Cozy Glow curled up in her crib, trying to get to sleep. While she wondered what was the point of falling asleep if she was going to feel tired in the morning anyway, she couldn't deny it was very relaxing and it gave her a break from her day-to-day life. Unfortunately, falling asleep had proven to be more difficult than usual, courtesy of her father and his friends having a game of cards downstairs. Rambunctious laughter echoed throughout the house and the stench of tobacco had made its way through every crevice of the house. Unless somepony disabled the fire alarms, it's a miracle that none of them went off. Suddenly, there was the sound of a door creaking open, followed by hoofsteps down the stairs. Cozy sighed in relief. Hopefully, her mother would sort out daddy and his friends, whether it would be through peaceful negotiations or hoof meeting muzzle. Given how many times her father had beaten both her and her mother, Cozy hoped for the latter.
Brocade trotted down the stairs, groggy from her futile attempts at falling asleep. The searing light of the living room blinded her as she made her way down. When her eyesight was a bit more clearer, she could see Facade playing cards with five other ponies. She could tell these ponies were from out of town because they were not Facade's usual gang of poker buddies. She never bothered learning their names nor remembering their faces because she knew that whenever Facade invited ponies into their house for a round of cards, she almost never sees them again. As she trotted towards the tables Facade and his buddies were playing at, she could faintly hear her husband telling his buddies that same stupid Saddle Arabian golfer joke he told his other buddies and even some of his customers.
"Trying to impress his Saddle Arabian client, he says what the hooker said the night before," Facade continued "And the client asks him 'what do you mean it's the wrong hole?'"
Brocade rolled her eyes as another collective laugh emitted from Facade's buddies, with Facade wearing that smug grin on his face. Anypony who had been to Saddle Arabia or read about would know that adultery and prostitution are offences that were once punishable by petrification. It used to be punishable by death but the death penalty had been abolished from most if not all of Equestria for a while. She put her hoof to her head as she felt a migraine coming, with the braying hyenas Facade called his poker 'buddies' making it worse.
"Could you please keep it down?" Brocade asked wearily "Glowy and I have to get up in the morning."
"What about them meds your therapist put you on?" Facade asked before turning away and whispering in one of the other ponies' ear "She had been seeing someone after beating me half to death."
"It was out of self-defence," Brocade retorted "You tried to kill us while under Discord's influence."
"Why does everypony give Discord a bad rap?" one pony asked, "All he did was a few practical jokes and make it rain chocolate."
"You know what most ponies are like, especially the mares," Facade replied, "They're prudes."
Facade turned towards Brocade, who had taken offence to his misogynistic comment.
"Speaking of which," Facade said, "Could you be a dear and get me and the boys some beers?"
Facade emitted a chuckle from his own rhyme.
"Poet and I didn't know it. Actually, I did but I'm too humble to brag about it."
Brocade rolled her eyes again. 'Humble' was most certainly not a word anypony would use to describe Facade.
"Why don't you get it yourself?" Brocade asked coldly.
The ponies at the table oohed at the sass Facade's missus was delivering to him. Facade's confident smile evaporated as he got and up trotted towards his wife. He swung one of his hooves towards her, only for her to duck down and give him a taste of his own medicine by giving him a swift hoof to the face. Facade collapsed onto the floor, knocked out in an instant. Brocade looked at the hoof that struck her husband. It was shaking. She couldn't believe she would be so willing to strike her own husband and yet, at the same time, it felt strangely good.
Perhaps I should talk to Dr Headlove about that Brocade thought to herself.
She looked at Facade's poker buddies. They looked down at Facade's unconscious form, slowly got up from their seats, and made their way towards the door lest they suffer Brocade's supposed wrath. After they had left, Brocade looked around the living room. It was a mess, with half-smoked cigars, several half-finished mugs of cider, some of which had been tipped over and spilt all over the table. The playing cards were scattered all over the table and on the floor, some of which drenched in cider. The putrid smell of the discarded cider and cigars permeated the air. It was enough to make Brocade feel nauseous. Brocade sighed in resignation.
"I don't care what Facade says, I really need to hire a maid."
Before Brocade could enter the kitchen, she heard a snapping sound. It was enough for her to pause before shrugging it off and making her way to the kitchen. The cupboard containing the mop opened by itself, which what appeared to be the mop carrying a bucket of water with it. Following the mop was a sponge bouncing along towards the table.
"I'm ready!" the sponge said enthusiastically.
Brocade could only watch as the sentient cleaning utensils made their way towards the table. She wondered if this was some sort of sleep-deprived hallucination. In the blink of an eye, the table was squeaky clean. Brocade could only stare in awe and befuddlement as to how this could have occurred. At the corner of her eye, she could see a lion's paw holding some sort of card.
"The first one is free but I will be charging for my services," a voice said behind her.
Brocade turned around and saw a draconequus dressed in a Prench maid outfit. She knew this wasn't any old draconequus, especially since they are very rare to come by, but was the Lord of Chaos that haunted her childhood dreams.
"Discord," the draconequus introduced himself "My card."