Spitfire and Wasp

by The FraudulentBrit

Guy's Night In

It had been one week since the failed assault on Canterlot, and more importantly, Wasp’s desertion, and the mighty Megaton was losing what little patience he had. “Grah!” The large dragon shouted as he slammed his fist on the table, leaving a massive dent. “Wasp is too stupid to be able to hide this long!”

Inferno approached his master and nervously asked, “Would the master care for his stress ducky?” Megaton hesitated for a moment before he replied, “Yes. I would Inferno.” The red Halfling nodded and quickly departed his master’s planning room and returned a few minutes later with a large, yellow rubber ducky.

“You’re stress ducky master.” Inferno said as he presented the rubber ducky to his master. “Ah, yes.” Megaton replied with great pleasure as he grasped the duck and began to squeeze it intensely.

After a few good squeezes, Megaton asked, “So Inferno, has there been any word of Wasp’s whereabouts?” Inferno hesitated a few moments before he replied, “We haven’t heard anything, other than Trapdoor’s belief that he is somewhere near Cloudsdale.”

“Hm….” Megaton pondered as he squeezed his stress ducky. “Cloudsdale is inhabited primarily by pegasi. This means anyone who isn’t one would stand out like a sore thumb.” However, his mood swiftly changed to disappointment when he continued, “But we should have heard something from Trapdoor.” He had sent Trapdoor to scour the major Equestrian cities after Inferno and Quick Strike failed to find anything in Canterlot, but a single Halfling could only do so much.

Groaning in resignation, Megaton ordered, “That will be all Inferno. I require privacy.” “At once master.” Inferno replied as he bowed and departed, leaving the purple dragon to ponder.

“I know you’re out there Wasp.” Megaton said to himself menacingly. “I will find you, and when I do, you will beg for the sweet release of death, Yes.”

“Ok Wasp, once more from the top.” Spitfire said as she pointed to the top of a chalkboard with a staff. “What is this word up here?”

“Bat.” Wasp answered as he noticed the “B” at the start of the word, as well as the bat wing as well as baseball bat. “Wasp thinks it is bat.”

“Very good Wasp.” Spitfire replied. It had been a little over a week since the young Halfling had been into her life, and around four days since she introduced him to the other Wonderbolts, as well as learned he was illiterate. She had since begun to teach him some basic words. Right now she was teaching him the “at” family.

“Now, what is this word?” Spitfire said as she pointed to the next word, next to a picture of a feline.

“Zat.” Wasp replied. “Wasp is certain it is zat.”

Spitfire groaned as she corrected her young ward. “No, this is cat. C-A-T, cat.” Wasp backed away nervously, beginning to wimper. Spitfire realized she’d nearly lost her temper again, and took a deep breath as she began to speak.

“Sorry Wasp, but we’ve been over this. This symbol…” She then pointed to the “C” on the board. “…Is called “C”. A “C” makes a “sss” or a “kuh” sound, not a “zzz” sound.”

Wasp tilted his head as he asked, “But Wasp thought “C” made a “zzz” sound.”

Spitfire rubbed her temple as she answered, “No, that’s a “Z”, not a “C”.” For the most part Wasp had made progress, but he clearly had trouble with his “Zs”, “Cs”, and “Ss”, and if Wasp seemed to grasp it, he’d forget it within ten minutes (nine minutes and forty five point three seconds to be exact).

*Knock knock* The sound of knocking rang throughout the house. Spitfire let out a sigh of relief as she said, “Well, I think that’s enough grammar for one day.” She then set her pointer on the table as she continued, “Besides, I think someone is up for a playdate.”

“Wee!” Wasp squealed with delight. “Wasp gets to play with his friends!” Spitfire couldn’t help but smile at the sight, especially as Wasp began to prance around on his hooves.

Spitfire had agreed to bi weekly inspections, with Wasp only having to go to one of them so the former army captain could use “less than friendly wording” in his analysis. This meant some-pony had to keep an eye on Wasp, but High Winds had insisted she and Tailwind were more than willing to take up the task.

As Spitfire opened the door, she began to speak, “Thanks for helping me with this….” She then stopped to see that the pony before her wasn’t a light blue Pegasus mare, but a light blue Pegasus stallion. “Soarin?” Spitfire asked, totally stunned seeing her other teammate standing before her.

“Hey Spits.” Soarin greeted his captain. “Sorry I’m here and High Winds isn’t.” Spitfire began to look around as she asked, “Yeah, where is she anyway?” Soarin handed Spitfire a letter as he answered, “Tailwind needed me to give you this.”

