Anon scratched his head at the curious wording of the lesson. Get Physical? Anon pondered. Getting physical has plenty of connotations, none of which was very appealing. Still, it was on the list and at very least he can choose to interpret the directions as playing a game of fetch and going home. That was, if he could locate the pony.
Anon had spent about 5 minutes jogging across Ponyville, following the rainbow trails Rainbow left behind. Whenever he would reach the destination, however, she would then fly off in another direction. All the while, she was unaware that Anon had been attempting to get her attention. Not that he made much of an effort. He refused to raise his voice beyond a shout, already not wanting to bring anymore attention to himself than he had to. Undoubtedly, Celestia’s going to challenge him to join a social event, but that time is not now.
After jogging back and forth between landmark to landmark, Anon became winded. More often than he wanted, he had to stop to allow for the burning sensation in his legs. Even in the Everfree, he was more a hermit laying traps than an active hunter chasing prey. So all this physical exertion was a bit much for him. Anon managed to follow Rainbow into a field before collapsing by a tree. The sun was out in full force, bearing down hard on Anonymous’s skin. He crawled under the shade of the tree, granting himself a brief reprieve.
“The least she could do was turn down the brightness…” Anon grumbled laying his back against the tree. He wiped the sweat from his brow and gazed off into the distance. He allowed himself to admire the vista of distant mountains and lush green fields. It wasn’t often he took this time to appreciate nature, but Equestria sure made it easier. Much like everything else, it was idyllic. Anon’s concentration was broken by the rustling of the leaves in the tree. He looked up to see a certain blue, rainbow-headed pony staring back down at him.
“Anon?” She asked. “What are you doing all the way out here?” Anon let out a long sigh.
“Guess I’m just taking in the view.” Anon lied, looking back at the view ahead. All the energy to engage with horses today fell out of him during the chase. However, Rainbow clearly wanted attention as she hovered in front of his view.
“Taking in the view, huh?” She places a hoof to her chin, plotting something. “Well then, how about I offer you a show?”
Things a permavirgin wishes to hear from their waifu. Anon thought with a smirk, followed by a frown. Who am I kidding, I want to hear that from my waifu!
“A show?” Anon raised an eyebrow, curious to what Rainbow could possibly offer.
“Yup. You see, I’m something of a celebrity around here.” Rainbow shined her hoof on her chest, then admired it as one with an ego would.
“Yeah, I recall. You were a...Thundercolt, right?”
“Wonderbolt!” Rainbow corrected. “I am a Wonderbolt. The Wonderbolts are some of the greatest flyers in all of Equestria. We perform shows and take on important missions all over. I’m something of a star amongst them.”
“Say, does your neck get sore from carrying that swelled head of yours when you fly?”
“Well actually-” Rainbow stopped herself when she fully realized the question. She glared at Anon. “I see you didn’t change all that much since we first met.”
Anon opened his mouth, no doubt ready to engage in more shittalking. However, he hesitated, thinking back to their first meeting. Anon remembered Rainbow running into him at high speed and antagonizing her as a result. It wasn’t the best first impression, not by a longshot. Then, he remembered Celestia’s list. He was supposed to be making friends, not enemies.
“I hoped I did.” Anon answered honestly. This caught Rainbow off guard, as she expected a retort, not an admission. “I guess I’m still working on that change.” Rainbow’s mouth hung, trying to think of what to say to that.
“You should.” She finally said, nodding in agreement. She rubbed her neck. “But, I guess I am bragging just a little.”
“A little?” Anon couldn’t stop himself from saying that much. Rainbow rolled her eyes.
“Alright, a little more than a little.” Rainbow relented. “Look, do you wanna see me fly or not?” Anon thought about it, figuring that was the show she was talking about.
“Aight. I wasn’t really gonna say no in the first place.” Anon shrugged. Rainbow nodded.
“Good.” She lands next to Anon and gets into a ready position. Anon glanced at her curiously. “Keep your eyes open, skinny. If you blink, you’ll miss it!” Anon kept his silence on the skinny comment.
“Um, shouldn’t you get a running start?” Anon asked. At least that’s what he would've said, had Rainbow not taken off suddenly on the first word. She took off with so much force that Anon's back slammed and then leaned with the tree as both recoiled.
The trail of her rainbow took flight far into the sky. Rainbow went straight up into the sky. After several seconds, she was merely a dot in the sky. After several more seconds, Anon watched as Rainbow fell back to the ground. A part of him was worried, as he was pretty sure that nothing could save her from falling at terminal velocity, no matter how good of a flier she was. Anon kept his eyes glued, as requested, as Rainbow fell closer and closer to the ground. Just when it looked like she was going to become a stain on the field, a sudden explosion of color filled the sky ahead. Anon felt the blowback a second later, his jaw gaping.
