Fallout Equestria: Amstermare Avenue

by Comrade Bagel Muffin


The Longest Mile

The main room of the bar was full of smoke, the smell of nearly two dozen cigarette and cigar brands fought for supremacy in the crowded and loud building. Folks of all sorts talked loud and openly at the large bar that went from one end of the building to the other, while quieter and more reserved conversations were taking place in hushed at the numerous tables that lay scattered around with no discernable pattern. In the back were the dozens of bookshelves that used to occupy the building, and the last thing that marked it as a library before it was converted into a watering hole. Many of the bar’s patrons wore the dirty find what you can get style of cloths that were common among those that scavenged the ruins of the old world. The second largest group at the bar were traders, dressed in the costumes of where ever they were from, most of them were nearly indistinguishable from the scavengers, except those from Fillydelphia and the Tower, both of them were given a wide breath by the rest of the bars patrons, not wishing to offend the latter and not wanting to get to acquainted with the former. The smell of the unwashed mass mixed and fought with that of the smoke giving the Library Bar a truly unique smell found nowhere else in the wasteland.
A couple more ponies came in they would have been unnoticed had not their obnoxiously done hair and look at me I’m going to rob you style of tattered leather and spikes not set them out in the bar; all conversation died down as the pair of raiders trotted in. The one in the lead, a medium sized muted pink earth pony mare smiled smiled at the bar’s reaction to them. The one behind her on a leash was a light tan unicorn stallion. He twitched and spasmed his pin prick eyes darting everywhere as he jittered about perpetually high on some chemical cocktail, the contents of which were known only the spasming junkie.
“What the hell do you two degenerates want?” the barkeeper, a large tiger harpy griffon, demanded slamming the mug that they were cleaning onto the bar hard enough for the bottom to chipped. “I told you rascals this is a respectable establishment not a place for raiders and wannabe gangsters.”
“Relax, relax, we’re chill ain’t we Dumpster Fire?” She looked over her shoulder to her partner, who snapped to attention at hearing his name.
“I can see the spaces between colors. Lla lliw ees eht Taerg enO emoc! Ssendam lliw ekatrevo ekat ouy lla! Emoc Gnik Ni Wolley! Emoc Rustah!” The second raider burst into hysterical laughter.
“What the hell did he say?”
“I don’t know it was probably some backwards devil talk anyways you can ignore him.” She answered with a roll of her eyes before turning around. “Shut up you idiot!” She turned around and beat him upside the head. “Never mind him, he’s an idiot, anyways yeah we’re here on actual legitimate business.” The bar keeper looked her over as did those in the bar who hadn’t returned to their private conversations.
“Right, fine do you ‘legitimate business’ and then scram Mohawk. I’m not tolerating you here any longer than I have to.” He picked up the chipped mug and continued cleaning it. Most of the rest turned back to their own conversations, and in seconds the bar returned to the noisy ambiance that it had, had before the latest arrivals.
Mohawk and Dumpster Fire moved around the bar looking for anybody green or desperate enough to help the two of them in their current scheme. The two of them were mostly met with glares as they passed tables full of hardened wasteland survivors, be they traders, scavengers, or else guards. Mohawk moved past those tables faster lingering around the ones were those seated looked more tired and weak. She constantly yanked Dumpster Fire’s leash to keep the crazed foaming raider behind her. Not seeing an that could fit the bill, she sighed and spoke up as loud as she could to be heard.
"Alright listen up I need some poor desperate or brave bad ass soul to help us get across Amstermare Avenue, the pays 500 caps. And that's a flat thing not per pony." Mohawk looked around all eyes were on her for a brief second before half the bar burst into laughter.
"You've got do a lot better than that."
"You joking that's the most dangerous stretch of Manehattan, like hell I'm doing that run for 500 caps."
"We'll do it," a soft but peppy voice said. A cloven hoof was held up from the end of the bar. "500 caps is completely fine."
"Ha screw all of you, I'm going over there where they've got guts!" Mohawk yanked Dumpster Fire's leash. She paused as she got close enough to see the two that had taken up her offer. Sitting at the end of the bar were two dear a doe and a buck both were extremely feminine even the buck looked more like a mare than she did. They were both wearing the same thing, but Mohawk would have an aneurysm before she called the skimpy, skin tight leather, armor. "What the fuck are you two?"