Spitfire took the letter, opened it, and began to read it out loud.

“Spitfire,

I regret to inform you that we are not able to take care of Wasp today. Tailwind came under the weather a few days ago, and the doctor confirmed it as the flu. I am doing fine and the girls are as well, but we don’t want to risk Wasp getting sick in the event one of us comes down as well. Soarin was the next in line, so he volunteered to take care of Wasp tonight.

Sincerely,

High Winds.

Spitfire was stunned. “Ouch.” She said in a defeated tone. Soarin rested a hoof on her shoulder as he reassured her, “Don’t worry, I’ll take good care of him.”

“I know.” Spitfire replied as she managed to force a smile. “I know you will.” She then turned her head and called, “Wasp, can you come here for a moment?”

Wasp buzzed over, only to see a vaguely familiar stallion standing behind Spitfire. “Uh, who is blue pony again?” Wasp asked. Spitfire hesitated for a moment before she replied, “Wasp, this is my friend Soarin. Remember him?”

Wasp began to think before he remembered, “He Wonderbolt like you?” Soarin stepped forward and began to speak, “Yeah, we met a few days ago, remember?”

“Wasp remembers now!” The young Halfling replied. “Blue pony punched Bat pony.” Soarin began to laugh nervously as he scratched the back of his neck and added, “Yeah, let’s just say he had it coming.” Wasp then replied, “But why can’t Wasp be with Wind… Light….” Spitfire immediately interrupted, “High Winds?” “Yeah!” Wasp replied. “Wasp want to go with her.” Spitfire was afraid he might start to throw a tantrum.

Luckily, Soarin then spoke up, “Hey Wasp.” Wasp turned to him and tilted his head in curiosity. Soarin continued to speak, “I know we don’t really know each other, but I would really like to be your friend.”

“Really?” Wasp asked earnestly. Soarin made the motions of the Pinkie Promise as he replied, “Really.” To Spitfire’s surprise, Wasp flew up to Soarin and wrapped him in a massive hug. Soarin happily said, “Whoa there little guy, you’re pretty strong.”

He would have made another playful wise crack, but the sound of Wasp’s stomach growling made him change his mind. Soarin then asked, “So, you wanna grab a bite to eat and then we can play at my place?” Wasp let out an undeniably adorable squee as he pranced around Soarin before he climbed on the older stallion’s back.

Spitfire walked up to the two and sternly said, “Soarin, I want him back by nine and don’t feed him too much junk food. Wasp, behave yourself and obey everything he says.” Both stallion and Halfling nodded yes. The Wonderbolt captain then said, “Then off you two go. Have a good evening.” Soarin and Wasp then took off, departing for the former’s home.

Spitfire then let out a sigh of relief. “Phew, now to deal with captain killjoy.”

“Here we are! Me casa es su casa.” Soarin said warmly as he lowered his right wing, allowing Wasp to slide off. He had decided to not go for anything too extreme, simply going for a pleasant night in.

“What did blue pony say?” Wasp asked, unable to comprehend the phrase the older stallion had used. Soarin replied, “It means that my home is yours.”

Wasp began to eye the house before him. It was a simple one-story cloud house, hardly a shack but certainly more humble than Spitfire’s home. Soarin trotted up to the young Halfling and asked, “You like it?” Wasp hesitated for a moment before he replied, “Blue pony’s home is smaller than fire… Spitter Fire… Stire Flitter….”

“Yeah, Spitfire is kind of a bit of a showboat.” Soarin playfully teased. “Personally I prefer simplicity.” Wasp didn’t entirely understand what he meant, but the rumbling of his stomach distracted both him and Soarin. “Whoa, sounds like some-pony is hungry.” Soarin playfully said to Wasp. “How about I go whip us up some dinner?”

Soarin wasn’t lying when he said he preferred simplicity. There was a simple living room containing a brown couch and a coffee table, a few books strewn around, and perhaps most embarrassingly, a few empty pie trays.

“Eh, don’t mind these.” Soarin said embarrassingly as he quickly darted over to the trays, scooped them up, and managed to dump them in a nearby rubbish bin. “Yeah, make yourself comfortable, and I’ll see what we have to eat.”

Wasp nodded and began to nervously tip toe deeper into the living room. His eyes were entranced by everything he saw around the simple room, mostly pictures and photos that were adorned all over the walls. One photo that did catch his attention was just out of clear sight, something that irritated the Young Halfling.

