My Daily Dose of Carotene

by Stillmatic

Chapter 2: No Introductions

Well, well, well, lookie here. Things were pretty interesting right now. Those things were cornering the horse that helped me earlier, so why not pay it back by assisting it a little? And by assist, I meant killing those things and grabbing some food, because I was damn starved at this point. Anyway, I counted five of these things here, so I thought up some plans, barely able to control myself from the coke.

Man, I love that stuff.

Quickly formulating the plan, I snatched this huge rock from the ground and climbed the boulder in front me. Really, it was literal perfection how this thing went upwards like a cliff, placing me, I'd say, roughly seven feet above them. I peered over the edge; no one noticed me yet. Perfect, again? Lady Luck must be sucking my dick right now. I spotted the horse and the gorilla-looking things encroaching on her. So, I made my move.

"Come with us quietly and you won't get hu—"

The horse screamed god-awfully loud, much more than I thought possible, "STAY BACK! I-I'LL CALL MY FRIEND! Y-YEAH! H- HE'S HUGE!"

Oh damn, was that me? Pfft, friend... Hah... Uhh...

"Oh? And where is this friend now?" The tallest gorilla asked, edging closer.

"He's o- on his w- way! G- Go away!"

"That wouldn't be fu—"

That leader guy was a serious jerk. Which is why I did what I did. Man, you should've seen the faces on that horse and those gorillas when a head was splattered onto the ground like nothing. That rock was pretty big, now that I consider it... When that blood hit her face, it was hilarious. Really.

Grabbing the situation by the horns, I jumped off of the boulder thing and took another by surprise. This one was a runt, whose neck I landed and promptly swerved my heel on, messing things up a bit, here and there. Other than that really loud crack, no one said anything; not even horse- thing. The three other gorillas just looked at me all shocked and stuff... Probably due to my stellar looks and superior class. Or it was because I just killed two of their own, but hey, I'm no mind-reader. I stood up, wiping my shoe on the animal I just landed on.

“Oh, hey. Sorry to drop in unannounced. Just checking up on my friend who you’ve so kindly kept company while I came back to escort her. You know the deal, friend wants help looking for wild carrots, you can’t say no... Same old, same old, huh?” There was an awkward silence; with all of those animals just gawking at me, “Damn, tough crowd...”

The largest gorilla, who I assumed was the leader because he was not only a little shorter than me, but the ugliest (had good taste in jewellery though), scowled at me, displaying his teeth as he hissed a long-awaited response, “You! What in the blue blazes are you?!”

I stepped off of the filthy ape I was standing on and presented myself, hands making an overly-dramatic sweep, “Just your average, neighborhood Spider-Man, here to terrorize you like the troops in Pakistan.”

That so was a good line.

A big fat one next to the leader gave a dumb look and put a clawed whatever-the-hell-it-was to its lip in confusion, “Duuuhhh, what’s a Spider-Ma-”

He howled in pain as he fell to the ground on one knee. Every single one of them recoiled at the sound, and thankfully I was close enough so my aim was decent. Splat, once again. Was I getting tired yet? Nope. It fell to the floor like Amy Winehouse did her bed.

Oops. A bit insensitive? Damn, I loved that lady.

Anyway, that one took a bullet to the chest and didn’t get up, sooooo... I assumed it died a nasty death. The fourth was moving back slowly, but being the incredibly benevolent person I totally was, I administered a very tasty, metal medicine that cured a little disease called “Life.” Not the female version, mind you, you can’t get rid of her pimped self that easy. Now, I didn’t do it out cruelty, but because something that hideous couldn’t possibly have an easy, normal life. Hey, I was doing it a favor by doing what I did. It fell back to the floor, one of the eyes caved in and hitting the brain (still, really surprising how good my aim was right now).

I turned my gun back to the leader. With only one bullet left, I couldn’t mess up, or I’d get messed up. Before I could react though, I already had the gun smacked out of my hands, firing a shot randomly into the forest. Both of us stopped mid-grapple to see a weird chicken-snake thing wobble out from behind a nearby tree, falling over from a gunshot wound. Weird.

That stupid gorilla took my distraction to his advantage and punched me in the gut pretty hard, hard enough that I was sure I was going to have some internal bleeding. I punched back, hitting it right in the nose. It jumped back a few feet, yelping loudly and rubbing at its nose until it started snarling at me and ran forward again. I was going to move out of the way, but it grabbed me roughly and hoisted me up, slamming me down into the dirt and kicking up dust.

That did it. I looked at my suit and saw it was all dirty. That really, really fucking pissed me off.

It barreled at me, but a kick to its dick sent it back, giving me time to stand up, “Hey, jackass!” I shouted, catching his attention. “You think you can just mess my suit up like that?! This thing was fucking hand-tailored! FUCKING HAND-TAILORED!” I threw my hands up into the air, “No, you wouldn’t know though! You wouldn’t know how many hours I waited, or how much I paid for this thing! It’s fucking one-of-a-kind!”

