//------------------------------// // Hello Darkness, My Old Friend // Story: Traveling A New Road // by Longhaul //------------------------------// 7. Hello Darkness, My Old Friend All in all, I must admit things have been going well since my arrival in Equestria. For the most part, the citizens of Ponyville have been accepting of the strange bipedal creature that lives among them, with his weird habits such as wearing clothes all the time, and having no real magic to speak of. I’m able to make enough bits to be comfortable, working as a general handyman and doing light repair work, freeing the general contractors to do larger, more complex jobs. With their assistance, and some helpful lessons from the Apples, I’ve even been able to attempt more complex repairs. The contractors know I’m not out to steal business away from them, and I even go as far as to recommend the proper contractor for more complex jobs requiring true professionals. From the night Vinyl tried to engineer a relationship between myself and Octavia Melody, a renowned cellist and lovely mare in her own right, we’ve developed a fast friendship over the weeks that followed. We’re not pushing things, oh no, we’re quite content to just let whatever happens, happen. So far, it’s been nothing overly romantic, just doing things together when our schedules allow it. Mine is a bit more flexible than hers, which gives me more time to plan for those times when her rehearsal schedule is free and clear. From nights seeing the latest shows to quiet nights of dinner and music at my house, we’ve been spending a great deal of time together, much to Vinyl’s delight, and she never wastes an opportunity to gloat over how perfect we are as a pair. So, it came as a shock to me when old feelings, those I thought I left behind in my old world, resurfaced after the first few outings with Octavia. I knew those feelings well. Feelings of inadequacy, feeling old, stupid, worthless…and the inevitable bouts of irrational sadness that accompany them. I tried to think of what might have triggered their resurgence. Was I not sleeping enough? Had somepony slighted me in such a way as to question my true worth to the citizens of Ponyville? Were the royal sisters angry at me for something I did or said, whatever it might have been? Or, was it my deepening feelings for Octavia that were fueling my doubts, taunting me with questions about why such a lovely creature like her would want to waste time with an ugly mutant such as myself? One thing I was thankful for was that I could clear my schedule fairly quickly, so when the feelings began their full assault, I was able to place myself on ‘emergency call only’ and sequester myself at home until they passed. They always passed before, no reason to suspect they wouldn’t this time, right? Usually, some sad music would help me release my feelings and allow me to lift myself up out of the funk I was in. I resolved to maintain some semblance of a schedule for myself, rising at a certain hour each day, sleeping as much as I could at night, taking care of personal hygiene, doing the everyday tasks I needed to do. If I could still do those, then there was a hope I could get out of this. I was laying on my sofa, soft music playing, when I heard a knock on the door. I got up, made myself look halfway presentable despite the fact I hadn’t shaved, which wasn’t all that big of a deal in a land where every other creature has some form of fur growing on their face, but it did make me look scraggly, and opened the door. Of all the things I expected to see, the one thing I never would have expected was Octavia standing on my front step with a worried look on her face. “Hello, Miss Octavia, would you like to come in?” I asked as nonchalantly as I could. She looked at me carefully. “You look terrible. Are you okay, do you feel well?” she asked, reaching a hoof up to check my temperature. “You’re not coming down with anything, are you? I heard there was an outbreak of pony pox going around…” I shook my head. “I’m fine, at least physically. And, from what the doctors around here tell me, I should be immune from pony pox just based on my physiology. Please, come in and I’ll try to explain what’s going on.” Octavia trotted into my house and took a seat on the sofa. I sat down next to her after opening the curtains a little bit to let more natural light in. “I was hoping I wouldn’t need to talk to you about this,” I sighed, “but since it’s come up…” She took note of my puffy eyes and seemingly run-down appearance. “Have you been crying?” “More like my eyes have developed spontaneous leaks,” I quipped, trying to defuse the tension in the room. “You see, back where I came from, I used to get these bouts of…well, sadness from time to time. Mostly I’d fret over something stressful in my life, or would suddenly and unexpectedly feel very down when things in reality were going just fine. I don’t know why it happens, and I never know when it’s going to start. I was hoping, that after moving here and being here for so long without having an episode, that it was finally going to leave me alone.” Octavia took in what I said. “I think I understand. It’s a mild form of depression, correct?” “Sort of. It’s also a collection of doubts that grows uncontrollably.” I took a deep breath. “And it seems that it’s manifested in our being together. Now, I’m not saying that we need to stop that, on the contrary. I don’t want us to go our separate ways, because I really am fond of you.” Octavia smiled a little. “And I of you. Please, continue. What are you doubting about us?” “It started as a doubt, but grew into a fear. At first, it was little questions, such as how you could even find something like me attractive, or worth being around…and it snowballed into a