After Pearl had stopped crying, I decided that I should take her home, to our house. Though Applejack and Fin have been wonderful throughout all my years attempting to raise Pearl alone, this… is a story that she needs to hear from me, and… just me. I’ve relied on my friends and family all this time, but… looking back, I’m beginning to suspect that I used them as a way to avoid trying to face my baby myself.
I always get so anxious, thinking that any move I make will be wrong and that no matter what I do she’ll end up repeating my mistakes. I simply don’t know Pearl well enough to think otherwise, and that… would be the crux of it, wouldn’t it? I hardly know my daughter. I’m afraid of who she might become because of my bad influence. Even worse, I believe that I am a bad influence on my own daughter.
She really is right, even when she’s not. I try to make sure Pearl sees my friends and just how much better parents they’ve all become and stay away from her myself because I want nothing more than for her to not turn out like me. So many mistakes, so many bad decisions, none of them anything I would want for my baby.
But, as it turns out, even that, is a mistake. I shouldn’t be trying to push her onto others, I shouldn’t be running away from my most important responsibility, and I shouldn’t be hiding from the one pony I love more than anypony else in the world.
After Applejack apologized for yelling, though I really did need that push to move forward, she offered to drive us back. The truck was silent, save for the occasional swear from the driver about the other drivers on the road. Unease floated in the air, and I couldn’t bring myself to look her in the eyes. How malicious could this other filly have been to plan to cut Pearl’s mane off? Where were the teachers? Why didn’t anypony stop them? Doesn’t pearl know any magic?
I bit into my lip. I should know these things. I’m her mother, for goddess sake! I don’t even know if she can use any magic beyond a basic degree! How did I let it get this far? What a mess this has turned out to be…
When we arrived, I told Pearl to go inside and get washed up. A shower always makes me feel better in the morning after, maybe it works for everypony. If nothing else, it would give me time to think a little longer before I finally have to face her.
What am I going to say? What am I going to do? Do I… do I get into the details of what I’ve been doing? Do I… do I try to explain how taxing my job is and that sometimes, I just… need a release? Or… maybe do I just start with Fancy Pants and try to go on from there? She… she deserves to know the truth, but what if she wants to meet him? That bridge has long been burned, would he even be willing to see us? Would I want him around my Pearl? I know what he is, if I’m a bad influence on her, Fancy would certainly be far, far worse. Maybe-
“Rarity?”
A hoof on my shoulder and the concerned eyes of a friend broke through my cloud of doubt. Remembering an old trick, I put a hoof on my chest and steadied my breath. “Thank you.”
Applejack nodded. “It’s alright. That’s what friends are for, aren’t they?”
I put my hoof on hers and nodded. “Right.” I let out a nervous chuckle. “That one stuck, didn’t it?”
“Ah suppose it did.” Applejack put her hoof back on the wheel. We silently watched Pearl enter my house, motioning her to go on ahead when she looked back to us for some kind of signal. Once the door shut, Applejack took a deep breath.
“Rarity?”
Slowly, I turned. “Yes?”
“What Ah’m a bout ta say doesn’t leave this truck, ya hear?”
I frowned. “Are… are you sure you want to do that? You know me.”
She nodded. “Oh, Ah do, which is why Ah say that.” She took a deep breath. “When Ah met Fin, Ah was… well, let’s just say, ‘not in a good place.’ Ah… don’t typically like ta confide in other ponies very often, and when Ah do, it’s… usually ta you.”
“Oh, darling, I-”
She held a hoof up. “Don’t interrupt, this ain’t a nice story.”
I leaned back and crossed my hooves. “Very well then, go on.”
“You… weren’t around fer me ta… ta vent ta, and this was in the early days of radio communication, so Ah couldn’t even call ya without goin’ through a third party, and Ah wasn’t willin’ ta do that.”
“Because you wouldn’t, I know this.”
She nodded. “Right. So, that was around the time Mac met Sugarbelle, and Ah saw it the first time they were together. They were made fer each other, ya know?”
“Yes, they were, weren’t they?” I remember the wedding, and it was simply splendid. Him fumbling over his words in the best way he could to speak his vows, her delightful laughing and loving smile. A wonderful pair of a shy stallion and a lovely mare, a match made in heaven that went on to produce a large and prosperous family of berry colored apples. If I remember correctly, that was… Eighteen years ago? Goodness, how time flies.
“Well… Ah was… less than happy about it.”
“You were?”
“Ah was. Ah was mad. Mac left every other day ta be with her, givin’ me and Applebloom all his extra work while Granny was startin’ ta show the early signs of her Alzheimer’s settin’ in. It was more than inconvenient, it felt like he was bein’ irresponsible, just… goin’ off doin’ whatever the hell he felt like, leavin’ me ta take care of this crumblin’ old apple orchard alone! Ah was furious! But… Ah… just didn’t have it in me ta say anythin’ about it.
“This was the first time Ah’d ever seen him so happy since Pa died. We all suffered from that, but Mac… Mac practically stopped speakin’ all together after that. It was nice ta see him, not only talkin’, but tryin’ ta show affection with his words again. So… rather than… air out my problems with him, Ah did what Pa used ta do, and went ta the bottle.”
I raised a brow. “You? Drinking? I know we used to have those cider parties, but I never thought…”
Applejack shook her head. “Me neither. Pa had a temper when he got sauced, and though he only ever took it out on us once, he wasn’t much of a drinker before Ma passed either. Mac and Ah said we would never drink after it happened, and Pa was so sorry about it that he threw out all the alcohol in the house the next day, but… Ah suppose it’s just somethin’ that runs in Apple blood.