“Ugh. Why picture too high for Wasp?!” Wasp angrily muttered to himself. However, he remembered that, as well as his arms and four legs, Wasp possessed two wings. After fluttering them for a few moments, Wasp began to flap faster until he levitated himself high enough to see the picture.

It was a large group picture of a group of ponies, all of whom were pegasi in blue flight suits with yellow lightning accents. In fact, one of them, if Wasp’s compound eyes weren’t lying to him, seemed to be Spitfire. She had a surprisingly cocky expression on her face and had folded her hooves confidently. Next to her was Soarin, noticeably less cocky but still very proud of himself.

“Yeah, that was a good day.” Soarin said from behind Wasp, making the small Halfling nervously scream as he crashed back to the cloud floor. Soarin immediately replied, “Whoa there kid. Sorry about that.” He then walked up to Wasp and extended a hoof to help his guest up.

Once Wasp was back on his hooves, Soarin noticed the picture again and let out a wistful sigh. “I always liked this one.” Wasp began to buzz up to it and found himself at the same height as Soarin’s face. Soarin noticed his guest was nearly looking him eye to eye and asked, “You like this one?”

“Picture has Fire…. Splice Funder…” Wasp struggled to remember her name before groaning and dejectedly continued, “….Fire Spitter in it.” Soarin let out a gentle laugh and replied, “Yeah, this was a picture of the whole team taken a few years ago.”

“Team?” Wasp asked. “Team as in Blunderbusses?” “Wonderbolts.” Soarin corrected Wasp. “And yeah, this is the entire team.” He then began to point at each of the teammates. “There’s me, Spitfire, Rainbow Dash, High Winds, Surprise, Misty Fly, Fleet Foot, Blaze…” Wasp began to recoil in disgust when Soarin pointed to Fleet Foot, angrily muttering “Red Eyes is bad pony.” Soarin let out a guilty sigh as he replied, “Yeah, Fleet Foot can be kind of a jerk sometimes. I mean this one time she….”

“Red Eyes threatened Fire Spitter.” Wasp grumbled angrily, metaphorical venom and actual saliva dripping from his mandibles. “Wasp hates Red Eyes.” Soarin immediately added, “Hey now, Fleet Foot isn’t as bad as you think. She was just angry at Spitfire.”

Wasp eventually let out an angry sigh as he replied, “Fine, but if Red Eyes hurts Fire Spitter again…” Wasp’s voice grew lower in pitch and far more monstrous. “Wasp will….”

“Whoa there!” Soarin called out, managing to snap Wasp out of his furious trance. Wasp then began to back away as his soft and sweet voice returned, “Wasp is sorry. Wasp just not want to lose Fire Spitter.”

Before either Soarin or Wasp could say anything else, the young Halfling’s stomach began to rumble. Soarin then said, “Come on kid, let’s go make some dinner.”

If Spitfire thought she lived comfortably, then it was clear Black Adder lived in borderline royalty. His home was a three story mansion in the forests beneath Cloudsdale. The fact that the shadows cast from the trees made it look like a haunted house didn’t help calm her nerves. She almost wanted to just dart away, leaving the mansion to wallow in the darkness.

Then the door opened, revealing Black Adder in a normal suit (albeit with a double breasted coat rather than a common coat) and a pipe clad in his mouth. “Ah, captain Spitfire.” The bat pony greeted in a tone that was amost impossible to tell if it was sarcasm or genuine. “I see you’ve decided to journey down to join us common folk.” He then paused for a moment before he quickly added, “Though come to think of it, we bat-ponies are probably the rarest of all ponies.” He then let out a controlled chuckle, all while Spitfire gave him an annoyed glare.

“Hilarious.” Spitfire deadpanned. “Can we just get this over with?” Black Adder nodded as he replied, “Very well. Come on in and make yourself comfortable.”

Spitfire was surprised to say the least of Black Adder’s home. The foyer and living room were clearly well maintained, and the walls were covered with portraits and pictures of many bat-ponies. From deeper inside the house, Black Adder called out, “Go ahead, take a look around. Just don’t touch anything, some of these are more valuable than your flight suits.”

Spitfire groaned as she continued to investigate. She soon found herself drawn to a picture nestled above the fireplace. As she stepped closer to it, she was surprised to see the picture was of a group of ponies, all of whom were either pegasi or earth ponies.

Black Adder was in the center in the group, clad in his olive suit and cap and sporting a confident smile on his face. The others were in similar uniforms, though with different uniform pieces as well as headgear. One was a white Pegasus in a similar uniform to Black Adder except for a red beret, one was a light purple bat pony with a camouflaged jumpsuit over his uniform and a helmet that resembled an odd salad bowl.

