//------------------------------// // Mares' Night Out // Story: Coconut Punch // by MistyShineStar //------------------------------// "Not only no, but hell no," was Vinyl's simple answer to Berry's request. "Vinyl. My main mare. My best friend in high school. Some might even say more than friends, back in those days. Why not?" She replied, barely sober enough from yesterday night to understand and formulate complete sentences. "You know I've been six months sober. I'd rather not be around alcohol right now, and I know you're only inviting me because you got your license taken away and you need a designated driver," Vinyl said. She was inspecting and cleaning her turntables with careful precision. "By the way, I think you should attend those AA meetings with me. Ever since I've stopped drinking, my music's been-" "Ahahaha. Yeah, let me just quote one of Ponyville's most boring citizens, here- 'Not only no, but hell no.' Piss off. You were never my friend anyway and you've already figured out my scheme, so I'm just going to peace out," Berry interrupted, quickly turning around and trotting out of the door. She just as quickly trotted back through it. "...Can I have a piece of gum?" She said, gesturing toward the pack that was set neatly on Vinyl's dining room table. "Knock yourself out," the unicorn said, still staring at her work. Berry snatched up a piece out of the pack before leaving again. She groaned when she popped the piece in her mouth. It was just regular mint, not spearmint, but she guessed it would have to do in getting rid of the distinct scent of alcohol that was still on her breath. Before throwing away the wrapper, she noticed something written on the inside of it. 815-555-9372: the Ponyville Anonymous Subtance Abuse Hotline. "Vinyl, you shitnoggin," Berry whispered to herself before tossing it in the trash. --- As she continued to walk around Ponyville, still attempting to find somepony to go to Manehatten with her to no avail, Berry fumed under her breath about Vinyl implying she was an alcoholic. Nopony was allowed to say that except Berry Punch herself and sometimes her mother when she was expressing her disappointment in the young mare's life choices. What made Vinyl so great? Just half a year ago, they would spend hours at the Leaky Trough together, the local bar. Unfortunately for Berry, it was one of the only bars in Ponyville due to the conservative outlook most ponies had on drinking. What was this, some sort of kiddy Saturday morning cartoon? It was a perfectly normal activity for adult ponies to participate in and she resented the fact that everypony else thought they were better than her just because they were sober. Vinyl, Golden Harvest, and Cherry Berry were really her only true friends. Unfortunately for her, Cherry moved back to Vanhoover to take care of her sickly mother, and Golden Harvest decided to leave her wild days behind her in exchange for adopting a couple of foals to raise as her own. She used to find solace in having Vinyl as a drinking buddy, but now she was one of those stuck-up mares with...with "jobs", and "families"... ...and friends... Berry snapped herself out of it. "I'll go myself," she muttered. "Who needs them? Maybe there's mares in Manehatten who actually know how to have some fun." She then had to consider how, exactly, she was going to get around. Vinyl was right- the only reason she invited her in the first place was because she REALLY needed a designated driver. Her license had been revoked. She couldn't exactly afford to get a taxi considering how far away Manehatten was, either, and she had been kicked off pretty much every form of public transportation. Suddenly, a grin spread over her face as she formulated a plan. A really good plan. Could it get her in legal trouble? Sure, but what was one more tarnish on her never-ending list of offenses? She giggled under her breath. "Ohoho, Berry Punch, you scoundrel!" --- It was an open secret in Ponyville that the police force was a) useless, considering that the Elements of Harmony all lived there and could defeat any serious threat as quickly as it appeared, and b) incredibly gullible and incompetent. Both of these facts were due to the peacefulness of Ponyville aside from when the Big Bads swept through once in awhile. For these reasons, Berry Punch had been manipulating the police force before she even learned what the word "manipulation" meant. (Which was at age 19.) Though they knew her as a troublemaker, it didn't take much more than a "It won't happen again, officer" to convince them that she was truly sorry of whatever crime she had committed (usually something along the lines of "disturbing the peace" or "public intoxication.") Sometimes she could even convince them that Discord or some other evil had cast a spell on her that caused her to spew vomit everywhere and cuss out a light pole. Ponyville citizens truly were far too forgiving. There was a new addition to the police force transferred over from Los Pegasus. The pony had just arrived in Ponyville a week prior, and as far as Berry knew, the mare hadn't noticed her yet. She was obviously new to the police force or in the least inexperienced- rumor had it that she was transferred over to Ponyville because she was unable to handle the crime rates in Las Pegasus. Ponyville was becoming well-known for being the place where incompetent or soft officers were sent. All the better for Berry. The fuchsia mare made a mental note of what the officer looked like and began to look for her around town. Her memory wasn't too great from years of spoiling her liver, so she had to focus hard in order to remember what she was doing at any given moment. "Pegasus, brown mane, orange coat. Pegasus, brown mane, orange coat," she repeated to herself. Berry had a hard time recognizing faces. In all honesty, they all looked the same to her, their eyes only sometimes distinguishing them. She had no idea how other ponies managed to tell one another apart. Eventually, Berry came across the horse she had been looking for. She took a quick glance at her uniform and learned that her name was Officer Pops. What was her first name again? She had to rack her brain... Oh, right. Lolly. Punny names were very in back in the 90s. Berry put on the most pitiful and hopeless looking face she possibly could before approaching the policemare from behind and tapping her on the shoulder. "O-officer Pops, I..." The pegasus turned around and looked her up and down. "Hey," she said finally, "Aren't you that pony that I was warned about talking to? Berry Punch, is it?" Berry felt her stomach flop. She guessed that the Ponyville police force weren't as gullible as she thought they were. Suddenly, a light in her head switched, and she remembered her know-it-all smartass unicorn twin sister studying in Canterlot. She had decided to dedicate her life to becoming a renowned shrink. She specialized in- you guessed it- substance abuse. Something about how watching their parents suffer from alcoholism first-hoof made her want to help others with the same issue. Such a weirdo. "No, you've got it all wrong! I'm Berryshine, her twin. You've got to believe me, I'm in big trouble and I need your help!" "Berryshine, huh?" the officer took a step toward Berry suspiciously. "Isn't Berryshine a unicorn?" "No, no, no! You must have it backwards. Happens all the time!" Punch laughed nervously. "I'm the earth pony, my sister is the unicorn!" "So where's Berry Punch? And where's your daughters?" "Berry Punch is up in Canterlot babysitting Piña and Ruby while I..." Berry took in a theatrical breath and sighed. "Well, I'm actually not supposed to be in Ponyville, that's what I wanted to talk to you about. I must have hopped on the wrong train or slept through my stop or something, because I was supposed to get off in Manehatten and I ended up here instead. I'm supposed to give a very important presentation while I'm there, and if I don't get there by tomorrow, I'm going to miss it! I don't have enough bits left over to get there, either!" The officer considered this for a moment, so Berry Punch pressed on in an attempt to further convince her. "The...results I've been having from my, er....studies....are groundbreaking! Absolutely world-shaking! They could change the way we study psychology forever!" "Really," Officer Pops said. "Well, I don't know. Manehatten's pretty far off. Sounds to me like the quickest way to get there"- She put on a pair of sunglasses and smiled- "would be with a police escort. Let's go, Berryshine! You've got minds to blow!"