genuine fear that I’m gonna mess something up and make you hate me.” I hung my head. “I say with all honesty, the very last thing I would want to do, in this world or any other, is hurt you like that, and I know that we’ve been so happy being with each other for all of these weeks now…” I didn’t want to do this in front of her, but I couldn’t stem the tears no matter how hard I tried. “I don’t want to lose you, Tavi. As a friend or a possible romantic partner, if things progress to that point.” The next thing I remember feeling was a strong set of forelegs wrapping around me and pulling me tight against the softest fur I had ever felt. Nothing was said as I sat there and let my tears flow, and she stroked my hair and let me release all of my ears and doubts through the flood issuing from my eyes. “I’ve been worried, too,” she whispered after a few minutes had passed. “I was always afraid that maybe you wouldn’t want to be romantic with another species. Vinyl said it was all nonsense, but the worry remained. Seeing you now, like this…I have no worries that you could truly have affection for me, regardless of the fact that I’m a pony.” I lifted my head reluctantly from her soft chest fur. “That has nothing to do with how I feel about you. I find you a beautiful mare, but I also value your inner beauty. You have a lovely, engaging mind. You’re very intelligent, very talented, and a very easygoing type, which I happen to find quite desirable. I knew there was something about you I really liked when we first met, and I dare say it’s quite possible it could blossom into a full-blown case of love. All I ask is, as long as I’m being honest with you about how I feel, that you would do the same for me. Will you promise me that?” A set of lips met my cheek, and I was once again wrapped in a tight embrace. We held each other for I-have-no-idea how long, nor was I in a hurry to have it end. We eventually broke apart and Octavia smiled at me. “You smell minty,” she said. “Mouthwash. I had rinsed not long before you showed up.” I smacked my lips a few times. “Guess it’s a good thing I did. So, was that a ‘yes’ on your part?” She pulled me closer. “That’s a ‘definitely.’ It’s because I found myself a creature from another world that’s funny, smart, has decent taste in music and food, and makes me feel like a filly every time we’re together.” She booped me on the nose. “I’m gonna get rid of those fears and doubts about us, even if it takes me the rest of my life to do that.” I smiled and wrapped my arms around her tighter. “Challenge accepted,” I said, hugging her close. *~*~*~*~* The fire crackled and popped in the firepit behind my house. I sat outside, alone, Octavia having left hours ago. After our little affirmations with each other, we went out for a lovely lunch and spent the day just enjoying each other’s company. She informed me that Vinyl would be dropping by tomorrow with some recording equipment to retrieve those songs and some others she wanted to use for her shows. Since Vinyl was working tonight, I was told not to expect her until mid-afternoon at the earliest. And so, here I sat, reflecting on the events of the day and pondering the future ahead. The soft flapping of wings and a gentle thump behind me announced my usual nocturnal visitor on nights when I had the fire going. Luna sat down on the cushions next to me, and poured herself a glass of iced tea using her magic. “So,” she inquired, “is't true what I’ve been hearing this evening?” “I don’t know,” I answered innocently. “What have you been hearing?” “That a certain human and a certain musician in a certain sleepy little town are becoming quite the item.” Luna smirked. “If 't be true, then I off'r congratulations to thee.” I smirked. “I don’t know if I can use the word item right now, but we are seeing quite a bit of each other. We’re just taking it one step at a time.” “It pleases me that thou hast found a companion. Mine own sister and I were worried that thou wouldst be rather lonely whilst thou were here.” Luna sipped her tea and stared into the fire. I did the same, pondering a question that had been stuck inside my head for a few days now. “How did you do it?” I asked. Luna looked puzzled. “Do what?” “I read stories about your isolation and eventual return to Equestria, and I was curious how you made the transition from being alone in the world to having lots of others that care about you. I’m still having a tough time getting used to all of the attention, and it’s hard to tell which ones are sincere and which are only after something for their own gain.” Luna sighed, and took a large drink. “I appreciate thou calling it ‘isolation,’ but make no mistake, ‘twas a punishment. I harbor no illusions about it. Being in a position of power made things more difficult, with those only wishing to claim my friendship to gain favor with my sister. Or, those wishing to further their own power by being close to me. T’wasn’t easy at first to sort out those from the rest that truly called themselves friends, but I did learn one important thing. True friends only worry about one thing. They worry about thee, how thou art feeling, and if they can help in any way should troubles arise. They don’t seek personal gain, or glory, or fortune from thee. I consider thee a friend in that regard, and I hope thou dost consider me a friend of thine as well.” I nodded, a grin on my face. “I do, Luna. You’ve always been a big help to me, as has your sister, and I don’t know if I can ever repay that debt, but I will be more than willing to assist you should you need my help.” “I am very pleased to hear that,” Luna said happily. “Now, dost thou consider Miss Melody a friend also?” “I do, very much,” I answered. “In time, I am hopeful that I can even call her something more.”