//------------------------------// // Part 1: The Store – XVI // Story: Trolley Pushers // by Acologic //------------------------------// ‘Right,’ said Ale, swiping his clock-in card through the Com slot after Hull, who was watching him. ‘Well,’ he added, unsure what to say. They had started the day as strangers. They were ending it, Ale felt, like ponies who’d known each other for far longer. It was a heavy, unfamiliar feeling, one of which Ale was skeptical. On the one hand, it felt like he was on the brink of establishing a closeness he hadn’t believed possible with a pony, and he guessed this was because they’d got through a tight spot together. On the other, he thought it was merely a product of exactly the latter, which would collapse with time and a return to normality. He didn’t want ponies cluttering his existence. Ponies were so difficult, and now that he was thinking about it, he remembered just how difficult they really were. He remembered school and all the happy memories that particular misery had spawned. He remembered how tedious and tiring it was on a normal day to talk to a pony, to pretend to smile, to force a laugh. He remembered that he didn’t like anyone beyond his most immediate family. And while remembering all of this, he also remembered he’d been about to say something. Fortunately, Hull said something for him. ‘See you tomorrow, I guess,’ he said simply. ‘I’m not in tomorrow,’ Ale said back, not quite managing to look up at Hull and meet his eye. And this was the same pony he’d spent hours speaking with and, ultimately, rescuing. How could he not look him in the eye? Hull surely expected Ale was the smiling, talkative pony he’d encountered that day. But Ale was not that pony. He wasn’t a pony who smiled or spoke or helped. Perhaps Hull was about to realise that. ‘Well, thanks for getting me out,’ Hull said, and to Ale’s great surprise, the latter held out his hoof, which Ale bumped automatically. ‘Seriously. I would have panicked if it hadn’t been for you – and the others,’ he added fairly. ‘So thanks. And yeah.’ He smiled. ‘It’s been good to meet you.’ ‘Likewise,’ said Ale, holding as natural a smile as he could under the circumstances, his cheeks burning. ‘Take care.’ It was all he could think to say. ‘I will,’ said Hull quite sincerely. ‘You too.’ He left just like that, opening the shed door and walking out. Ale stood where he was for a moment, not thinking, not doing anything much. His body cooled and his heart rate slowed. He blinked a few times. ‘Darling?’ said his mother minutes later once he’d called. Ale didn’t know what to say, so he said nothing. ‘Darling, are you there?’ ‘Mm.’ ‘Are you finished work? How was your day?’ Ale took a deep breath. Then he said, ‘Shit.’ ‘Shit?’ repeated his mother in her lilting eastern accent. ‘Why?’ she said. ‘What happened?’ ‘A lot of things,’ Ale said, and he found his voice was shaking, and he wasn’t sure why. He felt, inexplicably, heat building behind his eyes, which he blinked to extinguish. Wetness greeted him, and when it became clear he wasn’t about to continue, his mother spoke again. ‘What sort of things? What happened, Ale?’ ‘Just... bloody stupid...’ ‘What? What is it?’ ‘I hate ponies... so much...’ ‘Did someone say something to you?’ ‘No...’ ‘What then?’ Ale didn’t respond. ‘Are you hurt? Is it something bad?’ ‘No, Mam.’ After another long pause, his mother spoke again. ‘Hey, Ale. Bad things happen sometimes. You can’t let them rule you.’ Ale said nothing. ‘You have to let go of these feelings. You have to learn to forgive others and yourself so that you can move on in life.’ ‘They don’t deserve my forgiveness!’ Ale found he’d hissed venomously down the receiver, his face contracting furiously as the tears finally came. He tried hard not to sob. He didn’t want her to hear him crying. ‘Ale,’ said his mother very seriously. ‘These ponies have done nothing to you. The things they have done to you are imaginary.’ ‘No, they’re not! I hate them! I hate them!’ ‘Hate is such a strong word! When all they have done is nothing! Tiny things! I mean, minuscule things!’ ‘That’s bad enough!’ hissed Ale, near-spitting. ‘I’m not... they’re absolute shits. They do not deserve my forgiveness. I’m not going to forgive them ever!’ ‘And that’s your problem, darling, listen to me. You are so poisoned by your feelings towards these ponies that you can’t do anything. It’s like you are paralysed! And it’s because you are afraid!’ ‘I’m not afraid.’ ‘You are! It comes from fear. All our problems come from fear, and you are so afraid! I have never seen a pony so terrified of nothing! And I mean nothing. All because you cannot face your fears! You do not want to!’ ‘I don’t want to,’ agreed Ale stubbornly, regaining control. ‘You have to! To grow! Ale, we’ve had this conversation so many times before! It is not the ponies that you don’t like, it is your fear and the fact that you feel guilty! You feel like you are owned by them, and that breeds resentment!’ ‘I. Don’t. Care,’ said Ale. ‘That’s your problem! You should care! Not because of me or your father or anyone else. Because you should care about yourself.’ ‘Well, I don’t care.’ ‘Well, you really are snookering yourself, then. I can’t do anything to help you there. It’s your fault you feel that way.’ ‘It’s not my fault. It’s theirs. Those stupid little shits who think they deserve my attention! They think they can speak to me and treat me like a friend when they don’t know anything about me! They don’t care about me! They’d don’t give a shit about me, and I don’t give a shit about them! So why the fuck are they speaking to me? Why the heck do they bother me? I don’t bother them! I never go up to anyone! I don’t speak to anyone, because I want to be left in peace! Treat ponies like you want to be treated! Why can’t they do that for me?’ His voice broke on the word, and he stopped, breathing heavily. ‘This is where your thinking is wrong, Ale.’ ‘Oh is it.’ ‘It is. Your nature is to tend towards extremes, but not everypony thinks like you. When they speak to you, they aren’t thinking the kind of things you’re thinking.’ ‘How do you know?’ Ale snapped back at her. ‘Well, OK, I don’t know. But the point is not everypony thinks in the same way. It’s useful to think about others through your own eyes sometimes, but it does not work in every situation. And you, Ale, are very extreme. A normal pony does not think so viciously about others.’ ‘Oh, so I’m not normal now?’ ‘You are normal, but you have tendencies, like I do. You have to control them and not let them control you.’ ‘Stupid bullshit.’ ‘It is not bullshit. What you’re saying is the bullshit, Ale. Imaginary. Im-ag-in-ary.’ Ale sighed heavily. The heat had passed as soon as it had come on, and he wanted to leave. He’d done enough talking for one day. ‘I’ve had enough,’ he grunted bluntly. ‘I’ll phone after.’ ‘Give a smile, Ale, and don’t let these feelings control you. You are in charge of yourself.’ ‘Yes, yes,’ he said wearily. ‘I’ll phone after.’ ‘Goodbye. Speak later. I love you.’ ‘Mm.’ ‘Bye.’ ‘Bye.’ He hung up his Com, sighing.