You were a normal guy. If you were being honest, you were a bit below average. You lived alone in a boring town in a crummy apartment. Didn’t even have a proper bed, just an old mattress on the floor. Regular meals were a luxury, and even then they rarely approached ‘healthy.’
As much as you wanted to improve things, your boss was a cheap bastard who took the minimum wage as more of a suggestion. The job sucked, but it was the only one you could get. Four years of college well spent.
Today, however, was a special day. Some generous soul had given you a large tip, a whopping five dollars! You’d even managed to sneak it past the living money-radar that was your boss, who would’ve claimed it as his own by divine right. Fuck that.
Being a grown, reasonable adult, you decided to spend your bounty on a cheap coffee from a gas station. For once you enjoyed your usual walk home, the caffeine making feel like something resembling a human being. You felt tingle of excitement as you take another sip. Life was looking up.
Wait. The tingle was getting stronger. What was in that coffee?
Suddenly, your vision goes blurry and the ground falls out from under you. Nausea overwhelms you as your brain hosts a house party with all your organs invited, and your lower intestines just showed up drunk. Colors and shapes danced in your vision, twisting and twirling inside of each other. You think you threw up at some point. Your precious coffee had most certainly been lost.
Eventually, you landed on the ground. Hard.
You stumbled to your feet, trying and failing to blink your eyes back to normal. As the spinning and shapes eventually faded, you noticed you were in a dimly lit room. Maybe you fell through the sidewalk into the sewer? The town’s infrastructure was old and terrible, so something like that wouldn’t have been surprising. Except when you looked up, there was no hole in the ceiling.
The main sources of light were a few torches on the wall, which probably wasn’t a standard feature in even the worst sewers. A slight glow drew your attention to your feet. You found yourself standing in the center of an intricately drawn circle, which pulsed with a faint white light. Okay then.
Then you heard the voices. Fervent whispers, coming from somewhere in the darkness. As your eyes adjusted to the dim light, you saw a group of short, hooded figures. You guessed the tallest of only came up to your waist.
Eaten by molemen. Not the way I thought I’d go, thought for sure it’d be a shootout after I shanked the boss. Oh well, still kinda cool.
“Um…Hi…?” you asked hesitantly. “Do uh…do any of you know where I am?”
After few more moments of nervous whispering, one figure slowly stepped forward. It lowered its hood…and it was a small horse. A GODDAMN horse. You stared. You blinked. You couldn’t believe what you were seeing. Was there a jailbreak at a farm somewhere?
“Here me! We have summoned you to our realm to enact our will! Soon all of Equestria shall praise our names!” it proclaimed. It went on, not even really talking to you anymore, more the crowd behind it. You weren’t paying much attention anyway, so it didn’t matter.
A horse. A TALKING. HORSE. What the hell was in that coffee? It was cheap-ass coffee, so you know you didn’t pay for something that make you trip THIS hard. Maybe someone slipped it in? It was possible, there were sickos out there that would do this to a stranger just to get a laugh.
Well you were already on this trip, so might as well go along with it. You just hoped you weren’t doing anything stupid in real life.
“Hey, ‘scuse me? Tiny horse thing?”
The horse stopped mid-sentence and turned. It looked like it forgot you were there.
Now that you got a better look at it, you noticed a few details. Firstly, it had a horn. Great, it wasn’t just a horse, but a damn unicorn. A drug-spawned unicorn. So cliché. Second, its sickly-looking grey coat was further marred by a gnarly scar that definitely hadn’t healed properly. It started under its chin and twisted to just under the horn, passing through its right eye. The milky-white iris was a stark contrast to the left’s pale green, which gleamed with a wicked intent.
“My apologies, great one. I was captivated by our success in summoning you, I forgot my manners.” It spoke in a whiney, weasel-like voice. “I will answer to ‘Father’ during our interaction.”
“…‘Father?’ Strange name.” you commented. Though on the other hand, questioning the name of your drug-trip-spawned-scarred-talking-unicorn may not be the most pressing matter.
“Ah, yes, well. I unfortunately cannot reveal my true moniker. A necessary precaution. In this business names have power, as you know.” ‘Father’ replied a snaggle-toothed grin.
“…Okay then. Whatever floats your boat. Can you at least tell me where I am? This doesn’t look any sewer I’ve ever been in. Which is a few more than I’d care to admit.”
Father blinked.
“Um, I don’t know what this ‘Sew-yer’ place is, but you are in Equestria. My followers and I-“ he motioned to the hooded figures behind him. “-summoned you here to bring about the Great Upheaval!”
‘Great Upheaval.’ That didn’t sound ominous at all. You crossed arms and sighed. This was going be a long trip. Or dream. The fact you had enough for coffee was enough to warrant suspicion on whether you’d woken up that morning at all. Either way, all you could do was ride it out.
“Uh-huh. And what might this ‘Great Upheaval’ entail, exactly?” you inquired, genuinely wanting to see where this dream/drug trip was headed.
Father grinned, which thanks to his assumedly lazy dentist, came across as rather…wicked.
“The total restructure of Equestian society! Perhaps the entire world! The princesses have had their time, but that time is done! They have lost their right to rule, now that they promote the so-called Elements of Harmony, especially Twilight Sparkle.” He spat on the floor, an action mirror by the other figures in the room. “With your aid, I shall take the reins of Equestria’s fate!”
“Um, YOU take the reins? I thought we were going to install a democratic republic?” one of the figures piped up.
Father dismissively waved a hoof.
“Fine, WE will. A slip of the tongue.”
“Just us? That sounds like an oligarchy to me.” Another figure chimed in.
“Didn’t we agree on an autocracy?”
“No no, a confederation is the way to go.”
“Personally, I voted for anarchy.”
This went on for several minutes, with the group arguing amongst themselves. Again, it seemed like they forgot you were there. Rather rude, considering they had been spawned from your unconscious/drug-addled mind.
“HEY!” you roared, and eyes (even the ones you couldn’t see) snapped to you.
“I don’t fucking care what your political views are! I just want to know WHY THE FUCK AM I HERE!?”
Father cautiously stepped forward, his voice trembling.
“W-well, we don’t have a prayer of overthrowing the princesses and the Elements ourselves.”
“They would wreck our shit.” A voice added.
Father nodded. “As I said, not a prayer. But with you, we are a force to be reckoned with!”
“And…why is that?” you asked, dumbfounded. After all if a unicorn would quote, ‘have their shit wrecked,’ by these ‘princesses’ how in the hell could you help?
Father flashed another horrific smile.
“I’m certain you could come of with something. After all a demon’s power is legendary!”
“Oh, of course, that makes…”
“Wait,
WHAT!?”