"We're deer." The buck answered.
"You look like fucking whores. I need adventurers not hookers."
"We are adventurers." The buck answered.
"We used to be whores though, how could you tell?"
"Yeht lliw od sa a ecifircas." Dumpster Fire babbled. "Eht Dlo S'eno era ton yckip."
"Shut up Fire." She hit his head before looking back at the two deers. "Uhg, I'm scrapping the bottom of the barrel but fuck fine. Come on."
"Twincest is Wincest!" They cheered.
"That's our slogan you like it? I'm Blitz by the way and this is my brother Donner."
"I'm not going to dignify that come on!" She yanked Dumpster Fire's leash and led the two deer out of the bar. Manehattan's buildings stood tall all around them. The sky was slowly darkening as night began to fall, and there was a light rain that was starting. "Right both of you here." She gave the two deer an envelope. "Take this to the other side of Amstermare Avenue, and give it to Bull Whip. Get back and I'll give you your caps." She said. "Got it!"
"Bull Whip get's letter got it." Donner nodded.
"Good, get moving." She yanked Dumpster Fire's leash and led the foaming raider away. Once their new employer was gone the two siblings looked at each other.
"Yea! Or first job that isn't a three some! We're really wasteland adventurers now!" Blitz pranced in place.
"I know right this is great, we'll make a name for ourselves yet." Donner nodded. "We've just got to deliver this little letter to some buck. Do you know where it's at?"
"Amstermare Avenue? It's a mile long road down town. I mean we're only a few miles away from it we'll have our caps by sun up, and then we'll buy around and be so fucking cool! Twincest!"
"Is Wincest!" The clapped hooves before running off toward downtown Manehattan. In several hour they arrived at the entrance to the avenue. It was decorated in raider decoration, severed limbs dangled like wind chimes. Flayed skins flapped in the wet night breeze like flags. The two twins could see fires blazing in the avenue and the silhouettes of raiders gathered around them dancing like maddened and crazed beasts wooting as howling.
"So uhm brother you know how we're going to get through this?"
"I mean Bull Whip is probably part of this crowd we have a letter we can total talk our way though this." Donner's smile wavered, and his tone betrayed that not even he believed it. "That sounds right yeah."
"I mean sure. But all the same maybe we should stick to the shadows just to be safe yeah?"
"Yeah." Donner and Blitz stuck to the shadows moving as quietly as they could. The moved at a snails pace moving only a few meters every couple of minutes. They weaved around rubble and piles of raider debris. As they moved the listed, snip bits of conversation could be discerned by the raider hoards.
"So do you think they actually got somebody."
"I can't wait for my new toy think it's a mare or a stallion."
"Unicorn I want it to be a unicorn!"
"What do you think that they're talking about Blitz?"
"I'm not entirely sure Donner, but what ever it is we really need to get out of here soon also stop rubbing up against my flank, It's making me hot and we can have fun later you know when we're not surrounded by a bunch of raiders."
"What are you talking about sis?" Donner looked over at her. "I'm over here."
"But if you're not touching my let then." She trailed off as she looked behind her, on her leg was the biggest rad roach she'd ever seen, easily three-fourths her size. "AHhheeeeeee!"
"What the fuck was that!" The nearest raider asked turning just in time to see Blitz before she rammed into him.
"Get it off! Get. It. Off! Get it offfffff meeeeeeeeeeeee!" she screamed rolling on the ground next to the raider.
"What the fuck are you!? Get off me fucking whore!" The raider bucked her into her Donner who had been running up to get her. The twins hit the pavement hard. "The fuck there's two of you I'm going to beat the shit of you little fucking."
"Wait we're here on official business." Blitz looked up at the raider completely terrified
"Right s-sir we need to deliver a letter to Bull Whip!" Donner gulped.
"Really." The raider smiled revealing teeth that had been filed to points. "Well why didn't you say so? I'll take you to him right away." Several other raiders were already on them manhandling the twins to their hooves and dragging them away to a door that was decorated with flayed cutie marks, screams and sobbing could be heard on the otherside of the door. Blitz and Donner gulped as they were dragged in and the door slammed close behind them.


The next time anybody saw the twins they were collared, broken and staring with blank eyes at the ground in a small slave auction. They were sold for 20 caps and a half a bottle of beer.