took my hand while Dr. Whooves asked for a nurse or doctor to come and check me out. After a few seconds, Nurse Redheart entered the room and helped me sit on the edge of the bed so that I could cough better and achieve a proper posture to avoid choking on the same cough. Derpy and Dr. Whooves stepped back from me a little while I continued coughing, Nurse Redheart patted my back, trying to help my cough go away. Thus I was for several dying seconds, coughing and spitting blood from time to time, I could no longer stay in this situation since my body would not be able to endure this situation for much longer; as I was finally able to finish coughing up blood, I felt the ability to breathe freely again, even though the cough came back a bit to interrupt the moment of inner peace I had gained. After everything that happened because of the severe cough that invaded me for a few moments, I was able to finally talk to my friends who had come to visit me; I smiled when I saw the Doctor and Derpy wrapping me in a warm and friendly hug. I reciprocated the gesture and wrapped my arms around them; we remained like this for approximately 3 minutes until Derpy broke the hug and spoke... "How are you feeling, Frank?" She asked with concern and sadness reflected in her voice... "*Coff Coff* ...Bad, pretty bad. Since I was diagnosed with Tuberculosis I have not stopped coughing and spitting blood, feeling sore all over my body and having enormous fatigue- *Coff Coff* ...You know, I never believed that my life would end this way, dying and regretting some things I did in the past.” I commented with a tone of nostalgia and sadness reflected in my facial expression, the Doctor said... "Sorry if this seems like a wrong thing to ask, but... what exactly do you regret?" He asked, being a little unsure of what he was saying; however, I spoke... "Do you really want to know what I regret- *Coff Coff* ...Doctor?" I asked, to which he slowly nodded, still unsure if what he was asking was right to ask. So, I replied... "There- *Coff Coff* ...There are two things I regret. Having dissolved our band... and having let go the love of my life. *Sigh* ...I guess I always have all that stuff printed in my mind- *Coff Coff* ...I just- ...I don't know, I would like to amend those mistakes in my life.” I said… "You still miss her, right?" Derpy asked, referring to Luna, the pony I loved... "*Sniff* ...Yeah. More than anything in the damn vast universe.” I replied in a clear tone of regret. Then, it came a time when I couldn't take it anymore and I shed a couple of tears as I sobbed in a sea of sadness. A half-hour had passed and I was able to calm down, as Nurse Redheart entered the room and spoke... “Sorry if I'm interrupting something, but I'm afraid the morning visiting time-lapse is over; I hope and do not mind you have to go. Don't worry, you may come back at 3 in the afternoon and continue talking with him… And, again, apologies for the interruption." Redheart explained, making us understand that both Derpy and the Doctor had to leave; I turned to look at them and said... "If you want to come visit me later, you will be more than welcome... Don't worry about me, I'll be fine." Derpy and the Doctor nodded in response and each one gave their goodbyes before heading towards the door of the room; but, before they left the place, I stopped them... "Hey!" I exclaimed, drawing the attention of both, then I said... "Make sure to bring the band over here, I'd like to tell you something." I commented, to which the Doctor spoke... "You want us to bring everypony?" He asked, I nodded and said... "...Everypony." I responded. The Doctor nodded in response and added a small smile to his expression. Later, they both turned and walked back to the door; after a few seconds, they both ended up leaving the room, being followed by Nurse Redheart. Just before closing the door, Redheart turned to look at me and spoke... "Do you require something?... Some food? Water?" She asked, still about to close the door, I shook my head and she understood immediately, closing the door. I sighed, what I had asked the Doctor was something very important, not only for me, but also for everypony who would be involved in this. I coughed again and let it invade me since avoiding it would not help me at all. After lunch, I decided to talk to Nurse Redheart for a while to pass the time without getting bored; we both talked for about 15 minutes until she had to leave, but I stopped her for a few moments to ask if it was possible that I could go to the hospital garden. Redheart thought about it for a few seconds and asked me why I wanted to go there, to which I replied that if I was in that hospital, I would not want to miss visiting my favorite place in there. In the end, and understanding my situation, Redheart agreed to allow me to go there, I thanked her and she nodded, leaving the room. When she returned, a few minutes later, she offered to accompany me to the garden, I accepted and we both went there. When we