“Anyway, that’s another story. Like father, like daughter, Ah got upset and depressed, Ah vented it with alcohol, and one night, Ah’d ran out of my own supply. Ah hid all this from Mac, so it wasn’t like Ah could go inta the house or start drinkin’ the cider that kept us afloat, especially since he wasn’t around ta work as often, so… Ah… made a life changin’ decision.”
And then, it clicked. “Oh sweet Goddess.”
She nodded. “That’s why his name is Whiskey.”
“You… you really…?”
“Fin wasn’t even supposed ta be in Ponyville that night. When we tell ponies he wandered inta town, we mean it. He got lost tryin’ ta make it ta the Appaloosa base and wound up here thanks ta takin’ the wrong train. With nothin’ better ta do and the next train ta Appaloosa not comin’ in for three days, he rented a place ta stay and spent his free time at the bar. One thing led ta another, and Ah woke up the next day in his bed.”
She leaned back in the seat and put her hooves over her eyes. “Ah was so ashamed of myself that Ah didn’t even get his name before Ah ran back home. A complete stranger. A drunken night. Mac was off preparin’ ta get married and Ah… Ah just gave myself away ta some stallion Ah didn’t even know because Ah was upset about losin’ my brother ta some other mare. And, of course, when it rains, it pours, Ah found out about Whiskey not but a week later.”
“Oh, Applejack…”
She shook her head. “Ah didn’t know what ta do. Ah was lost and confused and Ah didn’t have anypony ta turn ta. Granny was losin’ it, Ah couldn’t bring myself ta tell Mac what Ah’d done, Ah kept it a secret from everypony Ah knew, and y’all were… Off, livin’ yer life, makin’ yer dream real.”
She took a deep breath and let her hooves fall into her lap. “After a few weeks, Ah… started ta get desperate and… Ah went ta a dark place.”
I nearly gasped. I had to hold my breath. Of all the ponies I knew, Applejack was somepony I never believed would even consider…
“Ah knew what it was. Ah knew Ah was about ta have somepony commit a murder in me. Ah couldn’t bring myself ta do it. A little somethin’ in my head kept tellin’ me it wasn’t right, the baby doesn’t get a say in this, it’s not fair. This was my fault, it was my decision, not his. Then Ah… Ah considered givin’ up entirely. If Ah… If Ah took us both together, at least… at least he wouldn’t be motherless.”
She swallowed and shuddered through tears. “If… If Fin hadn’t come back… If he just left and never tried ta find me again, Ah don’t know that Ah’d be here talkin’ ta ya right now. That stallion is more than Ah deserve. He caught me the day Ah was gonna do it. Said, ‘Well hey there beautiful. Ah’ve been lookin’ all over for ya.’ It was just some cheesy pickup line, but it was everythin’ Ah needed and more.
“He… he saved my life. He saved his son’s life. He just wanted ta get ta know me and Ah unloaded everythin’ on him the moment Ah got a chance. And…” She wiped at her eyes, and a slight smirk crept up her face. “He said a very ‘Fin’ thing ta say. ‘Ah suppose Ah don’t have any real plans for my life. Why not? Let’s raise him together. Ah’m Fin, by the way.’”
She let out a breath, steadied herself, and then looked me in the eyes. “That’s… why Ah just blew up on ya earlier. Y’all… Ya kept her anyways. Ya didn’t even consider throwin’ her life away, and ya made the decision ta raise her yerself, knowin’ that ya had no idea how ta do it. Ah didn’t have it in me ta do that, and Ah’m yer idea of a perfect mother? You’re so full of shit Rarity, ya don’t even know it.
“You can do this. Ya’ve been doin’ it all this time, and there’s not a day that goes by where that little filly ain’t the first thing on yer mind. You’re doin’ the best ya can, whatever ya think is best fer her, and ya can’t even see that. There is no right way ta do this. No guide ta life, no manual that tells ya how it works. We learn from trial and error, we observe history ta learn lessons the ponies before us took ta heart, and try ta figure it out ourselves from there.
“So don’t you dare call me perfect. We just look like we know because we’ve got somepony else ta lean on.”
I threw myself at the mare. “Oh, Ap-ple-jack! I never knew! Why didn’t you tell me? I would’ve helped you if I could have, you shouldn’t have suffered like that alone!”
She sighed and patted my shoulder. “Ah know ya would’ve, Rare. And that’s why Ah didn’t wanna bother ya. Ya were off followin’ yer dreams, Ah didn’t want ya bogged down in my mistake while ya were so close ta gettin’ everythin’ ya ever wanted.”
I wiped at my own eyes and huffed. “Talk about never learning, hmph. You should’ve known better.”
“Ah know. Takes a few tries ta get it ta stick. We’re… just ponies, after all.” She unlocked the doors and pointed at the front door to my house. “Now go in there and say everythin’ ya need ta say. That was the past, this is now. We can’t fix mistakes already made, but we can at least try ta make the future better.”
I let out a breath and let my head fall to the side. “Ffffffffine. I… suppose after that, I really can’t back out of this, can I?”
She chuckled. “It’s about thirteen years too late ta back out of this now, ain’t it?”
“It… certainly is. However!” I raised a hoof, then put it inches from Applejack’s snout. “You are not quite off the hook just yet young lady!”
“Ah haven’t been a ‘young lady’ in twenty years.”
“I want to have a thorough discussion with you about all of this! Whiskey, Cider, Stout, Gin, Draft and Craft… I’ve always found it odd that their names all seem so unusual for Apple family names, and you’re not telling me things!”
She rolled her eyes and leaned her elbow against the window. “Get outta my car.”
“Oh, I most certainly will! You’d better have tomorrow free!”
I opened the truck door and she shooed me away. “We’ll see. Now go on, git.”