“That was a photo taken for publicity during the campaign against the Golden Horde.” Black Adder’s voice said from behind Spitfire, shocking the Wonderbolt captain. As she turned to see her bat-pony host walking towards her, his eyes betraying his nostalgic memories. “We spent three months on the front lines against endless waves of brutal barbarians.”

Spitfire was so taken back by this that she barely had time to react when he quickly changed the subject. “But enough reminiscing about the glory days. I need to know how Wasp has been doing the last few days.”

“Well, uh…” Spitfire began, struggling to regain her composure. “Well I’ve continued to enforce a schedule, We’ve been working on his spelling and writing, and I have been making sure he’s behaving.”

“I see.” Black Adder replied. “So, have we had any emotional problems?” The bat pony asked, stepping closer to Spitfire. As the Wonderbolt captain struggled to figure out what he was meaning, she realized what he meant and answered, “Well, I still have trouble with him calling me “fire spitter.””

“Ma’am, I doubt him struggling with your name is much of a behavior problem.” Black Adder bluntly answered. “That is unless you….” Then he realized something.

Sighing, Black Adder continued, “You snapped at him for calling you fire spitter?” Spitfire found herself guiltily pawing at the floor beneath her. Black Adder continued, “Seriously captain, you can’t just snap at a child like that.”

“But that name is…” Spitfire began, not quite angrily but hardly calmly. She was barely able to finish her statement when Black Adder grew a mischevious smile.

“Of course, you could tell Wasp what a rainbow tastes like.” Black Adder said cheekily. He then began to speak in a voice very similar to Wasp. “Wasp thinks that’s why Fire Spitter is called…”

Spitfire snapped. She couldn’t stand that name, and hearing what sounded like Wasp use that name. unable to control her rage any more, she charged at Black Adder.

She forgot that Black Adder had demonstrated how much of a capable fighter he was. Before she even realized she had charged him, Black Adder had managed to deflect her hooves and pin her to the floor. When she tried to use her wings to move, he stomped firmly on them, preventing her from escaping.

Black Adder began to speak again, this time firmly and angrily. “If you can’t keep your temper in check over a stupid nickname, how can I trust you to keep it in check with Wasp?” Spitfire realized what Black Adder was implying, and slowly began to calm down. Black Adder then released Spitfire’s wings before gently releasing her hooves.

“I think that has convinced me enough.” Black Adder coldly said as he began to trot towards the door. Spitfire, slowly rising to her hooves, asked, “Where are you going?”

“I’m going to wait at your house.” Black Adder answered. “So when High Winds returns with Wasp, I can take him and have him placed into foster custody.”

Spitfire was horrified. “What? Are you kidding?” She asked. Black Adder, incredibly stoic and unemotional, replied, “I’m not captain. You attempted to attack me because I called you a mean name. This proves to me that you are not capable of controlling your anger.” He then stepped forward meanacingly as he continued, “What happens if you react the same way to Wasp?”

Spitfire realized what Black Adder was implying. She could only hang her head in shame. Black Adder nodded confidently and replied, “Very well, I hope you have a good evening ma’am.”

“You know what?” Spitfire angrily asked, starting to tear up. “I’ve managed to not hit Wasp so far. And I’d rather die than hurt him.” As Black Adder stopped, she continued, “You know, maybe I’m not the best at being a parent, maybe I outright suck at it, and maybe I really am just the absolute worst like you think I am.” Black Adder didn’t say anything, simply standing there and taking in what she was saying.

“But I will tell you one thing Captain Killjoy!” Spitfire said as the tears began to pour from her eyes. “I made a promise to Wasp, and I’m going to keep my promise. And don’t you dare stand in my way!” For the next few minutes, Spitfire and Black Adder simply stood there, staring each other down, neither budging.

“That….” Black Adder began as he, to Spitfire’s shock, began to smile. “… Is exactly what I wanted to hear.” Spitfire was stunned speechless. Why was Black Adder trying to get her worked up?

“You see captain…” Black Adder continued as he placed his pipe in his mouth and began to put some powder in it as he pulled out some matches. “…I’ve dealt with more than a few rich wankers who thought adopting a kid would be an easy publicity stunt, so I began to pull this little scenario on them. It’s a little something to show me how ponies react under intense pressure.” As Spitfire realized what Black Adder meant by what he was saying, the bat pony continued, “Congratulations Spitfire, you passed the test.”

