Sire’s Hollow had been quiet lately, and rather eerily so. In a way, it was almost a relief, after recent events, Stellar Flare had needed a day or two of peace. Constant stress and the struggles of motherhood had kept her busy, and after everything that had happened, she had really needed a break. But at the same time, after all that, and after this week of silence, it had grown to be too much, and she could no longer take it.
It had been over a week since she’d seen a certain duo of ponies, and she was growing worried. They’d always been such a social couple, and she knew, the moment she didn’t see them out together with the newest member of their family, that something was wrong.
And something wrong there had been, for it was only a few days later she saw them both again. It was in a quiet building, with over half the town gathered together for a day of grieving. They had both been there, but not in a way she’d ever hoped to see. Both had been silent and cold, in such drastically different ways that she never wanted to remember, but would be burned into her memories for years to come.
That had been the last time she’d seen the two of them, and it would be the very last time she saw one of them.
But as upsetting as it had been for her, she knew it much worse for that pony who had sat there wordlessly that whole day, broken and distant. It was hard to believe that just days before, he had been so excited for the future, for his little family to welcome one more member. And though that new member had entered the world healthy and happy, the first pony he’d ever truly loved had left it.
These thoughts had plagued her ever since that day, and upon stepping up to his door they seemed to worsen, but she would not allow them to fester. She needed to make sure they were alright.
She knocked on the door.
“Firelight, it’s Stellar Flare,” She said. After a moment of no response, she knocked again, “I know you’re in there, nopony’s seen you for days.”
Still nothing. She practically smacked the door with her next attempt, demanding, “Firelight, I swear if you don’t let me in this instant, I’ll-”
The door swung open, and with another slam of her hoof, she nearly fell in. Catching herself with a stumble, she heard the quiet cry of a foal and bolted back upright. A dim yellow glow from within the dark room, and the door shut behind her. Turning her head to follow that glow, she looked straight to the pony she’d been looking for.
“I’d only just gotten her to sleep, just so you know,” He muttered, head leaning against the armrest of the couch he was sprawled across. His daughter lay between his forelegs and against his chest, squirming and fussing as he halfheartedly tried to rock her.
To Stellar’s relief, the little filly looked healthy, laying on a blanket over her father’s chest. Her coat was bright, and her voice strong with her cries, all the signs that she’d been doing well. Her father on the other hoof, had certainly seen better days. His purple coat was scruffy and unkempt, his minty green mane a dirty and knotted mess that obscured his face as it hung over his eyes. They were noticeably bloodshot, and she could see the streaks beneath them.
Stellar might’ve jumped back when those bloodshot eyes rose to look at her.
“Why are you here?” He asked tiredly, giving his daughter the tip of his hoof. She grabbed onto it and began to suck on it, quieting her for the time being, “It’s not as if you were invited, last I knew you didn’t particularly like me.”
“Well, yes,” Stellar said, making her way to the nearest chair, pausing as she remembered that it had been hers, and ultimately deciding sitting on the floor would work just as well, “It’s just that I haven’t seen you in so long, and I thought I should check up on you.”
“You saw me just last week. At the funeral. You didn’t say a thing to me then, so what would’ve changed now?”
Stellar cringed. Firelight’s voice had risen a bit there, which was something he almost never did. The fact he’d just done so while his daughter was in his arms was more than enough evidence that she wasn’t welcome here. That didn’t mean she was about to leave though.
“I know, and that was wrong of me,” She admit, turning away to look at anything other than him. All the pictures that had once decorated the house were turned away or flipped onto their faces, and in a way, it made her uneasy, “But she was my friend too, remember? I was hurting. I still am. I know I should’ve said something, but with everypony else crowding you and saying something, I just didn’t think anything I’d say would feel meaningful after dozens of empty apologies.”
Firelight stared at her wordlessly, dropping his head back onto the couch’s armrest, removing his hoof from his daughter’s mouth to pet her gently. She began to fuss again, and with a groan he rose to a sitting position to cradle her in his arms.
“Well, you said something now, so you’re free to leave whenever. Preferably soon,” He said, before turning his attention to his daughter, voice softening, “Please don’t cry sweetie, Daddy’s right here. I know it’s hard, I know you don’t understand, but please just take a little nap for me, okay?”
The little filly just squirmed in his grasp, and Stellar had to resist jumping over to help. The sound of crying was putting her on edge, her own maternal instincts fighting with the knowledge that this wasn’t her child. This wasn’t her little Sunburst, he was at home with his own father, safe and happy.
Still, she couldn’t hold back, and with a quiet hum she called out, “Firelight?”