Did she just break the damn color barrier?! The question didn’t make sense, but it was the only thing he could find himself asking. Meanwhile, Rainbow had since flown back into the sky. She made sharp turns, did loop-de-loops, and practiced various other maneuvers. After a few minutes, she flew back to Anon, stopping on a dime. Somehow, she managed to create a trail of water behind her, so that when she stopped, a rainbow formed behind her.
“So,” Rainbow Dash exhaled after catching her breath. “How was that?”
“I’ll admit, that was dope.” Anon admitted, failing to hide a smile. “You were on some Blue Angels shit.”
“Blue Angels?” Rainbow stretched herself as they talked. “Who are they?”
“Think of them as the human equivalent of your Wonderbolts.”
“Wait, humans can fly?” She hovered around Anon. “Where are your wings?”
“No, we don’t fly. We made machines that fly and we ride them. They're called airplanes. They're like those airships, but way smaller.”
“Hah!” Rainbow scoffed. “I doubt they’re as fast as a pegasus.”
“Well, at the end of the day, they’re giant metal tubes being propelled at the speed of sound. You gotta give us some credit.”
“Have you ever flown in an airplane?” Rainbow was properly sitting now, engaged in the seemingly absurdist idea of non winged creatures flying.
“I’ve flown in commercial planes, which are like public transport in the air. They’re fast, but I’m talking about things like jets and shit. Never been on one of those.” This gives Rainbow an idea, springing her to her hooves.
“Hey, you could ride me!” Anon would’ve done a spit take had he a drink on hand. Instead he blew a raspberry. “Ahem. Might want to clarify that a little?”
“I’m saying that I can give you a ride!” Rainbow Dash pranced in place, reinvigorated by the prospect of a challenge. “You know, give you a view of Equestria from a pegasus eye view.”
“Rainbow, that’s fine and all, but your…little.” Anon shrugged, to which Rainbow glared.
“What do you mean I’m “little”?” Rainbow sneered. Anon attempted to stand, only to find his legs were still sore and had now fallen asleep. Anon quickly gave up.
“Just sitting here, I’m at eye level with you. If I were to stand, you’d be at my gut. By relation to me, you’re little.”
“Yeah, but you’re doubting how strong I am as well.” She flexed her arms to prove that fact.
“You, don’t have to remind me…” Anon unconsciously cradled his arm protectively.
“Well, come on!” Rainbow lightly bit Anon’s shirt sleeve and helped pull him to his still throbbing feet.
“Shouldn’t we have a saddle for this?”
“Why would we need a saddle? Those are a fashion accessory and that’s more Rarity’s thing.”
“Uh,” Anon briefly struggled to find a reason. “Well, I don’t assume sitting on your back is terribly comfortable. Also, my balls would hurt.”
“Your...balls?” Rainbow repeated. Anon shrugged.
“You know, my equipment? My package? The family jewels? Deez nuts?” Rainbow blinked. “My testicles, Dash.”
“Do you humans always give your body parts weird nicknames?” Rainbow asked.
“Rainbow, men in general give body parts weird nicknames.” Anon threw one leg over Rainbow and cautiously sat down. He noted the limited room for him to sit, what with the wings protruding from her sides and the small distance between her hindquarters and the back of her neck. It was a tight fit, all things considered. Anon still hadn’t put all of his weight on Rainbow, in fear of breaking her back. She took notice of this and glared out of the corner of her eye.
“You’re still going easy on me, aren’t you?” Rainbow pouted. Anon shrugged with a grin.
“It means I care.” Anon suggested with faux sincerity. Rainbow huffed and pawed at the ground with her hooves, readying for take off. Anon’s eyes widened. “Hol’ up, hol’ up, ho-!” Anon started, but it was too late. Rainbow took off with a grunt, almost immediately falling out of the air from the sudden weight.
“Gaah! You’re heavier than you look, scrawny!” Rainbow shouted. Anon leaned forward and held tightly to Rainbow’s neck. They two were already several stories in the air, a long enough fall to paralyze Anon if he were to drop. Rainbow wobbled in the air, attempting to balance his weight.
“Shit, god damn!” Anon hollered, fighting every urge to squirm or tighten his grip further, lest he hastens his death. “You got me fucked up, Dash! All the way fucked up!”
“Quit being a baby.” Rainbow flapped her wings steadily, keeping themselves hovered in the air. “Hey, I think I’m getting the hang of it.”
“By all known laws of aviation, there is no way a horse should be able to fly.” Anon spoke softly to himself, closing his eyes tightly. Given that he was right by Rainbow’s ear, she could still hear him clearly. “It’s wings are too small to get its fat little body off the ground. The horse, of course, flies anyway.” Rainbow rolled her eyes at Anon’s comments and began flying forward.
“For someone who lived in the Everfree, you’re not all that brave or adventurous.” Rainbow teased. She could feel Anon growl against her neck.