After a few minutes of calming down (as well as Spitfire venting with vocabulary both agreed should never be used around Wasp), both ponies resumed their re-evaluation. Spitfire could only think to herself, ‘I hope Wasp is having a good time.’

“Wasp is having good time!” Wasp cheered happily as he tore into the apple pie before him. As he lapped up the discarded pieces of apple pie around him with his long and yellow tongue, Soarin could only watch with both amazement and mild horror.

Soarin had made the seemingly innocent idea of letting Wasp taste his favorite treat, and now found he was regretting it. Wasp had devoured both his and Soarin’s pies, and now apples and pie crust were scattered all over the kitchen. Even with Wasp scooping every available morsel left, Soarin couldn’t help but dread having to clean the mess up.

It was then that he heard the sound of a door knocking. “Huh, who’s that?” Soarin asked himself. He then made his way over to the door, avoiding scraps of pie along the way. When he opened the door, he was surprised to see Spitfire, bags under her eyes and breathing heavily.

“Spitfire!?” Soarin asked. “What are you doing here? I thought your meeting would take like another hour or two.” Spitfire let out an exhausted sigh as she answered, “Yeah, Black Adder finished early.”

Soarin then noticed tear stains around her eyes, clear evidence that she had been crying. “Uh, you ok Spitfire?” Soarin asked, concerned for his captain.

“Yeah.” Spitfire replied, her voice betraying her exhaustion. “Black Adder pulled a real gut punch on me. Luckily he declared me a perfect fit for Wasp.” When Soarin gave her a confused look, she continued, “It means I don’t think he’ll be too much of a…” she then nervously looked around, making sure no pony was listening, before she whispered, “… too much of a pain in the ass.”

Soarin couldn’t help but start laughing. “That’s putting it lightly. I don’t like that guy.” Spitfire let out a playful chuckle as she replied, “I know, but I think we’re all going to have to learn to live with him, at least for Wasp’s sake.”

“Speaking of Wasp…” Soarin began. “I think I found someone who likes pies as much as me.” Spitfire asked, “Really?” Soarin nodded and motioned for Spitfire to enter his house.

Spitfire was certainly surprised to see Wasp licking the kitchen clean, gobbling every crumb of apple pie up. Soarin, meanwhile, was amazed to see that Wasp had, in the brief time he spent talking to Spitfire, eaten nearly all of the entire mess. The only reason he had stopped was because he noticed Spitfire had arrived.

“Fire Spitty!” Wasp cried in joy as he buzzed over to Spitfire and embraced her. “Fitty Spire came for Wasp!” Spitfire may have been somewhat unhappy at the fact that Wasp still had trouble with her name, she couldn’t help but have a warm feeling in her heart as the young Halfling embraced her.

“So, you had a fun night I take it?” Spitfire asked as she returned the hug. Wasp replied, “Blue pony was fun! Wasp and blue pony played games and ate pie! Wasp loves pie!” Soarin then walked over to the two and added, “Be careful with this little guy Spitfire. He has a massive sweet tooth.” Spitfire could only look around at the mostly cleaned mess and cheekily replied, “I couldn’t tell. Seems like you have a pie buddy.”

Soarin replied, “Yeah. We had a fun night. We gotta do this again some time.” Spitfire replied, “I think we can arrange that.” She then looked down to Wasp and asked, “What do you think little guy? You want to hang out with Soarin in the future?” Wasp let out a squee of joy as he replied, “Wasp likes blue pony.” He then climbed onto Spitfire’s back as he continue, “But Wasp likes Spitfire more.”

Wasp quickly realized what he had just said. “Wasp said Spitfire!” He realized he had done it again and continued, “Wasp said Spitfire again!” As the young Halfling began to prance around in happiness, Soarin remarked, “Wow, he hasn’t even managed to get my name yet.” Spitfire replied, “Right now it doesn’t matter.”

She then asked, “So Wasp, you want to go home?” Wasp replied, “Ok Spitfire. Wasp ready to go home.” Wasp returned to Spitfire’s back and made himself comfortable. Spitfire then faced Soarin and said, “Thanks again for looking after him.” Soarin replied, “No problem. I enjoyed myself.”

Spitfire then finished, “Take care Soarin.” She then departed the cloud house and took off for home. Soarin waved to the two as they disappeared out of sight. He then turned to get a mop and some soap; there was still some leftover pie stains left.

From behind the house, at an angle where one wouldn’t be able to see Spitfire leave or hear anything, another Halfling, a pink-red one with a pig nose like structure on his forehead, muttered to himself, “Found you at last Wasp.”