Either he didn’t hear her, or was ignoring her, because he didn’t look up from his daughter, rocking her gently. Her crying grew louder still, and tears began to form in his eyes as he choked out, “Please, I’m tired, you’re tired, we both need sleep, please-”
“Give her to me.”
This time he heard her. His head shot up fearfully, and he shook his head and held his daughter closer.
“Please Firelight,” Stellar demanded, thought gently, “You’re overwhelmed, and all you’re doing is stressing her out. Just give her to me for a moment, I won’t do anything other than hold her, I promise.”
Firelight backed against the couch, looking between Stellar and his daughter before letting out a defeated sigh. Reluctantly, he handed her over, though his eyes never left her. Stellar readjusted her in her grasp, removing the blanket loosely wrapped around her to give the fussy foal more room to squirm about. Her little pink hooves flailed in the air in frustration, practically wailing for whatever it was she wanted so badly.
Bouncing the filly a bit, Stellar asked, “When was the last time you fed her?”
“Uh, a couple of hours ago I think,” Firelight mumbled, looking at the clock on the wall, “I don’t think she’s a fan of the bottle, but we’d never intended to use them, so...”
He trailed off, looking away from the clock and down at the floor. Stellar stayed quiet, the rambunctious filly in her arms growing more frustrated, and with a sympathetic sigh, she gently set her on the floor. She settled down almost immediately, whinnying excitedly as she stood on all fours and got to scrambling around the room.
Both ponies perked up a bit as she ran, Stellar clapping her hooves together as she said, “Oh, I guess she just wanted to play.”
“I feel like that’s all she’s been doing. Haven’t gotten much sleep because of it,” Firelight sighed, “I was hoping she’d take a nap, but I guess she needs to take a couple more laps around the room first.”
He leaned against the couch, watching her tiredly. She continued to zip about, horn sparking in her excitement. She was still too young to control these tiny surges, only about two weeks if Stellar’s memory served correct. She’d been a bit too frazzled to keep time herself, between caring for her son and dealing with the death of her friend, it had all seemed to muddle together. Though it did lead to one unanswered question.
“So, what’s her name again?” She asked. Firelight looked at her, almost annoyed at her ignorance, “In my defense, I’ve been too busy with Sunburst to focus! I mean, I know you both had ideas, but I never quite figured out what you decided on.”
“Her name’s Starlight,” He said, turning back to the filly as she scrambled over to him at the mention of her name, “Starlight Glimmer. It… It was her mother’s idea.”
His body slumped after saying this, though a small, half hearted smile made its way to his face as Starlight leapt into his lap. She had her blanket in her mouth, and settling onto her back to stare at her father happily, began to suck on it.
“Okay, so maybe she’s hungry too,” Stellar said, head tilting in thought, “You said she doesn’t drink much from bottles, so do you have anything else for her?”
“Like what? Isn’t she a bit young to eat anything else?”
“Nonsense,” She scoffed, “Foals are curious, they always want to taste whatever you’re eating. And really, two weeks is plenty old enough to let her have a taste or two, assuming it’s something simple. Sunspot and I have been sure to serve something like sweet potatoes or peas along with our main meals, just in case Sunburst wants to have a nibble. I’m sure you have something like that, right?”
“Ah, well…” Firelight looked away, ears pinned against his head uncomfortably. Stellar cocked a brow in his direction, causing him to shrink back a bit more, “I haven’t really eaten all that much the past few days.”
“Celestia’s sake Firelight, I come over to make sure you’re taking care of your daughter and now I’m finding out you’re letting yourself waste away?”
“What did you expect me to do?” He asked, “Go out there and get pitied? I’m stressed enough just taking care of Starlight, I don’t need everypony in town getting in my way just to throw their empty apologies at me!”
“Firelight, calm down-”
“Don’t tell me to calm down! Do you know just how insincere that all sounds? ‘Oh, sorry for your loss’, or ‘she’s in a better place’. I don’t need to hear anymore of that! I don’t want to hear anymore of that! How is not being with our daughter, being in a better place?”
His voice had raised with each word, and though he never made it to the point of shouting, it was enough to distress Starlight. Spitting out the edge of her blanket, she began to cry, and Firelight quickly scooped her into his hooves to try and comfort her.
“It’s okay pumpkin, Daddy’s just a little stressed,” He assured, holding her against his chest and kissing her head. Starlight calmed quickly, nuzzling into her father's chest and nibbling on his frazzled hair, “I didn’t mean to yell. It’s okay.”