It appeared my rambling did little to curb its desire to rip out my throat, which was practically bulging out as I shouted in anger. The gorilla tackled me to the ground, bringing up a claw to swipe my face. Thinking quick, I yanked the stiletto out of its strap on my right ankle and pushed it between me and its hand as it came down. The blade went right through its hand, and I tore it out and shoved the damn thing off of me as it howled in pain.

Now, I could get my revenge. What it did was unforgivable.

“Do you like to play Razor Tag?”

I flicked the stiletto in my hand and brought it down, across its entire face with one straight line. Even I could feel a wicked smile just settle onto my face. It shouted several words, obviously feeling very physically hurt right now.

“Good! Cause, I just sliced your face!” I kicked it over onto its back and brought the stiletto down on its windpipe a few times for good measure, making sure it was dead. It lunged upwards though, and bit into my arm. It felt like boiling-hot pieces of metal were sawing through, that is, until I stabbed its eye twice, digging the knife in as deep as possible. It fell back, gasping for a few seconds until it stopped entirely. I wiped the blood off onto its vest and stood up, panting from the workout. “Looks like you’re it.”

I placed the stiletto back where it belonged and winced. That bite was deep. I looked at it and sat against the boulder, poking at the wound a bit. The suit was still intact there, but all the grime, dirt and blood probably weren’t going to come out. I sighed, remembering the warning I got from the guy who made this thing. Doesn’t handle stains well, he said, don’t get it too dirty, he said. Now look at me. The damn thing was probably ruined now. What a waste...

“Um, e-excuse me, sir...” I looked to my right, realizing I completely forgot about the horse. It cleared its throat, trying not to stutter after it saw me do what I did, probably. “Thank you. For helping me, I mean. I would’ve been put to work by those Diamond Dogs if you didn’t show up. So, thanks. A lot.”

Those were dogs? Huh. Go figure.

I stood up, trying to wipe away the dirt on me, “No problem, I guess.”

It noticed my arm, mostly the blood that was staining my suit further, and gasped, “Your arm! We need to get you back to the hospital now!”

Normally, I wouldn’t have any objections. But when the coke-rush runs dry and you have the hunger to eat a horse (no pun intended), you don’t exactly consider yourself in a position to move much. I slid downwards, feeling lightheaded from the lack of nourishment, loss of blood, and the high running out. So what did all that add up to? Me feeling like shit. I mumbled some curse words and looked around. I met eyes with that horse and I’m pretty sure we both looked away at the same time.

Weird.

I tried standing up and heading to the hospital, which wasn’t that far away, but I dropped back onto my ass only a few seconds later, my hands out and preventing me from falling onto the dirt.

“What’s wrong? Why can’t you move?” It asked frantically.

Damn, it actually seemed worried. It wasn’t like this was going to kill me or anything.

“Hungry... tired... Don’t feel like getting up.”

“Come on! We just need to get back onto the trail to the hospital and we can get you back in bed!”

I shook my head, “I don’t feel like it...”

Never knew I got so stubborn when I was this hungry. Pretty interesting, really.

“Fine.” It said, not so much in annoyance, but worry.

Next thing I knew, I felt the horse back up into me. My first reaction was to shove it back, mainly because its ass was right up on me, but my movements were slower than a dial up internet connection in 1993. It pushed back once and I fell over, landing on its back. Huh. Pretty clever. Didn’t see that coming. It began moving away from the boulder and out of the forest, hopefully to the hospital. Seeing as though I was hanging off its back like a ragdoll, I decided to use this chance to look the thing over again. Still seemed to be the same horse, but I could’ve sworn its face wasn’t as red as it was when I first saw it.

Wait... That green one said these were called ‘ponies’ right? That honestly sound better than called these things horses. It sounded a bit weird, now that I thought about it. Horses, ponies, horses, ponies... This one was female, I think, if voice was any indication. So, this pony was a her. Eh, might as well keep that in mind, for the time being. Eventually, she started to canter instead of trotting, and it was seriously uncomfortable. Using what meager energy I had, I swivelled around, letting my head rest against her head as I lied there.

I saw her ears flicker for a few seconds, but she didn’t turn back. One sigh later, I felt my stomach groan and make other disgusting noises at my current situation.

“Hungry?”

Obviously. My stomach just sounded like a damn cat was dying in there.

“How long has it been since I ate? Did I get fed at all during that week?”

She shook her head, “The doctors didn’t want to risk anything, so they gave you spell that just made the hunger die off for a bit. Something about the magic and food not mixing well.” She stopped for a moment in thought before starting to move again, “I think they forgot to feed you after that whole ‘run-away’ thing you did.”

Explains the hunger.

