When I can fly, I can make the hurt stop.
I barely know how to describe what I’m feeling. It’s not pain. Everything just… hurts.
The last few hours I’ve been wandering around Ponyville in a daze. I think other ponies looked worried, I think Pinkie Pie and Fluttershy even tried to talk to me, but everything from the past couple of hours is just a weird collage of voices, ponies and hurt.
When I was a really young filly, and I met Fluttershy at Junior Speedsters camp, I used to think about what it would be like if we… if we… were together.
But every time I would let myself wander into those thoughts, I’d remind myself of what she would probably say, or how she’d react to me, and I’d get that same old feeling. That hurt.
It never hurt this much, though. I used to just feel some weird dull ache where my heart is, but now it’s like, duller? I don’t know, it feels the same as it always did, it’s just worse. Everything is cloudy and bland, and I can’t think at all. The only thing I can think is about is, well, stuff I don’t want to think about.
I look up at the sky, clouds are rolling in. Guess the other weather ponies have a big storm planned today. That’s where I want to be, I want to be above the storm clouds. It’s one of my favorite times to fly, right as a huge storm is raining down. I can look out and watch lightning streak across thick, blackened clouds, as the thunder rolls after it, causing booming tidal waves of sound so loud and so heavy that they make me think I might get knocked out of the sky by them.
Yup. I’m gonna get there.
I don’t have a whole lot of time though, those clouds are coming together fast, and I don’t want to fly through a storm.
I plant my hooves firmly on the ground, getting ready. My wings stretch out and lift up high as I bend my knees.
WHOOSH.
And I’m off, blasting myself fifty feet into the air easily with my initial take off. I start working on getting my wings into a good momentum. There’s a pretty strong wind working against me, so I need to use strong, steady, pumps of my wings if I’m going to break past it.
As I climb, I see the clouds getting thicker, and the wind starts to blow harder.
Good, I like a little challenge.
I start to push harder, working to get past gravity pulling me down, and the wind blowing me back.
I see the last ray of sunshine closing off, it’s disappearing quickly.
I push harder, my wings starting to ache. I can feel blood coursing through the individual veins in wings. But I have to get up past this storm, or where else will I go then?
Ten more feet, that’s it. I’m surrounded by the clouds, it’s now or never, the wind has stopped but I only have a few seconds.
Just in time.
I eek through just as the opening closes up behind me. A close call, but don’t the most exciting moments always happen when there’s the most chance of not making it?
They are the most exciting, and they’re the best. It’s what I live for, that adrenaline rush. It clears out your head, filling it with pure energy. Nothing else matters because I can only live in one moment at that point, the moment of now.
Yeah, adrenaline is good. Excitement is good. Danger is good.
Sure is calm up here though.
I guess the storm hasn’t really gotten going yet, I’ll have to wait a few minutes before I get to watch the light show underneath me, and feel the sound push through me.
A few minutes, that’s all. A few minutes of peace and quiet, a few minutes of just me and my thoughts…
She laughed.
Not like, in a mean way but She did laugh. There I was. Standing there, my eyes full of determination, knowing that I was finally doing what was best for me. There I was owning up to all of the fear that had kept me down my entire life, and tackling it head on in a display of bravery that surprised even me.
And She laughed.
CRACK.
The first shot of lightning followed almost instantly by thunder flies directly beneath me and what feels like directly through my heart.
Looks like the fun is starting.
I can enjoy my storm now. I can just fly above the clouds and watch everything happen below me.
I start to glide over the storm picking up speed as the lighting strikes start to occur more often.
I’m gonna go fast, faster than thunder, faster than lightning, and most definitely faster than my own thoughts. If it’s worked before in my life it can work again.
Yeah, it’ll work out better than the rest of my day. I’ll have so much fun up here tonight I won’t even care the next morning.
I won’t care that she laughed at me.
CRACK.
I won’t care that She dismissed my moment of honest admission as a side effect of the spell she had cast.
CRACK.
I won’t care that Spike thought I was joking and tried to congratulate me on a joke well delivered.
CRACK.
I won’t care that She smiled softly with that horrible condescending look in her eyes, as she joked and told me that maybe I should go to a hospital after all.
CRACK.
And most importantly, I won’t care that She turned me away. That She sent me out the door, when I needed her most. I won’t care that She wouldn’t even hear me out as I stuttered out pitiful pleas to let me stay and explain myself, that she just pushed me out the door without a care in the world. That the one time I revealed a part of myself that for the longest time even I had denied! Sharing a secret part of me I had always expected to keep deep down and away from everypony! Exposing my fear of rejection and failure! I won’t care that I was laughed off as mentally ill!
I WON’T CARE.
I DON’T CARE.
CRACK,
CRACK,
CRACK!
I nose dive as hard as I possibly can, screaming through the thick clouds.
It takes me about four seconds to get out of the clouds, but it’s four seconds I spend swimming through chaos and energy. I can see nothing, I can feel nothing, I am the sky itself for those four seconds, and I am not happy.
I shoot out of the darkness of the storm and see only blinding white light. A giant sound wave pummels me from behind sending me spiraling out of control as the wind takes me in hard uncontrolled circles as I fall.
I don’t care.
Let me fall, let the sky do what it wants, I have no control anyway.
Maybe I am mentally ill, after all I did just fly straight through a giant storm cloud.
I don’t care though, I just want to let everything go.
I only want one thing.
I want to let Her know that I’m not crazy. At least, I wasn’t as of a few hours ago.
A few hours ago, I was thinking more clearly than I had ever been in my life.
I said what I needed to be said, and it didn’t matter what She thought. I did what I had to do.
I need to let her know that I don’t care.
Wait, what am I doing?
I’m still falling uncontrollably, getting tossed around in the air as I come closer to the ground.
I need to straighten out, I need to get control of myself. At least, until I get my one last order of business out of the way.
I straighten my wings out, holding them as steadily as I can. I’m slowing my fall, giving me more stability. It’s easier down here too, the wind doesn’t blow quite as strongly as it does higher up.
If I can just catch a good gust of wind, I can use it to fly straight, riding it down and gliding to a safe landing.
A few more seconds and I catch a good current. I flip right side up and get a good view of my surroundings. I have a fairly straight shot to glide down to the ground and land in a fast gallop. The road is straight and the ponies I can see look like they’re figuring out my plan because they’re moving to the sides. The road is long too, giving me plenty of time to glide in. In fact, it doesn’t end until this one big tree-
Second crash landing at the same place in one day. Weird.
The ground is approaching fast. I brace my legs for the impact and pull my body up a little more to create some more wind resistance. I hope I don’t slip on any mud, or my legs are in for a nasty surprise.
Whew.
My legs connect with the ground in a hard but steady run. I keep my wings out to help keep slowing me down. But my legs keep running as fast as they can, taking me to exactly the place I want to go.
It’s only until I start nearing the front door that my legs begin to add to the resistance of my speed.
Oh boy, here it comes. This door is gonna hurt.
I crash through her front door, skidding to a hard stop and probably destroying the wood beneath me as dig my hooves in.
I catch my breath after a few short seconds.
“Twilight!” I yell, “Twilight Sparkle!”
I look around furiously. Blood from a few cuts and tears are streaming down my face.
“Where are you!? We REALLY need to talk!”
“She’s right here, sugarcube.” Applejack says with an unusually stern voice, even for her.
Applejack?
What’s she doing here?
I look up, and see Applejack, Rarity, and Her, sitting by the rail guard upstairs.
Why are they here? A slumber party I didn’t hear about?
Wait.
Why is Twilight Sparkle crying?