Stellar watched them wordlessly, unsure of what to say. She’d originally visited with the intention to make sure Starlight was in good hooves, and for a while she had completely ignored Firelight’s feelings. Of course he’d be upset, he’d just lost one of the most important ponies in his life. Not even a month ago he’d been so happy, so excited to see their little family grow. But his happiness was fleeting, and that plan of a happy future had been quickly torn away.
And as far as Stellar knew, no one had come to comfort him this entire time.
Making her way over to the couch, she sat beside him and asked, “May I?”
Glancing down at his daughter, Firelight nodded, then passed her over. She immediately began to squirm in Stellar’s grasp, unhappy to be held by this stranger again. She let out a few whines, alerting her father, who immediately tried to take her back, but he was pushed away.
“It’s alright, she just doesn’t trust me yet,” Stellar explained. Starlight made a face, sticking her tongue out, Stellar quickly responding by doing the same. This made the filly giggle, and Stellar smiled, “You said she was due for a feeding, yes? Perhaps after her belly’s full she’ll take that nap.”
“Right,” Firelight nodded, stumbling to his hooves, “I’ll go make the bottle and then pick up something at the store if you think that’s best, I’m running low on formula anyway.”
“Now stop right there. You are not going anywhere right now, especially looking as awful as you do.”
He paused mid step with a confused hum, turning to say, “But you said Starlight needs more solids, and the formula-”
“Firelight, I can handle feeding her,” Stellar argued, settling Starlight in one arm as she pointed toward him, “And you look absolutely awful. Everypony’s just gonna pity you more if you go out looking like that.”
He looked over himself, suddenly aware of how rough he looked. Not only was his coat scruffy, it had multiple tiny matted spots where his daughter had drooled on him. It had been a while since he’d looked at himself in the mirror, but a quick glance at his knotted tail, and he just knew his mane wasn’t faring much better. He wasn’t even sure if he wanted to know how bad his face looked.
“Take a shower,” Stellar demanded, her voice taking on what he could only consider a mother’s tone, “It’ll make you feel better. I’ll feed Starlight while you do that.”
“Would you like me to at least prepare the bottle?”
“No need, I’ve no use for one,” She said. Firelight stayed where he stood, a look of confusion on his face. Stellar stared right back, giving him her own look, one that he didn’t quite understand the meaning of until she quickly glanced downward. His gaze followed hers, the sudden realization of what she was referring to forcing him to blush in embarrassment.
“Oh, right. That.”
“Kinda already got the whole milk thing settled, y’know?”
“But what about Sunburst? Don’t you need to feed him too?”
“I very much doubt nursing another foal will harm him in any way,” She reassured, laying across the couch, “Besides, you said she was having a hard time with the bottle, maybe she just prefers a more natural way?”
“But-”
“Shower. Now.”
To her relief, he finally scrambled away. Settling herself comfortably on the couch, she set Starlight against her belly and guided her to where she needed to go. Even without the experience of having nursed before, the filly figured it out quickly, and it wasn’t long before she was calmly feeding. Stellar simply lay there as she did, used to the whole ordeal. Starlight was quite a bit rougher than what she was used to, but it wasn’t something she couldn’t handle.
If anything, it was almost fascinating. It wasn’t a huge surprise to see that another foal had such a different personality, but after caring for her own child all this time, it was an interesting experience. She’d grown used to Sunburst’s calmer nature, he hardly cried or caused a fuss. Starlight on the other hoof, seemed to be rambunctious and excitable.
She wondered if the two of them would ever get along.
Feeling Starlight finish, Stellar grabbed her and sat up, setting her on her shoulder and patting her back. Sure enough, the filly let out a burp much louder than one would expect from such a tiny body. With that, Stellar levitated over her blanket, observing it a moment, before setting it beside her. It was sky blue with a purple trim, kites covering it from top to bottom.
Stellar remembered it. From when it had just been scraps of fabric.
Setting Starlight onto the blanket, Stellar smiled sadly and said, “Your Mama made this just for you, did you know that? She’d always loved kites.”
Starlight simply smiled and stuck her tongue out again, eliciting a slightly happier smile from the mare. Stellar tickled her belly, making the filly laugh, though a yawn followed soon after.
“Oh thank goodness, here’s hoping you’ll finally let your father rest.”
As if on cue, Firelight rushed back into the room, coat and mane still near soaked despite the towel laid over his back. It looked as though he hadn’t fully scrubbed himself, but Stellar supposed a nice rinse had made him at least somewhat presentable.
“Is she okay?” He asked, “Nothing happened while I was gone?”