finally got there, I looked at it. The hospital's garden was very beautiful, it had been a while since I visited this part of the hospital with as much enthusiasm as if I were a child at Christmas... "It's very beautiful..." I sighed with joy, Redheart, who was still next to me, decided to give her opinion about it... "Yeah... *Sigh* ...Although, I would love to see this place with a different perspective than you and many others have." She commented with a clear tone of sadness. I, confused, asked... "What do you mean?" "*Sigh* ...Many others decide to come and visit this place one last time as if it was going to be the last beautiful place they'll see." She answered, however, I couldn't say anything because she continued speaking... "*Sniff* ...E-Every day, every hour of the day... I've always had the misfortune to accompany many patients to this place, most of them, with their destinies already sealed... *Sniff* ...Absolutely always, I am the last pony they see in their lives, just before they have to leave this world... I... I- ...Every time I've accompanied those condemned patients, I am the one who listens to their wails, regrets, and sorrows; they always trust me their darkest and saddest secrets and thoughts to relieve and feel good with themselves... *Sniff* ...But, they have never thought about what I suffer because of them, and I- *Sniff* ...I can't keep it up. I- *Sniff* ...I just can't put up with them... *Sniff* ...the wails and sorrows of the ponies always haunt me, every day and every night.” She explained with a very deep regret inside her, in addition to ending up crying in a sea of tears as she knelt on the ground; I, contemplating the scene, wanted to comfort her, but I couldn't think of anything to say to achieve that, so I decided to keep quiet. Redheart sobbed more and more as time went by, this made me feel ashamed of myself for not being able to do anything to make her feel better and keep her from crying; in this way, the minutes continued to pass and I was still unable to say anything, I only managed to sit next to her while hugging her to comfort her, even if it was a little. She didn't complain, what's more, she didn't say anything and just sobbed and regretted what was happening to her, I didn't say anything about it and kept hugging her. To her, having witnessed and heard so many terrible and depressing things throughout her medical career as a nurse must have affected her so much, something that she had made clear with what she said minutes before. I understood her pain and that was why I comforted her since I knew how hard it must have been to experience all that; I might not have lived it, but I understood her behavior perfectly and I respected it since, for me, keeping such a deep and negative feeling in the long term may have terrible consequences for those who possess it. It was already around 4 in the afternoon and we both, Redheart and I, were still hugging each other while she was still regretting everything that happened to her. She had spent more than a decade in which she has worked as a nurse, helping those in need and providing her services to any pony who could push her to become a better pony (person), while witnessing horrors, listening to regrets and contemplated the thoughts of many ponies who have failed to survive the test in which they must face death itself. She went through all that and always tried to give a good image of herself to the world, which was now costing her sanity. After much consoling her with a hug that reflected empathy and understanding towards her, she finally broke the hug and spoke... "*Sniff* ...Thanks, Frank. I- *Sniff* ...I really appreciate you've listened to me and understood my current situation.” Redheart commented, who was a little calmer, but still with traces of sadness and melancholy inside her. "No problem- *Coff Coff* ...Anything for a pony that has helped and valued others and has given everything to reassure others... *Sigh* ...You've been through a lot in life, you have suffered and cried for many things, but you go ahead and maintain your posture, no matter what... Everything you did only shows that you do have a heart, you are strong, but at some point, you have to relieve yourself and be able to feel better about yourself… And that is what you have demonstrated today.” I said, going over everything she had accomplished and done; Redheart, unable to say anything, smiled and gave me a hug. I corresponded the action without hesitation and that meant a lot to her since it made her know that it was possible to tell someone what was happening to her and to receive something in exchange... understanding and empathy. A short time later, I thanked her for accompanying me there, but she replied with... "Of course not, I'm the one who thanks you for all this... You've helped me feel good about myself." Then, without another word to say, she turned and walked back into the hospital. Leaving me completely alone, looking at the precious landscape... To Be Continued...