“I fought an ape 1v1, hussy.” Anon asserted. “I’m as brave as I need to be, when I want to be. Furthermore, being brave is an easy way to get yourself killed.”
“Didn’t you just brag about how you fought an ape?”
“Yeah, and I almost got my ass killed. Both of what I said is valid.” Anon cracked an eye open, looking down on the ground. He saw as the land beneath them scrolled by. Anon tried to imagine that he was looking out of an airplane, the closest thing that he could think of that was similar to the sensation of riding a flying pony. His eye began to water, so he hesitantly removed one arm to wipe it.
“Getting comfortable?” Rainbow continued teasing and Anon just knew she had the biggest shit eating grin.
“Don’t even think about going faster than this or I’ll kamikaze.”
“Kamikaze?”
“It won’t end well for either of us.” Rainbow couldn’t help but laugh at the threat, causing Anon to sigh helplessly. On the bright side, this reservedness had done well to ease Anon’s nerves. Though every muscle in his body still remained tight, he at least wasn’t internally panicking as much.
After a few minutes of steady flight, Rainbow had grown accustomed to the monkey on her back. In all honesty, she wasn’t sure if she could do it at all, but the challenge was too awesome to pass up. Now, she could say to anyone that not only was she the fastest pony, she might as well be the strongest. However, these thoughts were interrupted by a sudden scratching sensation along her neck.
“Uh, Anon?” She asked, breaking the silence. “What are you doing?”
“Force of habit.” Anon deadpanned, continuing to massage her neck. Rainbow wasn;t complaining, it felt nice and helped with bearing the human against it. She continued flying as normal for a moment, before noticing her eyes growing heavy. Rainbow let out a yawn, figuring that she should stop flying before...she…
Anon too was beginning to feel sleepy. Something about the moment had finally calmed him. Maybe it was the soft beating of the pony’s heart, the whistling of the wind, or possibly the land rolling beneath him. However, this changed suddenly when it began to feel like the ground was suddenly getting closer, fast. Anon felt his gut suspended in mid-air as Rainbow had fully submitted to the petting, falling out of the sky. Anon frantically slapped the side of her face.
“Dash! DASH!” Anon yelled, holding onto the mare tighter. Rainbow opened her eyes, just in time to scream along with Anon as they fell towards the lake below. She tried to pull up and avoid the depths, but it was a moment too late. The two cannonballed into the water, splashing the water high into the air. After a few moments, the duo breached the surface with Anon taking a dramatic breath of air. Rainbow looked around, hoping no one had seen them crash land. Luckily, there wasn’t a pony in sight. To this she started to laugh nervously. Anon scowled at her, only to eventually succumb to laughter as well.
“Whew! That was a close one, huh?” Rainbow wiped liquid from her eye, not knowing if it were tears or water.
“Damn straight.” Anon agreed. “I don’t think your hospital is hospitable enough to admit me for free a third time.” Rainbow looked down into the water.
“Uh, why are you still holding me?” Rainbow asked. Anon looked away ashamedly.
“I can’t swim…” Anon grumbled. Rainbow let out a mocking laugh, before stopping as Anon didn’t join in.
“I-It’s no big deal.” Rainbow stammered quickly. “I’ll carry us to land, easy.”
“Oh, don’t start getting soft on me now. I’m not that much of a sensitive bitch.” Anon protested. “But, yeah. Take us to land.”
With that, Rainbow paddled back to the beach of the lake, Anonymous in tow. The two laid for the while, now even more tired after the harrowing event. Still, the sand was an uncomfortable place to rest, so Anon was the first to stand up. He had begun walking away, hoping to find a place to sleep, before he was interrupted by a fake cough. He looked back down to the blue pegasus, staring back up at him with a hoof to her chin.
“What? Suddenly your legs don’t work?” Anon quipped, having a feeling about where this is gonna go.
“I let you ride on my back, so…” Rainbow hung on the word, looking up hopefully. Anon’s arms drooped.
“Are you serious?” Anon deadpanned.
“Come on!” She protested. “I’ve been flying all day and we’re friends now, so it’s the least you can do.” She folded her forelegs and pouted. Anon could feel his heart seize in his chest at the gesture. These ponies, man. Anon groaned in defeat, squatting down and gesturing for Rainbow to hop on. Rainbow sprung up and latched on tightly, wrapping her hooves around Anon’s shoulders. To his surprise, the pegasus was pretty light for her size, no heavier than his college backpack.
“There. We even?” Anon said over his shoulder, holding Rainbow’s legs under his arms.
“Not until you carry me back to Ponyville.” Rainbow rested her chin on the top of Anon’s head, much like he had done to her. “Then we’ll be Even Steven.”
“How does someone named Rainbow Dash with friends with names like Pinkie Pie know anyone named Steven?” The two walked off as they became engaged in a discussion of pony naming conventions.
Get Physical with Rainbow Dash? ☑