“Yes, she’s perfectly fine,” Stellar assured, motioning to the sleepy filly in her arms, “And I got her to eat without a fuss. I suppose that confirms my suspicion that she’s just not fond of bottles, or maybe you just don’t hold them right.”
She said the last part in jest, but Firelight frowned and looked away at the comment. Now that she thought about it, perhaps that hadn’t been the best thing to say, all things considered.
“Of course, that might just mean you need a bit more practice,” She said.
“Yeah, practice,” He mumbled, stepping over to sit on the couch and grab his daughter. She snuggled into his chest, letting out a satisfied grunt as she got comfortable.
They sat like that for a while, in mutual silence as both stared down at the little one. Firelight in quiet melancholy, and Stellar in something between sympathy and wonder. Starlight simply dozed off as they sat, snoring much louder than Stellar thought normal for such a little filly.
“Have you perhaps thought about hiring a wetnurse?” She asked eventually. Firelight seemed to stiffen at the suggestion.
“How could you even suggest such a thing?” He whispered harshly, desperately trying to not wake his daughter.
“Why wouldn’t I? She seemed much happier when nursing naturally, so wouldn’t it be easier that way?”
“Of course not!” His grip on Starlight tightened just slightly as he held her closer, “I can’t do that to her.”
“You can’t make things easier? For both of you?”
“No, I can’t!” Tears began to form in his eyes, and with a choked whisper he said, “I can’t just replace her like that.”
“Replace? What do you-”
“I can’t replace her mother like that!”
That time he had yelled, and though Starlight had let out a quiet whine at the outburst, she calmed quickly as she nuzzled back into her father, leaving the two older ponies to stare at each other in silence. Sympathy and guilt seemed to hit Stellar all at once, but she was frozen in shock, the knowledge that there was almost nothing she could do to reassure Firelight suddenly washing over her. After what felt like far too long, he eventually broke the silence with a quiet gasp, the tears finally flowing as he broke down.
“I’m a horrible pony,” He sobbed, collapsing to the ground, grip on his daughter loosening, “And an even worse father.”
Stellar’s shock broke instantly at this, and she rushed over. She put an arm under Firelight's, adding extra support to Starlight as she tried to assure, “You’re not a horrible father, Firelight. You’re just stressed, and that’s okay.”
“How is it okay?” He asked, “I can’t take care of Starlight! I can’t even take care of myself!”
“You can’t take care of yourself because all you’ve been doing is taking care of Starlight!”
She removed the arm supporting the filly and used it to lift Firelight’s chin so he could look at her. His coat was still ruffled and damp, his tears adding to that, but she didn’t let that distract her as she stared him in the eyes
“Firelight, you’ve done a wonderful job taking care of Starlight. She’s curious and healthy, all things a foal should be, and it proves that you’ve been doing everything for your little filly that you can. But in a way, that’s the problem,” She explained, voice stern and perhaps a bit motherly out of growing habit, “But you’ve been entirely alone doing this. You’ve spent so much time stressing about Starlight, making sure she’s fed and sleeping, that you’ve been neglecting your own health for her sake. And I understand, I really do. You love her, you don't want to fail her, you don’t want to lose her. But if you keep doing this, it’ll only get worse for you both.”
He opened his mouth to say something back, but couldn’t, nothing more than a choked sob escaping him. Lifting Starlight just enough to nuzzle her gently, his tears continued to flow, and he whispered, “I don’t know what to do anymore…”
“I think I do, but you might not like it,” Stellar said, a small, sympathetic smile upon her face, “You need to rest, but as long as you have Starlight, I don’t think you will.”
Firelight held his daughter close. “What are you suggesting?”
“I’m suggesting that, for the rest of the afternoon, I take Starlight,” She said. Firelight’s eyes widened at this, and he turned away from her, “It’ll only be for a few hours, I promise.”
“I don’t want to.”
“This isn’t about what you want, this is about what you need.”
It had come out sounding much crueler than anticipated, but it was the truth. Firelight needed a break, but as long as he was so focused on both Starlight and his grief, he would only continue to decline. And if that were to be the case, eventually Starlight would as well. So really, it was for both their sakes.
He was still entirely unconvinced, arguing, “And Starlight needs me. I won’t let you take her.”
“I’m not taking her, I’m simply asking if you’ll allow me to babysit her so you can finally have some time to yourself,” She explained. Her sympathetic smile had long since faded, replaced by something a little more strained, “And I will keep asking until you realize just how badly you need to rest.”
Firelight seemed as though he was about to say something, his mouth opening, and then staying that way. His grip on Starlight loosened a bit, and he quietly asked, “Just for a few hours?”