I leaned in closer, feeling tired from what just happened. Yawning, I just tried to continue the conversation.

“So... how lo-”

“We’re here!” She chimed loudly in a sing-song voice. She gently put me down onto a chair and headed towards the front desk, “I’ll be right back.”

Oh no, it wasn’t like I was going anywhere or anything, seeing as though I was purposely starved just because two things wouldn’t mix well in my diet. I watched her trot over to the nurse, a certain anxiousness in her step. Her tail wagged a bit, and well... let’s just say as soon as I saw her backend jiggling from her movement, I looked the hell away. Once again, I’ll reiterate.

Weird.

It wasn’t long before that same doctor from earlier went over to me, his horn glowing, “I didn’t expect to see you back here so quickly, but the bite should be easy to fix.”

I grabbed him by the shoulders and stared him in the eye, “First things first, doctor: Screw the bite, it doesn’t even hurt that much. Second, I need some damn food right now, or I’ll start looking for it and you sure as hell don’t want that. Third, and most importantly, who the hell cleaned my suit so well when I was admitted?”

He flinched back, moving away from my now dangling hands, “We’ll have to treat that bite before I answer any questions.”

I nodded in resignation and waited, checking out a clock on a wall across from me. Looking back at him, I asked the best question possible, “So, how long will this take?”

The doctor gave me an odd look, “I’ve been done, sir. I was waiting for you to say something.”

A short looked at my arm and the lack of pain proved that it was already healed, from what I could tell, at least, “Huh. Thanks.”

He cleared his throat, “Right, now, about those questions. I’ll have one of the nurses bring you some food,” a nurse next to him turned heel and walked down a hallway as he said that, “and to answer the second one, we had a local designer clean and fix it up for you. Normally we wouldn’t bother, but the suit seemed to be made from some sort of material I wasn’t familiar with, so I thought it would be wise to send it over to somepony more acclimated to that sort of thing.”

“Good thing you did, this was worth a pretty penny. Where can I find this person again?”

“Oh, I know where to find Miss Rarity!” The orange pony added, turning to me, “I could take you to her after we’re done here!”

I saw the nurse come back with a tray of food, placing it near me. Only one look was needed before I started eating all of that shit. Man, I never knew I could devour something so fast. Apple juice, some crepes, an apple, two pancakes, and a bunch of other stuff were quickly dumped into my stomach. Hell, I was inhaling that stuff. But even though I was incredibly distracted by surprisingly good hospital food, I noticed the orange pony whisper some things to the doctor. His face practically lost all of its color at one point, before he stared at me in disbelief. I gulped down the rest of the apple juice, having finished, and watched as he came up to me.

He coughed nervously, “I hear you saved your savior not too long ago, sir, and unfortunately at a cost, I understand?” There was an uneasy look in my direction, one of slight fear, but some sort of mottled form of concern, or something else. “Specifically, a pack of Diamond Dogs.”

“I thought they were gorillas.” I said simply.

“I’m afraid not. While I highly suspect they had no intention to let you live, you obviously felt the same way, given your actions.”

“So? If I hadn’t jumped in,” I jerked a thumb in orange-pony’s direction, “she’d be a sex slave or something.” Feeling a bit annoyed, I thought I’d mess with him and feigned relent, “Oh, I see. You wouldn’t mind that, would you? You guys probably sell your girls to those guys anyway, right?”

“What?! No, absolutely not! Nopony would ever do such a heinous thing!”

He seriously seemed shocked at that. Maybe I went too far? Won’t know unless I push farther, right? I decided against it and instead to put the final nail in this conversation’s coffin.

“So why hassle me about it then? It’s not like they were important or anything. Hell, I bet they weren’t even worth the suit they ruined.”

“You... You honestly believe five living creatures are worth less than some clothes stitched together?”

I shrugged, “It probably took a hundred to get me the money to buy this thing.”

The brown doctor-pony turned away from me. In disgust, loathing, fear, I don’t know.

“You’re sickening... I-I can’t believe creatures like you even exist.”

Standing up, I stretched my back and cracked my knuckles, then I moved towards the exit before stopping to look back, “Then maybe you shouldn’t have saved my life, doctor?”

I left, heading towards that little town nearby. I didn’t need this bullshit.

Seriously.

Author's Notes

Ight! Pretty decent turnout for the first chapter, I assume. Anyway, this chapter isn't as long because I already started it by the time I finished the first one a few days back. Said "Fuck it" and just finished it up, got it proofread by the ever-amazing editor who always has my back and uploaded this motherfucker, as you can see now.

Let's see...

Shit, I can't think of anything else to include, so I'll end it here. Also, make sure you comment or some shit, because I need feedback on how I'm doing, niggas! Help a brother out and type a message so I know.

As Always,

Stay Trilla.

P.S.: I've taken the liberty to provide something for you ---