“Only a few hours,” Stellar repeated with a gentle nod, “Just enough time for you to have a moment to yourself.”
He hesitated, looking between Stellar and Starlight before a sigh escaped him. Then lifting his daughter to gently kiss her head, he passed her over to Stellar.
“Thank you, Firelight. I’ll be sure to take good care of her,” She said.
“I think I should be thanking you,” He whispered, glancing away. Stellar tilted her head curiously, leaning just enough to be back within his view, “I know I need a break, I really do, but…”
He bit his lip, trying to hold back another round of sobs. Only a few tears rolled down his cheeks this time, and in a moment of kindness, Stellar stepped over to sit next to him.
“She looks so much like her,” He choked out.
“I know.” Stellar wrapped her free arm around him, leaning against him just slightly in the closest thing to a hug she could manage, “I can see so much of her mother in her too, but it’s nice to see you still have a part of her, right?”
Firelight made a noise, one she couldn’t tell if it was a laugh or a sob, but upon glancing at his face he seemed to be smiling.
“I guess you’re right,” He said.
“So, am I allowed to take her then?” She asked, mostly out of consideration for Firelight, “I’ll drop her off as soon as evening hits, does that sound fair?”
He nodded, “As long as it's just for the rest of the afternoon.”
“Glad to hear, now get some rest. I’ll be sure to keep my eye on her, and do my best to keep her happy. Maybe she’ll even get Sunburst to open a bit, he’s such a meek little foal,” Stellar said, before realizing she’d begun to ramble, at which she chuckled nervously, “Oh, sorry about that, I’ve gone off topic.”
“It’s fine.” A much more convincing smile had made its way to Firelight’s face, though when he lifted himself to look at Stellar, there was still that sadness in his posture. His ears had perked a bit, though his cheeks were still streaked with tears, “I’m sure she’ll make a wonderful little friend for Sunburst.”
Stellar nodded, making her way to the door before pausing. She seemed to hesitate, but after a moment she turned back to Firelight.
“Actually, would you be alright to pick up Starlight yourself?” She asked, “Sunspot’s making dinner tonight, and I’m sure we’ll have plenty to spare. You don’t have to stay long, but since you said you haven’t eaten much, it’s the least I could offer.”
He took a moment to answer, but eventually nodded, “I think that would be nice.”
She smiled, taking one step out the door before pausing, at which she turned and said, “She’d be very proud of you, I hope you know that.”
At that, she left, leaving Firelight in the emptiness of his own home. For a moment, he wanted to run after her, to get Starlight back, but he knew better. Everything Stellar said had been true. He’d been neglecting himself for Starlight’s benefit, and though he wouldn’t admit it, all the stress had been driving him mad. He’d nearly broken down numerous times, wishing so badly that things could’ve been the way they were supposed to, that he’d have his special somepony to help him with this difficult time.
But he didn’t have her, and he would never have her again. Yet at the same time, he wasn’t truly alone, was he? Stellar had been worried enough to stop by, and even if it had been for Starlight’s sake initially, she’d done something for him as well.
Rising to his hooves, he shook himself, the towel from his shower finally slipping off his back. He’d pick it up later, right now he had something else to do. He made his way to the table nearby, a large picture frame face down upon it. He stared at it a moment, before picking it up in his magic to place it back in its proper position. There were two ponies in that picture, dressed in wedding garb with their heads leaning against each other lovingly. A picture that had done nothing but hurt him every time he remembered it these past few days.
One of these ponies was him. The other one was her.
Next to that picture, was a photo of just her. A lovely pink unicorn, happier than ever, her purple mane curled just slightly as she posed herself in a silly way, tongue sticking out at the camera. She’d never thought photos should all be so professional and stiff, and had wanted at least one that portrayed how she really felt about all that. This was that picture.
He picked that one up to look at it sadly.
“I do hope you're proud of me,” He said, knowing she’d never respond, yet hoping she would.
He made his way to the couch, not quite ready to sleep in the bedroom again, at least not alone. It would take a while before he was ready to do that again, but for now the couch would do. Making himself comfortable, he set the picture on the table beside it, smiling sadly.
“I know this isn’t quite what we expected our daughter to grow up with, but I’m doing my best,” He said, “Maybe even a little too hard, but at least Stellar’s here to kick some sense into me.”
Adjusting his position he threw a blanket over himself and shut his eyes. Exhaustion hit him quick, and he was almost out before he mumbled one last thing.
“Good night Aurora.”
It was going to be hard without her, but not impossible. He’d make sure of it.